Am I unreasonable?

[bluefish]

Hi,

I need some opinions from people that are not as close to this situation as I am as before I complain AGAIN would like to know if my expectations of what should have happened today are unrealistic.

Firstly I plan to move schools but think that September 09 is more realistic to get everything in place and for ds to be fully prepared.

 

I Went to parent help today in the Nursery as I do everyweek,it is conected to Reception so I see what goes on.

Ds normally has 1-1 from 1pm till 2pm every afternoon.

It was Nativity this afternoon at 2.30pm

Lsa did not come at 1pm. She came at 2pm to help all of the children get into costume and to paint faces....

Ds recieved NO 1-1 and infact recieved no attention as things were busy with 29 children to get ready.

I strongly felt that as his lsa is in place to support ds she should have been helping him ,calming him and preparing him for the play. He was simply a beard that needed to be painted.

During almost the entire play ds sat and poked his fingers into his eyes( his was of coping when things get too much, and very upsetting to see)

his lsa was doing the music for the play right at the back of the hall (next to me!) I was so upset that noone approached him and removed his fingers or him I had to leave the hall crying as I wanted to go and help him.

After the play as you can imagine parents,friends and grandparents were all in the classroon with 29 children looking for there clothes, the teachers were busy sorting costumes as was his lsa.It was chaos

I could not find ds and felt total panic, he is a runner although school seem not to beleive this!

Another parent that knows me and ds well, found him hidden away in a quiet corner with a train. Not one of the teachers or his lsa took a blind bit of notice as to whether he was there or not.

The final insult came when, just after I had found him his lsa approached me and said "Did you enjoy that?"(meaning the play) I replied "not really my son was poking his fingers in his eyes and was distressed" she said " oh I didnt notice"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

What I am saying is, I am not upset he did not get his 1-1 at 1pm but can not beleive the lsa was used as a pair of hands to help the teachers and spent no time with ds at all! Surely she should have at least had some time talking to him about it being the play and escorted him safetly to and from? helped him dress after, and in my opinion been close enough to him to help him out when he started poking his fingers hard into his eyes and rocking?

Am I unrealistic in what I believe his statement is for? surley He sould be her priority? not saying she not able to help out but she should at least have an interest in where he is.

 

I do not know where to turn. I have spoken to his teachers, they still do whatever they like (like today) I have seen the senco, they still do the same, I have raised major concerns with the HT and she gives me lip service! I can not get hold of pp and am totally worn out with it all.

Told teachers tonighty I am keeping ds off tomorrow as it is the christmas party, he hates parties anyway and can tell by his distress at night time he is about to blow!

Sorry this is so long, really need some support

[Cat]

 

 

Does your son have a statement? Are his hours of support listed in that statement? If he does have a statement and his one to one is specified then I would raise merry hell. If he is only on school action plus you can raise merry hell, and I would, but school action plus is not legally binding a statement is. Hope this helps.

 

Cat

 

[bluefish]

hi cat,

yes he has a 15 hour statement! 3hrs per day

It is a very good statement, that documents all of his needs! as I re wrote it for the lea when I got the proposesed one and everything I asked to included was. However it is being ignored.

[Kathryn]

If the dedicated support is documented in the statement, the LSA's priority should have been your son. Even allowing for a bit of pre Christmas chaos which would be bound to disrupt your son anyway, there should be evidence that the school have anticipated this and tried to take steps to support him.

 

If it's a one off I might be inclined to let it go, but from what you say in other threads, this appears to be part of a pattern. It might be a good idea to put your concerns in writing this time - it's harder to ignore a letter.

 

K x

[NickyB]

If it were me, I would certainly not let it go. I think that, if anything, he is going to need more support at the moment, as the change in routine and general chaos which happens at this time of year is likely to make him more anxious. I work in a primary school kitchen and I've seen many children in the last couple of weeks who don't know whether they are coming or going (my son included !!). I'm finding that I'm having to keep an eye on him, as he's a wanderer, too, but it really shouldn't be up to me

 

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all when all you're asking is that the school do what they are supposed to as per your statement.

 

I'm afraid I don't have any advice as to what to do next, but I just wanted to send my support and some <'> <'> <'>

 

Nicky x

[cmuir]

Hi

 

You're not being unreasonable. I'm in a similar situation in that my son is nearly 7 and in mainstream school. He was allocated full-time 1-2-1 support throughout P1 and P2. He's now in P3 and I've only just discovered that the school have effectively used my son's hours and shared them amongst another 4 kids in the class who have special needs. I'm livid. I've fought tooth and nail to ensure R receives the support he needs and the other parents of the other kids have sat back and done nothing. Problem is I can't do a thing about it. It's a sad fact, but this is not an unusual occurrence. It's boils down to budget (or lack of!). Really angers me that we hear a lot about inclusion, yet the support these kiddies receive falls well short of what they should actually get.

 

I've certainly conveyed my feelings to the school and education department and had some success. I genuinely feel that people are on-side now and Rs support has been increased to a level which is nearer what he should have been getting in the first place. Speaking up doesn't always make you popular, but ultimately if we parents don't stand up for our kids, then no one else will. I'd be inclined to speak to the nursery manager and follow it up with something in writing conveying what you witnessed.

 

Hope things improve.

 

Caroline.

Edited December 10, 2008 by cmuir

[jlp]

I'd be annoyed too - as a time which should be expected to be stressful for your son, the support worker should have been making him her priority.

 

In earlier years (before we gave up on plays altogether) my son's worker would concentrate on him, sit next to (or near) him and keep him on track, if he decided to leave mid play then they'd follow him!

 

If she's there for him then there's so much she could have been doing to help him.

[julieann]

 

 

"It's a sad fact, but this is not an unusual occurrence. It's boils down to budget (or lack of!). Really angers me that we hear a lot about inclusion, yet the support these kiddies receive falls well short of what they should actually get."

Sadly cmuir,

I have to agree with you this practise goes on in lots of schools. I support a yr 10 statemented secondary pupil who has 10 hours weekly support. Who realistically needs 20+ hours support and of those paltry 10 hrs I spend 3hrs per week giving whole class support in the lowest ability Yr 7 + Yr 8 classes

 

Julieann

Edited December 10, 2008 by julieann

[bluefish]

Hi

Thanks for all your replies.

I kept ds home on Thursday due to the Christmas party that he was so stressed about, we had a fantastic day! I kept it like structured as of course he was not ill, we painted, baked, read, did some writting of christmas cards, went for a nice walk etc, the end result was a calm and happy child! something I have not seen other than weekends since September. I am meeting with the Lea on Monday to disscuss the situation, I have decided to vote with my feet as it were and kept him home again today and again had a fabulous stuctured day that involved him doing lots of activities as he would of at school, as I felt if I was keeping him off due to lack of support at school I still wanted him to recieve play and learning as he SHOULD be getting at school. I have decided to keep him home untill I have met with the lea on Monday. My stress levels have gone down by about 1000% as I was safe in the knowledge he was happy and safe! up until Thursday ds had 100% attendance at school.

Very nervous about the meeting on Monday but feel I have no choice now other than to take this further and to find out about the new school and to highlight everything that has been going on in his current one.

 

What we have done at home in the last 48hrs has again made me think seriously about home educating, a huge undertaking and not a decision I can take lightly, however it would keep ds safe,happy and would reduce the behavior problems he has been having EVERY evening.

 

My problem is ds loves going to school!??! and in his own way "plays with" other children, so I hope I can sort appropriate support at the new school and fingers crossed that might be agreed for Jan?

If not do I have the right to keep him home until things are sorted? oh I really hate making a fuss, I would really prefer to just melt into the background and that is something that just cant happen!

Any tips for the meeting with the education officer?

Thanks as always

 

[Moll]

Hi,

 

Have you thought about going to your GP and talking about the stress your son suffers at school and how this change has upset hi, a doctors letter would go a long way to supporting your case.

[bluefish]

Hi, I had not thought about Gp, and a very good idea! but Gp does not seem to have an understanding of asd and when approached about blue badge did not support my application as stated ds" has no problems with mobiltiy!" I got a badge without reciving mobility payments in the end as HV wrote in support as she knew my son well and understood the problems we encounter.

But I guess worth a try

Thanks for that suggestion.