oh dear" he clumped a teacher today

[sesley]

he hasn't done this for ages and we hoped he was past this lashing out phase and he was in a music group and he didn't get picked for something and in his fury he clumped his one to one,then went over and clumped the music teacher,he came home all he gets so angry and then is regretful and telling us what his punishment is to be. Its liek he is 2 people in that body. one that sees red in anger and then when all calm and sweet, he talks about whats happened with a lot of regret and trys to say it won't happen again. but when he gets he just looses control.

[Mum of 3]

Sesley, I really feel for you. So many times I've said G is like Jekyl and Hyde...He hasn't thumped a teacher yet, but there but for the grace of God...I know he shouldn't have done it, and you have to be strong and firm with him, but I can't help feeling sorry for him, to feel such frustration and not be able to deal with it in any other way. Have school said what they're going to do?

[sesley]

no, they are fantastic and so understanding, i have tried to talk to him today about it and loosing control,so much he hits someone is wrong and bad, i have tried to suggest to him, does he like that school, yes he does, well, i say,they might get fed up with you lashing out and might suggest we find another school for you,would you like that to happen? no he says,well then you must not hit anyone no matter how angry you get,so i do hope he process's whats being said to him and try hard not to hit out.you find ways to get them to understand don't you and hope with age and progress he will behave more appropraitely,but then he has autism and and expecting him to process and understand whats right from wrong, is hard.

[Mum of 3]

It's good that they're understanding. I know what you mean about getting through to him...sometimes I think I'm really getting through, only to find he's picked up on entirely the wrong part of the message! Does he have any professional support for anger management or anything like that?

[Frizz]

Wow! What an understanding school! My daughter gets excluded if she does that! We are currently on day 2 of a 3day exclusion for kicking a teacher when upset that she didnt get her reward sticker at the end of the school day.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Not sure how old your son is, but I bought a book called A Volcano in My Tummy: Helping Children to Handle Anger: Helping Children to Handle Anger : a Resource Book for Parents, Caregivers and Teachers (Paperback) by Eliane Whitehouse (Author), Warwick Pudney (Author). I believe it's aimed at kids around 8 and it contains some worksheet-type activities. I think it's quite helpful for the child to try and firstly identify what it is they're feeling and secondly help them deal with it.

 

Caroline.

[Mumble]

Its like he is 2 people in that body. one that sees red in anger and then when all calm and sweet, he talks about whats happened with a lot of regret and tries to say it won't happen again. but when he gets he just looses control.

I don't know if it will help, but I really understand this from my own experiences - I'm 99.9% of the time a "won't say boo to a goose" type of person, very quiet, most people don't even know who I am as I try not to draw attention to myself and the people who do take the time to really get to know me generally see me as very quiet, very placid etc. which can make it very difficult to deal with me when I 'blow', because there's not much time between fine and very not fine. I don't really do 'getting angry'; normally I'm very quiet and then sometimes something triggers something and I'm really angry and a horrible person to be round. I think a lot of the problem is that because I find it very difficult to understand how I am feeling and additionally have dx'ed difficulties putting words to my feelings, I can't easily identify that I'm actually building up and getting angrier and that it would be a good idea for me to step away/cool down or explain this to others - the first I'm aware (although I can identify key points looking back) is when I've already blown and it's too late.

 

Someone's mentioned a book which I know others have found useful. Things that might help your son learn about anger and his feelings - a scale of anger and what to do if he gets to a certain point - can also be helpful.

 

[Karen A]

Hi.Has anyone tried a system of coloured cards or other cards with symbols that your son could use.Ben has used this system before in school.He had a card that he could use to show he was getting worked up.He would then take a breather in a part of the playground he had chosen as a calming down space.This was not as a punishment but just allowed him space to come down.Karen.

[colicabcadam]

I'm not sure on the age of your son, but does he exercise much? I found I had a lot more anger breaks out when i didn't do any physical exercise.

[Sally44]

And a programme about recognition of your emotional state and the emotions of others would be useful it is has not already been done. My son's school is going to put one into place in the near future with input from the EP.

Comic Strip Cartoons (similar to social stories), can be good at explaining that what is 'said' maybe different to what is being 'thought' at the same time. And the use of something visual like Karen suggested might help.

I think Mumble also explains very well how the emotions can be like an iceberg with most of them out of sight under the water until there is the eruption and everything blows. It may also help if those in school can assess his emotional state from his appearance. As we know, some children with ASDs don't show 'emotion' on their faces, in their tone of voice, or gestures so it is hard to read them because we aren't getting the cues from them either. We only know how upset/angry they are when they blow. And by the time a meltdown is happening, by its very definition they are in a state where they cannot be reasoned with at that time and are out of control of themselves. You are fortunate to have such an understanding school.

[pearl]

Its liek he is 2 people in that body. one that sees red in anger and then when all calm and sweet, he talks about whats happened with a lot of regret and trys to say it won't happen again. but when he gets he just looses control.

 

You could be describing JP there, particularly when younger. He can still go from calm to furious in a matter of seconds - but, it is much rarer these days than when he was little. And these days, the anger is turned onto himself rather than him lashing out at whoever is nearest.

 

Just last weekend, he got really annoyed with us about something. Just a few months ago this would have led to a strop & possibly a full blown meltdown. But he told us he was annoyed, asked us to change the subject, then a good hour later was ready to discuss exactly why he was annoyed & what options were open to him.

 

This is major progress & we are very happy about it. It has really helped him that he now has an older AS friend he can talk to, who is helping him with anger issues - he's much more prepared to listen to someone who has "been there, done that" than his parents.