Clarypuff Report post Posted January 28, 2009 Soo frustrated! Just had visit from ds 3rd specialist adolescent worker, he said I have to go back to work. Have explained that I only gave up work a year ago due to ds behaviour at school and that school have been pleased with the vast improvement since then. Problems still abound at home tho, which is why I keep begging them for help. Came home from weekly shop of an hour to find huge hole in wall that I can't afford to repair, just glad I wasn't here or it could have been me instead. So how can I work? SAT worker says I should make sure ds doesn't have a key so can't damage house, I'm not happy about leaving him out on the street to his own devices. He's already been warned by the police for causing criminal damage, luckily no charges were pressed. He acts like I'm making excuses, says all I do is sleep all day (true, ds sleeps 2 hrs a night, I catch up) and I should train to be a nail technician, I'm already a qualified horticulturalist, why do I want to do that?!. For gods sake, none of us asked for this. I'm sick to death of being told that it's my fault, there's always some reason they try to pin it on right from when he was in nursery, he's from a deprived background (cos we live in council house), he's reacting to divorce, cos you're a single mum, no male influence, cos you work, cos you don't work, argh. Sorry for being so negative, I just get fed up with people not listening. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted January 28, 2009 (edited) Soo frustrated! Just had visit from ds 3rd specialist adolescent worker, he said I have to go back to work. Have explained that I only gave up work a year ago due to ds behaviour at school and that school have been pleased with the vast improvement since then. Problems still abound at home tho, which is why I keep begging them for help. Came home from weekly shop of an hour to find huge hole in wall that I can't afford to repair, just glad I wasn't here or it could have been me instead. So how can I work? SAT worker says I should make sure ds doesn't have a key so can't damage house, I'm not happy about leaving him out on the street to his own devices. He's already been warned by the police for causing criminal damage, luckily no charges were pressed. He acts like I'm making excuses, says all I do is sleep all day (true, ds sleeps 2 hrs a night, I catch up) and I should train to be a nail technician, I'm already a qualified horticulturalist, why do I want to do that?!. For gods sake, none of us asked for this. I'm sick to death of being told that it's my fault, there's always some reason they try to pin it on right from when he was in nursery, he's from a deprived background (cos we live in council house), he's reacting to divorce, cos you're a single mum, no male influence, cos you work, cos you don't work, argh. Sorry for being so negative, I just get fed up with people not listening. Sorry youve had a really terrible day and that you feel noone is helping you, when social services let me and my son down I wrote it all in a letter of complaint, and it has helped us ensure they at least listen and dont give stupid advise. Its not up to social services if you work or not, I had to give up my beloved volunteer work as a therapist because of Js severe behaviour disorders as it takes up every once of your emotional, physical energy. Give a big Complaint letter and write down what it is you do want and what are your expectations and if there was a service available what would it be, even if its not available, it doesnt mean there is not a need. When I lived in another county they had a unit that had bank staff that would come out in an emergency to assist to help get their needs met, sometimes they where already on calls but they still got back to you in the end. Hope things improve soon. JsMum Edited January 28, 2009 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted January 28, 2009 Hi Poor you. How dare someone dictate whether you work or not, what you should work as, etc. That is NOT within that person's remit. I'd be inclined to firstly ask for a frank discussion with this person and tell them that a whole lot of assumptions have been made and they've been judgemental, which is not within their remit. If this kind of attitude continues, then you'll be forced to lodge a formal complaint. I feel that there are so-called professionals (eg CAMHS) who have a whole lot of theory and little or no practical expertise which angers me a great deal. Those type of people can be very damaging in terms of the reports that they can write! Best wishes Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lorryw Report post Posted January 28, 2009 Can I suggest you ask your social worker for a formal complaint form, all councils have a complaints system and I think that is your best way forward. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted January 28, 2009 Cheers people. Am definitely gonna take it further, fed up with assumptions and never getting anywhere. Gonna demand a worker with experience of ASDs, nothing less is acceptable! Have already told CAMHS just to refer us to psych, not jumping thru their hoops anymore! It helps a lot just to come on here and see you're not the only one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Moll Report post Posted January 28, 2009 I have just done my first part of my training as a nail tech its not easy or cheap, how does he think you can just do it its a skilled job, and to be honest I found it difficult to practise with DS and I have to keep the chemicals locked away as they can be nasty. He obviously hasn't got a clue about careers or As please complain about him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aliwoo Report post Posted January 29, 2009 what a twot sorry cant be much help, but yes, ditto what others say. please complain. he obviously has no idea on AS and has no right what so ever to TELL you to work and what to do Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pumpkinpie Report post Posted February 2, 2009 I know its a pain but you really need to to take this furher. It flys in the case of the governments poliy re carers and childrens policies. Id do a bit of home home and put some quotes in, direct your letter to the head of childrens services- councils will continue to do things like this until we as parens make them re assess their training and procedures. Just make sure your leter is factual and a non personal attack as they look for any excuse to blame us as just emotional ..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted February 5, 2009 oops, didn't mean to imply nail tech is beneath me, is just not me, sorry if it came out that way! Have spoken on phone to head of specialist adolescent team, she not impressed. Is arranging a child in need meeting but things are going slowly cos of snow. SS scare me, I always feel like they blame me for his behaviour, or not managing it, like I'm too emotional or overstate it, u know? Deep breath, fight begins again... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Moll Report post Posted February 6, 2009 oops, didn't mean to imply nail tech is beneath me, is just not me, sorry if it came out that way! Have spoken on phone to head of specialist adolescent team, she not impressed. Is arranging a child in need meeting but things are going slowly cos of snow. SS scare me, I always feel like they blame me for his behaviour, or not managing it, like I'm too emotional or overstate it, u know? Deep breath, fight begins again... Never took it as nail tech is beneath you lol I have a dance and drama degree and I taught basic skills to adults and also in exclusion units and some very hard secondary schools. I did the course to get me out of the house DH and I have a night off rule he makes his rocking hoses I do another course. I was getting at the SW who hadn't thought it out it is hard work requires a lot of practise involves hazardous chemicals I used to have to leave my kit in the car or take it up in to the loft, I could not practise as ds would destroy the house I now cannot do nails despite being trained as I can't take him with me and no one will have him. Plus the course was several hundred pound plus another �100 for equipment and uniform a few single mums had fees paid but they could not afford equipment or uniform and dropped out. I worry when things like this are recommended as if you can't commit the time due to family you struggle on the course and it eats away at confidence which for mothers like us is already non existent as people feel it is ok to judge our worth on our children's abilities and behaviour. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clarypuff Report post Posted February 13, 2009 Phew, was worried I'd offended unintentionally! I agree with u tho, is so hard to find the time to do anything, and as u say incredibly hard to get any form of childcare. Haven't managed to get back in touch with SS yet, but have CAMHS appointment on Mon. Am going back to college in April, nothing too stressful, just have to have something for myself or I'll go crazy at home. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
