School not helping ?

[MelowMeldrew]

At our annual review recently we discussed progress and issues of support with the Head and the support services there. The head teacher said the boy is improving slowly and making good progress. I said was happy to hear that and wondered how they addressed some of his behavioural issues at school, and he responded he doesn't SEE any, we find this very difficult to believe because our son has 2 quite serious obsessive traits we have had difficult addressing, and one which includes biting himself is plain to anyone who comes within 5 yards of him because he has marked himself on both hands, oh, we ignore that he said. Best way. But you just told our support service he HAD no obsessive issue, and this could suggest WE are doing things wrong. He also said our child only whispered and never raised his voice, I said again this is NOT how he reacts at home, if we are firm with him and demand (At age 14!), he puts his own clothes on ! he gets annoyed and half the street will hear him. This flies in the face of your speech therapist who stated he hadn't the capacity/ability and had never displayed it. I am sending them a video of it ! The compartmentalising of our son's issues is very stark, there are things he does at school, things he won't do at home, and vice versa, which adds to the confusions.

 

I thought he projected a view that was not accurate to our occasional (!) support people, obviously where our son is now has a quite 'regimented' and routine set up, every hour and action is a set of rules....and professional support there too. This is in stark contrast to the home side where we struggle to get any support at all, either to support our son to be involved in the area he lives or at inclusive play or mentor help. Not all education is the times table.... Obviously at school he has all he might require at present, but I said this was a very narrow regime he is comforming to at school, and there is no way we can reflect that on the home front, and school may well be contributing to obsessive traits he doesn't see there, because we allow our son more freedom of expressions and play, because life is not going to be a picnic for him and we hope we can teach him some lessons that will help him, I felt the school wasn't.

 

The way it was put to us, made us look poor parents, aka everything at school is rosy, and if it isn't at home, well ! It is brainwashing our child to a very strict regime of living, we won't be able to keep up ourselves. We seem to disagree on who is right. Obviously as a parent I feel I know his capability as much as they do, I don't want my son educated to depend totally on everyone else for everything, when I know there are reas he doesn't need to. It is aslo setting US up to respond as they do, and we can't. How can we convince our school not all they are doing IS for the best ? I think they have already decided our son is always going to need support, so proceed on the basis he has it or will get it, in reality he has it ONLY at school nowhere else, so is divorced entirely from anything outside it. It's setting us up for a lot problems as it stands.

[mygifts1306]

Do you feel the school is supporting your child too much in the school setting to suit themselves? or would you like the school to help with strategies on how you can cope at home. I could not make out? Is your son at mainstream?

 

[JeanneA]

Hi Schools, yes I can relate to how you are feeling. My School will not admit they could have done more to help my son over the years, they have in fact blamed my son's behaviour on his home life. I'm in the situation now where I know they want my son out thats why they are supporting the psychologist's view of sending him to a mental health hospital for 3 or 4 months, over my dead body!!