Doesn't want to write

[Karen A]

Please re-read what I have written. I think we are saying the same thing. I certainly am not advocating a one size fits all approach.

 

Mumble.I am very very sorry.

That was very unkind of me.I know we are saying the same thing.

I am cross and was being sarcastic.I do not have a problem with what you said at all. <'> <'> <'>

Edited to add I am not cross with you.I am frustrated with Baddad.

I need to go and find the smiley thingy Baddad made the other day for me before I get in more trouble.

Edited May 4, 2009 by Karen A

[Mumble]

Mumble.I am very very sorry.

That's OK

 

I need to go and find the smiley thingy Baddad made the other day for me before I get in more trouble.

Here you go

 

[Karen A]

Thanks Mumble.

I had not found it yet.

I just showed Ben who had not seen it yet.

He says ''Its not that funny and you can tell it has been badly photoshopped''......I cannot think who he is anything like.Must be his father.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j85/badders/OUTOFORDER.jpg

Edited May 4, 2009 by Karen A

[Karen A]

Sorry Baddad.

Have probably gone over the top.

In my defence Ben is due to leave primary school in a few weeks.I have been attempting to obtain and keep appropriate provision for most of his time in primary school.

In a few weeks my contact with one primary school will be over after nine years which have not been easy. Karen.

[baddad]

Sorry Baddad.

Have probably gone over the top.

In my defence Ben is due to leave primary school in a few weeks.I have been attempting to obtain and keep appropriate provision for most of his time in primary school.

In a few weeks my contact with one primary school will be over after nine years which have not been easy. Karen.

 

I've just spent an age writing a reply to your series of posts which is now pretty much redundant!

Instead, I'll just leave the one 'summary' for the sake of clarity...

 

In the simplest, baldest terms: I believe in giving children any and every bit of support that they might need, or that can be given without having a negative impact on others.

That's exactly what my other posts say too, but the last one goes into a bit more detail about not making assumptions about what's needed without evidence...

hope that clarifies thing's - and very best with the upcoming transition. Not an easy time.

 

L&P

 

BD

 

[Karen A]

<'> <'> Thanks.No not easy at all.

I would not have any problem with any of that.

I would be the first person to support the fact that assumptions should not be made without eveidence.

I just have a slightly different perspective in some respects and get a bit on my high horse..... because even with the evidence of a diagnosis of AS,dyspraxia a Statement for full time support,70 professionals in three years and weekly CAMHS suport Ben's head teacher still regards him as being bright with an attitude problem. Karen.

[baddad]

<'> <'> Thanks.No not easy at all.

I would not have any problem with any of that.

I would be the first person to support the fact that assumptions should not be made without eveidence.

I just have a slightly different perspective in some respects and get a bit on my high horse..... because even with the evidence of a diagnosis of AS,dyspraxia a Statement for full time support,70 professionals in three years and weekly CAMHS suport Ben's head teacher still regards him as being bright with an attitude problem. Karen.

 

Perhaps he's bright, autistic and has an attitude problem? That sounds about right for my ben a lot of the time?

Sometimes his attitude is not attitude, but 'social confusion'. Sometimes, i'm afraid - and despite the fact that he genuinely has a nicer, more considerate nature than most kids his age, it is just attitude!

He's now eleven - so i suspect that over the next, say, 7 -8 years or so i'm gonna see some major advances in 'attitude'... OH JOY!!

 

[Karen A]

Perhaps he's bright, autistic and has an attitude problem? That sounds about right for my ben a lot of the time?

Sometimes his attitude is not attitude, but 'social confusion'. Sometimes, i'm afraid - and despite the fact that he genuinely has a nicer, more considerate nature than most kids his age, it is just attitude!

He's now eleven - so i suspect that over the next, say, 7 -8 years or so i'm gonna see some major advances in 'attitude'... OH JOY!!

 

My Ben.....attitude no I cannot think you could be describing him.He is always polite,condiderate and a positive joy to have around. As for eleven....he is ten [eleven in a few weeks] going on thirteen.I am now the only women in the house with one adolescent male,one who likes to think he is an adolescent male and one who thinks he is still an adolescent male .

As for myself I am an example of all that is wonderful.Attitude what me. Karen.

Edited May 5, 2009 by Karen A

[Salbaggio]

Good grief guys give me chance to take in the first lot of replies before a whole other debate kicks off that I have to respond too also

 

I now think it is impossible (for me anyway!) to respond to each suggestion and comment so I am going to just make some general responses and hopefully clarify a few things

 

My son is 6 years old and both me and the school recognise autistic traits within him so we are pursuing a diagnosis. I feel strongly that I ought to discover if he is on the autistic spectrum so I can manage his behaviour appropriately and to the best of my ability. I feel equally as strongly that if his behaviours are not routed in autism then I STILL need to address them and help him but an entirely different path might be considered.

 

The most important thing to me in the whole world is that my children grow up to be happy, successful adults who can navigate their way through the world using the skills I have given them in the few short years that I "have" them. I don't care where they work or what they do just as long as they are happy and it breaks my heart that my little boy is so often unhappy and I will never be able to thank enough anyone on here that has taken the time to volunteer information that might just help my little boy grow towards being a successful adult, autistic or not.

 

I have asked advice both on this forum and from others knowledgable and experienced with autism on a number of occassions because it appears likely that he is on the autistic spectrum and each and every time I have implimented the strategy that seems most appropriate to his needs and lo and behold they have worked wonderfully. I have even implemented things that I was sceptical over such as social stories and the change in him was remarkable.

 

Whether or not my little boy is autistic or not the advice that I have been given has been sound and practical and has helped him to move on from whatever was causing him particular anxiety at the time and I am extremely grateful for that.

 

The advice I have received has NEVER allowed him to dodge around an issue or avoid dealing with a situation rather it has helped me to reach him and "coach" him through things that he finds difficult and that are confusing to me as I just don't understand why he would feel like that; please remember that this is all very new to me.

 

The refusal to write is a classic example of my confusion over my son. I have never been looking to be told that "Ah, he doesn't like writing because he's autistic so don't make him!" and I think it is testiment to the sensible nature of the posters on this thread that no one has even remotely suggested such a thing! I have been given a variety of personal experiences to consider and a number of practical suggestions to take on board and I thank you all.

 

I fully understand Baddad's words when he says "I believe in giving children any and every bit of support that they might need, or that can be given without having a negative impact on others....[but]not making assumptions about what's needed without evidence..." However I would add that this is a public forum and I do think there is great value in bouncing ideas around if it for the purpose of extracting the ones that seem most relevant to the situation being discussed.

 

I think of it a bit like when a group of first time parents are sitting around with their babies and one is crying, you will hear "are they tired?" "are they hungry?" "are they teething?" "are they unwell?" it might be one of those things, it might be a variety, it might be none, but should new and inexperienced parents not talk to more experienced ones just because they are not guarenteed to know instantly what the actual problem is? I think talking is good because sometimes someone will just hit the nail on the head and help you out. Granted, in that scenario, one parent might choose to blame a temper tantrum on teething or tiredness when the child is actually just being naughty, but that is their choice and the spoilt child will suffer later on.

 

Back to the context of this forum however, perhaps some are looking to excuse bad behaviour, I wouldn't know as I do not know any one from this forum in real life, just as no one here knows me. I am just going to worry about myself and my own motives.

 

Anyway he is going to be observed next Monday by a speech and language therapist who will hopefully refer us on to a child pyschiatrist so my journey continues!

 

I'd really like it if my hand could be held a little longer

 

 

[Karen A]

<'> I hope the SALT observation is useful.

I have had people holding my hand for the last three years and don't pretend to be that much more experienced so I am sure they will give you a bit longer. Karen.

[Mum of 3]

Good grief guys give me chance to take in the first lot of replies before a whole other debate kicks off that I have to respond too also

 

I now think it is impossible (for me anyway!) to respond to each suggestion and comment so I am going to just make some general responses and hopefully clarify a few things

 

My son is 6 years old and both me and the school recognise autistic traits within him so we are pursuing a diagnosis. I feel strongly that I ought to discover if he is on the autistic spectrum so I can manage his behaviour appropriately and to the best of my ability. I feel equally as strongly that if his behaviours are not routed in autism then I STILL need to address them and help him but an entirely different path might be considered.

 

The most important thing to me in the whole world is that my children grow up to be happy, successful adults who can navigate their way through the world using the skills I have given them in the few short years that I "have" them. I don't care where they work or what they do just as long as they are happy and it breaks my heart that my little boy is so often unhappy and I will never be able to thank enough anyone on here that has taken the time to volunteer information that might just help my little boy grow towards being a successful adult, autistic or not.

 

I have asked advice both on this forum and from others knowledgable and experienced with autism on a number of occassions because it appears likely that he is on the autistic spectrum and each and every time I have implimented the strategy that seems most appropriate to his needs and lo and behold they have worked wonderfully. I have even implemented things that I was sceptical over such as social stories and the change in him was remarkable.

 

Whether or not my little boy is autistic or not the advice that I have been given has been sound and practical and has helped him to move on from whatever was causing him particular anxiety at the time and I am extremely grateful for that.

 

The advice I have received has NEVER allowed him to dodge around an issue or avoid dealing with a situation rather it has helped me to reach him and "coach" him through things that he finds difficult and that are confusing to me as I just don't understand why he would feel like that; please remember that this is all very new to me.

 

The refusal to write is a classic example of my confusion over my son. I have never been looking to be told that "Ah, he doesn't like writing because he's autistic so don't make him!" and I think it is testiment to the sensible nature of the posters on this thread that no one has even remotely suggested such a thing! I have been given a variety of personal experiences to consider and a number of practical suggestions to take on board and I thank you all.

 

I fully understand Baddad's words when he says "I believe in giving children any and every bit of support that they might need, or that can be given without having a negative impact on others....[but]not making assumptions about what's needed without evidence..." However I would add that this is a public forum and I do think there is great value in bouncing ideas around if it for the purpose of extracting the ones that seem most relevant to the situation being discussed.

 

I think of it a bit like when a group of first time parents are sitting around with their babies and one is crying, you will hear "are they tired?" "are they hungry?" "are they teething?" "are they unwell?" it might be one of those things, it might be a variety, it might be none, but should new and inexperienced parents not talk to more experienced ones just because they are not guarenteed to know instantly what the actual problem is? I think talking is good because sometimes someone will just hit the nail on the head and help you out. Granted, in that scenario, one parent might choose to blame a temper tantrum on teething or tiredness when the child is actually just being naughty, but that is their choice and the spoilt child will suffer later on.

 

Back to the context of this forum however, perhaps some are looking to excuse bad behaviour, I wouldn't know as I do not know any one from this forum in real life, just as no one here knows me. I am just going to worry about myself and my own motives.

 

Anyway he is going to be observed next Monday by a speech and language therapist who will hopefully refer us on to a child pyschiatrist so my journey continues!

 

I'd really like it if my hand could be held a little longer

 

Thankyou, Salbaggio, for that wonderful, eloquent post. <'>

I feel just like you in many ways, searching for an answer to the eternal difficulty of helping my DS to just enjoy his life. He's 5, and we're at about the same stage of the assessment process as you. It's a minefield, and each family's journey is undertaken without a map! We're all here to gain from other's experiences, and some answers will strike a chord, some won't.

The important thing is that there are people on this forum with some 'real' answers, and some 'real ' understanding, rather than the usual 'I'd soon sort him out if he was mine' sort of thing.

Sorry to go . You can get back to discussing writing now. By the way, G won't write unless cajoled, bribed, or ootherwise coerced, and even then, it's all over the place (and he can only write his first name!!!), so I'm looking forward to to tackling this one in another year's time

[Mandapanda]

I do not post often about how well Ben is doing.I feel embarassed and do not like to make a big deal of it.

 

Karen

 

Personally, I want to hear about children who are doing well as this can give me hope when I am finding things difficult with my own children. Sometimes it is very difficult to imagine things (ie their lives) improving, so hearing that they have changed for others can be inspirational.

[Mandapanda]

Salbaggio

 

My 15-year-old, when he started infant school, was EXTREMELY slow writing and it turned out he was trying to get all the up strokes (as on d) and all the down strokes (as on p) exactly the same length. Someone else mentioned being frightened of making mistakes, which could be in the content of what they are writing, but also in the formation of the letters and words.

 

My 12-year-old, when he started infant school, had lovely neat writing but didn't put in vowels or spaces. Extremely difficult to read!!!

Edited May 5, 2009 by Mandapanda

[Karen A]

Karen

 

Personally, I want to hear about children who are doing well as this can give me hope when I am finding things difficult with my own children. Sometimes it is very difficult to imagine things (ie their lives) improving, so hearing that they have changed for others can be inspirational.

Thanks.