Not invited to Parties

[lisac]

martyn , i love your daily therapy, same sort of thing i do each day but it involves two fingers as well ! hehehee, x

[Sally44]

All the kids in M's class are autistic, which makes life a bit easier! The school is in the next town but about half the kids live near us and we have got friendly with their parents. We invite their whole families to our kids' parties and vice versa. We each tend to privately hire out an indoor play area and there are about 12 kids there, half ASD, half NT.

 

We went to a boy's party last Saturday night and M and her class mates all stayed out playing whilst their NT siblings sat and ate jelly and ice cream in the food room. Everyone loved the disco and bubble machine, especially M who sat on my shoulders throughout. It was a superb night.

 

When we get invited to other parties we often just take D, our youngest child (NT) and leave M with a sitter. We have got a christening coming up and we aren't taking M. I do get pangs of guilt about it but she will absolutely hate having to sit still for the church service and won't like being around all the chattering adults in the reception. She would probably like the buffet but that is all she is missing out on and will be spoiled rotten by her grandparents. I think we have made the right decision. Any comments?

 

I think, as you have done, you just have to have a good understanding of your child and make a judgement call. Sometimes we can feel so distraught for our children when they aren't included in something. But the truth is that they would hate it. The problem comes when they want to join in and do it and they either are not invited, or not supported so that they cannot be involved. And sometimes you just don't know until you try it. For example, I went with my son on a youth club trip to a tobogan run. I went with him because I thought he might be scared on his own and stop half way round the track causing the attendants to have to rescue him etc. I was totally wrong. What he actually did was go down the hill at lightening speed with me screaming at the back to apply the brakes, and him refusing. We must have broken the land speed record. When we came to a standstill the attendants came running towards us and wouldn't let my son on again until he promised to use the brakes! So much for being scared!!

[frogslegs]

What he actually did was go down the hill at lightening speed with me screaming at the back to apply the brakes, and him refusing. We must have broken the land speed record. When we came to a standstill the attendants came running towards us and wouldn't let my son on again until he promised to use the brakes! So much for being scared!!

COOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MelowMeldrew]

Hi all,

Just thought I would get others thoughts on this - and let off steam!

I have often invited all of my 7 year old sons class to a party, just so no-one would be left out.

But time and again my son is not invited to parties, I think only 3 parents invite my son to their party every year.

Today I had to stand and listen to the parents at the schoolgate discuss times and directions today, within earshot of my son.

To be honest he used to get upset, but now I have an idea the teacher just hides the invites in the school bags so the two special needs boys don't get upset.

What annoys me is that two or three 'normal' children are really rude and swear, but they get invited because they are 'normal' my son is quite well behaved in comparison. And its not that I dont get on with the other parents - I do, so are they just ignorant?

How do other people cope?

 

My son gets invited to parties, he never attends any ! He hates groups of more than 2 people usually and gets stressed, the fact they are his classmates seem to make nil difference. It is a job getting him to participate in school gatherings. he gets very stressed if they start getting noisy or running around, he feels threatened. He may watch from a distance that's it... hence why every attempt to get him into sport has failed, they are 'group' things so he doesn't want to know. He will do sports that require nothing much but himself, like running or trampolining or something. Parties ? no way !

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I find it incredibly hard, not just at parties, that my son wants to be with other kids. Ouside of school, I'm sick and tired of having to phone around parents for ask if their child wants to come and play. The only way that would generally happen was if someone wanted a babysitter and because I'd put my hand in my pocket and take them to eg the cinema. No invitations are reciprocated, and in honesty, if they were I don't know whether I'd accept or not. Difficult one. Things are even more difficult now that there's a recession on (and boy doesn't my bank balance know it!), because I no longer shell out for nice little trips, resulting in R being lonely (and he is because he's told me so, which makes me incredibly sad).

 

C.

[MelowMeldrew]

Hi

 

I find it incredibly hard, not just at parties, that my son wants to be with other kids. Ouside of school, I'm sick and tired of having to phone around parents for ask if their child wants to come and play. The only way that would generally happen was if someone wanted a babysitter and because I'd put my hand in my pocket and take them to eg the cinema. No invitations are reciprocated, and in honesty, if they were I don't know whether I'd accept or not. Difficult one. Things are even more difficult now that there's a recession on (and boy doesn't my bank balance know it!), because I no longer shell out for nice little trips, resulting in R being lonely (and he is because he's told me so, which makes me incredibly sad).

 

C.

 

 

Me too, my son seems to only want me or his mum with him, and it is getting nigh impossible to keep him amused or involved in anything by himself. He doesn't show signs he is lonely, he is happy with being on his own at present. We've tried organized play, he has recently dropped out of that, he just ran around the outskirts of things and watched, or ran from other children who tried to involve him. He refuses to have anything to do with half-siblings at all, and they long since gave up, they were much older anyway..........He loves going outdoors and enjoys the freedom that gives him, assuming dad or mum is on hand of course ! Try to get him to develop a hobby interest or play with others, not on.... He totally relies on us to keep him amused all the time. The Local NAS has suggested a be-friending scheme ? we will try anything ! although there are few signs our area has such a system so....... We have taken whatever options have been made available, not that there were many ! A parent cannot be a total substitute for everything else, we try to make this clear to him, without him getting stressed of course. I'd welcome any suggestions ! If your child does NOT want anyone else and won't inter act with anyone else, what can you do ? Be cruel to be kind ? Force the issue ? Take THAT decision ? residential outside the home ? I'm hoping we aren't part of the problem.... too much support ? what else do parents do....?