Work Problems (Yet Again)

[Tally]

I am having yet more problems at work. Like everything else, it's really complicated and I know this post is ridiculously long, so if you have anything better to do, then please go do that instead!

 

There is this really unpleasant man where I work. Let's call him Pee. He says many outrageous, rude and offensive things. No one likes him and most people ignore him. Occasionally people have made complaints about him, but most people just roll their eyes and walk off. My colleague 'Mandy' has a particular problem with him and keeps saying how disgusting she finds him. She has been saying for several weeks now that she wants to make a formal complaint about his language. I said she should not make a formal complaint because if she does, everyone else will start swearing even more as a backlash. But 2 weeks ago on my night off, Pee made a particularly offensive comment about having anal sex with someone's mother, and Mandy made a complaint about him. I was a bit annoyed when I heard because I knew that her complaint was not really about the comment per se, she'd just been sitting waiting for him to make a comment she could complain about.

 

I hoped Mandy had got it out of her system and this would be the end of it. Then last Saturday she told me, "I want him to say something, I want him to come and threaten me so I can make another complaint." She also insisted on working one section which she never normally wants to work. I was happy because I did not want to do it, so jumped at the chance. I didn't realise until later that it was the section right near to where Pee was working. Every time I passed she was glaring at him. She also carried on saying to me that he was disgusting and also asked me if it was true that he had made certain comments in the past, all of which I confirmed he had indeed said. I felt very annoyed with her after this because I realised she was still gunning for him over these things he has done in the past. Eventually Pee cracked and when Mandy's colleague walked past him, Pee said that he knew Mandy's boss at her other job and he was going to get her sacked. Mandy burst into tears in front of the department manager (Bean), who took her out the back and, presumably, listened to whatever she had to say. At this point I realised that Mandy had cemented her status as a victim and that she would get whatever she wanted. I was so angry because I knew that I would have reacted to her behaviour too, but that Pee was going to be in trouble for it. From this point I have tried to stay away from her because I am so disgusted about what she did.

 

Mandy made a complaint of harrassment and Pee got suspended. I was called into the office and asked what I saw, so I told them all of the above. They asked me some very specific questions about what happened and what was said, which must have come from Mandy's statement, but those things had not happened. They asked me if the swearing had got worse lately and I said I didn't think so. I knew this would make me Mandy's next target, but I was not prepared to lie, even though I would love to see Pee sacked.

 

When I got to work last night Mandy asked me, "have you got something you'd like to say?" First I said, "I don't want to talk to you at all, no," but she kept asking what the problem was and blocking the doorway. Eventually I told her that I thought I would be her next target after I couldn't corroborate her complaint and that I was worried because I knew I couldn't stand up to the level of manipulation she used on Pee. She got really angry and was screaching at me across the warehouse, "you'd better watch what you say." I thought she was threatening to make a complaint against me so I wanted to defend myself and asked her if she remembers saying she wanted him to threaten her. She said I'd taken it out of context and she didn't say that. I asked her, "which?" She wouldn't answer, just kept yelling, "you'd better watch what you say." In the end I just said, "get me suspended then, I could do with a break," and walked off, but she said she won't get me suspended and that she would never manipulate me like that and is hurt that I would ever think that of her. Later, when I talked about it with the department manager, he thinks I took it too literally and she was just trying to defend herself. That makes more sense because it could damage her victim status if I spoke out and people realised she'd goaded Pee into the "harrassment."

 

She still followed after me and asked if I had been talking to Pilchard. Pilchard has kept himself uncharacteristically OUT of this. Normally he likes to be in the middle of everything and know what is going on, but he hasn't this time. All he has said to me is that he has tried to be friendly with Mandy, but she has been a bit off with him. Mandy said that everyone has been really supportive except me and Pilchard. She is convinced he has manipulated me into hating her, but it's nothing to do with him. I hate her all by myself! I tried to tell her, but she is not really into believing me at the moment. Then she started saying all these things about Pilchard, how he likes to stir up trouble, he tells her everything I say about her and complains about me to her all the time.

 

I feel so bad because now Pilchard is stuck in the middle of something he had no part in (and also a bit bad for naming him Pilchard)! As Mandy will see him before I do, I am also worried that she will tell him bad, untrue things about me. I have no way to contact him and tell him what has happened, nor if he really wants to know anyway.

 

I talked to my department manager after the argument because I wanted someone to know what had happened, as I fully expected she would make a complaint. Loads of people saw it, but they all think Mandy is the victim, Pee is horrid, and I am a complete cow for not worshipping her for trying to get him sacked. They are not going to go in as witnesses in support of me even though what they saw was me trying to get away and a mad shreaking woman chasing after me yelling, "you'd better watch what you say!" I wanted to put forward my side of the story while I had the chance. He was really supportive, though I'm sure he is being really supportive to Mandy too and I can't know what he really thinks.

 

I don't know what to do. I can't stand up to this manipulation any better than Pee could. Eventually I am going to turn round and call her names. My department manager is supportive but I can't keep going to him every time I am frustrated by her. It is not his job, it is not fair, and he is supportive and I cannot afford to "use him up." My other department manager who I used to get on well with is angry because I am not being supportive of Mandy. She thinks Mandy's complaint is just like the problems I had with another member of staff several months ago, but it is not because I didn't try to make him do unreasonable things, and his behaviour was very specifically aimed at me, whereas Pee's behaviour was just general until Mandy goaded him. A couple of weeks ago I saw the Personnel Manager about a work problem and she told me I was clearly delusional and I should go to the doctor and get some medication. Mandy cries and people get suspended. She is also a personal friend of Mandy's from outside of work. I used up all 4 store managers when I had the problems a few months ago. None of them were listening in the end. None of them even did anything at the start. Even my colleagues hate me because I am not being supportive of poor victim Mandy. Even Pilchard will probably hate me by the time I next see him, and even if he doesn't, he has made it very clear he does not want to get involved. I really don't know what to do I feel completely stuck. The only thing I can think of to do is write a letter to the manager asking for help and ask for it to be put in my file, so that if anything does happen, at least I can prove I asked for help. If they give me any advice I can show that I followed it too. But I have caused so many problems with other people this year, and the letter could just be used as proof that I cause problems between people.

[Diane]

Hi Tally

 

Poor you. This is horrendous.

 

I will speak to my DH and show him your post and then PM you with a reponse on the best way to handle this going forward.

[Flora]

Tally,

 

I can't comment on the work situation because I don't know the people involved, but I really feel for you in the way you have been on the receiving end of this girl's manipulative drive to recruit people to go for this guy. Obviously he is in the wrong too, but it certainly does sound like she would not have been happy at him just being asked to stop the bad language and was gunning for more punitive action from the start. She had no right to drag you into her vendetta; it's a horrible form of manipulation and you have done well to resist it. Just keep your head down and get on with your job with a clear conscience. There will always be those who aren't satisfied to keep their gripes to themselves and will strithe to manipulate others into some sort ganging up type behaviour. It's hideous but sadly happens everywhere.

 

Flora

[Tally]

Well, I have written a letter to the Personnel Manager, but I haven't decided whether to give it in yet. I have said that I feel upset and threatened, however I have not used the word "complaint" and have ended the letter asking for advice on how to deal with the behaviour, because I am worn out by having to be on my guard all the time and I fear that I might lack the ability to stand up to this level of manipulation. I have said I need the advice quite urgently as the behaviour has escalated rapidly in the past nine days. If they wish to use my letter as a basis for disciplinary action, I will not stop them, but it will not be at my instigation either. If they need me to actually write a letter of complaint, I won't do that (although I reserve the right to change my mind if she does anything else).

 

I have felt for several months now that she will leave. She cut down her hours after she got a part time job somewhere else and keeps raving about how nice it is there and how little work they have to do. Apparently the toilets are clean. I would love clean toilets! She said her children have asked her to stop working nights, so that is going to pull at the heart strings. I have felt for a while that she will leave as soon as a full-time position comes up in her other job, or that she will start seriously looking for jobs after she sees the workload over Christmas. Now I am really hoping I am right.

 

Thanks for asking your husband to help me Diane, I really appreciate it!

[Kathryn]

They sound like a bunch of kids in the school playground. All you did was to tell the truth about a situation which had nothing to do with you in the first place. <'>

 

I agree with making sure there is a written record of the situation on file. Beyond that, I'm not sure what else you can practically do, apart from physically avoiding the "stirrers", and trying not to worry what people think of you in all this. Anyone whose opinion is worth caring about will surely realise that you are a nice, mature person, not a troublemaker and won't believe lies they are told by others.

 

K x

[bid]

The thing to remember, Tally, is that people who are two-faced and manipulative are generally sad individuals with chronic self-esteem issues. It's best not to give them the satisfaction of rising to their spiteful comments. It's hard when you are on the receiving end, but really you should feel sorry for anyone who feels the need to behave like this

 

I know you have been drawn into things already, but is it possible for you to withdraw from this situation and remain resolutely neutral however upsetting the whole situation has become? I have found at work that the senior management team are always very well aware of when people are behaving inappropriately, although they don't necessarily advertise the fact to the rest of the staff, prefering to deal with things privately...I am on the very lowest rung of senior management but I have been in meetings where this kind of thing is discussed, and line managers always know who are the troublemakers.

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

Edited December 9, 2008 by bid

[Tally]

I have been trying not to react to her at all. It worked OK for a week. I regret saying anything to her on Sunday night, but at the time I felt that she was not going to let me leave the room until I physically moved her (which is obviously not an option) or answered her question. Every time I tried to walk away from her she followed me. Even though she was shrieking I didn't shout at all. I would very much like to withdraw completely, but it's not easy when you are trying to leave the room and someone is blocking the doorway repeatedly asking you why you don't like them. If she does that again I will just say nothing. If it takes her an hour to move, I will just stay stuck in the warehouse for an hour and then explain to my boss afterward why I have done nothing for an hour.

 

Hopefully I won't have to work with her very much until things die down a bit. We don't normally work too often together anyway.

 

I think I may well hand in my letter asking for advice in the morning. Our new Personnel Manager should have started this week, the one who isn't friends with Mandy. Hopefully he will be able to take a more objective view of things.

 

Someone has suggested I try some psychological warfare and another said I should just shove her in the compacter

[bid]

I have been trying not to react to her at all...

 

If you can continue not reacting you will be in the best postion both professionally and morally

 

Your line managers will know that you are a good employee who always does her job efficiently and effectively, and in my experience this will have been noted...I think I remember you saying that you had a good job appraisal/supervision quite recently? <'> I do staff supervisions, and as everything is recorded it's down in black and white how you are doing.

 

Bid

Edited December 9, 2008 by bid

[Flora]

Line managers are just as likely to be manipulated as anyone else; I suppose it depends on how obvious it is to onlookers Tally. If you react to her directly she'll continue trying to either get you on board or will start on you too, so the best thing is to go in and continue to do your job and completely ignore any attempts to draw you in.

 

Hope this is resolved soon Tally; this sort of disruption in the work place is very common but best ignored if you possibly can.

 

Flora

[Tally]

Yes, I got "satisfactory" in my appraisal, which is the highest you can get. I got satisfactory in every single category, so satisfactory over all. It seems a bit silly that you can't get anything for being actually good at your job.

 

It kicked off again this morning. Again at her instigation. We ended up in the personnel office over it. They think I have got paranoid and handled it all wrong. I don't know if that is true. I saw behaviours which made me feel threatened. They weren't directed at me but I know that if they were I would feel threatened. I also knew that not being able to corroborate her story would make me a target. That is why I feel I need to defend myself by distancing myself from her.

 

I tried to say I'd been very careful not to let it affect work and would always talk to her about a work issue. They said she wouldn't realise that, but I don't think that is my fault. If I refused to talk to her abut a work issue she could complain and it would be dealt with, so she should know that if I don't, she can get it dealt with.

 

She is still accusing me of lying. I find this really hurtful considering I have been so careful about what I say to make sure it is accurate. When I had to explain what happened this morning she said it was all lies. She said I grabbed some rolls from out of her hand. I said they were on the floor some distance from her. She laughs and says, "how can you possibly say that?" I hate her for that because people fall for it and think I am a liar. I have put so much effort into making sure I use the right words and she laughs at me.

 

I said something about how she came in after me and she launched into a huge rant about how she came in after me because her son was ill and I have no right to use it against her blah blah blah. I got told off for attacking her because of something that was none of my business. I was not attacking her for coming in late because I understand she had very good reasons which were agreed by a manager and are none of my business anyway, I was just explaining why she needed to ask someone what to so. I was trying to explain a time I talked to her about a work issue but she, the Personnel Manager and my department manager viewed it as an attack on my colleague.

 

Now she is saying that she is so upset about the whole situation that she has felt sick for two weeks and have lost weight. Considering I have only been upset with her for a week, and it is two weeks since her first complaint, I think the sickness must be connected to the complaints and not me.

 

She said she would leave if I wanted her to because she can't stand this situation any more. I would like not to have to work with her but I know that other people will think I hounded her into leaving. You can't leave a job because someone doesn't like you. That's silly. I didn't tell her that though, I let the managers tell her not to. They have told her she can work on the other department as from her next shift, but I don't know if that will actually happen. I would have liked to move myself, but I get regular hours at the moment and I don't want to rock the boat.

 

All I want is for her to get out of my face, but she won't leave me alone. I have had situations before when I have had to work with someone I dislike. In those cases I just didn't go into conversation. If they asked if I had a nice weekend I said, "yes thanks," but didn't talk about what I did like I would with someone I got on well with. They responded to this and didn't try to chat very much. I've never before come across someone who keeps pestering me when I don't chat. When someone doesn't talk to you, what exactly about that makes you want to talk to them? I feel like I have put up a wall and she keeps knocking it down. It's my wall and she has no right.

 

I don't see her until Sunday now, when my boss wants to get us together and try to find a way forward. They want me to talk to her on a polite level like saying hello so I agreed I would do this. I still don't like it because when I descended to only that type of conversations she still viewed it as a friendly gesture and tried to make more conversation which I did not want. It feels dishonest to make a friendly gesture when I don't want to be friends, and when she tries to talk more I will have to rebuff her which upsets her. I have been accused of enough lies, I don't want to make more, but if I don't to it their way I will just get blamed.

 

Did I say I don't see her until Sunday now?

[bid]

OK, the good thing is that you have an exemplary work record, so you know they are happy with your work <'>

 

As to this woman: I think you might have to grit your teeth and make polite 'small talk' to her, keeping it as brief as you can

 

I know you feel the real injustice of this situation, but I have found that within work sometimes you have to try and put personal feelings to one side and be 'hypocritical' for want of a better description

 

I'm a line manager at work, and I've had to listen and listen to my colleagues and observe them, especially my line manager (who I really respect), in order to work out the best way to behave and interact. I have heard many times colleagues saying basically that you don't have to like the people you work with, you just have to be polite and 'get along' and do the job we're paid to do. I guess in a way you have to remove the personal feelings from your interaction with maybe the majority of work colleagues, IYSWIM...which can be extremely hard

 

I don't know if any of that is helpful at all

 

I'm sorry you have been sort of pushed into a negative role

 

Bid <'>

Edited December 10, 2008 by bid

[Kathryn]

Being polite and friendly is a good strategy - she may get bored and stop bothering you eventually, whereas trying to ignore her completely may make her try harder to make conversation.

 

Some poeple need overt reassurance that they are popular and liked by everybody - she may be one of those people. You aren't giving her the feedback she expects, which may be why she's determined to persist until she gets a response.

 

Enjoy the respite till Sunday anyway!

 

K x

[warrenpenalver]

Some poeple need overt reassurance that they are popular and liked by everybody - she may be one of those people. You aren't giving her the feedback she expects, which may be why she's determined to persist until she gets a response.

 

So basically shes chronically insecure and juevenile????

 

[Flora]

So basically shes chronically insecure and juevenile????

 

Certainly what Tally has described would seem to suggest so. However, while it can be disregarded as insecure/juvenille/childish/petty... people like that can cause one hell of a lot of problems and that part of it shouldn't be underestimated. You find people like that in many work places and they can cause all sorts of problems and make people absolutely miserable. When I was in nursing many years ago you met them all the time and while it's always best to ignore the behaviour, for these people the whole point is to get attention and so ignoring it oftem means they step up the levels. Some people buy into their 'victim' status and another then immediately is seen as the aggressor simply because they didn't agree with them! It's really nasty.

 

Flora

[Tally]

I have already been thinking that she seems to have placed wAAAAAAAAy too much value on my opinion of her. I never wanted to upset her, I just wanted her out of my face. She has complained that she feels sick and has lost weight as a result of what has happened, and I don't know why others can't see that this is an utterly ridiculous response to someone not liking you. I know that I am unnecessarily sensitive and easily upset, but I have never stopped eating over someone not liking me! She comes across as very self-possessed, smartly-dressed and well-educated, but she is not behaving like this toward me.

 

She has apparently asked to leave several times and our manager convinced her to stay. She even asked me if I wanted her to leave. I would be relieved if she would because it would end this, but I know I will look like a really bad person if she does this.

 

The thing that makes me most angry is that she has made me look like I have told several lies. In particular, she has made it look like I am the one who has triggered both the rows, when I did not. Both times I tried not to respond and only did so after much provocation, both times I physically walked away, both times she ran after me. I have not made anything up but other people think she is nice and would never do the things I have seen her do. This means that if she were to make a complaint about me which I deny, no one will believe me anyway. It also means that if she or anyone else does anything really outrageous that I need to make a complaint about, no one will believe me.

 

This is part of my other theory about why she has got so terribly upset. I am angry and upset that she has said that I am telling lies, but I am not so upset that I have stopped eating because I know that I have not told lies and that no action can be taken against me as there will be no evidence. If I had told lies I would have more to worry about and might be concerned about losing my job. Maybe she is concerned that other people saw what I saw and will agree with me.

 

Until this past year I have had a good work record. This year has been a complete mess. I have had a lot of time off sick. I have fell out with many people and this is the third time that management have had to intervene. I don't know what has gone wrong, because I honestly don't feel like I have changed or am doing anything different to before. I really feel that it has been all the people I have fallen out with who have been in the wrong, but after this many problems I really have to accept that it can't be everyone else who is wrong, I must be doing things wrong.

 

If she tries to start a row again I just have to not respond at all. It is my automatic reaction to defend myself when accused of something I haven't done. Being accused of lying is something that really gets to me a lot. It is going to take a lot of strength, but I have to just hold back and not be goaded into defending myself.

 

I have been told that I am not allowed to not talk to her. I must say hello when I see her and I must reply if she talks to me, but if I give short, nondescript answers it will be a polite way to show that I do not wish to take the conversation further - though I am worried because that is exactly what I tried before but she just pushed harder and harder for me to talk to her until I retreated into not talking to her at all. Anyway, this is what I have been instructed I must do, so I will do this and no one can say I am doing anything wrong.

 

We are negotiating terms of the Peace Treaty on Sunday accompanied by our manager. I am not going to be goaded into rehashing what has happened. I am just going to say that I am going to respond to her in the way I have been instructed because I have been told that this is the way to make the rowing stop. I am not going to say anything about her being responsible for the rows or anything at all about what happened. If she tries to go over what happened I am just going to say that I am here to discuss a way forward. If she insists on discussing what happened I will ask if she can let my manager know when she is ready to discuss a way forward and we can arrange another meeting at that time.

[warrenpenalver]

Tally, i dont see how youve done anything specifically wrong.

 

In my opinion it sounds like she is trying to emotionally bully you. She's obviously 2 faced and manipulating the situation to achieve her own aims.

 

I can see why you feel it must be you. BUT you strike me as quite a vulnerable person, yet you are hard working and concientious in your work and set high standards for yourself. The thing is the kind of work environment you work in does literally attract all types of people so i dont find it that surprising that you keep having problems. Problem is unless you work in a very small or specific work environment then you will always have the full range of people (good, bad etc) there.

 

In some ways its similar to why many AS kids seem to have problems with bullys throughout education even if they move schools. Just obviously as adults, direct physical/verbal bully is not easy to hide/get away with, where as more complex "mind games" are.

 

People like her seem to be the kind of people who want to think she is "top dog" and for some reason your work ethos/character clashes with that hence her behaviour. She obviously seems threatened by something in your character.

 

Shes the one with the problem in her head. And its a shame shes decided to make you feel bad as a result. You do have a right to defend yourself. I think totally ignoring her is the way forward as it will go one of two ways, a) she'll get bored or she will escalate her bahaviour because shes not getting the response she wants. Remember if she escalates her behaviour she will be more likely to get caught out by her own actions and you will appear to be the one whos been civil all along. If she gets bored, then also the problem is solved as shes leaving you alone.

[bid]

Hi again Tally

 

I've been thinking a lot about your work situation over the last couple of days <'>

 

I don't know if this will be helpful, and huge apologies if you have already done these things...as someone else with AS, here are some things that seem to have worked well for me at work:

 

I've been in my job for 4 years, and for the first couple of years I was basically silent because I'd never worked with lots of people before (my previous job had been largely working on my own, with only two other staff) and I was so scared of saying or doing the wrong thing! Anyway, when I moved to nights and then was made a team leader I couldn't just hide in the background, and I found it really hard dealing with so many people. I've always observed and copied other people in social situations, so I did that at work too.

 

Certainly where I work, and probably everywhere I should guess, people often say things in a snippy way...because they're tired, stressed, fed up, whatever. From what I have observed, the best thing is to pretend that the other person wasn't snappy, and just be pleasant back and then forget about the exchange. I wonder if this year hasn't gone so well for you because maybe you have mulled over any snappy/slightly 'off' remarks and then things have sort of escalated? I don't mean that as a criticism, just trying to think around the whole scenario

 

This is what I would call low level snappiness. Obviously, if someone screams at you, etc, that is something different. I think you have got the right approach to this upcoming meeting by having the attitude that you want to find a way forward, not rehash what's happened. I was the object of some work-place bullying this time last year, and it was sorted out very well by my line manager who had a similar meeting with myself and the other person. If you keep calm and reasonable your line manager will see that you have a mature, professional approach to your job...and if this other woman gets cross that will show that she has problems with her temper, etc.

 

As to why people behave like this I have no idea Certainly the person who bullied me last year has settled down and is fine to work with now, but it's clear they have real self-confidence problems. I have always thought that anyone who plays mind games and does spiteful things must be very unhappy inside Also, just had another thought...I think sometimes people feel guilty when they know they have behaved badly, but bizarrely that can make them be even more spiteful to the other person I think if you are a very straightforward person yourself, this type of behaviour really does shake you <'>

 

I really hope this meeting gets things sorted out...I remember how miserable I felt at work last year when I was bullied <'>

 

Bid

Edited December 12, 2008 by bid

[Tally]

I was pretty much silent for the first 18 months of this job. It is partly because I am scared of saying the wrong thing, but much of the time I simply have no clue what to say. For the past 6 months I talk a bit more, but only really to a small number of people who I have got to know better than the others. I do better with people who are very chatty who are prepared to do most of the work for me, but the people I work with aren't really like that. Not that it is fair to expect other people to do all the work for me, I don't mind that they don't, but that is why I am so quiet. I work on a small department and don't have any position of responsibility like you do, so there is no reason that this should cause a problem. So far as I know, no one has ever felt offended by the way I am, they just seem to accept that I am quiet. There has been some teasing, where they try to say things that embarrass me, but it has felt kind-hearted and I laughed along with them and felt like it was their way of being friendly.

 

I don't think that I have mulled over snippy remarks, because the previous problems weren't really to do with me feeling upset by something a person said. Maybe that has happened this time. I do know that part of what has made me feel threatened by this woman is comments she made in anger during the argument on Sunday night, like the "you'd better watch what you say," and trying to make me hate my other colleague and accusing me of lying. I am starting to see now that comments made in the heat of the moment (which were the only comments I would allow her to make by that point) are not reflective of what a person is really thinking.

 

From what others see, she was the victim of harrassment from a very unpleasant person and she needs support, and I have turned against her and told horrible lies about her and made her cry and stop eating. I know that is not the case, and hopefully by trying to get on with the others in the same way I have always done, they will eventually see that I am not an evil person and start to wonder if maybe there was more to this than they have witnessed. I am upset about what others think (or what I think they think anyway). From some people like the Personnel Manager and one of my department managers in particular, it has been very apparent that they do not like what I have done or believe anything I have said about it. I liked my department manager and I am disappointed that she does not believe me. I guess it's no more Saturdays off for me then!

[bid]

Tally, how did the meeting go?

 

Bid

[Tally]

I just said that I didn't understand how it had got so out of proportion, that I just wanted to put some distance between us but never meant for anyone to be so upset. I said that I was prepared to talk to her about work things, but I am not willing to be friends. She said, "fine, I plan to leave anyway" and walked off. I wasn't expecting anything better, so as far as I am concerned, I feel it went well.

 

Before this she had said she wanted to be put on the other department for her very next shift, otherwise she would leave. The Personnel manager and our Department manager agreed it, but someone has obviously vetoed it because it has not happened. She has not left either.

 

She'd also told me that everyone has been very supportive, but people have been making jokes like, "you can't say that you'll get suspended," and jokingly threatening to make complaints about each other. I don't know if I'd feel supported by that, to me it seems that people are laughing at her.

Edited December 22, 2008 by Tally

[warrenpenalver]

It does seem that other workers are slowly beginning to see through her manipulation. The threat to leave sounds like simple attention seeking behaviour to me. Hopefully she'll realise it hasnt worked and will give up acting that way. She'd have to be mad to quit a job in the present economic climate.

[Tally]

I think she will eventually get offered a permanent full time position in her other job. She worked there as an Xmas temp last year and was offered a full time position just after she'd started with us but turned it down as she wanted the night wage. Just recently she dropped one shift per week because she was too tired, but took on 3 4-hour shifts in this other job for extra money. She is now working every single day of the week. Before we fell out she kept telling me how nice it is there and that they even have clean toilets! Anyway, my point is that as soon as a permanent, full-time position comes up there, I think she will take it, and I have thought that since before we fell out.

 

The others seem to think that a total ban on swearing was on the cards at one point as a result of her complaint. That would NOT have gone down well at all!

 

She comes across as an intelligent, level-headed, self-possessed woman, but I have seen a side to her which is extremely insecure and lashes out as a result in an extremely manipulative way. The only consolation I can draw from what has happened is that she is clearly way more F'ed up than I am.