The Sensitive child book

[joybed]

Hi has anyone read this book I stumbled across it on the green parent forum with a link to a website where you can do a test to see if your child is sensitive or not. The book looks really good and have just ordered it from amazon. It discusses children with sensitivity issues and shyness problems and how you can understand and help them.

We have recently had a few worries about Lydia I have posted on here once before about it. Lydia is very shy and at times refuses to talk she becomes very anxious about things and is a very deep thinker. She has a good social network of friends but at times doesn,t intiate playing with them waiting for them to come to her. She went to a party on Sunday and sat in a corner sucking her thumb and wouldn,t join in when asked why she said she was too shy to dance and just preferred to sit quietly and watch. Her teacher said she is unusually quiet but always polite and academically no concerns at all, she causes them no bother. However at home she is stroppy, likes routine and is difficult to tell off as she refuses to listen and goes to her room and sobs for ages. She is also a drama queen the other day she couldn,t find something and cried about it for 1 hour it was the end of the world. I have at times suspected aspergers but then she is very perceptive and extremly loving, she would give her last breath if you asked for it. I think she is just very shy and also am aware she has a very difficult home life for a 5 year old i worry about the things she has seen particularly regarding Marcus. She also thinks she is fat and the other girls have better clothes than her( certainly not got this from us as we tell her constantly how beutiful she is). She seems to suffer from severe underconfidence.

Just wondered if anyone else had come across this and wanted your thoughts on the book. I am hoping it will shed some light on Lydia and help me to raise her self esteem a bit.

[JsMum]

I can understand your concerns but the reluctant to dance might be related to how she preseeves herself, especially as she thinks she is fat and unfashionable, it could be a confidence problem, so I would look at helping her increase her confidence, if she is five and thinks she is fat that for me would be a concern, I understand that children can become self concous but five is extreame, I would keep a dairy of her interaction, social difficulties and maybe a referral to a child psychologist to look at her body image, It is essential early interventions are sought now, to prevent it spiraling into further deep psychological problems arising, five is very young to be thinking these things.

 

The not finding an item again I can also understand, such as when I could not leave my house the other day as I couldnt find my housekeys, did I get frustrated, but I have learnt ways to calm down, and I now have a set place for them so I can search for them in the future, so look at organisation stratagies.

 

As for school it is usual for a school think there is no difficulties when acedmically they are doing well, it doesnt rule out aspergers and you can see why many girls are going undx with AS.

 

I would certainly address the confidence issues, and if you and the child psychologist are then concerned about AS you could look at an assessment of AS in the future as she develops as her friends mature and go forward in social skills this is when you may see the gap widening.

 

JsMumxxx

Edited February 11, 2010 by JsMum

[joybed]

Following on from my post earlier Lydia did a couple of odd things tonight that I am hoping soemone can shed some light on. I know my feelings but am hoping i am wrong as I don,t feel ready for a fight with DH and the system again. Also a bit concerned i am heading for a diagnosis of munchausens by proxy as i always seem to have my children at the doctors. So at the risk of sounding an oddball (or concerned mother whichever you choose) here goes. She had a friend to play tonight, i picked them up but Piers was at film club so we had to go back to school an hour later. On the way there both girls were pushing pushchairs Lydia insisted she be in the front of the line and all the way there kept saying to me stop trying to push past now you are not in the game, I replied i never was in the game and told her i had no intention of going past her but she kept saying it eventually getting very upset and angry, her friend got bored and ran off ahead with Piers Lydia wasn,t bothered by this. Back at the house her friend asked her something several times and she ignored her and continued watching high school musical i had to go in and tell her Milly was talking to her and persuade her to answer. The third thing is the most bizarre we were doing her key words but she appeared to know them from memory last time we did them so i had mixed them up. She became very upset and couldn,t read a lot of them despite her having read these words lots of times in reading books. I couldn,t figure out whether she was trying to wind me up or genuinely was struggling. I kept my patience but was firm about her finshing them. After she had finished she went to her room and cried upon asking what was wrong she said she didn,t like the words being mixed up they are not meant to be like that and because of that she couldn,t read them. She was very distressed they were mixed up and asked me to put them the way they were in the first place. I explained i couldn,t remember the order they were in and that she needs to learn the words as they are not from memory she didn,t understand this or think it necessary.

When we saw the genetics team they asked about Lydia and if we had any concerns i said no as DH was there and is not willing to accept a problem with Lydia. She said she was certain the cause of the ASD in my boys was genetic and she would not be surprised if Lydia was affected but possibly to a lesser degree. When I was concerned over the party the other day and said to DH about it he hit the roof saying that i was not to get her assessed for ASD as he didn,t want her to be and couldn,t cope with it.

[got the tshirt]

I can sympathise with you , my OH is really finding the whole assessment procedure difficult. He keeps saying he is not sure if Dd3 needs a label. We have had a lot of discussions about it. When I point things out to him that Dd3 does he accepts that her behaviour is different but he is still not sure about the whole dx thing. I also sometimes feel like people are judging me because I am persuing this although my family have been more supportive lately.

Sorry this probably doesn't help you much but at least your not alone !!

[JsMum]

I would really try and arrange a place where you and your DH can talk and discuss the difficulties L is having, explain you just need to discuss this, sometimes it can be very difficult for families to work throw ASD when a number of them present it different degrees and when there is opposite sex too, has DH fully excepted Piers Dx yet? Maybe it would just be too much for him to bare if his daugter could also be on the spectrum and he just cant except that, L is all he has left that represents Normal right now! you wont get any nearer knowing if she has or hasnt got AS if you stay quiet and aviod discussing the possiblity that L is on the spectrum the only way to find that out would be to go throw the assessments, again this would also be important to ensure she recieves the right support.

 

I agree the word exercise was a problem for her when she couldnt rely on her memory and she has some ridgid behaviours, you need to share this with her senco to see if there is any similair problems at school.

 

As for the not responding to her friend when watching TV my son does this also, when he was younger he had several hearing tests as everyone thought he was deaf because he didnt respond to his name or questions, people really did think he was deaf, but his hearing is hypersensitive, he can hear a pin drop, but if he is distracted or other noises are more potent he wont hear a thing, he can only focus on one task at a time and he too loved HSM so there pretty adictive and enteraining, maybe she needed to watch and hear the programme more than listening to her friend so maybe when friends are round its less distraction going on when she is interacting.

 

I would keep a diary and keep an eye on what her interaction is like, but I would really try and discuss this more with your DH as hard as it is you cant keep it all to yourself.

 

I know this book has been popular for AS and Girs, though I think a lot of it is more reguards girls who are around 11, 12 because this when they realise the real Social gap, but it still maybe of interest.

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergers-Girls-To...d/dp/193256540X

 

Do attend a local AS parent group also as there maybe parents there who have girls on the spectrum too.

 

Ideally though you need your DH on your side so you can support each other.xxx

 

JsMum