Mad cat lady Report post Posted June 7, 2009 Today for the second time this weekend, I have completely lost the plot with my ASD son. We have been having a really bad few days with M. Since friday he has been having tantrum after tantrum, when he gets this way he takes it out on everyone else, and he becomes violent and destructive as if he has been possessed by something evil. On Friday after things not going right for him (don't ask what because I don't know what has triggered this latest episode), he destroyed his room (again) and attacked his brother (he has lacerations the full length of his back), I sat down to tea only to find his brothers pokemon tin all bent, I was at the end of my tether by this point mixed in with PMT and I just exploded. I have spent the rest of the friday and saturday crying at my total inability to cope with him in a rational manner. Today I was feeling calmer and decided to put the undercoat on the front door (it has been sanded and primed for over a week just waiting for some attention), then M decided he was going to have another bad day! I have been calm all day, I have been trying various tactics to get him to calm down, each time it only lasted for an hour or so, but I refused to get upset, stayed calm and just tried something else. Then I found him in the living room doing something to one of the cats (again don't know what because he stopped as soon as I came into the room) I sent him up to his room and went to see the cat who was shaking down the back of a seat, meanwhile M was destroying his room again, I am ashamed to say I lost the plot again and went flying into his room screaming at him, told him to tidy his room then to pack his bag and get out of my house because I didn't want him living there anymore. He suddenly stopped looked at me and said " I wasn't expecting that one". He has now returned to normal and left me feeling like a totally useless mother. I think I have given him a bit of a fright, which on this occasion has worked. But I really can't cope with him when he is like this and don't know what to do with him. He has an appointment with his psychiatrist on wednesday, but I think it is a waste of time, I don't think she believes me at how bad he can get. They do CBT, which just does not work with him (although I find it useful for myself and I use their strategies with Mini me as it does work with him). AAAAAAAaaarrrrgggggg. Just needed to get it out of my stystem He is a lovely boy when is is feeling good, but he is the spawn of the devil (hears O' Fortuna playing in the background) when he is not good. Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me, to help me cope with him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NobbyNobbs Report post Posted June 7, 2009 weekends like that are horrible. if he is already being seen by CAMHS you can ask them to give you behavioural management advice, which is generally very helpful if you're willing to accept they're not really saying you're a bad parent, theyre just trying to help you... we use it all the time for the foster kids because they can be absolute nightmares who instinctively know every trick in the book to drive you nuts. if you think they wont believe you about how bad his behaviour is, try keeping a diary of his behaviours, good, bad and indifferent. write down everything he does in the day and what he was doing etc so that they can see exactly what is going on. it will also help them work out any triggers and so on. losing it is never good, lets them know they're getting to you, but the fact that he snapped out of it when you shouted at him suggests he has a certain amount of control over his behaviour and that is another thing that needs to be discussed with CAMHS/whoever Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 7, 2009 sending you hugs and support, have been there many a time, its so hard to keep calm all the time when they are winding you up, so dont feel guilty, we have all been there, I know I have. Its not easy when you need to watch them 24/7. My advice for now, when things are soo bad is try to jump in first before kids and cats get hurt!!! sounds easy when you write it down, but I know its not, I decided when going through a truly appalling time last year to leave anything thats not a matter of life and death and concentrate on getting through to the end of the day with the same number of kids that I started off with, I kid you not, each night I breathed a huge sigh of relief and poured a large red and though, got through another one, things are miles better now. Have you read the explosive child? I found it really worked for me. keep strong. Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mad cat lady Report post Posted June 8, 2009 Thanks both of you, normally I try to keep as calm as I can, I know it is just a rough patch, but being an aspie myself I am just finding it quite difficult at the moment. I also find it hard to explain things properly to the psychiatrist, which doesn't help. Enid - who is "The explosive child" written by and I will have a look for it. (next month cos this month I have spent a fortune on CBT books) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
joybed Report post Posted June 8, 2009 Marcus is pretty much like this too, I am normally a very placid person but he would test the patience of a saint. Once when he was destroying his room while telling me how it was so bad living at home it was boring and he never got to do anything fun and nobody cared. I lost the plot too after telling him it was me who did all the fighting at school and took him to all his hospital appointments, cleaned his room replaced the broken things etc he went to hit me I grabbed his wrists and said to him that he was very close to having his face slapped, I left the room in tears and cried all evening. You can only take so much and kids like ours don,t know when to stop, Marcus can tantrum for hours. His little brother is pretty much the same. Don,t be too hard on yourself. I tried reading the explosive child but the problem i found with it is the child needs to be able to discuss with you what the actual concern is they have. A lot of Marcus concerns are either things that cannot be rectified or he can,t or won,t tell you what the problem is. He also never has any suggestions as to how to make his horrible home life any better. I am currently reading people with autism behaving badly by John Clements and so far he talks a lot of sense . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
westie Report post Posted June 8, 2009 Hi, sending you hugs firstly. Not really sure what to say which will help really but thinking about you it is really hard, we have all been there, at least I certainly have. It hit me last week when I realised I was shouting at my boy to ask him why he was shouting at me (pot calling kettle black perhaps ) .... anyway the author of the explosive child is Ross Greene, its a good book maybe you could loan it from your library. The author also has a website with some information on, I will try and find a link to it and post it on this thread later X Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
westie Report post Posted June 8, 2009 Greene, Ross W. The Explosive Child, New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2005 . An invaluable book, now in its third edition, that provides a new approach for understanding and helping explosive children. An audiotaped (condensed) version of the first edition is also available. http://www.explosivechild.com/bio/bio.html Another site which may be useful: http://www.explosivekids.org/index.html Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 8, 2009 Hi, I see you have been given the names for the author, My lad wont talk about anything to me at all , but this book gives you various ways of dealing with different senarios, I have found it invaluable, glad things have calmed down for a bit! Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Magenpie Report post Posted June 10, 2009 Big Hugs. I have recently found that they have the ability to push you to the limit - funny how he said he wasn't expecting that one. That tells me a lot with my situation. Not wishing to be vengeful, he should remember a cat will exact its revenge before too long...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mad cat lady Report post Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks to all, was at psychiatrist yesterday, I spoke to her myself first before M came in. She has stopped the CBT as it does not work with him. She was quite concerned about his behaviour and has also suggested keeping a diary to see if we can pin point any triggers not noticed before. He is to go back again next week ( she is going on holiday and doesn't want him to wait until she gets back). They never seem to tell you much though!!!! but he has calmed down now (so have I), long may it last. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted June 11, 2009 CBT i have been told by my NAS care manager that hardly ever has an effect at all on people with ASD as we don't understand thought processes aswell as thinking logically i suppose that the reason behind her saying it! i had CBT and had no lasting effect on on any point of me having this type of treatment used make me frustrated and angry more than anything! i feel was useless pathethic exercise for what? as no ending result that lasted on me! i would keep diary record of his moods,meltdowns and behaviour this help keep track of changes within his normal pattern! have u ever considered respite care and support outside to help you cope better? XKX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted June 11, 2009 has medication been suggested maybe by CAMHS pysch maybe anti-pyschotic? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mad cat lady Report post Posted June 12, 2009 have u ever considered respite care and support outside to help you cope better? I laughed at this, but only because any support organizations in our area can only be accessed through social services and despite me going to them and being told I should have a social worker (by a social worker), and the education dept informing the social work dept that I should have one, and the psychiatrist telling them I need help, - I still don't have a social worker, only been waiting two years. Apparently to get one my children have to be mal-nourished, no clothes, or beaten regularly or I have to be a junkie before they will actually do anything. I think medication might be an option, have not discussed it with psych yet, but I think it might be the next step. Not keen on medications of any kind, but will not rule it out, I would just prefer to try other ways first. Although this road seems more and more the one we will end up going down. Thanks for your advice smiley. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NobbyNobbs Report post Posted June 12, 2009 Apparently to get one my children have to be mal-nourished, no clothes, or beaten regularly or I have to be a junkie before they will actually do anything. unfortunatelly SS are desperately short of social workers. most only work 3 years before either going off on long-term sick or quit altogether, and the children you listed get priority over your situation because your child is safe. i completely understand your frustration but you can't begrudge those children their social worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
