Bereavement

[Samsam]

Hiya there, I don't often post here but I lurk a lot, usually because most questions I have are answered in other threads.

 

 

I have a son who is 9 who has autism. We have very few behaviour issues with him and he spends his life in his wonderful own little world.

 

Last Thursday my mother in law died very suddenly of a brain aneurysm and it's been a very tough week for myself and my husband, we didn't tell our son until Saturday as it was his birthday on Friday and at the time he took it quite well or at least I thought he did. About Tuesday this week he had a little breakdown over something that wouldn't usually bother him at all and after a few minutes he told me he was thinking of his Grandma, then Yesterday I got a message from school (he goes to a school for children with Autism) telling me had a little moment at lunchtime where he stood up and told the whole school what had happened and all the other children stopped eating and came and gave him a hug (and whoever said children with Autism weren't caring and sensitive needs to re-think this idea because everyone of these children were wonderful for him and very loving with him for the rest of the day).

 

Today we went to his Sportsday at school and had a wonderful morning with him winning every event and he loved it, but as soon as it was over he broke down again and asked to come home saying that he didn't want to go to school any more today and he just wants hugs and a movie afternoon. It was a complete surprise as he loves school so much and would usually want to stay and tell everyone about his amazing wins this morning.

 

I realise now that I need to find a way for him to say goodbye to her without it being too traumatic and it needs to be quite definitive and logical. So far we have talked of doing a scrapbook about his Grandma so that he can look at it whenever he is sad and remember all the happy things he did with her which he is over the moon about. So I suppose I am here asking if any of you have ever been through this and to ask how you dealt with it and also if you have any ideas that might help us through this for him.

[Karen A]

Hi samsam. <'>

Sorry about your family bereavement.It must be a diificult time for all of you.

There is a book specifically about helping children with ASD deal with loss.I will see if I can find the name.Karen.

[Karen A]

Hi.The book is ''Autism and Loss'' by Rachel Forrester -Jones and Sarah Broadhurst.Published by JKP.

[tjw]

hi samson

so sorry to here about your mother in law, the book karen mentioned sounds very good, we let some balloons off for my newphew the other wk for his grandad he put a message on it for him, dont know if this would help your ds, the scrap book sounds a great idea also, my own son who s six has asd asked me the other day if his nanny and grandad would die when i replyed not just yet he was in tears its a very hard subject for him, cannot accept it, it sounds like loads of hugs are helping him also his class mates sound wonderfull.

take care

theresa x

[NobbyNobbs]

the scrapbook sounds great, but perhaps try to keep it out of his bedroom. we have 'memory books' for the foster children, which have photos of things they've done, people they've lived with etc, and its often a problem when they fixate on it when they go to bed, and wind up upsetting themselves because they're tired and can't deal with it.

[smiley1590]

sorry for this sudden loss for all the family my thoughts go out to you all! X you have memory box with photos and favourite sayings or outings try and reniforce positive thoughts as much asd possible that she gone to heaven and she won't be in pain anymore won't be suffering!

[Samsam]

Thanks for all your lovely replies, I'll go to the library this weekend and see if they have that book. It seems like it could be very useful right now.