HT thinks she is autism expert!!!

[lucyemma]

Hi all,

 

I apologise now but I just need a rant!!! Ds got his diagnosis last month (AS, semantic pragmatic disorder and dyspraxia). Now we went privately BUT this was recommended by our paediatrician. She said if we had private cover then to see what provision it would cover as it would be a big help to try and speed up the process. Our GP recommended a child psychiatrist and our paediatrician was happy to forward her notes to this psychiatrist. Anyway after spending afternoon with psychiatrist she gave us some paperwork to pass onto the school for them to complete which we did.

 

Had a call from psychiatrists secretary yesterday as apparently the secretary had been trying for 2 weeks to speak to ht to get forms back but ht was not returning calls. Anyway, the ht had rang her yesterday and was very rude. She had wanted to speak to psychiatrist who wasn't in because "I don't see why I have to fill these forms out because there are two autistic children in my school and A does not have Aspergers he's just a badly behaved boy." Not only that but she told the secretary that the reason she hadn't filled the forms out is because she thought we had put the paperwork together ourselves on the computer in order to gain an insight into what was happening in school. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly!!!

 

Anyway had parents evening last night and saw his teacher who is really nice and who we get on well with. Then ht popped her head round the door and asked for a word. OMG I wish we hadn't bothered. Luckily dh and I are very calm reasonable people because if we weren't I think there would have been trouble!! She took us in her office and said "what do you think you are trying to acheive by doing this? He's clearly a boy who hasn't been shown any boundaries and needs to understand this, that's why I suggested you go on a parenting course." We said we had done a course about a year ago and had been praised about our discipline and the person we did the course with suggested there must be something else going on and we should see our GP. We explained that there is not much point dealing solely with the bad behaviour because the root cause of the bad behaviour also needs to be addressed. This did not go down too well and she started going on about...well I know all about autism we have 2 children in the school already and I know he hasn't got it. Her final comment was "well if you're going to pay to go privately then you're bound to get your diagnosis"

 

I was so upset when we got home. Anyway have contacted our outreach service today and we see the paediatrician next week so hopefully we'll have some further info to take to ht after the half term break. Am trying to see the funny side of things now....would have been kind of funny if she had spoken to psychiatrist and attempted to tell her how to do her job!!!

Edited February 12, 2010 by lucyemma

[babnye1]

That is dreadful. Really awful. I fully understand your anger and upset. I think school don't see these issues because they don't understand them. They have ideas about autism based on myths. Every child is different - yes even children with ASD. I think it would warrant a complaint to the governors but I don't know if you feel that would help.

 

I think schools also don't like extra work and so resent you for making them do it.

 

My son is the opposite. Passive and causes no problems. But that means there is no problem because he causes them no problems. It's a similar situation in a way but I suppose because we are further down the line we have at least had the support and intervention of the Community Paed etc who have spelt things out to the school

 

It is gutting though isn't it

[Sally44]

Hi all,

 

I apologise now but I just need a rant!!! Ds got his diagnosis last month (AS, semantic pragmatic disorder and dyspraxia). Now we went privately BUT this was recommended by our paediatrician. She said if we had private cover then to see what provision it would cover as it would be a big help to try and speed up the process. Our GP recommended a child psychiatrist and our paediatrician was happy to forward her notes to this psychiatrist. Anyway after spending afternoon with psychiatrist she gave us some paperwork to pass onto the school for them to complete which we did.

 

Had a call from psychiatrists secretary yesterday as apparently the secretary had been trying for 2 weeks to speak to ht to get forms back but ht was not returning calls. Anyway, the ht had rang her yesterday and was very rude. She had wanted to speak to psychiatrist who wasn't in because "I don't see why I have to fill these forms out because there are two autistic children in my school and A does not have Aspergers he's just a badly behaved boy." Not only that but she told the secretary that the reason she hadn't filled the forms out is because she thought we had put the paperwork together ourselves on the computer in order to gain an insight into what was happening in school. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly!!!

 

Anyway had parents evening last night and saw his teacher who is really nice and who we get on well with. Then ht popped her head round the door and asked for a word. OMG I wish we hadn't bothered. Luckily dh and I are very calm reasonable people because if we weren't I think there would have been trouble!! She took us in her office and said "what do you think you are trying to acheive by doing this? He's clearly a boy who hasn't been shown any boundaries and needs to understand this, that's why I suggested you go on a parenting course." We said we had done a course about a year ago and had been praised about our discipline and the person we did the course with suggested there must be something else going on and we should see our GP. We explained that there is not much point dealing solely with the bad behaviour because the root cause of the bad behaviour also needs to be addressed. This did not go down too well and she started going on about...well I know all about autism we have 2 children in the school already and I know he hasn't got it. Her final comment was "well if you're going to pay to go privately then you're bound to get your diagnosis"

 

I was so upset when we got home. Anyway have contacted our outreach service today and we see the paediatrician next week so hopefully we'll have some further info to take to ht after the half term break. Am trying to see the funny side of things now....would have been kind of funny if she had spoken to psychiatrist and attempted to tell her how to do her job!!!

 

If you feel it would be helpful to you you could ask the Psychiatrists secretary to send you a letter clarifying the response of the Head Teacher, and you could send in a 'clarification' letter to the Head covering what she said to you.

 

That will make the relationship between you and school difficult. But TBH her response is showing it is going to be difficult anyway. She is not a professional who can diagnose. She should not be making the judgements she is doing. All professionals are covered by a code of ethics and a code of conduct and they have to sign a statement of truth (at least mine did anyway).

 

I think you could also mention that the very reason you are doing this is to speed up the process - are you going to see NHS professionals as well for a second opinion - it is always worth having. And that you are deeply concerned that a child with significant difficulties is not being understood in school and on top of that is being labelled as naughty and undisciplined.

 

Try to use even negative things in a positive way. If you put that all in writing you have that as good evidence that the school is not being supportive and does not understand autism and is not working to support your child in school as they cannot even see what his needs are never mind meet them. You may find such letters useful if you are seeking a different placement in the future.

[Grace]

Hi,

 

I agree with everything Sally says and I have to say, that honestly you might feel in the future that you have to look at another school. It is not right that your DS should be labelled as naughty and this HT does not sound like one who accepts anyone's opinion except her own i.e. I think to follow up with an NHS diagnosis is an excellent idea, but somehow I feel even then, this HT would think she knows best.

 

Glad you can see the funny side though!

 

Best Wishes

 

Grace/x

[lucyemma]

Thanks for all your replies.

 

Update on the situation is that psychiatrist has advised that the forms have still not arrived so ht obviously didn't post them like she told me just over a week ago. Psychiatrist has faxed some more to the school and posted some to us to hand over to them so they will be bombarded next week!! HT has been told several times that ds class teacher must fill out forms but she refuses and had filled them out herself so the forms that have apparently got lost or not posted would have been no good anyway. HT has little to do with teaching my son.

 

I feel like it's such an awkward position to be in because we get on fine with his class teachers (there are 2 both part time) and we share advice and ideas. The teachers have done a fantastic job in trying to make class activities with a view to helping his social skills (although he often is not very responsive) and we make a point of telling them that we appreciate their hard work. The school itself is small and the only one that would suit ds (he has only been there 4 months after he went downhill so much at his last school) so changing schools is not an option. The only problem quite simply is the attitude of the headteacher. Since we first met her and she showed us round the school we put her frosty attitude down to "she's probably had a bad day". Now, she's either had a really bad 4 months or there's a bit more to it!!!

 

Personally we would really like to work with her not against her...so we are not giving up just yet. The psychiatrist already has the necessary forms filled out by my sons old school so she is going to use those to base her report on for now. This headteacher has held everything up by a months now. We should get the report tomorrow or early next week so we'll see what happens then....see is she's still in denial. I think if she is rude again though we will have to take matters further because it's just not in my sons best interests. Is it Parent Partnership or something like that who will attend school meetings with you? Does anyone know what sort of input these people give to the conversation or how it works exactly?!?! I have a suspicion we are going to have to go done that route soon

 

Thanks again

 

Lucy

-x-

 

Oops forgot to mention saw the paed on Thursday. Well, saw paed but didn't see paed!!!!!!!!!! Not our usual one anyway....after 20 minutes of getting nowhere (he had no background of our case and the notes weren't of much help for him) he suggested to make another appt for when our usually paed is back off holiday....hopefully next month.

[justine1]

Hi

I think its good idea to get Parent partnership to come to your next meeting.Mine is really helpful,I have her card and can call her any time really,and not just about Sam but anything to do with my home life or other three boys.

 

She seemed very much to be there for me and had a very unbiased attitude.She was able to explain things I couldnt really understand,either the wording wasnt what I could gras or something I havent read up on yet.The most important thing is she wanted me to express clearly what I want for my son and discussed how we can do this.She helped also communicate things I couldnt to the HT.Generally it was just great having a neutral person there doesnt feel like I am being ganged up on.

I was lucky in that the HT actually arranged for her to be there without me even asking.

[Karen A]

Hi lucyemma.

We had some difficult experiences with a HT at a previous school who was very reluctant to work with CAMHS who were supporting us.We were told clearly by CAMHS staff who supported us very well that a HT is not obliged to work with them.There is apparently no way to force a HT to respond to telephone calls or letters or to reurn reports.

Our CAMHS team included professionals who had worked in the area for years and were extremely highly regarded by the LA.However this had little effect on the HT.

So I do not know how far Parent Partnership may get in your case if the psychiatrist is private ..

Parent Partnership do attend meatings and support parents where there are difficulties with regard to SEN.They vary from one area to the next but they may be helpful in supporting you.They may also have a lot of local knowledge of procedures.Unfortunately they cannot force the HT to respond in ways that you consider hepful.

 

Ben is now doing well in Secondary School.We obtained a Statement when he was in year 3 at primary school.We decided not to look at alternative primary schools.We wanted to work to improve things at the primary school Ben was at.Over the course of three years we watched as things never really improved.Every few weeks we needed to attempt to resolve difficulties.We were never sure regarding how the SEN provision documented in the Statement was being used.

Ben is very clear that he wishes we had moved him sooner.We had a son who was considered very challenging and difficult who apparently needed a Statement.Even with a Statement he did not cope well.Now with support from staff who understand and value him Ben is doing far better than we could ever have hoped.

So I am afraid I do not have high hopes for pushing HT to change.

Karen.

Edited February 19, 2010 by Karen A

[Sally44]

I would take PP with you to all meetings and ask them to note take for you.

I have found that one of my own PP reps is as useful as a chocolate teapot, whilst the other two are really good. So if you get one you are not impressed with, try one of the other ones. You can usually tell over the phone whether they have got any fire in their belly.

 

I have found that the PP is not really proactive. You do have to ask them questions about what school should be doing, what your options are, who should you complain to etc. But they will support parents in the decisions they make. However they are more than capable of pointing out to school if IEPs are not SMART, or if the school or LEA are not going by the Code of Practice etc.