Would moving be a disaster?

[bettyhen]

We're considering moving to Scotland for all sorts of reasons - employment being the main one. My son, who is mildly ASD, was a nightmare when he started at his primary school but is pretty settled now with a few blips. I don't think the school get him, or plan for his deeds but he says he likes school apart from some breaks when he has no-one to play with (partly his fault - he won't play tig; partly the school's fault - they promised but have yet to set up a social skills group).

 

We know the house we'd moved to very well and he likes it there but I worry that the change will all be too much for him and he'll regress and start hitting etc when he starts at the new school. Does any one have any views/experiences re this? We don't HAVE to move but I feel it would be better to move now when he's in Y1 than later on. If it weren't for his needs, I'd be eager to move.

 

 

[justine1]

Hi

I have alot of experience with moving.I separated from me husband in Feb 2008 I went to a refuge in the same area where we were living and the boys continued at the same school,so it wasnt much of a change.However we only stayed there for two months then moved to a different refuge in a different COUNTY,the kids had to start at a new school,Sam was very rebellious,hitting at school etc. he had never hit before we moved to the new area.Again this was temporary and lasted 4mths we were than moved to another area(same county)so they had to change schools again!Sam regressed back to hitting etc.but actually after two weeks he settled the school was better as it was a small village he only had 7 kids in his class!!!!Unfortunatley,I didnt like the location as it was really far from my family,being a village I had to travel far to get to any shops and my eldest suffered racial abuse so once again we had to move.

 

Luckily I did an exchange which brought me back to the area where we were,the second refuge,I liked the school and easier bus route to family.So the change wasnt too bad as the kids returned to the same school they were before.However as we moved so much Sam was so unsettled so his behaviour has just got worse,we have been here for nearly a year so I think he knows we wont move again and now I believe its more to do with the school he is at rather than the fact we have moved around 4 times in two years!!!

 

Firstly,if you have to move to get employment thus giving him a better quality of life that should already outweigh the negatives.Secondly you have the opportunity to look at various schools and see what suites his needs,based on you already know where you will live,so prehaps he can also get to see the school/s etc.

Moving in Summer is best as when he starts at the new school there may be others starting at the same time and he will go on holiday same time as everyone else at school,so not much of a change.I was not fortunate enough to see my house I was moved to after living in the refuge and nor did I get the opportunity to look at schools,if I did I would have known it wasnt the right place for my family and it would have saved money and hassle.

 

I do think if you sure its going to be a long term thing and better for your family its worth the plunge.Yes,he may have a few weeks or even months to settle down but I am sure if he has the necessary support in the school from day 1 then there should be no problems.

 

Good luck

[chris54]

We moved about 2 years ago and really our son has never looked back. We did a lot of preparation, by the time we moved our son was positively looking forward to the move to the new school. I think we were lucky with the school as both staff and pupils helped our him settle in. And some of the rules were bent to help accommodate him.

 

We gave the new school copies of all the paper work we had including school reports, sent it to them before we moved and new school were in touch with old school, talked to staff on the phone as well as emails. I think that can only help as there is always a delay in new school getting information by the official channels.

 

As for friend, he had only just made one at school, a boy similar to himself, before we moved so that was a bit of a shame. He still talks about him a lot, makes up stores witch include him. There are lots of friendly children at his new school that know son but non that you would call a friend.

 

Over all for us the move of school has been positive.

Edited March 30, 2010 by chris54

[bettyhen]

Thanks for both your replies which have given me a lot to think about. It's hard to know whether a school is the right place until he's been there - I'm a teacher and know all too well the double-speak that exists. Some so-called GOOD schools are awful places!

 

He has got a good friend at school (another geeky kid) but he tends to rely on him overmuch and is fed up when his friend plays with other kids and plays games that he doesn't like. Interestingly, he gets on really well with the reception girls as they comfort him when he cries (mixed-age class, he's Y1). So, I don't know whether it's unfair to get him to leave this situation or not.

 

I called the school today (very rural) and they have places so that isn't an issue. I imagine the classes are pretty small too. Also, in Scotland they can't have more than 25 in a mixed-age class; he's one of 30 at the moment.

 

Let's hope time to reflect over Easter (in Scotland) will help. Thanks once again for all your useful advice.

[Tally]

The upheaval of moving would be a temporary one. When you weight it up against the benefits for the entire family, it might well be worthwhile.

[justine1]

The upheaval of moving would be a temporary one. When you weight it up against the benefits for the entire family, it might well be worthwhile.

I agree with Tally.Also you mention the friendships he has,with the girls etc.I know it must be hard because he may be happy/comfortable with the way things are, but the truth is this may not last even if you remain where you are.Your son is still young and from my experience children change their friends over time.The friends he has now may not be the same friends he has in 2-3 years time.

 

I do agree that if you thinking of moving now would be best as he is in year 1 so he has lots of time to develop friendships and get into routines etc at the new home,but as I said before the school should be the priority once you have the right school everything else should go smoothly.Also I am not sure how the school system is there,but where I am they still have the three tier which will cause more upheival later down the line,so I think if possible you can send him to a primary school where he will remain until he is ready for high school(hopefully they have that system anyway!)

 

I wish you luck in whatever you decide <'> <'>

[bettyhen]

In Scotland they have a two tier system but go up to secondary school a year later, which would be good! Unfortunately it's in a very isolated area and there is only one school nearby - about 5 miles away. It sounds like it's good but I realise the limitations to inspections!

 

We would have lots of benefits in terms of moving there - the potential for tree houses, ponies and sailling but we'd have rubbish weather and midges too!