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Girls with Aspergers

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Hi all, not been around in a long time. My 10 y.o son with Aspergers is doing great and my second son who is four (had a dx at 2.5) has had the Aspergers diagnosis rubber stamped just recently, my daughter is now 2.5 (dx at 17 months) and her language has what they call 'recovered' and she is becoming less insular as time goes on. The paed thinks it's likely she will follow in her brothers footsteps and i tend to agree but just wanted some advice on how girls present differently to boys (with AS) .

When she was younger she was very detached and self contained that i was so worried that she'd never react to us or show any kind of emotion.she was still and quiet and never let us know when she was hungry (now she doesn't seem to know when she's full!) she has a lot of sensory difficulties Bath, hair washing loud noises having her feet leave the ground. In short she is a bit more passive than the boys but WOW does she have a temper!!!!! her smile is a half smile,iykwim?? and she parallel plays but really shows very little intrest in her peers or siblings. Thankfully she is making great strides but any info from parents/carers of girls with Aspergers would be appreciated!!


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Hiya Kirstie - only just seen your post. Good to hear from you and your little one is growing up fast. :)


I think parents of girls are in the minority here. Going back a long way but my daughter was physically quite behind with all milestones and a bit delayed in learning to talk, but once she started to do both at around 20 mo ths she progressed rapidly - especially with talking, and related better to adults than children. Adults loved her because they could hold a proper conversation with her at age 2-3.


She was not very adventurous and I didn't really have to childproof the house because she never touched anything she shouldn't - just wasn't interested in exploring the environment. She was always fascinated by books though and would sit and turn pages for hours, and pick out letters on street signs.


She was never aggressive but very anxious a lot of the time - hated loud unexpected noises and boisterous groups of children. She never joined in play with other children at preschool. I used to take her to a mother and child music group - she loved the singing and actions but during the coffee break she would stay close to me and watch the other children as though they were a strange species. Only when she was nearly 3 did she start to play with children of my friends but usually only one child at a time.


That's going back a long way - she's 20 now!


K x

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Aspergers and girls i feel is a good book that describes the differences between female aspergers and male aspergers.

The literature tends to think of females as more severely affected by autism than the males. i tend to disagree with this

as ive noticed higher anxiety levels in females and higher anger in males.


its possible the psychologist thinks your daughter will pick up the social cues from others easier than your sons. So she will

observe a student asking the teacher where the toilets are and copy the same behaviour but only to a point. She is likely to have

a script in her head for dealing with social situations. This can make her seem to fit in with others when in fact if something unexpected

happens such as the teacher says "you just went 10 minutes ago you can wait until break" she will freeze at the reaction since the other

student got the answer to the location of the toilets. Hope my waffle made sense here?


Im still crowd phobic so for a social event i will turn up early (even offer to help set up if my fibro will allow me to) so i can get used to

the place and gradually the people arriving. i can make the most of the beginning and the end of asperger club using this method.


i came out of my shell when i attended the asperger social group. No disrespect to them but i appear more outgoing than

they do at times (probably as nerves get me talking). i used to have severe PMT until i went on the depo injection. it was a last resort

as i used to get severely hostile when i was due. i think puberty is much longer in autism.


Ive also got severe sensory issues i tend to bump into things as i forget where my body is in space. i am also prompt specific so unless i am asked to do something or i see someone else doing it (which reminds me i should encourage the support people to eat in my house).

If her temper is severe and happening a lot more than before consider she could be depressed or in pain and unable to express it. Despite being asperger i am still unable to convey pain to others in my family works ok with friends.



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Hi there

My eldest daughter was dx with Aspergers when she was 6 (I also have another daughter age 8 and a boy age 4, both NT although my son has several ASD traits.

She too has sensory issues - hates her hair being brushed or cut, hates having her feet off the ground.

I read somewhere that girls on the spectrum are harder to dx as they tend to learn basic social skills - not in N's case though as this is her most obvious symptom of Aspergers. When she was at mainstream she didn't mix with the other children at all and it has took her 2 years of being at her current special school before she started to play with other children. She has always got on with adults though - she loves her cuddles from us - and would hold lenghtly conversations with any adult from age 3 onwards.

She is, and always has been, more settled at home than at school, and it is at school she tends to have issues more - eg hitting children/staff, swearing, being rude etc.

She also has several physical symptoms - head spinning, hand flapping etc.

She is totally obsessed by books (like your one Kathryn!) and from 6 months she would hold a book the right way up and turn the pages, by 2 and a half she could name all the letters (thanks to Countdown which she loved back then!). She also has several smaller obsessions - robots and insects being two of them.

One of the staff at her school who was worked with, and fostered, ASD children for 20 years said that her interests and behaviour is more atypical to a boy on the spectrum than a girl, but she does have some girly tastes - she likes bold jewellery.However, all of her friends are boys - the only girls she mixes well with is her sister and her cousins. She hates going anywhere that is crowded, although she can cope with it if she is in her wheelchair (she cannot wlak that far before she tires) and has a book! Ironically, her little brother who I think shows poss ASD can mix better at 4 than she did, although he only really plays with 2 children at school - both girls! He is very obsessed with pirates (has been for the last 18 months) and can have outbursts just like his sister, but more often.



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Hi kirstie,

I have 3 girls 2 of the have loads or AS traits and Dd3 is being assessed at the moment. From what I have read, girls are better at hiding their differences than boys and are usually less agressive, although both of mine can be aggressive towards me.

Socially things can get tricky for girls because they are expected to like to move around in groups.

Girls can be really spiteful, although my 2 don't generally notice this. I think I have felt this more, for them.

Also girls don't always have such a focussed special interest. Both of mine are obsessive about films but their special interest is whatever they are doing at that moment and they will not be budged until they have finished. Having said that they are both avid collectors of stuff, coins, boxes, badges, pencils anything they can fill my house with [ although Dd1 has her own house full of stuff now]. I daren't throw anything away because they know exactly what they have got and go barmy if they think I have chucked it out.

On the plus side, my girls are bright and great fun, full of enthusiasm and daring they will have a go at anything. This leads them to be admired by other girls even if they don't understand them.

Good luck with your daughter and I am sure like my children yours will all be different with or without AS. B)

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Thank you for the replies, i do appreciate it.

My little girl is quite similar in that she is a bit more passive and insular than her brothers but she does have this horrendous temper, where i get hit ans scratched, she goes a very fetching shade of red :unsure: !! she loves to collect things, like if we're in the garden it's my pegs, or little stones/chips, or pencils. she tends to hold them all in her hand at once or move them from one place to the next and sometimes back again! she can be slightly repetetive, her fave saying at the moment is "I love pink!" it's sweet up to a point :whistle: she has a half smile too, it's like she can't do a full cheesy grin.....she is also obsessed completely with this little doll too to the point she gets very upset and anxious if she can't have it.

Anyway, the reason for all the questions is because although she was dx at 17 months i moved house, saw a new paed who said she wasn't so sure she was even on the spectrum (as she had made such great progress) but i said "No, i think you're wrong. It may be slight but there's something i know it!" and she seemed so sure that it's likely she isn't but now she's done a 360 and saying she thinks it's likely Eilidh will follow in her brothers footsteps....it bugged me because it was actually a very stressful few months thinking oh here we go, i'm going to have to take this on and fight. No-one actually wants to go through the whole diagnostic process once never mind twice or more. But as i said Paed is now saying she doesn't want to do an ADOS. so in my mind it's quite clear that the 'professionals' think my daughter may have AS.....


I don't care,whatever they do or don't have they're all amazing to me! i just find it all so interesting. I will be looking up this book about Girls and Aspergers though! xx

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Good luck and i hope you can get some help for her soon. Do her records say she has an ASD?



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