big son is getting married next year and is already concerned at P's

[sesley]

behaviour, he is concerned because P shouts out and won't do as he is told and is worried hsi shouting out and desire to be a centre of attention will ruin,the wedding videos and the day,if he becomes bad enough to leave the church ceremony and will ruin the day based on how he is now, big son thinks when P starts shouting, he shouts back at him, which i can see causes great distress in P because there are concepts he finds hard to process and P comes back to his normal self and says sorry and trys to make promises,not to get but find it hard because what is a promise anyway?I think big son is more concerned about apperences to his fiancess family,who he worrys ,won't understand or don't autism and is getting himself all wound about what may or may not happen next year. P was so good at middle sons passing out parade for the navy in April,and you know how formal those things are. I amsure with the right preparation and social stories it will all be a great happy memorable day. and thats me looking positive for the future.

Edited July 7, 2009 by sesley

[Kathryn]

Hopefully he and the in laws will have more to think about on the day than what P is doing.

 

K x

[Tally]

My ex's brother dressed as a gorilla at my wedding and made some young children cry. My family were perplexed, but not annoyed by this unusual behaviour.

[chris54]

If your( Not you personally) are going to have a big family Wedding then its the whole family warts and all. Now some people make arrangements for young children etc to have an escort to take them away if it all gets to much.

 

In a previous life I have done this kind of work. You just hover in the background ready to step in if needed.

 

For most of us on less substantially means, it may be that you could arrange for someone that P knows and understands him to be with him so you can concentrate on you role as the grooms mother.

 

As for future in laws, does fiancee know P, if he is going to be her brother in law she should get to know him. We all think the other halves family are a bit weird

[Cat]

If your( Not you personally) are going to have a big family Wedding then its the whole family warts and all. Now some people make arrangements for young children etc to have an escort to take them away if it all gets to much.

 

In a previous life I have done this kind of work. You just hover in the background ready to step in if needed.

 

For most of us on less substantially means, it may be that you could arrange for someone that P knows and understands him to be with him so you can concentrate on you role as the grooms mother.

 

As for future in laws, does fiancee know P, if he is going to be her brother in law she should get to know him. We all think the other halves family are a bit weird

 

We did this when my eldest hit 21 and my Mum hit 65 and my husband graduated all in the same week. We had a big family party which I knew was going to be really difficult for our middle son, but I wanted to told hold anyway so that my eldest in particular did not miss out on his birthday. The youngest is also autistic and was only 3 at the time but I knew that he would cope with it all even if it did make him even more hyper than he normally was. It did but no one appeared to notice that. I was fully aware that my middle son, who was then 13, was going to have huge issues and we even discussed him not going but he wanted to. My eldest had a friend who got on really well with my middle son and he kindly offered, which was really brilliant of him, to take DS2 under his wing on that night and he did. He sat with DS2 all night chatting to him and even moved into a much quieter room at the venue at one point but it was done quietly without any fuss. It was all done in a way that it looked as if DS2 was sitting with friends of my son, which he was, but with one of those in particular making sure that DS2 was fine.

 

To be honest with you I can understand your eldest and how he is feeling and yes I know that it is so difficult for us when we have more than one child and one of those has quite specific needs, but his wedding is his and his girlfriend's big day and sometimes I think out other kids need to take centre stage. It is so difficult. Hope it all goes really well for all of you.

 

Cat

[bid]

It's really difficult, isn't it...and emotions tend to run a bit high in the run up to any wedding.

 

I can see both sides, to be honest. Could your DS stay with friends for the service perhaps, but come along to the reception where any shouting, etc, won't be as noticable? My DS has always hated any big gathering...he came to his little brother's Christening and my dad's funeral for me, but otherwise he stays away. When he was little, we just didn't go to things really, or he stayed with grandparents.

 

Good luck...hope you can find a solution that makes everyone happy

 

Bid

Edited July 8, 2009 by bid

[Sally44]

Is there anything you could take with you that you could use if needed ie. toys, puzzles, portable DVD player?? And having someone willing to spend time with him as previously mentioned. That together might cover it.

Hope it all goes well.