"You have to deal with bullies and distractions by yourself!"

[dana]

She also told him that he is now the year 6 and she does not want to listen to his stories!

I reacted straight away and spoke with SENCO, who heppens to be a deputy headteacher as well. She promised she would talk with the teacher and she told me that it is not necessary for me to speak with her as well. The problem is a boy in his classroom who is bulling my son but is smart enough not to do it in front of the teacher so she does not believe my son that anything is wrong and does not want to tell that boy of (like his previous teacher from year 5 did).

My son was really happy last year at school. He had a huge problems in the beginning but with the help and a patience of his previous teacher he made a big progress. He liked to go to school so much that he did not want to miss a day and could barely wait the holidays to pass. This year he is so unhappy that he wants me to pull him out of school. The new teacher is putting a big preasure on him to achive academically (which is not that bad) but forgets about his other needs complitely.

In his class is now only 15 children and they also have TA, almost like in a special school.

I am sorry to tell that my gut feeling about a new teacher was right .

Any advice is appriciated.

 

Danaxxx

 

[Sally44]

I would say just follow up with the SENCO and speak to them again to find out what happened. Then send in a 'clarification' letter of your understanding of what happened. Include your concerns. What the SENCO told you happened when speaking to the teacher and what school have said they will do in future.

Explain that as your child has a diagnosis of an ASD he is vulnerable and needs to be able to tell an adult if something or someone is upsetting him. Say he isn't telling stories and needs to be listened to and state that you have noticed a marked difference in this academic year from last one. State that he was happy last year, as you have said yourself, and say that this year he is a very unhappy boy. Remind them that bullying is something the school should listen to and deal with, which his former teacher did(?) and ask for their policy on bullying. State that ASDs means that your son may find it hard to use language to explain his feelings or emotions to adults and that difficulties with imagination will actually make it harder for him to 'make up stories'. And that if he is not supported, and if his confidence with the teaching staff falls etc that he will not know how to deal with any difficulties he has or know who to turn to. If he has problems with his peers he will begin to suffer from low self esteem.

 

It is always essential to get any concern or problem in writing and always get written responses or send in a clarification letter. If you ever find yourself having to take things further, for whatever reason, you need written evidence. Even to ask for an assessment towards a Statement you need evidence on paper.

 

Does your son have a diagnosis and a Statement?

[dana]

Thank you, Sally, for your reply.

My son hasn't got a statement nor dx yet. The school as well as the speach therapist (and me) suspect that he is on ASD. The school applied for a statement and LEA agreed to prosede with assesment straight away. He is seing Paediatrician on Tuesday as a part of it. He has already seen EP who said he would support it.

The previous teacher was really good because she understood his needs and told off the children who were buling him..

My son sometimes does not see and interpret situations properly. Even denied things that happened. For example he was cornered in the cloakroom and bullied by several of his classmates last year. He told his teacher and me that but when she confronted him with thoes children (which they all of course denied it) he denied it as well! We were all confused but the other child came up and actually confirmed that indeed my son was bullied because he himself saw it. When I asked him why he denied it when acctually it did happen my son said he was afraid that nobody would believe him.

I understand it can all be very confusing also because my son sometimes confusing the past with the present but this does not mean that he is not bullied. Even (usually supportive) SENCO agrees on that.

We shall see what will happen but I think it is good idea to put everithing in writing.

 

Danaxxx

[Mandapanda]

She also told him that he is now the year 6 and she does not want to listen to his stories!

I reacted straight away and spoke with SENCO, who heppens to be a deputy headteacher as well. She promised she would talk with the teacher and she told me that it is not necessary for me to speak with her as well. The problem is a boy in his classroom who is bulling my son but is smart enough not to do it in front of the teacher so she does not believe my son that anything is wrong and does not want to tell that boy of (like his previous teacher from year 5 did).

My son was really happy last year at school. He had a huge problems in the beginning but with the help and a patience of his previous teacher he made a big progress. He liked to go to school so much that he did not want to miss a day and could barely wait the holidays to pass. This year he is so unhappy that he wants me to pull him out of school. The new teacher is putting a big preasure on him to achive academically (which is not that bad) but forgets about his other needs complitely.

In his class is now only 15 children and they also have TA, almost like in a special school.

I am sorry to tell that my gut feeling about a new teacher was right .

Any advice is appriciated.

 

Danaxxx

 

It is very sad and difficult when you come up against a teacher who either doesn't know or doesn't want to know what to do. Unfortunately in my experience teachers won't pass on helpful information about dealing with a child, as other teachers don't like 'to be told what to do'.

 

The teacher should not be 'confronting him with those children', of course he would back down and deny it!!!!!!

 

The SENCO should really arrange a meeting with her and the teacher, but as she has said you 'don't need to speak to her', perhaps she knows the teacher may not be that receptive to receiving a parent's input!. Also, in my experience, head/deputy head will try and protect teachers and therefore are unlikely to 'side' with you - in my opinion a bit of a contradiction with the SENCO's role (although they wouldn't want the SENCO spending the special needs budget too freely so perhaps not such a contradiction).

 

You could contact Parent Partnership if things don't improve, but try and resolve it amicably with the school as best you can first. They may be relucant to do anything until the assessment is completed, or at least some results come from it.

 

Good luck.

[Sally44]

I would put in your letter the event you describe as well. Because you will then have documented a real case that happened and which was looked at, and it also explains why your child then said it did not happen. Diffiuclties with social communication and interaction are part of the diagnosis - and those difficulties are present when things are going well! Imagine how much more difficult it is to understand or deal with when someone is not being nice to you. The child will have no idea what to do. And they will be fearful of what will happen because they cannot 'predict outcomes'. So it is very understandable that a child might not want anyone to do anything about the problem because they cannot deal with what that might 'mean'. Just for it to stop.

[Kathryn]

Hi Dana,

 

Sorry to hear there are still problems with the new teacher. I think you've done the right thing so far, and I hope the Senco will help to resolve matters this week.

 

It's hard enough for a child to report bullying. Obviously it's good to learn strategies for dealing with it, but a child should always be able to know that they have the support of adults.

 

If you are still within the time limit , you could record any recent incidents and their effect on your son's behaviour and attitude to school, and present the information as part of your parental report for the statutury assessment.

 

K x

[dana]

Thank you all for your advice. <'>

I hope the SENCO will help. We'll see.

 

Danaxxx