scatty Report post Posted January 2, 2009 I'm sure this has been done before and everyone tells me that teenage boys are not keen on washing anyway! My ds is 14 now and every single day we have a battle to get him to sort himself out in the mornings and evenings. In the mornings I ask him to wash his face, brush his teeth, brush his hair, use deoderant and get dressed. In the evenings have a shower and use deoderant. Apart from the actual battle to get him to leave the PC/ games console to do these things, he just won't do them. He comes out of the bathroom having only brushed his teeth (not very well at that) so I send him back in and still he comes out with his face unwashed etc. In the shower he doesn't wash, despite being in there for ages, a lot of the time he still smells when he comes out. He won't look at visual timetables. I have stood in there with him no end of times and told him step by step what to do. He just gets offended at me telling him, even though I tell him I am helping him. I booked him in for an appointment with the hygenist at the dentist thinking that he might listen to someone else and it worked a bit as he has been brushing his teeth better since. This is making me so stressed and I can't seem to get through to him. He just rolls his eyes and I guess he thinks that I am nagging him (and I am) but if he did it I wouldn't have to tell him. I don't want him to get called names at school or anything. Is it too much to ask that he just does these things? Any advice appreciated Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NobbyNobbs Report post Posted January 2, 2009 sounds exactly like me! i hated washing, wouldn't do it no matter how much my parents nagged (not that they did much!). have you tried getting him a pack of face wipes to wash his face with? i think they do 'man' ones these days. if he's anything like me its feeling wet that is putting him off, and wipes avoid most of this. same with the shower, after he's under the water, the next horrible part is getting out and feeling all cold and wet, hence staying in there a long time doing nothing i get round that by doing strip washes a lot. that way only one part has to be wet at a time. a combination of this and quick showers on warmer days keeps me clean enough. also get him to focus on the body parts that could be creating the smell. if he can get those clean that's half the battle and the rest can wait a little longer. as for teasing at school... i did. it didn't do anything much. the hatred of washing was stronger than the dislike of the comments. same applies to the nagging i suppose. he should grow out of it as he gets older to some degree, but it will take longer than 'normal' because its not just effort like with regular teenage boys thats putting him off Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted January 2, 2009 My 13 yr old DS is like this and I have got him manly looking face wipes for the mornings!! and an electric toothbrush, thanks for the insight re showering Nobby, that just describes my DS, Think I will try to find some other sort of wipes for the bits that matter Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scatty Report post Posted January 4, 2009 Thanks for that. I did buy him some wipes a while ago, but he doesn't seem to like using them either. I also got roll on and spray deoderant in case the roll on was too wet or something. I don't know what the answer is .....at the moment his skin is really bad and this morning I tried to explain how washing stops the dirt plugging your pores in your skin up etc. He cried and then I cried and now I feel like the worst mum in the world. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I thought explaining would help Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maryanne Report post Posted January 7, 2009 sounds exactly like me! i hated washing, wouldn't do it no matter how much my parents nagged (not that they did much!). ......... I find your remarks so helpful. My 17-year-old son is VERY difficult to get to bathe because he hates being wet. We nag him to death twice a week to get him in for a shower. He stays in the shower forever once he is in there, but rarely gets his hair clean. I can't get him to cut his long, thick hair, yet it is usually smelly and dirty and uncombed. He keeps his underarms and face clean, but I can't get him to do anything about that hair! Any suggestions? Maryanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NobbyNobbs Report post Posted January 7, 2009 hair takes longer to dry, especially if its long and thick. that means the wet feeling lasts so much longer. plus shampoos smell strongly. i wash my hair seperately leaning over the bath. this way i can do it completely seperately from showering so i dont have body and head wet at the same time. the water temperature has to be exactly right and i have a set towel i wrap around my head once its washed that stops any water running down my back and i wont brush it until its dry enough to not drip or make my top wet. i found my hair the hardest to deal with. i could get away with not washing as long as i didn't smell, but hair gets greasy far too often. i have to admit until i changed school for 6th form i was constantly the victim of comments about my hair, because i would only wash it once a week but i accept these comments were deserved, i must've smelled horrible! then when we moved i discovered the bath trick and that made things a lot easier. i'm still not the cleanest person, hair gets washed when it needs it rather than every day, but at least i generally look presentable (i'm 23 now) at least as a boy its more acceptable for your son to be a little bit dirty around the edges, perhaps have a go explaining that with short hair it will be far quicker to wash, and dries almost straight away (and is less noticable that it is dirty) as for not brushing hair... well, if you dont brush it when its greasy you can get an extra day out of it get his hair cut if you can, as that is the easiest way for him to get around the issue. i like to hide behind my hair, i can ignore things so much better when i can't see them, so that might be another consideration for your son if he's like me, in which case he'll have to pick the lesser of two evils, long hair washing or less to hide behind Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
purplehaze Report post Posted January 7, 2009 Hi my son who is 15 dx with ASD and is very similar. He hates cleaning his teeth with a pasion-I think it is a sensory thing. He tells me it hurts and he hates the taste of most toothpastes even bubble gum! He rarely washes in the morning but I can get him in the bath in the evening now due to lots of wind up bath toys, floating radio, radio controled duck and that squrty soap stuff is great as well. I doubt he washes very well if at all but hopefully the long soak helps. My son loves spraying deoderants and aftershaves on him so he always smells lovely-although at times it's a mixture of arm pit sweat as well. A reward system may help as well-my son works well with a puzzle reward! I print and lamenate a word (which is what he will get as the reward i.e. sweets, game etc) then cut it up in to pieces (maybe 7 or 14 for each week-teeth cleaning) stick velcro on and give a piece each time he cleans his teeth or washes etc and he can stick it on a board with velcro on on a felt board etc. This works really well for my son! Good luck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NobbyNobbs Report post Posted January 7, 2009 toothpaste is another of my pet hates. it tastes so strongly and makes your mouth feel horrible afterwards. i hate the mint taste, but the kids ones also have a funny after-taste so they're not much better. i now use a mild mint sensitive toothpaste because it doesn't taste as vile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maryanne Report post Posted January 7, 2009 I have to smile at your letter as you and my son are cut from the same cloth, it seems. Michael uses his hair like a curtain if he wants no contact. He can muss with it if he has to have contact and he's uncomfortable. He hates scented anything, too. We found a good cleansing shampoo with no scent and very inexpensive at Whole Foods (I don't know if you have them in the UK, but they are fairly common here in the US). The other 'health food' grocers only had "naturally scented" shampoos and they often smelled nasty, even to me, and were costly. Michael hates perfumes and scents, complains if I use scented hand lotion, and we sometimes have to move tables in the middle of a restaurant meal if someone "stinky" sits near. You're right about the hair brushing thing. I hadn't thought of it that way. For all that, Michael is very picky about germs and carries alcohol wipes all the time and hates touching something someone else has touched, though he usually makes an exception for me or his dad (but definitely NOT his older brother). ...............as for not brushing hair... well, if you dont brush it when its greasy you can get an extra day out of it get his hair cut if you can, as that is the easiest way for him to get around the issue. i like to hide behind my hair, i can ignore things so much better when i can't see them, so that might be another consideration for your son if he's like me, in which case he'll have to pick the lesser of two evils, long hair washing or less to hide behind Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maryanne Report post Posted January 7, 2009 toothpaste is another of my pet hates. it tastes so strongly and makes your mouth feel horrible afterwards. i hate the mint taste, but the kids ones also have a funny after-taste so they're not much better. i now use a mild mint sensitive toothpaste because it doesn't taste as vile. Do you have Crest Vanilla in the UK? It's really mild tasting. There's also a citrus flavor, too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NobbyNobbs Report post Posted January 7, 2009 i used to get apple and mint toothpaste, that was great. i haven't seen vanilla toothpaste, and i'm allergic to vanilla, but anything citrus sounds good, i'll have to keep an eye out when i get dragged to the supermarket. i can't remember what toothpaste i used when i lived in america, but it was very nice. ive driven my parents nuts for 20 years constantly insisting on buying new stuff because i dont like things they seem are completely unimportant. its great to hear that i'm not the only one who sees things this way Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maryanne Report post Posted January 7, 2009 i used to get apple and mint toothpaste, that was great. i haven't seen vanilla toothpaste, and i'm allergic to vanilla, but anything citrus sounds good, i'll have to keep an eye out when i get dragged to the supermarket. i can't remember what toothpaste i used when i lived in america, but it was very nice. ive driven my parents nuts for 20 years constantly insisting on buying new stuff because i dont like things they seem are completely unimportant. its great to hear that i'm not the only one who sees things this way It's equally great to know my son isn't the only one who's picky about being wet, scents and tastes. Thanks for your insights. Maryanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
