'To Do' Lists

[Windrunner]

Does anyone else require these in order to get through the day? It frustrates people that I have to sit down and list everything I have to do during the day and when and then refer to it everytime they ask me if I can do something. I dislike not having one though as I don't know what I'll be doing that day and I'm worried I'll forget to do something important. At this moment I have three of them stuck up around me. One for exam related actvities, one for housework and the other (which seems to annoy everyone the most) reminding me when to do important things such as eat and shower.

Does anyone else have this need for organisation in their lives or am I alone?

[Meethoss]

Yes and no. I often write to do lists and try to stick to them, but I don't always have that luxury - in my job I get different requests all the time, but the way I work with that is to just fit them in to my list and prioritise the items on it

 

The reason I said no was because I don't always write a list, but in that case I will often have one in my head If I don't then I can get a bit flummoxed and not sure what to do.

 

If you ask me more people should make lists because it keeps things much more organised and smooth flowing I'm very well known in my job for being someone that will always get the job done, get it done right, communicate the outcome and ensure things don't get forgotten. If you ask me my traits from having Asperger's make me very successful and I do not see it as a disability what-so-ever, despite the difficulties it can cause sometimes.

[Mumble]

Does anyone else require these in order to get through the day?

In a word, yes. I have a white board in my room with a daily and weekly planner and I also have a more long term planner so I can see what coming up. If I'm going out I write a list of the things I have to do/places to go/appointments and times. I definitely couldn't cope without this, and I refer to it several times a day. It's something I've always done and relied on and as it works for me and doesn't harm anyone else, why should it be a problem. Issues like writing down: eat, do laundry, go shopping, again, it harms no-one and gets me through what needs doing.

 

I had an 'interesting' discussion about this with the CMHT who completely slated what I was doing saying it was a sign of crisis and not coping and of mental illness. They tried to make me stop and made me feel so guilty about it that I went without my lists - ooh, I managed for about 3 days before I was spiralling into crisis and people around me stepped in as they could see something had gone really wrong.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, if it works for you and doesn't affect others, then why not do it? We wouldn't think anyone was odd for writing a shopping list and this is really just an extension of that.

 

If you ask me my traits from having Asperger's make me very successful and I do not see it as a disability what-so-ever, despite the difficulties it can cause sometimes.

I know this is an aside to the thread and potentially but this is something I've struggled to understand when others have written something similar. One of the diagnostic criteria for AS is that the symptoms have a disabling effect across all areas of functioning. Surely if you're saying the opposite, then you cannot qualify for a dx? Not challenging your dx, just interested.

 

[Meethoss]

I'm not really sure how to answer that In every day life I cope better than most people I know. In personal relationships I really struggle. In terms of the diagnostic criteria I scored:

 

3/4 for Severe impairments in reciprocal social interaction

3/3 for All absorbing narrow interests

2/2 for Imposition of routines, rituals and interests

4/5 for Speech and language peculiarities

5/5 for Non-verbal communication problems

1/1 for Motor clumsiness

 

My biggest problem is the social interactions, I think. I work in IT which is an area where it is generally accepted that people are odd and not very social. Whilst I am social, I am strange in my social behaviour but that is accepted. So I think that's probably why I do so well. Maybe if I was in a different area the disabling factors would be more obvious? Either way I'm happy with it but not happy with my personal relationships. I've been very naive in those and have been taken advantage of (best examples here are 1st girlfriend my obsessive behaviour killed the relationship, 2nd girlfriend I was very close to marrying because she wanted a visa and 3rd girlfriend got me in to £16k of debt).

 

The summary of my diagnosis says that I have engaged in social relationships successfully by sticking to certain rules but I experience anger when those rules are broken. My thinking is very rigid and literal. I lack imagination and creative thought (extremely) and this impacts upon reciprocal romantic relationships. I have had very specific, absorbing interests carried through entirely to a very high level of excellence without and despite social influence. I am very ritualistic on a day to day basis (e.g. for the last 5-6 years I've eaten almost exactly the same thing every working day in the same order - ham sandwiches, crisps, apple, 2 tangerines, yoghurt, if you're interested!). Pedantic speech and missing social meanings. Lack of non-verbal communication. Unable to multi-task.

 

That's pretty much it. She did comment that I coped very well and she was unable to notice the things that I was successfully covering up (I kept eye contact well by looking at her nose and forehead despite feeling very uncomfortable, I was sweating profusely under my clothes and I had EXTREME tunnel vision) and she actually said that I should be very careful about telling people that I have AS because she thinks they won't believe me due to this.

 

I hope that explains to you how I can get the diagnosis even though I cope very well in life I agree it's kinda contradictory but at the end of the day if you have something, you have it. I guess the real problem comes, with what you say, when you go for diagnosis with the NHS. Their opinion was that if I'm not visibly struggling (I do struggle people just don't see it) that they shouldn't "waste" their time and money on you. That is why I went private with a specialist recommended by NAS.

Edited January 16, 2010 by Meethoss

[Mumble]

Hi Meethoss - interesting reply, and I really hope you don't think I was intruding. I am good at being less than tactful... It's just that this is something that interests me. So, erm, I have another question (but feel free to say 'shut up Mumble' and ignore me ):

 

I guess the real problem comes, with what you say, when you go for diagnosis with the NHS. Their opinion was that if I'm not visibly struggling (I do struggle people just don't see it) that they shouldn't "waste" their time and money on you. That is why I went private with a specialist recommended by NAS.

Surely if the diagnostic criteria are consistent, and consistently applied, then whoever you go to should reach the same conclusion? Surely, if one is (potentially) giving something/not giving something that another is/isn't, there's a problem with one or the other?

 

[KezT]

To do lists are recommended by the NAS - or certainly were strongly recommended to us as parents of ASD kids on the Early Bird course! I would've thought most ASD people need this in some form or another, even if just to "timetable" their day.

 

On the other hand, as a very NT person, I use to do lists at home & at work. They don't include every day activities like eat/sleep/get dressed - which I do remember just fine - but include all those extra jobs, otherwise I'd constantly forget what had to be done/miss deadlines etc.

[justine1]

My brother (NT) makes lists all the time!He has always been this way but he has had three strokes so he does rely on them more than in the past.He is well known for being organised and when we were younger and we went out for a meal he would have to decide what he would order before we got to the resturant other wise we would be there the whole night!

 

Both my NT and AS sons make lists but my NT son makes them more often while my AS son only makes them when we are going on holiday and he needs to prepare or like when it was Christmas,or holiday in general,mostly to tell him what he can do so as to not be bored.

[Tally]

I think the reasons why so many people with ASD do this are partly a psychological need for stability and predictability, and partly a need for reminders of how to manage day-to-day tasks.

 

I have lists, and even lists of lists, calendars and all sorts. I have a terible memory and cannot even pop down the shops for three items without forgetting what they were (I seem to be able to manage two items OK though). My mum writes shopping lists with items like "veg" on it, and I can't begin to imagine how she knows which veg in particular and how much to choose once she gets there, but maybe that's just something that comes with more experience of running a household, I don't know.

 

I have four great big A3 sized weekly calendars so I can plan ahead for four weeks. As well as that, I have several annual calendars so I can plan further ahead. On that I write reminders a month early for things like the car MOT and the cats' vaccinations, because it takes me so long to get around to booking appointments that I need at least a month to do it. I even have to write the things I do exactly the same every week (like my work hours) otherwise I would completely forget even the simplest things. I include things like my favourite TV programmes and household chores. I have to list them in the order they need to be done, otherwise I get that wrong too - I don't mean the right order for psychological reasons, things that make sense to be done in a certain order like hoover before mop.

 

I find that many tasks need to be broken down into smaller parts before I am able to manage them properly, although I do get better as I get used to the task. For example, I used to find the job "clean the bathroom" too confusing and had to actually list how to go about this - clean toilet, clean shower, clean sink, etc. Now I have done it so many times I can just start and know what to do next without referring to my list again. I had to start all over again when I moved house. I did have to include tasks as basic as eat and shower, but this is something I can do most of the time without reminders now.

[Meethoss]

Hi Meethoss - interesting reply, and I really hope you don't think I was intruding. I am good at being less than tactful... It's just that this is something that interests me. So, erm, I have another question (but feel free to say 'shut up Mumble' and ignore me ):

 

No not at all, I really don't mind. As much as I might find certain questions difficult I think there's no such thing as a stupid question and I don't believe in taking offence at a question - that's just silly, if something is potentially threatening and not true then just state it's not true as there's nothing to be worried about if it's not true. If it is true then it's just fact, so accept it

 

Also I believe in challenging everything. That's why I never let my limitations stop me from doing anything - I challenge them and then work out a solution and then don't make the mistake in the future. It's also why I got in lots of trouble in school, especially in RE, because I challenged everything that I was taught as it was the only way I could understand and therefore learn something.

 

Hi Meethoss - interesting reply, and I really hope you don't think I was inSurely if the diagnostic criteria are consistent, and consistently applied, then whoever you go to should reach the same conclusion? Surely, if one is (potentially) giving something/not giving something that another is/isn't, there's a problem with one or the other?

 

What you're saying is logical, but what you are neglecting is the fact that people don't stick to the rules and they let their own emotional judgement cloud the situation. They have limited budgets, they get reprimanded for going over these budgets, therefore if they think someone is coping then they will not help them in order to stay within these budgets. You see the same thing all across the NHS e.g. with postcode lotteries for cancer treatments and the such.

 

Also it didn't help that my doctor didn't really seem to understand AS and I was referred to an Occupational Therapist who, to me, didn't appear to know much about AS (she just ignored it and concentrated on my anger generated by the stress of being £16k in debt and being with a girlfriend who was complicit in creating that debt) and the Clinical Psychologist that I did see also told me that an Occupational Therapist wouldn't have had the training in recognising and diagnosing AS and was mystified as to why I'd been referred to one.

 

Tally - those sort of daily lists I usually make in my head, but I do them in small chunks as my memory is quite poor. So I get one lot of things over and then think about what I'm doing next. This doesn't always work though as sometimes I just don't know what to do and phase out completely or just don't do anything for hours on end.

[Tally]

Tally - those sort of daily lists I usually make in my head, but I do them in small chunks as my memory is quite poor. So I get one lot of things over and then think about what I'm doing next. This doesn't always work though as sometimes I just don't know what to do and phase out completely or just don't do anything for hours on end.

I think I probably have memory problems in addition to AS, so making a list in my head just doesn't work for me and I really need to write it down. I also take great pleasure in crossing out or rubbing off a completed task that you don't get to do if it's just in your head. As for getting stuck with making the list, this is where someone else can sometimes really help. I find my dad is really good at breaking things down so I know what to do. I will tell him, for example, that I need some electrical work done and he will say, "OK, look up some electricians in the phone book and phone them to arrange for a quote," and suddenly I realise that I can manage to do that after all!

[Meethoss]

I also take great pleasure in crossing out or rubbing off a completed task that you don't get to do if it's just in your head.

 

I strangely get a kick out of finishing something completely like finishing a bottle of shower gel and opening a new one, haha!

[sesley]

my P's To Do List visiting various different computer consoles

 

. watch DVD 11.am and a box for a tick

2.play on Wii 12.30 midday and a box for a tick

3. play on mums laptop 2.30pm and a box for a tick

4.Make dinner 6.00pm and a box for a tick

5 make a pepsi drink for after dinner 7.00pm and a box for a tick

 

 

 

he has done and ticked up to number 3 now he is here witing to get his pinkys on my laptop

 

I hope he can proganise his morning for school tomorrow as well as this

[Windrunner]

very glad to see I'm not alone in the lists I do think I would have a much harder time getting anything done without them, I'd just sit in a panic all day trying to organise my thoughts on what needed to be done!

Tally I too had trouble with tasks such as 'clean the bathroom' and 'tidy the lounge' which was problematic for me as I worked as a cleaner in a large house at the time! Luckily I had an understanding boss who made me a nice little list of tasks for each room and after that my days were much easier

[Meethoss]

With things like cleaning the bathroom I just break the room down in to areas and clean everything in that area before moving on to the next, so doesn't really require a list as the next part is the next logical step.