Really frustrated with school, need to moan sorry!!!

[lucyemma]

Helped out in school yesterday pm to be told by another kid in my sons class that he had been throwing rubbers and had been sent to see headteacher. Thought I'd be better asking son about it when we went home. At hometime teacher says son has had a "very productive day" (?!?!?!) At home I discover that he had been sent to time out for talking (loads of kids do this all the time in his class and just get told to be quiet), the rubber incident was true and his punishment was to sit outside ht office at lunch.

 

Went to pick him up today and overhear a parent ranting about him (he had been calling the womans daughter names) and she mentioned he'd been to see ht for something again today. Now my sons teacher (also SENCO) wasn't in today so couldn't enquire about it. But son says he was told off 3 times for sitting next to a small muddy puddle at break time and stirring it with a stick. For this terrible crime he was sent to ht AGAIN and spent his lunch sat outside his office. Worse still....he tells me it's not the first time this has happened!!!!! Now my son is being assessed for ADHD and Aspergers and has big problems socially. He has no friends. The school are well aware of his problems as is ht and he is on special needs register. Since starting yr 2 last month the teacher/senco has done NOTHING for him. Only by overhearing parents conversations or the children coming up to me have I known of sons behaviour this term. Teacher always tells him off for everything without once looking at the reason why he behaves as he does. We have been to see teacher cos we weren't happy (son is bored in class as work is far too easy for him) and he says he won't do anyting else until son behaves himself.

 

What makes me sooooooooooo mad is after spending so long talking to him today my son tells me that he's so unhappy with school because no-one will be his friend.He says "everyone else has got a friend to talk to and play with except me, they all just tell me to go away". It also turns out that on the occasions he teases the other children it's just "to get them to talk to me". With regards to the puddle incident he tells me "no-one plays with me so at lunch times I collect acorns and hazelnuts but as these had all gone the only think left to do was play with the puddle". He was so confused, no-one plays with him, he could only find one thing to do that wasn't bothering anybody and he ends up sent to ht for it. HOW THE HELL can they treat a 6 year old with social problems like this? My son says that when he's on his own the dinner ladies/teachers just ignore him until he does something they don't like. I'm so furious, the school moan all the time but it is in fact because they won't do anything that his behaviour is as bad as it is (before we moved house his behaviour had vastly improved due to the old school's efforts). Just feel like screaming at the senco tomorrow.........so sorry to moan so much, feeling really down at the moment.

 

 

[Mum of 3]

<'> <'> <'>

I'm so sorry for your little boy. It breaks my heart to think of him all on his own in the playground.

 

... my little boy's 6 as well, and has just the same troubles. He's always getting into trouble for playing in the dirt, yet when he takes toys into school to play with they're taken away til hometime (or never returned!), and the only 'play things' provided by school are b*&"$dy footballs, which he wouldn't play with in a month of Sundays!

 

Mind you, at least he's able to access the new play equipment...my best friend's little girl recently 'lost' all her freinds because they were all playing on the new equipment (which my friend and I had fund-raised for through PTFA-there are only about four of us in it, and we raise money for all the 'extras)...the equipment was all for climbing and balancing, and my friend's little girl uses a wheel chair, so couldn't access it....the school hadn't thought to buy ONE thing with the money we raised that could be accessed by a wheelchair user. Their excuse was that the children themselves had been given the choice of equipment as they asked the pupil reps to choose it. Pity none of the teachers thought to discuss access issues with the pupils first...but I guess that sort of learning only takes place in designated PSHE lessons-it's not for lunchtime groups like school forum!

 

It breaks my heart to think of our little ones feeling so lonely, and no-one helping them...I don't know what the answer is, but I'm hoping others will be along soon who can offer advice to both of us! <'>

[Mandapanda]

This is very sad and we as parents, as well as our children, sometimes have a hard lesson to learn.

 

Within 2 weeks of starting at infant school my son was being accused of starting fights, throwing books, going where he shouldn't be, etc. He was a really good boy who loved books and looked after them and had never been aggressive or had any wish/intent to fight.

 

It turned out the other children would do things, he would copy, they would see the teacher coming and stop, and he wouldn't, so he would be the one getting told off. No doubt the other kids thought this was a great game! Also he was going where he shouldn't be because he wanted to look at books and the computer instead of staying in the playground. The teacher and the assistant were going round to the toy store and getting the children to take the stuff back to the playground, and they could not see the playground from the toy store so the children in the playground were unsupervised - this was when my son was going back into the classroom to look at the books and computer. He misheard the class name in assembly and stood up, and got told off for standing up. When it was his class's turn to stand he hesitated, not wanting to do the wrong thing, and got told off for not standing up! He would get told off for tidying up properly after the other children who just slung things back.

 

I couldn't get anywhere with the teacher or the head, so we ended up moving schools and overnight 85% of his probs resolved, because the new teacher explained everything to him. If we had left him at the first school he would have been expelled eventually. He was scared of the smoke alarm at home, scared of the extractor fan in the school toilets, and his behaviour was deteriorating. He wasn't sleeping or eating properly.

 

Even at the new school he copied a boy pulling the heads off daffodils and putting them down the drain and they both got sent to head (they both had Asperger's)! When another boy was physically hurting my son, they both got sent to head who told them she didn't want 'either of them' to do that again!!!! Having said that these were 2 isolated incidents years apart and the new school were brilliant with him, though still struggled to understand him. His last teacher there was perfect, she encouraged each child to learn despite any difficulties they had and the naughtiest boy in the class cried when she left.

 

Too many teachers are just doing it as a job these days. Yes, they have too much red tape/paperwork and too rigid a curriculum etc, but they become too world weary and used to dealing with children who misbehave because they have not had a happy and secure homelife, and unfortunately it's our children that suffer when approached with this attitude. I have found my children very sensitive to whether a teacher likes them or not and this affects the relationship hugely and therefore the child's behaviour.

 

I'm sorry but you are probably just beginning the first of many battles you will have to have on your son's behalf.

 

Good luck <'> <'> <'>

[Grace]

Hi MandaPanda,

 

Your son is acting so 'normally' for a child with ASD, but obviously the school do not have a clue.

 

Is it possible to chase whatever autism team your education authority have to come in and give the staff a talk about autism? Alternatively, would you be able to get the Educational Psychologist to come to a meeting at school to discuss his needs? Or even, do you have access to a speech and language therapist who could have an informal meeting with the teacher to discuss ways of helping your son?

 

There are several publications aimed at teachers. 'Asperger syndrome - practical strategies for the classroom. A teacher's guide' is one that I think gives easily digestible practical info. It's by Leicester City Council and I think I got my copy on-line from NAS, but I wouldn't be surprised if you could get it from other major on-line shops. It's enough info for a start, but not too much and I gave my son's teacher a copy to read.

 

I have to say though, it's as much about having a positive attitude, and a willingness to help as it is about having access to the facts. Obviously there are teachers out there who are not very good and not very nice. I have found that schools can have some truly lovely personalities and frankly some nightmare teachers. I hope your son finds the former next time.

 

I hope you get your diagnosis and some proper help, (especially a social skills programme) soon/x

[Grace]

Oops! Sorry MirandaPanda; I meant LucyEmma!