In a turmoil

[kazjam]

I am in a complete turmoil and just feel like curling up in a ball and shutting everything out!! My son has had behaviour problems for about the last year and a half . He is very bright and gets on fine when under supervision, in a classroom or supervised activity but when he is at break time or lunch time and sometimes in a group it all goes wrong.

 

He can be very aggravating and irritating to other children and even to me sometimes. But he seems to know who he can get away with this behaviour with....as he very rarely and sometimes never does it with strong / stricter people as I think he sees they will stand no nonsense yet with others he can seem to wind them up completely....so at times I think he can switch this on and off.

 

Also, I sometimes think what I am telling him...ie. to stop this bad behaviour ...is just not sinking in. Its hard to get him to look me in the eye and talk to him....sometimes he will seem to listen but other times his eyes are all over everywhere and I don't feel he's listening. Yet he can remember things I didn't think he had even heard ....and months afterwards....like a little radar!!

 

He keeps getting himself into situations and what happens is never witnesses by adults...all on childrens hearsay. I worry about this. He desperately wants friends and other kids seem to really like him but then he goes and blows it with them. Lately his behaviour, I'm told is more sexual....like stoking other kids legs and feeling them....I am really worried about this. I think it looks bad on me and like its coming from home which it isn't. This has got worse since he watched a kids sex education video. A lot of the time he picks up things off other kids , I think he is often wound up by them and egged on to do stuff which is inappriate but he just doesn't know where to stop.

 

I am going to get him checked out but all this is driving me mad. Do you think he could have aspergers but be only just on the fringe of it?

 

[sesley]

get your GP/School to get a consultation from a child physicologist ,tell your GP your concerns and ask the school teachers if they can add support for you to get the help and advise you need.Be insistant with your GP.don't let them fob you off with excuses, because they are too lazy to do any more. Get banging on there doors and make them listen to you and take your concerns seriously.

Edited November 5, 2008 by sesley

[JsMum]

 

 

 

Who told you about the sexual behaviours, if it is teachers they wouldnt aproach you if they felt he was at risk within his own home enviroment.

 

I would demand more information, and what support does he have in the playground, is he missing his breaks a lot, is he reprimanded more than his peers, and how is his self esteem and confidence?

 

Even if he has watched sexual educational videos it wouldnt really describe the sexual behaviours you have described, as it is more pubity and contriception, I would want to know were else he is getting sexual material from, I suspect the internet/ u tube.

 

I would request more supervision and try and keep him away from been used and manipulated by kids who want a laugh using your son as an escape goat.

 

It really does need sharing with the school/special educational needs and gp, it does sound like he doesnt understand social context and has some form of social difficulty, understanding the social rules that sort of thing, if he is ok under supervision in class does he have extra support already and has he any other support in place, Individual Educational Plan, that sort of thing, identifying his social difficulties.

 

I know that for my own son even though he is 11 he is socially delayed, he is more 7 or 8 so I have to gage his friendships skills with this age group as he has language development impairments, severe social interaction and social skills difficulties, so he does have a lot of difficulties and I have to supervise him with children his own age because the 11+yrs do get very silly, and Jay cant cope with the dares and the kinds of discussions this age group discuss.

 

Hang on in there, its a rough road at times, but you can make it throw.

 

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There is more websites to get more information on social and communication disorders which is

 

CONTACT A FAMILY

NATIONAL AUTISITIC SOCIETY

YOUNG MINDS

OAASIS

 

JsMum

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kazzen161]

If you read more about Aspergers, you may find that you recognise other signs.

Try www.tonyattwood.com.au

 

Stricter teachers will often be very clear in their boundaries - if you do x then y, etc - and this would suit children with AS (and lots of other children too).

 

You could try being very explicit with your son - state the rules clearly and stick to them. Tell him exactly what behaviours you want him to stop (not just "bad behaviour").

 

If he does have AS, he will be more likely to be listening when he is not looking at you than when he is. If you are telling him off and he is stressed, his eye contact will be even less than normal.

 

School and you need to be very clear with him what is acceptable when touching other children.

 

 

 

[peaches]

I am in a complete turmoil and just feel like curling up in a ball and shutting everything out!! My son has had behaviour problems for about the last year and a half . He is very bright and gets on fine when under supervision, in a classroom or supervised activity but when he is at break time or lunch time and sometimes in a group it all goes wrong.

 

He can be very aggravating and irritating to other children and even to me sometimes. But he seems to know who he can get away with this behaviour with....as he very rarely and sometimes never does it with strong / stricter people as I think he sees they will stand no nonsense yet with others he can seem to wind them up completely....so at times I think he can switch this on and off.

 

Also, I sometimes think what I am telling him...ie. to stop this bad behaviour ...is just not sinking in. Its hard to get him to look me in the eye and talk to him....sometimes he will seem to listen but other times his eyes are all over everywhere and I don't feel he's listening. Yet he can remember things I didn't think he had even heard ....and months afterwards....like a little radar!!

 

He keeps getting himself into situations and what happens is never witnesses by adults...all on childrens hearsay. I worry about this. He desperately wants friends and other kids seem to really like him but then he goes and blows it with them. Lately his behaviour, I'm told is more sexual....like stoking other kids legs and feeling them....I am really worried about this. I think it looks bad on me and like its coming from home which it isn't. This has got worse since he watched a kids sex education video. A lot of the time he picks up things off other kids , I think he is often wound up by them and egged on to do stuff which is inappriate but he just doesn't know where to stop.

 

I am going to get him checked out but all this is driving me mad. Do you think he could have aspergers but be only just on the fringe of it?

 

How old is he? The first two paragraphs might have been describing our little boy, but we havent had any inappropriate sexual behaviour. BUT he doesnt understand about personal space and boundaries which could be the issue here.

 

I think you need to see your GP for a referral to a psychologist and also ask school to get a professional in to assess him.

[kazjam]

Thanks for all your reponses....my son has an apointment next month with CAHMS. He is 11 yrs old.

 

I am very worried as I have to go in and see the school doctor and head later today.....my main worry is they will kick him out of school.

 

He started there in Sept and there were a few incidents but 3 wks ago he was accused of feeling / stroking other boys (no adult witnesses but lots of kids backing up the story), as he was told off and did it again he got a detention for 2 hrs and excluded from school for 2 days as they said they have to protect the other kids from him. They have then helped with setting up a cahms appointment and told him he can go to the nurse or heads room whenever he needs to get away from situations. He is spending a lot of time in between lessons in the library to try and keep out of trouble

 

I was so upset. Then on his first day back his coat and money were taken whilst he was in a games lesson ....luckily a teacher found the coat and realised what had happened ...they were going to speak to the other kids as it seems his coat was picked out. Then I was called as a problem happened on the bus on the way to school.....he says another child wound him up by kicking his seat which he then retaliated by , according to school, licking and stroking them! Only yesterday he says the other kids were talking about him, he went up to one to find out what they were saying and the child kicked him, my son pushed him back and this escalated. In the afternoon his trousers went missing from his bag whilst he was in games.

 

This is just becoming more and more....and I feel dreadful. I don't know for sure what is going on as I'm not there, my son doesnt tell me much, he has some friends or so he tells me and some have been telling the teachers that other kids are winding him up.

 

I am really really worried school will say they can't cope with him. Any advice appreciated as soon as possible before my meeting .

Thanks

 

 

 

How old is he? The first two paragraphs might have been describing our little boy, but we havent had any inappropriate sexual behaviour. BUT he doesnt understand about personal space and boundaries which could be the issue here.

 

I think you need to see your GP for a referral to a psychologist and also ask school to get a professional in to assess him.

 

[Moll]

Ask the school for all the incident reports relating to issues with your son, point out you want the ones where his items have been stolen and the ones where he is being accused of stuff also ask for a copy of their anti-bulling policy as it is obvious he is being bullied, tell them you will wait while they are copied for you don't accept that they will post them as they can be filled in after and they should be in his file. Ask if he has been refereed to the educational psychologist.

 

Do not let them but all the blame on you, ask how and what they are going to do to support you in sorting out this problem, suggest daily targets with rewards.

 

I hope you get some help and support, if they seem unable to work with you ask to have a meeting with the inclusion support team and the relevant school governor.