Newbie - 'Ocean'

[Ocean]

Hi all. I am 'Ocean', although that isn't actually my real name. I am 23, have just finished a degree in youth studies and I live in Leicestershire. My interest in this forum comes from having spent the last 18 months or so trying to get taken seriously by enough different health professionals for an assessment to be made of whether my AS traits actually warrent a diagnosis.

 

Below is some more of my 'story' if you are interested in it:

 

I have been on a rollercoaster journey of emotions and thoughts as I went from referral to referral, then hit a dead end and effectively got kicked back out of the system only to start back with the GP again. This was very frustrating, as the Consultant Psychiatrist I was referred to said he was no specialist in ASDs, and suggested that I might just have to try harder in life than some. I already was trying very, very hard and suffering badly with depression. I had a few aggressive outbursts at university and got given a final warning in my third year. The university tutors knew what was going on and wrote a letter to my GP. with my permission, to help make them take me more serously, but the GP told me that unless I did this sort of thing every day or week, there is no pattern of behaviour to observe and so these incidents were insignificant isolated incidents.

 

I persisted, and tried to be as clear as possible. The GP told me that people who have AS don't usually come in independently having listed their symptoms (or triats) but are usually brought in by other people who have noticed these things. The GP later explained that the mental health system deal with those who have completely ceased to function as a person and/or who are suicidal. The bad thing about this is that to the outside world I often seem upbeat even when I am near the edge myself. I have been on SSRI antidepressents since I was 17, so over 6 years now. I have tried counselling twice but couldn't hate it more if I tried. Last time, the counsellor sat too close and right in front of me, and talked in a falsely calm voice. I hated it before I even got past the superficial.

 

I then moved to a new area/county, and I have to start all over again.

 

But, maybe there will be better services here. I have been in contact with the NAS, who were very helpful.

 

But I don't wish to come across as negative. My experience has been negative and I am angry, but by character I am friendly, happy and I love humour.

 

I also wrote my university dissertation on ASD's and faith development, as I worked in a church as a youth worker. I have read a lot and have worked with three young people with AS. I know a bit about it and I recognise the traits in myself. I also struggle with the burden of the social side of life and get very very stressed and grumpy when I haven't had enough chill time at home inbetween social meetings/outings. But I do enjoy other people's company, when it's people I can relax around and when I have I have a fiance. I could list other traits, such as massive obsessions, with toys, prams, swimming pool drains and watching washing machines. If anyone has those interests, speak up! There are other traits regarding thinking patterns and emotional immaturity. But this intro thread is longer than I wanted it to be, and you will be getting bored by now. I guess I have a lot to get off my mind, but I also want to avoid creating a negative image of myself.

 

So, anyway, nice to meet you and I hope to join in around the forums and contribute helpfully.

 

-Ocean

[smiley1590]

i can personally relate to you with your own emotions feelings experience everything i had depression since i was 14 years old i'm now 19 years old i was officially diagnosed at 14 years old with AS and struggled with suicidal urges etc and battled and fought with MH teams (CAMHS) i am discharging myself on monday 5th october as my pyschtrist has no understanding of AS and MH together and how this affects me and my life so makes me feel worse,he insults me constantly and puts me down end up very depressed and suicidal once left his session he judges me and critise which lowers my self-esteem/image negtaive comments on everything!!! i been on and off anti depressants i started taking them when 14 years old my first tabs was prozac SSRI and been on anti pyschotic risperdal and just come off mritazapine he makes me feel bad guilty and end up having panic attack or blaming myself for the way i am!!! i had general counselling CBT -cogitive Behavioural Therapy

 

i had emergency situation at college i was suicidal and self harmed had to had quite few weeks off and get a letter stating i was mentally stable to go back there and had to sign a contact to keep me and everyone else safe tutors were kind and supportive

 

i don't live too far from you in northamptonshire i now working with NAS -National Autistic Society i now have 2 support workers 2 young girls i made my own personal support plan due to have pyschology sessions soon from the services which helps positively improve my MH probs (depression ,anxiety) i have these workers 2 of the sessions are 2 hours long and 1 is 4 hours long i do shopping , swmming gym and have set amount of money from council to do this my one is known techinally as different styles to meet needs of clients involved within the service : self-directed support budget - joint commisssioning team do you want any more information just ask and i will help you further!

 

you are not alone trust me i know it may seem that way though and easy to say hope my personal story/experience helps you somehow!!!

 

i get so confused and lost at times

 

hope we could become friends!!!

do you have msn??? facebook???

 

XKLX

[Ocean]

i can personally relate to you with your own emotions feelings experience everything i had depression since i was 14 years old i'm now 19 years old i was officially diagnosed at 14 years old with AS and struggled with suicidal urges etc and battled and fought with MH teams (CAMHS) i am discharging myself on monday 5th october as my pyschtrist has no understanding of AS and MH together and how this affects me and my life so makes me feel worse,he insults me constantly and puts me down end up very depressed and suicidal once left his session he judges me and critise which lowers my self-esteem/image negtaive comments on everything!!! i been on and off anti depressants i started taking them when 14 years old my first tabs was prozac SSRI and been on anti pyschotic risperdal and just come off mritazapine he makes me feel bad guilty and end up having panic attack or blaming myself for the way i am!!! i had general counselling CBT -cogitive Behavioural Therapy

 

i had emergency situation at college i was suicidal and self harmed had to had quite few weeks off and get a letter stating i was mentally stable to go back there and had to sign a contact to keep me and everyone else safe tutors were kind and supportive

 

i don't live too far from you in northamptonshire i now working with NAS -National Autistic Society i now have 2 support workers 2 young girls i made my own personal support plan due to have pyschology sessions soon from the services which helps positively improve my MH probs (depression ,anxiety) i have these workers 2 of the sessions are 2 hours long and 1 is 4 hours long i do shopping , swmming gym and have set amount of money from council to do this my one is known techinally as different styles to meet needs of clients involved within the service : self-directed support budget - joint commisssioning team do you want any more information just ask and i will help you further!

 

you are not alone trust me i know it may seem that way though and easy to say hope my personal story/experience helps you somehow!!!

 

i get so confused and lost at times

 

hope we could become friends!!!

do you have msn??? facebook???

 

XKLX

 

 

Hi, Smiley1590.

 

Thanks for taking the time to welome me here. It's nice to hear from someone with a some similar experiences.

 

I too had depression since 14, and anxiety attacks too. But unfortunately, I didn't realise these were mental health conditions and I just thought I was strange and I was embarrassed about it. So I didn't tell anyone, until I was 16 and then I got some medicine. It's not been plain sailing since, but life circumstances have improved and I am happier than I have been in a long time. Thing is though, life very stops throwing new challenges at you does it! I have found that I have to me quite assertive with mental health professionals sometimes, as well as friendly and respectful, of course, or they just do what they think best, but don't always listen. As for meds, I've had SSRI's, Escitalopram (Cipralex) and Sertraline. Depression is aweful, but it does fade. Part of my frustration is that I don't have a diagnosis, so I cannot explain my difficulties to people. I cannot be certain that my differences are due to AS until I have been assessed and I can't get assessed until the professionals refer me. Until then, I have to expect people to understand my ways as part of a quirky and anxious character, and this demands a fair bit of patience from them on times. Sometimes I tell people that I think I have AS, and some of them tell me to stop seeking a label and just to be myself. I have tried this, but I have ended up so exhausted just trying to do normal daily social things that I wonder how I'm ever going to live a proper adult life. Without a diagnoses, I also can't access the services. I am going to take another shot at it though.

 

But, sorry, that's enough of my ranting. I'm not always so mopey, honest! I just have lot to spill out to people who understand. It's hard to hold it back!

 

I am on facebook, but at the moment, I'd prefer only to chat on this site, because, well, I don't know to be honest, I just had only planned to do that, but one day I might. I hope to see you around here though. It seems like there are a lot of members, so I hope to see you amongst them all!

 

-Ocean

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

The good thing about forums is you can talk about things whilst maintaining your privacy

 

Hope you can get some advice about getting a formal diagnosis. I think you will find a lot of people have had similar negative experiences!

[Ocean]

Hi Tally.

 

Thankyou too for the welcome.

 

Yeah, forums are great for that.

 

I heard that a lot of people have negative experiences regarding diagnoses and the like, so I guess my experiences and rants are familiar! However, I didn't come here just to rant, so I must keep myself in check. There is just a lot of unspent frustration.

 

I like your avatar by the way. I've seen that postcard before. It's cool.

 

Edit: Gah oops, I just noticed a mistake in my original post. I wrote, 'But I do enjoy other people's company, when it's people I can relax around and when I have I have a fiance.' But I went to say, '...and I have a fiance' or 'when circumstances are right. I also have a fiance'. Sorry!

Edited September 20, 2009 by Ocean

[smiley1590]

you can seek diagnosis through NAS itself there services they can assess you!!!

[Kathryn]

Hi Ocean,

 

Welcome to the forum. Your dissertation sounds interesting.

 

Good luck with your quest for a diagnosis.

 

K x