K refusing school as the school make him dress up

[sawjd]

Hello everyone,

 

 

We had such a brilliant day yesterday and now today its all gone wrong again. Just need to explain that K is seven years old. My main question what do i do. Are there any strategies for getting his trust as the school do not undertand about SID?. The school are worried that i am keeping him off. I am not, he does not want to go in and does not trust me to take him in because he said they will try and trick me in to wearing something for the school play at easter.

 

K yesterday put his coat on, put his shoes on by himself and walked out the door, today i can't even get his trousers on to get him out the house as he says he doesn't want to dress up and the school are going to make him. I do not want to keep him off and have talked to him about why does he not want to dress up and he says 'i can't stand getting dressed and undressed'. (he has privately been assesed for SID but now confirmed under the title ASD at child development centre) We had this problem in PE and we had tears in school about him not wanting to do PE. He hates it. He still does not like the dressing and undressing and does not like exercise but loves skipping and running. Very energetic boy, even now he is running up and down the living room.

 

He does do PE but this is difficult even for him. He is behind with litracy, has a few problems with shoving kids in the playground (him shoving kids) but is a genius at maths. Art he does not like as his drawings are immature and his grip is immature for his age. I caught him colouring in circles and turning the page instead of adjusting his finger grip on a piece of homework. School want a statement but want to do this via a CAFs referrral i want to do this via parent referral with reports from outside agencies who actually agree with the school on what recommendations should be in place. For example OT help for K but the school have said they can't even get funding for OT for a child with down syndrome. The school want 8 hours support but have not specified how they want this to be delivered, they have just said for what subjects he finds difficult. Their main areas of concern are concentration, language and attention. They sometimes keep him in break times (to my knowledge) for not finishing the work on time. This is really unfair as its not his fault. He cannot express himself in words on paper, cannot write proper stories manages a few sentences, he can read ok as he has shown me when we are out and about. I always praise him for this as i think its really good. The reports states he flutucates, when he understands something he is up and runnning when he can't do something he shuts down even after trying. His memory is not great at times, and struggles to think about concepts. He has a mild hearing loss (to do with air pressure in ears).

 

The SENCO words were (in a letter of support for our parent referral) K is adequately supported in school but would benefit from further support. My words are

K is just being managed on two hours support at the moment and in order to try and achvieve average ability in line with otehr pupils, he would be better managed on 8 hours of support.

 

I really don't think the SENCO is aware how bad Haringey is in dishing out support and the inclusion officer for autism has said this to me its really difficult and you have to be extreme to get a statement. I think i said before on here why i don't like or agree to this system of CAFs referrals and the inclusion officer said he was not sure about it and he said its just streamlining all teh services together to get a better picture. I don't want Hariingey Social Services 'getting a better picture'. The first son was diagnosed as being on the autsitc spectrum and Social Services dropped me like a hot brick when they found out. They tried to make out i was a bad mother, but its a long story and involves a ex so i want to bury the past. The reason i am hesitant about Social getting involved as in my experience when i asked for help from them it was more of a hindrance than help. They offered help that they thought i should have not practical help that was needed. I went to them voluntarily expecting help and i got probed mentally over and over again. This time OH suffers with ms (exsiting partner of 15 years) and its already stressful with the people we have involved without adding more to the situtation. I worked for this council years ago and believe me not much has changed, despite what is in the recent press i remain cyncial. I will exhaust every avenue of support or help before i ever ask them again. Thankfully there is a lot out there now compared to then but its just accessing this help.

 

 

With your support and advice i can cope. Everybody has been so helpful, its been great.

 

K definately has some form of SID (sensory integration disorder). He can't stand crisps. Has problems in his bowels although that is being (fingers crossed) resolved.

Complained of piano in class being too loud so the teacher said he could sit back and since then we have had no problems. Does say that aeroplanes are noisy and why can't they go away, but he does not scream at them, he used to on occasions put his hands over his ears, we put it down to glue ear and infections. He sits close to the tv, we thought it was his eyesight or his hearng both checked out fine apart from a few problems with ears but he still sits close.

 

Yesterday while walking home, he said he could not move because the rain was stopping him (he walked very slowly so we got soaked).This has happened before at this after school club he goes to. They had real trouble in trying to get him to move himself. Any strategies on helping our little guy would be greatly appreciated.

 

An IEP is coming up soon and i need to get my act together with this parent referral. Its been a long time since i have done one. Can anyone remind me of any useful tips on how to do this referral and has anything changed, does this vary from borough to borough.

 

Any advice or suggestions, i have been in touch with IPSEA but only briefly i might try them again but if there is anything else i could learn from yourselves i would be extremely grateful.

 

Many thanks to you all. Sorry for the long post.

 

love sawjd

 

[JsMum]

I would recommend a few help resources.

 

NAS who have both support for Social care support and Educational support.

 

Yes you can request the assessment of SEN for possible statementing and IPSEA are fab for giving you this info and the process as are ACE and Contact a Family.

 

I am going throw an Initial Core Assessment at present that identifys all the needs of the family, including your partner as he is disabled too, there is other Assessments that your family may be entitled too as well.

 

The Initial Core Assessment is different to the schools CAF.

 

You request this throw your local authority customer services ensure you note down the date you requested as there are strict guidlines on the timescale as I am finding out now I have a solisitor.

 

I identified all you said in your Opening Post. My son has SID too and he too goes throw the difficulties of the clothing, J changes regulary because he doesnt like certain textures/materials on his skin, he usually wears underlayers and fermals to mask the feeling of clothes, he hates tags and seams and things that irritate him.

 

So it might be more than just not liking to undress and dress, but more that he doesnt like the material of the clothing.

 

I have two books to recommend called the out of syncs child and the Out of syncs child has fun

 

Brilliant books.

 

I now use multi sensory therapies to help him deal with different stimuli as I want him to learn to adapt so he can be as independant as possible.

 

As for the sensitive hearing J loves the piano if he is playing but gets irriated by noises he has no control over, he especially doesnt like crying sounds or high pitched noises, but he can make quite a bit a noise himself, but he is the one making the noise, we take ear plugs and mp3 players with headphones for noisy places, some children wear ear defenders to smooth the noises.

 

I could go on and on but majority is from the out of syncs book, and looking throw the internet and using my own ideas too.

 

We have a visual time table too, had to get that one in quick, and warnings before something is about to happen, see told you I can go on, but thats because J is 13 now, and you pick it as you go along.

 

Anyway hope that the links are useful.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=20381

 

JsMumxx

Edited March 25, 2010 by JsMum

[sawjd]

I would recommend a few help resources.

 

NAS who have both support for Social care support and Educational support.

 

Yes you can request the assessment of SEN for possible statementing and IPSEA are fab for giving you this info and the process as are ACE and Contact a Family.

 

I am going throw an Initial Core Assessment at present that identifys all the needs of the family, including your partner as he is disabled too, there is other Assessments that your family may be entitled too as well.

 

The Initial Core Assessment is different to the schools CAF.

 

You request this throw your local authority customer services ensure you note down the date you requested as there are strict guidlines on the timescale as I am finding out now I have a solisitor.

 

I identified all you said in your Opening Post. My son has SID too and he too goes throw the difficulties of the clothing, J changes regulary because he doesnt like certain textures/materials on his skin, he usually wears underlayers and fermals to mask the feeling of clothes, he hates tags and seams and things that irritate him.

 

So it might be more than just not liking to undress and dress, but more that he doesnt like the material of the clothing.

 

I have two books to recommend called the out of syncs child and the Out of syncs child has fun

 

Brilliant books.

 

I now use multi sensory therapies to help him deal with different stimuli as I want him to learn to adapt so he can be as independant as possible.

 

As for the sensitive hearing J loves the piano if he is playing but gets irriated by noises he has no control over, he especially doesnt like crying sounds or high pitched noises, but he can make quite a bit a noise himself, but he is the one making the noise, we take ear plugs and mp3 players with headphones for noisy places, some children wear ear defenders to smooth the noises.

 

I could go on and on but majority is from the out of syncs book, and looking throw the internet and using my own ideas too.

 

We have a visual time table too, had to get that one in quick, and warnings before something is about to happen, see told you I can go on, but thats because J is 13 now, and you pick it as you go along.

 

Anyway hope that the links are useful.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=20381

 

JsMumxx

 

[sawjd]

Hello Jsmum,

 

Many thanks for the links. I will look into it.

 

love sawjd