School refuser options?

[Esty]

Just thought I'd ask. DS (12) is still school refusing after trying a transition programme in his mainstream high school that started last week. He'd not attended since September but agreed to go into the school's unit last week. He went seemingly happily for two days last week, just for a couple of hours each day. He actually requested to go for longer this week but yesterday and today woke up with the oh-so-familiar 'I just can't go' and tears. I haven't pushed it because it makes no difference at all once he's decided. There are definitely no issues like bullying and he is very bright but easily bored. Feel we are on the slippery slope again - the school of course eventually want him back in proper classes and full time which he just isn't capable of doing at the moment. He's in the best high school in our area so I don't really want to pull him out if there's any way at all he can be supported there. He doesn't know why he can't face school, he just can't. Last week he had a massive meltdown on Friday and I'm sure it's because even two days there required so much effort socially that he was exhausted - he's not had a meltdown at all while he's been off school, although of course his other AS behaviours are still there.

 

We are awaiting an appointment for dx tests for Asperger's but have no statement or anything like that, just a specialist at CAMHS who believes R is borderline Asperger's (specialist has said he DOES think R has AS but his behaviours have been so well accommodated at home that he has coped well until the school issue brought it all crashing down - makes a change from the EW people who thought we were such bad parents they sent us to parenting classes - another story, another rant )

 

Anyway, we seem to be nearing the point for a decision - do we continue trying to get him back into mainstream, try to get him into a school more suitable for him, push for home tutors or home ed? Does anyone have experience of this? What did you do and did it work?

[Karen A]

Anyway, we seem to be nearing the point for a decision - do we continue trying to get him back into mainstream, try to get him into a school more suitable for him, push for home tutors or home ed? Does anyone have experience of this? What did you do and did it work?

 

Hi.I have experience with elder [NT] son however he had school refusal due to anxiety following a period of bullying.He was supported during transition to mainstream secondary school and is now doing very well without support.

Re experience of situation more similar to yours I know that at one time or another people on the Forum have tried all of the possible options you suggest in a variety of combinations [some have tried all of them] so you are not alone.I am sure others will be along to share their experiences. <'> Karen.

 

[Kathryn]

Hi Esty,

 

I really sympathise with you and the tough time you're having sounds a little familiar. Is your son in year 7?

 

My daughter didn't exactly school refuse, just got more and more anxious through four years of high school till at the beginning of year 11 when she was 15, she had a breakdown. We tried a part time timetable with the subjects she enjoyed most but, like your son, she couldn't cope with the pressure of just being there. She got LA home tuition on medical grounds for a while but that didn't work too well either as anything that reminded her of school just triggered extreme anxiety.

 

You could push for a statement and try and persevere with the school - you obviously have to decide whether, even with constant support a statement might bring, your son could cope with the school environment and overcome the stress it causes him. You could look for a specialist AS school, and there are some excellent ones around, with good a record of helping pupils like your son to reach their potential. You would have to push for a diagnosis, and again, a statement, and that will be hard work, but not impossible. It's worth going to look at one or two to see what they offer.

 

Elective home education is a very personal decision I think. If you're up to it, it might work for you and your son. It's not an option I never considered.

 

In the meantime while you're exploring other options, you could push for LA home tuition, and then at least he wouldn't fall too far behind.

 

I'm sure, in the end, you'll make the right decision, and I hope I haven't depressed you by my post. Just to add, although my daughter's high school education was a disaster, she is now an adult and doing OK at a mainstream FE college - so things do work out in the end. Your son is still young, and there is time for him to regain his enthusiasm for learning, with the right support.

 

K x

Edited February 10, 2009 by Kathryn

[Enid]

My son also fell apart in y7, was on a reduced time-table, but was still home at 11 each day! havnt got time to post a longer reply at the mo, but it seems lots of children like ours have awful trouble with the transition from primary to mainstream, I took mine out and he went to a special school, its not ideal, but definately better, I dont think there is anything to be gained by making him go. <'> Enid

[Clare63]

My son also fell apart in y7, was on a reduced time-table, but was still home at 11 each day! havnt got time to post a longer reply at the mo, but it seems lots of children like ours have awful trouble with the transition from primary to mainstream, I took mine out and he went to a special school, its not ideal, but definately better, I dont think there is anything to be gained by making him go. <'> Enid

 

 

Simular to Enid's post, however my son was signed off sick by our GP. Its all a very personal decision and to be honest down to the individual child.

 

Clare x x x

 

 

[Karen A]

Hi.I read through your post and the other responses this morning now I am not rushing around.One thing I did not know if you realise.If you want to consider any of the options other than home ed then a Statement and an AS dx would be helpful anyway.A statement is always needed to access specialist provision unless you happen to have an awful lot of money to finance it. A statement would help with gaining appropriate support in mainstream.If you decide to ask for home tuition then you could do that alongside obtaining a Statement and the Statement would still be useful in the long term.I think that LEAs usually regard home tuition as a step in the transition to long term provision which the Statement would be useful for.

I will find the link re home tuition.If you do not have the information already it might be useful.If a child is out of school on medical grounds for longer than a set number of days then the LEA are obliged to provide alternative provision.The medical grounds could be anxiety and stress so an AS dx is not needed.CAMHS should be able to support you in that.

I understand that you are keen to keep DS at school if you can.However the information may be useful if things don't work out and you decide to try for the home tutor option.

Your GP or CAMHS should be able to provide a note stating that your DS is unable to cope with school due to anxiety.Karen.

[Karen A]

http://publications.teachernet.gov.uk/defa...732%2f2001&

This link includes details re access to education for children who are absent on medical grounds.There is an option on the page to download the full document.

The summary is on the link below.

http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/management/at...medicalgrounds/

 

Edited to add.Young Minds Parent Information Service may be able to offer you some support.They are a charity that supports young people with mental health needs.They operate a help line.A specialist advisor will call back if needed.They supported me when my elder son was unable to attend school due to anxiety.

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/parents/

Edited February 11, 2009 by Karen A

[joybed]

Hi my son is year 8, did really well in primary and junior school (same school) and Ok first half of year 7 but then things got progressively worse. Their have been some issues of bullying but on the whole well dealt with by school. To begin with school listened, were supportive (I thought) and tried to help. i then realised they don,t really understand the issues regarding ASD. The problem is Marcus is very happy and smiley at school and if asked tells everyone he is coping but then he comes home and has a meltdown. Things came to a head just after christmas when i got fed up of putting him and myself through all the stress and kept him off school. This lasted a week and then he went back on a part time programme, 3 days at school 2 at home. To be honest this hasn,t worked either for many reasons, 1, he is missing large amounts of school work and is gradually falling further and further behind, 2, It is causing confusion for him as he doesn,t want to do school work at home or anything remotely like work and is still highly stressed i have tried everything to engage him but he won,t, 3, I am constantly shattered as i work shifts and I am often on nights the night before he is at home so i am often awake 36 hours this has led to my ill health, 4, DH thinks he should be in school full time and we are always arguing about this, this has led to us nearly separating but we are trying to work through our problems.

We had his review of his statement at school on Friday and despite the fact i had a long list of evidence as to how is not coping at school they still totally diregarded everything i said and have said he has to go to school full time. The ASD team and his LSA,s all said he wasn,t coping and was wrongly placed but this also was largely ignored, apparently he can be made to fit in. Parent partnership have advised that i try this as it gives me more power when it fails, and it will. The reports from school had comments like Marcus can cope but refuses to try, Marcus has no interest in fitting in at all. What part of ASD don,t they get . The report from the SENCO largely blaimed me apparently i give too much attention to the little ones and not enough to Marcus so he is just attention seeking, he has found a way to get my attention. Also i am wrong to have discussed HE with him as we don,t want to give him ideas, I though we were supposed to encourage independence. They also said they had seen no evidence of self harm (what do they want him to cut himself in front of everyone). The blaim was also laid at my 4 year old sons feet apparently Piers "issues" (he is being assessed for ??ADHD??PDA) are upsetting Marcus and Piers is so demanding i spend all mt time on him and leave the others to fend for themselves. So if i am such a substandard parent how come my daughter is bright , funny and well bahaved if I give her no attention.

Last night i was again in his room till after midnight trying to console him and give him ways of coping with the pressure of school, I have tried to convince him he needs to tell his LSA,s how he is feeling but he doesn,t want to get into trouble he just wants to get thorugh the day and get home. He hasn,t been told he is going back full time yet and I am not brave enough yet but I am sure he knows, schoo, the ASD team and myself are telling him on the 25 of Feb. The crazy thing is I have found the perfect school but he LEA have said I won,t get funding as it is a private school and they can,t afford it and i have to try all the other options first. He is going back on full time support including breaks and lunch , taxi to school in the morning and email contact with his head of year. I had considered HE but after our experience with flexi schooling don,t think i can do it, don,t think it will work for Marcus and don,t think my marriage will survive it not quite as strong as some of you out their sorry . Sorry to hijack your thread and sending you big <'> as I know what you are going through.

I am determined to get Marcus into the school we have found but feel as if I have no energy and very little fight left. It is parents evening and am not sure i can keep my temper with some of the teachers so i am absolutely dreading it, I also have no appointment made as Marcus couldn,t cope with making them and nobody has bothered to help him. As you can tell I am becoming very bitter and cynical. Looking forward to seeing my hairdresser tomorrow so I can have some me time. Sorry again for the long moan.

[Diane]

My son is 14 now, 15 in a couple of months.

 

The transition to high school (it was a good one) did not work we spent 3 years battling with them and trying to get them to give our son the support he needed but at the end of the day it was never going to work as they could not change the environment or protect him from the bullying etc that he received from the ther kids all because he liked to do things a little differently. He did not have the skills to cope in such a busy noisy place.

 

In three years i think his attendance was 20% of what it should have been. In the end I took him out but refused to home school. CAMHS and his outreach worker managed to get our son transferred to a PRU that deals with kids on the spectrum. We had lots of transition visits os the reachworker and myself went along with him and then this progressed to just the outreach worker and now we are at a piont where either one of us stays with him just for an hour and then we leave and he stays.

 

 

I will PM you.

 

 

 

 

[Louisa]

Hi

 

We went through a similar situation with our (then 14) daughter so I know what you are going through. At the time CAMHS thought she had Asperger?s but hadn?t diagnosed it and we had no statement either.

 

Our daughter wasn?t bullied either, but was highly anxious in school and was treated really badly by the SENCO and the Head of Year, who said it was all an act. She eventually stopped attending.

 

Months down the line, the head teachers got to find out what was going on & they offered to help our daughter in school by letting her have a sort of time out card for when she felt stressed, plus other things, but it was too late by this time, the damage was already done and she has not been back since.

 

She was then referred to an Education Medical Service which is a learning place for children of high school age but it is only part time. It is actually a Pupil Reintegration Service to help build their confidence and then get them slowly back to school, but for children who cant/wont go back, they let them stay, like they have with our daughter.

 

It took my daughter nearly twelve months and to be put on medication for anxiety before she was able to attend there everyday but now that she does, she feels safe and is pretty happy there. She is doing 7 GCSE?s in May/June. There is only about 6 children there and the teachers are really patient and try to boost their self belief and try to deal with their issues, as well as educate them.

 

If you son could get in somewhere like that it may be the ideal solution for now, as the staff would still keep in touch with your son?s high school to get the work etc. It was CAMHS who did the referral for us.

 

Good luck