Back to wetting Again!!!!!

[harmony]

Hi

Havn't been on for about a year.......life flies by

My DD is now almost 14 AS, ADHD and Dyspraxia.

Life with an AS teen is challenging to say the least. The last time I posted we were having trouble with DD wetting day and night, and now it has got totally out of control!

we have seen doctors,consultants incontinence nurses etc etc. 3 mattresses in a year, and 4 duvets.

When she wets which is almost daily, (unless desmotabs have been rememberd, which are oftern forgottern) She hides her wet sheets, pants p'j's etc around the house, have found them in some very odd places but never the washing machine, our house smells terrible. My daughter doesn't give a damn. She is not daft she knows what she is doing, but can't stop. She will not wear incontinence pads, or use plastic sheeting and would rather be wet. Likewise her hygine during her periods is quite appaling. I can't invite anyone over incase the smell is too dreadful, or incase she has left dirty knickers on the bathroom floor. I work almost full time,and have two younger boys to look after, and this is really getting me down. When I read posts about mums with 7 and 8 yr olds still wetting at night and finding it hard, I wonder how they will cope if their child is still doing it at 14.

None of my friends knows my daughter does this she has asked me not to tell anyone as she is deep down embarresed. After school her pants are wet everyday and all her clothes are rotting. Please help!!!! I am drowning in a sea of wee..... advice much appreciated

Regards

Harmony

 

[justine1]

I am so sorry you having a hard time.Not sure what to suggest for the hygiene other than keep constantly reminding her of the importance of this ,not just for everyone else but because she will get sick and end up in hospital.I just have a thought,you may need to take her to the Gp to discuss furthur invistigation,it is not uncommon for teens/adults to have this problem but usually its phsciological(excuse spelling)for example moving to new house,school or experiencing or witnessing something traumatic.If it is none of these,which can only be helped with councelling,it may be she has a bladder condition,there are many!So she may need scans etc. to determine this.My son is 9 he is not AS and doesnt bed wet but he is going through tests as he needs the toilet constantly and has had three infections this year,and he is cicumscised so not sure why this is happening he is very good with hygiene in fact a bit OCD at times so I know its not that.Anyway really think it will be worth it to see a doctor.

[Sally44]

I am presuming that your daughter is at a mainstream school. My own sister who has learning difficulties had problems with wetting. Sometimes this was simply down to the choices she made. Eg. if out with me and I offered her an ice cream, she would prefer to go for that and wet herself on the way rather than say she needed the loo and miss the ice cream!

But we did work on her diet to ensure she wasn't eating/drinking anything to sensitise her bladder. And with help and medication it has improved so that she no longer wets in public.

Does your daughter have any sensory issues? Internal sensations can also be affected if the sensory integration is not as it should be. Many adults, eg. Donna Williams, talk about not being able to 'feel' the need to go to the loo. And many others can find they lose certain senses or sensations if they are obsorbed in something else. For example if watching a film or on the computer it is more likely to wet themselves.

If that might be playing a part then you cannot assume that she does get those feelings that she needs to go for a pee. If that is the case then she will need school to remind her to go to the loo before and after lessons. She may also need to go to the toilet about 30 minutes before going to bed, then again about 15 minutes before bed.

Has the doctor been consulted about any medications. I think that certain hormes do restrict the amount of urine we produce at night. Some people don't have this hormone in the quantity needed and therefore can keep producing urine throughout the night.

If sensory issues are a problem, and that maybe the case with dyspraxia as well, then an OT might be able to suggest some things that can be done in school that can help her 'feel' more grounded and able to sense things.

What does she say is the reason she isn't getting to the toilet?

[NobbyNobbs]

we had two day/night wetters. i presume you've been through all the usual things, avoiding certain foods/drinks, regular toileting etc so i'll focus on the practical solutions we discovered.

 

pampers/huggies disposable bed mats. you put them under the bed sheets, theyre like a thin, flat nappy which absorbs the wee to stop it going on the matress. they aren't plastic-y and dont really rustle if you put them on properly. we also lined the backseat of the car in them to stop the seats being soaked when they wet in there. our two also hid their dirty underwear everywhere, in fact, we found a dirty pair in a cupboard the other day and those kids haven't lived here for nearly 2 years!! the smell is terrible, but you will be more sensitive to it than other people so its not as bad as you think. we still are very sensitive to it, our poor 3 yr old is caught out if she is so much as damp because i can smell it a mile off now. we used shake and vax powder on the carpets to freshen them up, and got chairs for our two in the living room to keep then off the furniture we couldn't clean.

 

we made ours change their clothes as soon as we found out they were wet (up to 5 times a day!), and eventually they got so sick of being sent upstairs to change, combined with being ordered into the toilet every hour that they gradually improved to the point where they were mostly dry in the day and one was dry at night (the ASD one was the fully dry one). we used rewards for successful toilet trips where their underwear was still dry. people must have thought we were nuts, the kids would come home from school and very proudly say 'smell my knickers!'

Edited October 18, 2009 by NobbyNobbs

[lisac]

Sally44 you always talk so much sense, your posts are always really informative

Harmony it is a hard one. My 22 year old son goes through phases of doing this too. The last time, it gradually got worse and worse ( doing both) yuk, and lasted for around 6 months. Then he suddenly stopped and went back to using the toilet. Thank god.

No one had any idea why and because he cant say he could'nt tell us why. He is very sensory and sometimes he just does things like this. I knew it was a phase and my feeling was that he was trying to deal/work through something internally that was niggling him and this was his reaction. It could have been anything, anyones guess.

It is really horrible and I totally understand, I just wish I had an answer , x

 

[Mandapanda]

Hi Harmony

 

I know this might be impossible , but have you tried making no reaction when this happens, just sorting it out with as little interaction as possible? In a way it is treating her like a toddler, but it may be a very complex thing that is happening in her mind, and it may result in a sort of cycle of getting attention.

 

Could/would she take 2 carrier bags to school, one with dry pants, the other for wet ones?

 

Does she shower, will she use wet wipes/baby wipes? My eldest likes a sponge with a very close smooth texture (but won't use shampoo and probably doesn't use soap ).

 

When my son was little he was scared of the extractor fan in the school toilets and wouldn't use them because of that. It could be something direct that is upsetting her, or something more indirect (perhaps someone was nasty to her in the toilets so she doesn't want to go in there). Sally makes good points about sensory issues (not something I know much about).

 

As for periods - I'm very glad I had boys . My eldest would not have dealt with them properly at all, so you have my sympathy. Can you get a nice clear and interesting book about puberty for her to learn more about it and perhaps make it less worrying/frightening?

 

I used to get waterproof sheets with towelling on one side that were not rustly or too hot making, but could be machine washes.

 

Good luck <'> <'> <'>

[Sally44]

I was also thinking that if she is quite content to sit in wet clothing, then her tactile sense may also be affected, because I would have thought that it would feel highly uncomfortable for most people.

It is one of those behaviours that is very difficult to deal with day after day. But Nobbynobs suggestions are good to get her in a routine of changing herself as soon as it is discovered she is wet. But do talk to her about whether she even feels the need to go to the loo, or can feel when she is wet.

And make sure you are getting free incontinence stuff and also claiming DLA as this would class as a significant need having to change clothing and bedding throughout the day and night. If you don't already get DLA, then get help in completing the form. My own LEA has a benefits advice centre that helps with this and which is independent from the benefits section.

[harmony]

I was also thinking that if she is quite content to sit in wet clothing, then her tactile sense may also be affected, because I would have thought that it would feel highly uncomfortable for most people.

It is one of those behaviours that is very difficult to deal with day after day. But Nobbynobs suggestions are good to get her in a routine of changing herself as soon as it is discovered she is wet. But do talk to her about whether she even feels the need to go to the loo, or can feel when she is wet.

And make sure you are getting free incontinence stuff and also claiming DLA as this would class as a significant need having to change clothing and bedding throughout the day and night. If you don't already get DLA, then get help in completing the form. My own LEA has a benefits advice centre that helps with this and which is independent from the benefits section.

 

 

Thank you all so much for your help.

She certainly has sensory issues, and I think she actually likes the sensation of warm/wet. we are being referd to a peadiatric urinary consultant (didn't know there was such a thing)

It seems strange for a teenager, who is as tall as me and "borrows" my clothes (then pees in them) to have such issues, but that is AS for you.

Also didn't know we could get any financial help with this so will look in to that one

Thanks again

Harmony

[Kathryn]

Sorry to hear this is still an issue Harmony, I remember you posting about this a long while ago. I'm sure medically you're doing everything possible and I hope the consultant can help in some way.

 

Just one thing that occured to me - although the wetting may be outside her control to some extent, what she does with the evidence is not. I think it's reasonable to expect her to help gather up, wash, dry and put away her things, and to help you with any other task which this problem imposes on you: washing the sheets, airing the bedding and remaking the bed, for example. She might then start to see the situation from your point of view and quickly realise how tedious the job is and have second thoughts about refusing plastic sheets and incontinence aids. And don't lend her your clothes!

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but she's 14, not 14 months, and this is clearly affecting your whole family. I don't see why you should continue to drown in a "sea of wee". I'm not suggesting you punish her for what is either a medical or complex psychological problem, just teach her a bit of cooperation and consideration for others in the household through making her aware of the natural consequences of her actions.

 

K x

 

 

[harmony]

Sorry to hear this is still an issue Harmony, I remember you posting about this a long while ago. I'm sure medically you're doing everything possible and I hope the consultant can help in some way.

 

Just one thing that occured to me - although the wetting may be outside her control to some extent, what she does with the evidence is not. I think it's reasonable to expect her to help gather up, wash, dry and put away her things, and to help you with any other task which this problem imposes on you: washing the sheets, airing the bedding and remaking the bed, for example. She might then start to see the situation from your point of view and quickly realise how tedious the job is and have second thoughts about refusing plastic sheets and incontinence aids. And don't lend her your clothes!

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but she's 14, not 14 months, and this is clearly affecting your whole family. I don't see why you should continue to drown in a "sea of wee". I'm not suggesting you punish her for what is either a medical or complex psychological problem, just teach her a bit of cooperation and consideration for others in the household through making her aware of the natural consequences of her actions.

 

K x

 

Kathryn, you are so right.I love what you say and agree 100% she is 14 and needs to grow up a bit, a lot actually. I have told her from now on when I find wet things she has to put them in the wash, hang them out to dry and put them away. I need to be a parent and prepare her for life, not a doormat who does everything for her. Perhaps if she is made to be responsible for her clothing/bedding she will at least try to keep them clean, and when she runs out of tights again, mine are off limmits!!

Sometimes i think she uses her AS against me, and I feel so sorry for her I accept everything as part of her condition, and she ends up doing just what she feels comfortable with.

She is such a sweetie really,and all my friends adore her, as she wants to know everything about them, their lives, their dreams. She always wants to be with me, and is so affectionate (overly) with all the family, but she lives in a world where good always wins, where she will always end up with what she wants, and where mummy and daddy will protect her from the big bad wolf.

Life is tough, she needs to understand that..........watch this space, and thanks again, you said the words I couldn't quite.

 

Harmonyx