How would you deal with this?

[Mumble]

This is a problem I've had before - I dealt with it really badly back then and got into a confrontation which I want to avoid, so I'd be keen on advice on the best way to handle this.

 

Getting on the bus home today, it was quite full, and the only few seats were the disabled ones at the front. I really needed a seat today, because my legs were literally not going to hold me up for the journey home (not ASD, but a different and not visible disability), so I sat in one of these.

 

Going along, the bus is swiftly filling up with the corridor full of people standing. There's no-one obviously in more need of the seat and no-one asked for the seat so I stayed seated.

 

Then this woman who was standing started mumbling on and on under her breath about 'idiots who can't read signs and sit in disabled seats', pointing to me and repeating herself over and over again. I've had this before (a very similar situation) and given the person a lecture on invisible disabilities () but this time I didn't fancy confrontation nor was I really up to any argument so I just tried to ignore her as best as possible till I could feel myself getting to a point I was going to snap so I did get up and stand (in pain, and no one else sat down ).

 

What should I do in such a situation? I would always give my seat up if someone obviously needed it more than me or they asked, but as it was I needed the seat today. What would other people do?

[justine1]

This is a problem I've had before - I dealt with it really badly back then and got into a confrontation which I want to avoid, so I'd be keen on advice on the best way to handle this.

 

Getting on the bus home today, it was quite full, and the only few seats were the disabled ones at the front. I really needed a seat today, because my legs were literally not going to hold me up for the journey home (not ASD, but a different and not visible disability), so I sat in one of these.

 

Going along, the bus is swiftly filling up with the corridor full of people standing. There's no-one obviously in more need of the seat and no-one asked for the seat so I stayed seated.

 

Then this woman who was standing started mumbling on and on under her breath about 'idiots who can't read signs and sit in disabled seats', pointing to me and repeating herself over and over again. I've had this before (a very similar situation) and given the person a lecture on invisible disabilities () but this time I didn't fancy confrontation nor was I really up to any argument so I just tried to ignore her as best as possible till I could feel myself getting to a point I was going to snap so I did get up and stand (in pain, and no one else sat down ).

 

What should I do in such a situation? I would always give my seat up if someone obviously needed it more than me or they asked, but as it was I needed the seat today. What would other people do?

Hi,I know exactly how you feel I always have noticed this problem.I am not disabled but when I go on the bus with a pushchair I sit in the disabled seats if they are unoccupied,I have always got up for an elderly person or if anyone were to ask I would,but people usually make comments,even though in the buses I use it clearly states disabled or mums with pushchairs,obviousley as I say disabled get preference.My brother has had three strokes and uses a stick to aid his walking he cannot get up the narrow steps in a bus ad often has to stand up because some idiot is sitting in the disabled seats,people often dont think he is disabled and think he has just a sprained ankle as he has a brace on it.One driver even asked him how he got a disabled bus pass I just think you need to ignore people I know its hard but you not doing anything wrong,and as you say you will give your seat up if you had to,if you feel you cant cope standing you need to sit,I wouldnt confront anyone in this day in age I would be scared of getting smacked Just stay seated and let them be the idiots they are!

[Kathryn]

I'm not sure how I would react - I hope I would stay sitting but I might be embarrassed into standing up depending on my mood at the time. Trouble is, if one gives in and get up, it might look like an admission of guilt. The smart response might be to stay sitting,smile sweetly and say "yes I agree, I find it annoying too".

 

K x

[Tally]

One of the train companies is printing special cards which passengers with invisible disabilities can use to show other passengers when they are asking someone to move so they can sit down. Something like this might be helpful to show in situations like this, but still involves confronting the person in one way or another.

[NobbyNobbs]

its a tricky one, and it isn't just invisible disabilities, i think its a general young thing. i'm often on two crutches due to recurring problems with my ankle. i have been told to stand and give my space to someone with just a walking stick more than once! its not like they could miss the crutches, and since i can't bear any weight on my ankle when its bad i'm far more disabled than someone who uses a stick for support. a considerable number of elderly people think they are automatically classed as disabled just because of their age, and get so set in where they think they have a right to sit they just dont think past a young face.

 

i can't cope with confrontation so i always stand up if asked, its pretty entertaining trying to stand on one leg on a moving bus i think you have to decide either to ignore the comments as they are based on ignorance, and you shouldn't have to be put out by their narrow-mindedness, or work out a set comment to make to show that you are disabled. i think if i really couldn't stand at all i would get out my disabled bus pass and say 'i am disabled, i have a pass' but not comment further than that.

[Mumble]

Thanks for your comments/ideas/suggestions. I've also previously been challenged about why I have a disabled pass

 

And I agree Nobby, there is something, not with everyone but quite a lot, about elderly people and 'automatic' rights - but then, I don't know about the rest of the country, but the really patronising posters about politeness on buses in London just extenuate this as they assume all young people will be guilty of playing their music out loud and not giving up seats to old people and all old people will but their bags on the seats...

 

One of the train companies is printing special cards which passengers with invisible disabilities can use to show other passengers when they are asking someone to move so they can sit down. Something like this might be helpful to show in situations like this, but still involves confronting the person in one way or another.

Yep, this is a really good scheme, although I'm not eligible for one as I don't have DLA (yet) despite the fact I am eligible for and do have a freedom pass to travel on their trains. This is something I will apply for if I get DLA, because I think I could use it as an explanation on other train companies and buses.

 

I did write to Transport for London and suggest they introduce a similar card across their transport network so there is one scheme understood by all. They said no...

 

[pearl]

Could you do your own card in the meantime? You might never need to use it but it might help you relax knowing you have that option. Failing that, stuff a cushion under your coat & claim pregnancy

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Difficult one. It's either a case of ignoring these comments (which can be really difficult) or saying something along the lines of:

 

Yes, I agree. I have a disability, which may not always be obvious or visible to others, however, the use of these seats make such a difference'.

 

That may well provide 'food for thought' without being nasty and may well 'prick' someone's conscience!

 

The bulk of these comments come from ignorance or other people's assumptions that because a disability isn't visible, then there isn't one. It's a big like when a child throws a wobbler/tantrum in Tesco. It's amazing the amount of people that huff and puff. Sadly, I suspect it crosses very few people's minds that that child may be in meltdown mode because they cannot cope with the situation that they are in.

 

Caroline.

[jon79]

i think this bbc article highlights some of the underlting physcology which is being played out here

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8387560.stm