counselling - anger - autism

[worried mum]

My child was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum nearly 2 years ago age 7, and from then we have been left to our own devices. He is at the lower end of the spectrum but still struggles with change etc, and at this time of year (amongst others eg end of term etc) he really struggles. His routine has totally changed and his behaviour at school has been terrible. I think apart from the autism there might be other issues. His behaviour is abismal, he hides under his desk at school (which i can understand as he is hiding and feels safe there) but it is the other issues of rudeness, a teacher gave him a card and he just threw it in the bin saying he didn't want it. he has been throwing his work in the bin and refusing to do it or not doing it to his ability (the teacher has said he is quite bright), at home he seems to try and provoke situations arguing and hitting his younger brother. It seems to have to be his way or no way, he will not do as he#s asked and if he is "that way" he will call us by our first names and saythings like we stink or we are not his mum and dad (we do not take him up on this).. More worringly he has started saying at home (and at school) that he wants to kill himself and he wants to die (he says this when he is stressed it is not a constant thing but when he is stressed he says he will kill himself with a knife or suffocate himself), again i do not take him up om this and ignore him (making sure he is safe though) and he seems to calm down and is ok. at school when they went on a walk he was a liability threatening to run into the road, giving the teacher the slip and in general being disobediant. he does not seem to have any regard for teachers or us at the moment although i don't know if that is because he feels axious/stressed with xmas coming and having lots of different things on the go.

 

I don't know what to do and was wondering if anyone had had any form of counselling for their child (and family) to give them coping strategies and how they went about it, sorry for hte long post.

[mossgrove]

Please don't apologise for the long post. I understand wheere you are coming from as we have had very similar issues with out eldest. He has had 1:1 sessions with CAMHS, he is in a special school because he cannot cope with mainstream, and he has been siubscribed Ritalin.

 

There are a number of things you might want to think about.

 

Have you considered the possibility that your son has ADHD as well as Autism? This may explain some of his explosive behaviours.You could speak to your GP or community pediatrician about this.

 

You may wish to consider asking your GP to refer you to CAMHS, but this is a postcode lottery as CAMHS support can vary from useless through to excellent.

 

If explosive temper is the issue and you son cannot access what he has leaned about anger management while is in the heat of the moment then you may wish to discuss medication with your doctor.

 

Is your son is in mainstream you need to speak with school about whether they can accomodate his needs. TYou should certainly ask for him to be assessed with a view to getting a statement. It may be that a mainstream school isn't the best place for him.

 

Have you applied for Disability Living Allowance? You shuld do so as soon as possible if you have not. If your son is a liability when ourt and about you should qualify for the mobility component.

 

Simon

 

 

 

[Enid]

total sympathy, have a son who behaves exactly the same and have lived through a nightmare year, although we are having a period of calm . My son behaved like your at primary, until he was excluded. I wish I had got him out before, long before. He is now in a special school and although its not ideal, he is coping and going to school. You need to get help sooner rather that later, head for your GP and ask for an urgent referal to CAHMS, ask for a second opinion if you are not happy, I did. <'> Enid

[Cat]

My child was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum nearly 2 years ago age 7, and from then we have been left to our own devices. He is at the lower end of the spectrum but still struggles with change etc, and at this time of year (amongst others eg end of term etc) he really struggles. His routine has totally changed and his behaviour at school has been terrible.

 

If your son is at the lower functioning end of the spectrum is he in a Special School? To be honest with you I am assuming that he is not at a Special School or at least I hope not because I would hope that there was a greater level of understand for children with autism at a Special School. It is shocking that you have been left to your own devices but it's not unusual sadly. The more that we can learn about autism and its many facets the greater understanding we can offer our own children. Knowledge really is power as has been said here on this forum many many times.

 

 

His routine has totally changed and his behaviour at school has been terrible. I think apart from the autism there might be other issues. His behaviour is abismal, he hides under his desk at school (which i can understand as he is hiding and feels safe there) but it is the other issues of rudeness, a teacher gave him a card and he just threw it in the bin saying he didn't want it. he has been throwing his work in the bin and refusing to do it or not doing it to his ability (the teacher has said he is quite bright), at home he seems to try and provoke situations arguing and hitting his younger brother.

 

Has your son changed his routine or is it the school routine that has changed. Any change in routine can impact on behviour. The fact that he is hiding underneath his table at school says a great deal about the way he is feeling in school This could be because he spends most of his day not understanding what is going on around him or what is being asked of him. He could be as bright as a button but if what he is doing has no meaning to him then why should he do it? Before anyone jumps down my neck here I do not mean by this that he should be allowed to sit all day and do nothing only that a way needs to be found to make his time at school understandable and meaningful to him. You have to look no further that the National Autistic Societies 'make school make sense' campagin. For far too many of our kids school simply does not make sense. How can you do your best for something that makes no sense. Bahviour is usually a symptom and not a cause.

 

at home he seems to try and provoke situations arguing and hitting his younger brother. It seems to have to be his way or no way, he will not do as he#s asked and if he is "that way" he will call us by our first names and saythings like we stink or we are not his mum and dad (we do not take him up on this)..

 

It was explained to me by a brilliant guy called Paul Shattock about how the chemicals that we make in our body affect our behaviour. Some of our kids and teens have a chemical rush which alters their levels of aggression but it also gives them a buzz. They will often chase this buzz because feeling like this is preferable to the anxiety and stress that they live with a great deal of the time. The key is to find out what is creating the stress and anxiety. If you can reduce that there is less need for the buzz that they get from the chemical release which creating the aggression. It worked for us. My youngest son stopped calling me Mum when he was 4 years old and has never called his Dad Dad. This is actually quite common with kids on the spectrum and it is not intended as an insult. Some children and adults and children with autism need to be able to visualise something before it is real to them. How many Mums and Dads are there in the world? Far too many for a picture to make sense. My son knows that when he calls me Cat he can see a picture of who I am and what I am to him in his head.

 

More worringly he has started saying at home (and at school) that he wants to kill himself and he wants to die (he says this when he is stressed it is not a constant thing but when he is stressed he says he will kill himself with a knife or suffocate himself), again i do not take him up om this and ignore him (making sure he is safe though) and he seems to calm down and is ok. at school when they went on a walk he was a liability threatening to run into the road, giving the teacher the slip and in general being disobediant. he does not seem to have any regard for teachers or us at the moment although i don't know if that is because he feels axious/stressed with xmas coming and having lots of different things on the go.

 

This is screaming out to me that this little lad is very unhappy and has no idea how to change things. I am not suggesting that he will do anything silly but I think that I would be asking for an urgent appointment with CAMHS to discuss what he is saying and to look at ways of making life less stressful for him. I have no idea what, if anything is in place at school for him, but it is something I would be looking into a great depth. This little boy needs someone to take control so that he knows that he is safe. The teachers at school can only do this if they understand him and have been trained in autism.

 

I don't know what to do and was wondering if anyone had had any form of counselling for their child (and family) to give them coping strategies and how they went about it, sorry for hte long post.

 

CAMHS should be able to supply counselling for your son and also for you as a family. They should be able to offer something for anxiety and also anger management. I am a great believer in the child being taught about themselves and what makes em tick from an early age but I know that we all have different ways of handling our kids.

 

Hope some of this has been helpful to you.

 

Cat

[worried mum]

thank you all for your advice, it is a comfort to know that we are not alone in going through this.

 

when i said he was at the lower end i don't know if this is the right end, i mean he is definatley on the spectrum but i feel that he is not as bad as my friends little boy who is at (what i think) is the higher end (hands slapping, not understanding etc). He is in a mainstreem school and they have been very good with him, and there is a teaching assistant there who he has a good rappor with and all the staff know to go to her or the senco with any problems over him.

 

It is his schools routine and his routine that has changed - nativities clubs stopping xmas parties etc.

 

He does shout a lot and at times is very aggressive but it's as though he's another child.

 

I have made an appointment with the doctor for next week, i know nothing will be done before xmas and i don't want to go down the route of medication, i'm going to ask for us to have counselling and for my child to have counselling to help them put strategies inplace to help themselves. i think the hardest thing is that we are muddling through this and i do wonder sometimes if we are handling the situations correctly or making it worse. he can be a loveable little boy and at the moment i feel that i am letting him down as a parent,

 

once again thank you for your help comfort and advice, i will let you all know what the doctor says, although when he was diagnosed that took months, but hopefully as he has been diagnosed and it's counselling it should be quicker.

[Cat]

Without wanting to appear rude it's really CAMHS that you need to see. CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services and they 'should' have a team of people who are specifically trained to see children with a diagnosis of autism. This is who you need to ask your GP to make a referral to. But you also need to make sure that they have a team of people who deals with autism. I know it sound likes a minefield which you have to pick your way through and it is but if we do not do this for our children no one will. There are loads of people here who will always be willing to help you through the minefield. CAMHS should be able to help all of you and offer you some coping strategies.

 

Children and adults who are deemed to be quite able are also said to be High Functioning. Those who are less able are deemed to be Low Functioning however my view is that autism affects every individual differently. They all have problems no matter what end of the spectrum on which they reside they are just a different mixed bag of problems.

 

It is good to hear that the school are very good with him however how clued up on autism are they about autism. The LSA is probably worth her weight in gold but has she had any autism specific training. Does your son have a statement? Are the Autism Outreach Team or their equivalent supporting the school and helping them with strategies. All of these things should be happening or have happened. Has anyone mentioned sensory issues to you because they usually play as big a part in autism as the Triad does? Many of our children have hyper sensitivities from, hearing to smell to labels in their clothes.

 

Do impress upon your doctor that you need to see someone urgently with your son again if you do not push for these things no one else will.

 

Cat

Edited December 19, 2008 by Cat

[worried mum]

Thank you cat for all your helpful advice, i went to the doctors who has said that he will refer us to the CAMHS for counselling (and i asked for family counselling too to help us understand and do the right things to help our son). although he has said this could be a while!

 

Bizzare as it seems when he finished school he seemed to really calm down and we have only had a few really bad episodes - bedrooms trashed etc.

 

Thank you once again for all your help it has been a comfort to know that we are not alone and that there are others going through similar things

[JsMum]

Thank you cat for all your helpful advice, i went to the doctors who has said that he will refer us to the CAMHS for counselling (and i asked for family counselling too to help us understand and do the right things to help our son). although he has said this could be a while!

 

Bizzare as it seems when he finished school he seemed to really calm down and we have only had a few really bad episodes - bedrooms trashed etc.

 

Thank you once again for all your help it has been a comfort to know that we are not alone and that there are others going through similar things

 

 

When my son went to MSS I looked forward to the holidays, I knew his behaviour would calm down, It seems bizare for a mum to want the holidays to come but I did, I knew school was a contribution to his behaviour, he hated school and often became increasingly aggressive and violent with issues around school, at times it was difficult for the school to understand and see Js anxieties as he would either withdraw at school or become very defiant.

 

At home he was explosive and often had appointments with his GP and CAMHS, but no therapies came and so in the end I saw a private psychologist who gave J a course in Art/play Therapy and councilling for the pair of us together, I dont ever regret paying the bill because it saved us a family, J was on the play therapy CAMHS list for over a year and didnt get it in the end as he has successfully gone into a specialist school where he accessess his therapies and provisions.

 

I found contact a family priceless so please get intouch with them having the right support is absaloutly essential and if you get on the right path can prevent some of his behaviour esculating, he is very young still and can be supported if you have the right help.

 

J has recieved anger management throw a univercity when he was five/six, he also went on a ADHD kids course 6/7yrs learning all about ADHD and Autism, he didnt really understand but the information we recieved is still in his pack so we go over it in sections.

 

I would search your area to see if there is any local ADHD awareness courses and other ASD conferences, I went to one and it was great and got a lot of ideas, visual supports, warnings, card pictures, communication gagits ect...

 

Js anger was down to frustration, lack of communication skills and inadiquate social interaction, he had a lot of underlying anxieties and resulted in many explosive behaviours, there is a lot of things that can help reduce these, a quiet area in school/home, relaxation, anger management is just some we use, when J was five, I didnt really understand his behaviour, knowing what is behind the behaviour really helps you find ideas or at least know what is going on when the ideas dont always work as with J some days they work and other days they dont, but I understand why that is now.

 

I really would look into councilling, play therapy as soon as possible, good luck, I will be thinking about you over christmas.

 

JsMum