Newbie :)

[ThatGirl82]

Hi there,

 

I'm dreading my first post as I feel I should write enough about myself to get a 'proper' response. Only, there is so much to tell, I don't really know where to start.

 

First of all I just wanted to say I'm glad that I have found this forum. Always nice to know that there are other people out there with similar thought patterns and behaviours.

 

Now, I received my ASD diagnosis a couple of weeks back. Apparently I am on the autistic spectrum and I also have ADD. Depression is thrown in here and there although I'm feeling fine right now.

 

I am 27 yrs old and the diagnosis was made after I was promoted into a manager position. That's when the problems started.

 

I will try to tell more as time goes on. For now I just have a couple of questions where some of you might be able to help me out.

 

Are there any people around the Slough area? I will also try to check with the NAS if there are any support groups close by (once I stopped procrastinating that is... )

 

Also, how did you guys cope with your diagnosis. I mean, where do I go from here? The whole subject is so vast, so many things to discover, learn about, accept. What is normal? What is down to ASD? What is down to ADD? Does it matter?

 

Well, that's enough for now... It's a start, although not a very detailed one. I hope it's enough to attract a couple of replies. Maybe by asking me questions I will know more what to say. Could tell you my whole life story and all my traits... Though I keep forgetting what my traits are until I read them somewhere and think: Hey, sounds like me... and this too... and this...

 

Anyway, I wish everybody a very happy, successful New Year! Nice to have found you guys!

 

All the best,

 

ThatGirl82

[kerryt84]

Hi ThatGirl82,

 

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your diagnosis. Not an easy thing to achieve as I am currently finding out. The same thing happened to me where it started becoming quite a problem at work when I was promoted to a managerial position.

 

I moved away from Bucks in May, but I worked in Berkshire. I'm not much help on if there are many support groups there though as I haven't got to that stage yet myself. I'm close to your age though (25) so if you fancy chatting on MSN or something then PM me.

 

I haven't had an official diagnosis yet, but found out a few years ago I probably have AS. I went and saw my doctor last week and am being refered. I posted on the Meet and Greet board not so long ago, so you could read that to find out some more about my situation.

 

Kerry

 

 

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

I am 28 and was diagnosed with Asperger's about 3 years ago. Although I had suspected for several years, getting the diagnosis did leave me feeling kind of sad. It takes a little while to get used to, and you have two diagnoses to come to terms with.

 

I suppose it's not all that important which condition causes each trait, it's just understanding how you are and learning coping mechanisms which is important. I would say the important ones to separate are the ones caused by depression, because those are the ones which you can get medical help with and can be treated.

[ThatGirl82]

Thank you for your replies.

 

I think in my case I'm not sad about the diagnosis, rather relieved, knowing that it wasn't all my fault over the years. And maybe it's a way to stop beating myself up for absolutely everything.

 

I think I'm struggling most with my 'warped' thought processes. Always thinking too much. That's why I self-medicated on cannabis for over 11 years and have now stopped. It's day 46 and I'm actually quite proud. That's probably also why I was very depressed recently. It's much better now. But went through hell and back for a couple of weeks end of November, beginning of December. Having a smoke always made me feel 'normal' and not stoned. And it filtered a lot of the thoughts out.

 

I will find out about support in my area very soon. Hopefully this week.

 

I accept the point, that it's important to see which part of me is down to the depression, although I do not want to go back on medication. I've been on anti-depressants from age 16-25. Far too long. I'm hoping, that if I can abstain the cannabis that I'll be able to get better without medication. The psychiatrist did mention that he might want to put me on some form of Ritalin if my focus and attention is still a problem in a few weeks time. First we have to work out how much is withdrawal.

 

I'll be in touch again, hopefully sooner rather than later. It would be good for me to get all these thoughts out of my brain and into the forum. Maybe I'll get the answers I cannot find for myself. And I will keep reading your posts and stories. I hope I can keep it up. Doing things regularly can be a problem for me... Let's see how it goes.

 

Thanks again for your responses. It certainly made me feel welcome.

 

Best Wishes,

 

ThatGirl82

[smiley1590]

i have AS ,depression anxiety and dyspraxia i have probs focusing concertrating properly so i understand how it i self harm to cope with the mood drops i been on and off anti depressants prozac mirtazapine since i was 14 years old that when i was officially diagnosed with AS and depression i went to CAMHS then adult MHT but made things worse things didn't improve meds didn't work so i ended up sticking with and being hooked and addicted to self harm to get me by life struggles and challenges when u used weed as blocking stuff out numbing etc i ended up coming to the decision to discharge myself from adult MHT seeing a pysch and now trying to go it alone but isn't as easy .... problems up and downs along the way that's for sure! i still beat myself up despite having an official diagnosis there in the background MH probs do that to me and low self esteem!

 

XKLX

good luck

take care

 

if need to talk further PM me or have u got MSN at all?

 

 

[ThatGirl82]

Hey Smiley,

 

Thanks for your input. So are you still self-harming now? Or have you tried to give it up?

 

I can empathize. Have been self-harming, too. Luckily I found a way out of it. Haven't done it for over 6 years. Learned to deal with my stress tolerance. Nothing ever helped me to calm down as quickly as self-harm. It's like fast food, instant. And exactly like fast food, it doesn't feed you, it doesn't make you satisfied for long and you need more and more. I won't become a preacher here. Because I have realized that I was the only one who was able to pull me out of that mess. Happy to be there for advice if you want to 'kick the habit' so to speak. Life without self-harm is much more empowering and it's nice to achieve those moments of not harming yourself where you normally would have done. I used to feel exhausted but also on top of the mountain for staying strong. (Not saying you're not strong now, I don't know what you've been through.) I really don't know what is right or wrong to write in this forum... Gosh, could find reasons to overturn quite every sentence I have written! I hope I won't be scrutinitzed too much for my opinions... (here comes low self-esteem and I find it pathetic that I even question what I'm writing)... and then here come all the thoughts.. Time to stop, breathe, write back later. (Did anybody every feel they made themselves more 'ill' with this forum than without it?) I just find I'm not quite myself yet. Then, who am I? Grrrr.... Break!

[smiley1590]

i just feel like i need punishing even time i think i got willpower to give up this addiction/habit i start it up again i feel i don't deserve happiness or good i got low self-esteem this can be main trigger with MH probs alll link together i become bogged down confused etc i lost both my nans this year in 6 months of eachother that hit me so hard knocked so called 'strong' i had out of me and have to start again i don't know where to turn what to do for the best i know both my nans wouldn't want me doing this to myself i know my mum's mum hated the thought of it! so feel like letting them down which makes me stall the action but not for long i feel so bad guilty yet weird strange as helps me hide and run away i love being in control and this gives me that and more i feel so tired and worn down i feel disgusted and hideous i cry myself to sleep i put on a 'pretend smile ' i feel such a faker everything hurts and depression deepens where can i escape too? feel like no where feel like i can't breathe .... i feel so angry ,bitter etc

[smiley1590]

i feel so like talk fast high then crashing lows sort of like bipolar mood swings that's only way i can explain it properly! ....

 

you're right it doesn't filll you quick and you do 'crave' more and more nothing's ever enough .... it seems spiral out of control rapidly!