Hi again and am I doing the right thing please?

[marmitemummy]

Hi, I last joined the forum in July 2009.

 

We have felt for a long time that our 7 year old son wasn't quite the same as other kids we knew. At around one he stopped eating most kinds of foods and would only wear certain clothes. When he started nursery he fixed on certain toys and would carry them around in a bag everywhere he went. He was a very loving little boy to me (mum) but had no time for his dad infact wouldn't even let him touch him. As he got a little older most of these problems has eased a little apart from the eating which is still a major problem for him.

 

As i said he is now 7 , nearly 8 and think that I have been putting off dealing with this,so have made an appointment at the doctors on Wednesday. But I suppose iam worried that I am making something out of nothing.

 

Can I just list a few thing that worry us and see if you think I am right to pursue it?

 

He likes to wear the same clothes, even wanting to put them on wet if they have been washed.

He hates loud noises, eg,my husband took him to a football match and he refuses point blank to ever go again because of the noise.

He has a very keen sense of smell.

He still only eats the foods he was willing to when he was a toddler eg bread, chips, marmite, some cereals and apples

He immediately becomes aggressive if anything at home is not how he expected it to be (except with me, when he will cry as a reaction)

When we try to deal with any of these things it just seems like He just gets so upset and can't let it go and we are just back where we started

 

But that being said

School have never picked up on anything, he has no learning difficulties and makes friends fine. He is never aggressive with anyone outside the home.

 

Any comments would be very much appreciated. Thank you xx

[justine1]

Hi

My son Sam is six and has a dx of AS(Dec '09)

Most of what you mention is just like Sam,the clothes thing:he wears the same ben10 shirt for weeks on end and now its cold I thought he wont wear it but he found a way aound that by putting a long sleeve thermal underneath!The eating is also an issue but with Sam he has come along way and eats much more variety than he used to,his brother Dan(4) is like your son he lives on cereals,spaghetti and apples.

 

The thing I am not sure of is when you say he has no problems at school,while he may not be aggressive and no aggressive problems,surely the noise,eating or competitiveness at school may have raised some questions?I am not questioning you but maybe the school.

My son has no problems academically at school,his speech is very mature for his age and anyone who meets him thinks his charming and bright.Underneath all that he doesnt understand people well,both with communication and facial expressions.At home he is not aggressive (except for once or twice)he is boistorous and does "fight" with his siblings but no more than his NT brothers.He does whine and through tantrums at home,like your son ,when things are not how they should be,if his schedule has been changed etc.He also gets angry with himself hitting his head or pulling his ears.

 

At school he is very aggressive, angry and doesnt listen to anyone!He has been excluded twice and is now doing half days.Hewas not like this when he started nursery or reception but when he reached year 1 his behaviour changed.Even without that behaviour at nursery they did mention how clingy he was to his key worker,ow clingy he was to a particular friend(he wouldnt share her with other kids)how he would let other children take away toys he was playing with and wouldnt tell anyone or make a fuss.How he would be stuck/fixated on one toy the whole 2 1/2 hrs.So that is why I ask why yur sons school havent picked up on anything.It is possible to,like my Sam,to have a child calmer in one environment than in another,att home Sam is relaxed and mellow at school aggressive upset and all over the place.So your son may be the opposite.

 

Whatever the situation,you need to speak to the GP and get a referral.I was reluctant about it to,I didnt even know about AS until I did take him to the GP.I didnt want him to be "different" or have a label.Even when waiting for the assesment appt I was wanting to back out.But deep down I knew there is a problem and it wasnt going to get better unless I got the answers.Even if he doesnt have AS at last your mind will be at rest.

[marmitemummy]

Thank you for that, my son is also Sam!!

 

I spoke a few weeks ago to a friend of my husbands whose son was diagnosed with Asperges when he was 4, he is now 6. She said that he was aggressive at home but that the school had seen no problems with him at all. but he was assessed at school and that it was evident in the way he acted that he had asperges.

 

He had many of the traits that I see in Sam, the specialist told her that a person may make sure that they are not in a situation where the asperges may cause a problem, so for example if they don't want to upset loved ones they with control themselves by avoiding a problem or if they don't want to be embarrassed in front of school friends then they will do the same.

 

At the weekend we took Sam to Nandos with his two friends. We ordered chips for him as usual but when it came they had put the chips on the side of a plate of chicken. I took the chips off and onto another plate -none of the chips where touching the chicken or had any hint of anything on them. I thought it would be ok but he just went so pale, he just couldn't cope, he started laying down and saying that his throat hurt. I felt so sorry for him because he didn't want his friends to know. But if I had done this at home he would have just kicked off. I think he just found himself in a situation that he could only control in the best way he could, he faked illness.

 

I guess its hard to decide which situation is better, our home life is a bit like walking on egg shells, I know straight away what will set Sam off so I don't even go there, but his 13 year old sister is not so forgiving!! So life is quite explosive and hard work especially meal times (I have just given in and let him have what he is willing to eat)

 

Infact, no situation is better or worse, it's just what it is - hope you get the help you need and thanks again for the advice x

[Mumble]

She said that he was aggressive at home but that the school had seen no problems with him at all. but he was assessed at school and that it was evident in the way he acted that he had Aspergers.

There are people here who don't agree with this theory, but is it possible that he is 'holding it together' at school and basically can't contain it anymore when he gets home or feels safer to act as he would naturally at home, hence the different responses in the two locations? Is he very rigid with rules and may be taking the following of these to the extreme in school but that leads to a build up of frustration that eventually has to come out and it is at home that you see it?

 

Is he different once you get a while into the school holidays - particularly the longer summer holiday when there isn't the differentiation between home and school - possibly because he doesn't have to contain behaviour/frustrations during the day?

 

[marmitemummy]

Yes I think this is true, he just holds it in or takes himself out of the situation and then just lets himself be "himself" at home. Which I hope is a good thing because if not how else would he cope with how he feels. Not great for us but with a diagnosis then we can just let him be himself

[gemgems77]

my son has been under the peadatrician for 2 yrs now for a possiable diognosis of as , he is 6 ,the school now have started doing c.a.f it wasnt untill i was filling out long forms with the school that i realised that my son has lots and lots of problems not coping at all but whenever i asked the teacher how his day was they say it was fine ,also i found ou last week through another child that he had been banned from playtime for a week i spoke to school with crosss words and now he is aloud outside 1 playtime a week with a teacher whoppeeee so you may think school is fine but i would find out if there is any problems at all even if they have been dealt with ,me personally i feel that unless there are problems at school then its very hard to get any help