In denial

[mummy]

We are just sitting down with our (AS but mainstream) son to fill in his college application. he is 15 and a half and will be just 16 when he goes.

We have reached a question which askes about any LDs and specifically mentions 'Autistic Spectrum Disorder including AS'

He skimmed over this question only ticking the 'I don't need any support' box. (He has got by at school with none and he is in top sets but we do input quite a lot at home .)

He has never acknowledged that he has AS. He doesn't realise how different he is to other kids his age. he says everyone needs help with their homework and he has friends. Although he does freely admit that his friends think he's 'weird'

 

After much persuasion we got him to tick the AS box as I feel that they ought to know just in case he comes up against any difficulties.

 

I just wondered if any of you have any experience of how this information will be recorded in the college? and if any of you have children who are in denial?

 

Mummy x

[chris54]

It is important to give the college as much information as possible.

 

In general colleges will carry out their own assessments to decide how much help if any is needed.

They have the equivalent of a SENCO.

 

The information will be recorded in much the same way as it is in school.

For under 18s the college involves the parent/carers in these decisions.

 

Cant help with the over point you raised.

Our daughter who does not have any recognised problem and had no support at school, did have some help at college as it was felt she needed it to fully benefit from the cours she was on.

[Flora]

Hi,

 

I don't view this as a negative thing. Many people live with AS without it being totally disabling to their life, and it certainly sounds like your son is (so far) one of those people. You give him support at home, but most 15 yo's need some level of support from their parents to help them organise their life and understand things.

 

I think the best thing to do here would be to respect your son's wish for things to be extremely low key and to continue with the support you give him at home. There may be a day when he does need more help than he's getting now, but meanwhile I think he sounds marvellous. He lives with AS in a way that is comfortable to him and it would be a shame for him to be forced to make an issue of it. I went through school and most of my life totally unaware that I have AS until a few years ago, and like your son I got a lot of support from home and had (still have) a close group of friends who thought I was a bit odd (my two best friends from school are still in my life and are like family). I'm not saying for one minute that it's been easy, but for the most part I have been, and am, able to cope. School and all it brings was a very confusing time quite often, but I managed it and would have hated to have been seen or labelled as different from my peers (even though I felt different, I managed to find a relatively comfortable niche and it sounds like your son has done this)

 

The picture you've painted of your son is that of a very strong minded young man who is determined to get on with his life without allowing AS to be a big issue. There may be an element of denial, but at this point it doesn't sound as if it's doing him any harm.

 

(sorry if this is badly worded, I'm only on my first cup of tea!).

 

Flora XX

Edited December 1, 2008 by Flora

[Cat]

 

I totally agree with Flora it is not wise to force your son to do anything that he is not comfortable with. It is he after-all who will be attending College. I think by ticking the AS box enough has been done and I would not allow the College to pressure him into accepting something he neither wants nor needs until he actually needs this. He might not need the support you might well be giving the support needed 'in house' and that is all credit to you his family.

 

Different senario but my youngest (11) is now well able to play out with his peer group and can attend all of the activities and clubs that they do without any problems at all. The difference being that once he returns home we need an indepth de-brief session with him. This is something that he has requested himself and it enables him to cope in the situations that are important to him. I do mention to group leaders, footie coaches etc that my son has autism and then ask them to just bear it in mind but not to make an issue of it because that is not what our son wants. At the moment it works for him so I am going with the notion of if it's not broke then don't fix it.

 

Cat

 

 

[Kathryn]

After years of turbulent school history my daughter emerged needing a lot of support and her needs were fairly obvious. But after 3 years spent on a college course for people with learning disabilities she has now reacted against being labelled and asks for very little in the way of support. She is on a mainstream college course and determined to show that she can do what anyone else does. She certainly would not tick any AS box - we daren't even mention it in our house with relation to her. I noticed she described herself on a feedback form as "shy" which isn't true at all! Whether or not this is just a phase I don't know, but she's doing what is right for her at the moment, and as she's 19 there's not much I can do about it, although I worry sometimes that if she shuns all the available help, she won't easily get it back if and when she needs it.

 

I think your son has to make his own mind up - he has the right to choose how he wants to be identified at college. I do sympathise with your own position, which sounds like mine, you work very hard and give a lot of background support and that's why your child is doing so well and in a position to be able to say that he doesn't need support. The eternal paradox.

 

K x