AAARRRGH!!!

[Tally]

Just recently I've had a number of missed calls from various mobile phone numbers. I thought nothing of it, but today I answered a call from a mobile number I didn't recognise. It was my ex. He just said hello, but didn't introduce himself, though I recognised his voice. Then he asked me if I could settle an argument for him and tell him what Peggy is short for. I just hung up. He hasn't rung back. I don't know if it's his new number or if he's been borrowing other people's phones and all the calls have been from him.

 

I ignored him for ages in the hope that he would think I'd changed my number, and it seemed to work. Now though, I've just gone and confirmed that I still use this number. I could change my number, but I'd prefer to allow him to phone me because if he can't get through to me on the phone he might get frustrated and try other things - when I ignored his texts he turned up at the house.

 

I have made it really clear that I don't want to speak to him, saying things with no room for misunderstanding, things like, "I don't want to speak to you ever again."

 

He's not doing anything illegal. It's not considered harrassment unless it was like multiple times per day, contacting me at work, things like that. And anyway, I have no evidence that I have asked him to stop it as I just told him over the phone with no one else listening. Unless he threatens to hurt me, I can't do a thing. The fact that he was gone right up to the limits of the law but not crossed the line makes me believe that he is very much in control of this behaviour.

 

I don't know what to do. Do you think I should speak to his parents? It would make him angry and could lead to him escalating the creepiness, but at least he would know that I am not going to just let him carry on without speaking out.

 

I'm going to move as soon as possible now. I am not going to wait until I have sold my house now. I am going away next week, when I get back I am going to start properly looking for a job near my parents.

[Kathryn]

Tally

 

<'>

 

This is a bit creepy and the worry of him contacting you can't be good for your peace of mind. I hope soon you can be finally free of him. It's so frustrating that nothing can be done.

 

Speaking to his parents would be helpful if they have some influence over him, do they? Otherwise there may be little point. Would it be worth changing your phone when you move away?

 

K x

[frogslegs]

I think you should keep a diary of what is going on and you should ask for advice from the police and let them know of what is going on. All they will do is take a few details but it will make you feel better.

Look after yourself. <'>

[bid]

A solicitor's letter?

 

<'>

 

Boho

[Paula]

When i dont want to speak to a particular person on the telephone....sometimes its me mum because i just cant be bothered what i do is allow the telephone to ring and ring eventually it cuts to the 151 answer service i then when the calls rung of can check whos telephoned and if i want i re call them.

 

Or and ive done thios in the past i let people known im haveing hassel on the phone and we set up a code.it normally consists of call me let the phone ring for a second then they cut the call and imediatly afterwards they dial againe and this time i answer the call.its like a password thingy so i know its not someone i dont want to talk to.

 

I also have calleer reconision on me phone and if its a number that doesnt come up in me phone book i dont answer it.

 

Yes its a bit of a faff but it works.

 

Also you want to contact youre telephone company and report it as nusance phone calls im sure theres a way that calls can go through the operator and then forwarded onto youre number it would put them off.

 

Keep a record of it all.

[Mumble]

I think if you're with BT they can help and block certain numbers (I don't use a phone myself so I'm not sure but it might be worth contacting them and asking).

 

He shouldn't be forcing you out of your house <'> <'>

 

I have made it really clear that I don't want to speak to him, saying things with no room for misunderstanding, things like, "I don't want to speak to you ever again."

Unfortunately men seem to have their own way of reading and interpreting things and this phrase actually means "It's quite alright for you to harass me until I respond" (oh, and tell a different story to others) I really hope you can sort it because it is horrible and you never feel that you can totally relax as you're waiting for the next time they try to contact you. I've decided to give up on men for a very long time

 

[Tally]

This is my mobile he's calling on, but I think the company can block the calls if I can tell them the number. The problem is that he seems to be using various friends' phones to make the calls, so if I block one he just uses another.

 

It's annoying, I was only saying the day before that is had been so nice not hearing from him for several weeks, but that I'd spent the whole time worrying what he was going to do next instead of enjoying it. The person said there's no point worrying like that because I should just be enjoying it, and worrying won't stop him doing it anyway. She's completely right, but the fact that he called the very next day made me feel like I was justified in worrying after all.

 

I think what I need to do is NOT answer the calls unless I know the number. If it's someone who actually wants to get hold of me with good reason, they can leave a message and I can call back. It was answering that gave away to him that I still have this number.

 

There is probably no point talking to his parents except to wind him up. They don't actually have any influence over him.

[smiley]

Tally <'>

 

My ex put me through years of these 'games'. It's horrible.

 

One thing i would say - is to note down everything that happens, even if you can't be certain of it being him.

 

I also brought new phones (changed numbers several times... but that didn't work, he always found the new number from someone.. even asking my son's school, once ). The new phones (landline and mobile) were they type that you could choose what sound was played, depending on what person was calling. It took some time, but i set them up so only numbers i knew would ring - the others were silent. Of course, it didn't stop him - but it was less stressful for me.

 

I called the police, each and every time i felt threatened. They do absolutely nothing... but after a while - they get sick of you calling, and begin to act... This also put my ex off, as within ten minutes of him appearing at my lounge window.. a squad car would drive slowly by...

 

Do not make contact directly with him, and although i know it's horrible and difficult to ignore - do not let what he's doing interrupt your happiness. He will get bored.

 

Go to the CAB, they can help you too.

 

Hugs xx

[call me jaded]

Do not make contact directly with him, and although i know it's horrible and difficult to ignore - do not let what he's doing interrupt your happiness. He will get bored.

 

This is really good advice. Do NOT respond either directly or via his family. Rejection not attention and he will move on. Very tough to do but it will work.