World Autism Awareness Day - Autism Dads

[Cat]

 

To mark World Autism Awareness Day, which is today officially today April 2nd, some of the Autism-in-Mind Dads have been standing up for autism solely to raise awareness of the condition. Will you stand up with our Dads? I 'AM'

 

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?g...0739&ref=ts

 

 

Cat

[Karen A]

I am too.

Thanks cat and good to see you. <'>

My husband was asking last night if I knew if anyone was doing anything to flag up World Autism Day.Now I can say yes.

Karen.

Edited April 2, 2010 by Karen A

[baddad]

Hi Cat -

I don't 'do' the whole facebook thing so haven't signed up, but if I did do the whole facebook thing I would!

Over the years WAAD has increasingly become associated with awful 'cure' lobby groups run and supported by parents who are too shortsighted to see that only negatives can emerge from such blinkered and uncompromising associations, so it is great to see a group stating at the outset that their objectives are support rather than by-any-means 'fixes'.

I'll dig the 'Badget' out - having not worn 'WAAD' buttons for a few years now I'll have an alternative to wear to the shops later

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited April 2, 2010 by baddad

[baranigirl]

Already wore blue to celebrate world Autism day today

[Samsam]

I was discussing this with my husband earlier, I said I can't muster up the energy to support anything pushed by Autism Speaks as I think they are a little terrifying. However I will support your facebook group (joins)

[Cat]

I was discussing this with my husband earlier, I said I can't muster up the energy to support anything pushed by Autism Speaks as I think they are a little terrifying. However I will support your facebook group (joins)

 

To be fair Autism Awareness Day does not really belong to Autism Speaks but I do understand where you are coming from. Given that we made a big complaint to the UK branch of Autism Speaks last year about their 'I AM Autism' Video I think we are probably on the same wave length about them. Not my cup of tea really. We used the day to promote awareness and also because Dads are sometimes a little bit left out and should play an important part in the lives of their children.

 

We are hoping that this will grow like the autism mothers did. We do not want to change our kids we want respect for their condition and the support and resources that they will need as they make their way through life without having to fight for it. Not that much to ask for really is it?

 

Cat

[Karen A]

I just think it was good to see a group doing something to flag up World Autism Awareness Day.

We spotted one small add in the paper.

Otherwise a major oppurtunity to raise awareness of ASD which was on a bank holiday just before a general election......when the media that was at work was dominated by the RC church.

I wonder whether an oppurtunity has been missed.

Karen.

[Samsam]

To be fair Autism Awareness Day does not really belong to Autism Speaks but I do understand where you are coming from. Given that we made a big complaint to the UK branch of Autism Speaks last year about their 'I AM Autism' Video I think we are probably on the same wave length about them. Not my cup of tea really. We used the day to promote awareness and also because Dads are sometimes a little bit left out and should play an important part in the lives of their children.

 

We are hoping that this will grow like the autism mothers did. We do not want to change our kids we want respect for their condition and the support and resources that they will need as they make their way through life without having to fight for it. Not that much to ask for really is it?

 

Cat

Oh I agree completely, On the world awareness day website there is a prominent link to Autism Speaks and it was the I am autism video that first made me aware of them. I agree that dads need a little more support because as my husband didn't have as much time as I did to research Autism when our son was diagnosed, I was in the very fortunate position of not needing to work back then and this allowed me to become involved in support groups and eventually taking over the running of them (and then eventually becoming employed by the company that had given me so much help). My poor husband only ever had the info that I gave him despite wanting to become so much more involved.

 

Through my community work I have seen that this is one of the biggest barriers that dads face and also there is the barrier that a lot of the groups are primarily mum orientated I've always said that it one of the best things that dads need is their own group maybe on a weekend. Recently I heard rumours around my way of a dad and child karate group for children with additional needs which not only gives dads a chance to spend time with their children but it gives the dads a chance to talk to other dads about what is going on and swap ideas which I think is awesome. I keep meaning to look further into it but I never have the time

[chris54]

I have to admit that I was not aware of Autism Awareness Day.

 

When it comes to dads, we have a long way to go before we are seen as anything other than a poor substitute. Just playing at being a parent until mum takes over.

 

And as for dads groups, been involved with the attempted setting up of a few over the years both as a parent and from a professional point of view.

 

Never got far, it was always assumed that dads want to spend their time playing football with their kids and not much else. That any group would be about sport or the like.

[Cat]

I have to admit that I was not aware of Autism Awareness Day.

 

When it comes to dads, we have a long way to go before we are seen as anything other than a poor substitute. Just playing at being a parent until mum takes over.

 

And as for dads groups, been involved with the attempted setting up of a few over the years both as a parent and from a professional point of view.

 

Never got far, it was always assumed that dads want to spend their time playing football with their kids and not much else. That any group would be about sport or the like.

 

The Dads in AIM have always played an active part in the group. Some Dads are more active than others but the so are some of our Mums. I would never personally view my husband as a poor substitute for me. He is just as hands on with our son as I am. Dads are often working and do not have the time to spend rattling cages bars that Mums can. Living with autism 24/7 - 365/52 means that we are living autism awareness day everyday but that does not mean that other people are. The people that I would personally like to raise awareness with are professionals. There are still far too many of them walking around in possession of a little knowledge and as my Dad always said a little knowledge can often be a dangerous thing.

 

Cat

[chris54]

The Dads in AIM have always played an active part in the group. Some Dads are more active than others but the so are some of our Mums.

 

I would never personally view my husband as a poor substitute for me. He is just as hands on with our son as I am.

Cat

The very fact that Dads and Mums are talked about differently withing a group is underlining the problem.

 

Dad are just as capable as mums, but because for a variety of reasons some do not take their responsibilities seriously, it undermines the rest of us.

 

Now I dont want to sound like I am in anyway doing down my wife but for a number of reason if I had not assumed the main parenting role in our family we would not have survived as a family.

I work full time and am the main carer for our son.

I work nights, I go out after he is in bed and come home befor he gets up, and sleep when I can.

 

 

[justine1]

I also was not aware that there is a WAA Day but I am new to all this!

 

In my opinion I think dads, in general, are not acknowledege for what they do, not just those with disabled children.I think it is hard because many people still have the "old" view that a women should be at home while a man goes to work.I think even if a father cannot do anything with their children if they are providing adequatley for that child their contribution should be acknowledged.

 

At the same time one should not assume that fathers of disabled children all care for their kids because this is not the case,and as much as I respect those fathers who come on here they are a minority that is the reality.

 

When I was with my husband I worked 12 hr shift 6/7 days a week(72hrs p/w),then went home to take one child to school and look after two younger ones.I also had to cook and clean.He worked day time,but I earned more and did the bulk of the caring.I am not saying he was not a good father and he also would clean and cook at weekends but he would also send them to their room instead of playing with them.If he were at home caring for the kids while I worked I would not resent him in any way,I think whichever way it is when one parent does the bulk of the work and its not balanced then it is not fair on either person or the children(IMO!)A friend of mine is lucky as she works 7 hour morning/afternoon shift and her husband works 7 hr afternoon/evening shift when she gets back.That way they both have time with the kids and are not too exhausted in the evenings so can also spend time together,even if it is just an hour or two.I know not everyone can do this but it should be equal in this way i.e one person works other remains with kids or both work while kids at school and meet as a family in evenings or do shift work but work similar hours and have at least one full day/night off to spend as a family!

 

Sorry gone way off topic!Just to add in my case because I spent more time with my kidsI knew my son had a problem his father doesnt see it because even when together he wouldnt spend proper time with him,so if he was left with him he would probably never get a dx or help!!!!

[chris54]

Just for the record, I dont care for my son because he is disabled, I assumed the role of main/full time carer in our household because, in the first instance my wife wanted to work full time then later when pregnant with our youngest son she became disabled and was unable to return to work or care for our son unaided (From birth).

 

,and as much as I respect those fathers who come on here --

Do you equally respect the mothers that come on here or are you separating fathers out for special mention.

(Don't mean to offend)

 

As much as we may like to think otherwise there are plenty of parents both mothers and fathers who dont give a fig about their children, disabled or otherwise.

 

By the very nature of things it will almost always be the mothers that is left to pick up the pieces when thing go wrong, but I can think of 2 cases that I know of personally were the children were left with the father and the mother has had to pay maintenance.

 

This is all a long way off the original topic.

I am split between being frustrated of the lack of support/recognition for the part fathers do/can play in their children's lives and feeling patronised then fathers are singled out for special treatment.

[justine1]

I think we have gone of topic but just to say chris,yes I know you care for your son anyway ASD or not,my point was that you were saying how fathers are "singled out" or "separated" with regards to childcare etc compared to mothers,so in turn I was saying that people who make special groups for fathers(or in fact mothers) with ASD are somehow separate from those who do not have kids with ASD(hope that makes sense!)

 

I never went to toddlers groups etc just because I thought most mums boast too much about how "Johnny can read and he is only one" etc,if someone invited me to a toddler group just for ASD kids I still would not go,based on the same principles.So I think if people want to have fathers and kids groupd why should it be exclusively for ASD "familys"I do understand the need to talk to like minded parents(after all I joined this group)but it seems like segregation at a subtle level.As well as the fact there are so few groups for fathers to spend quality time with their kids ASD or not!I find it hard to type exactly what I mean,so I do apologise if I am not clear!

 

Also,yes I respect anybody,male or female,that has courage to come on here,but I have to admit I feel more respect for fathers.It could be just my opinion but most fathers do take a "back seat" when it comes to their children,sometimes it is the mothers fault,but generally I think its society.My husband would be equally as good,if not better,at caring for our kids while I worked,but he would not do so simply because of what others would think.The same would apply to a forum like this,even though he could remain anonomys,he would have a real hard time "pouring his heart out!"This is the point I am making.I am sooooooo not having a go,basically blaming society,media etc.

 

As for single fathers,this is obviousley on the rise,a few years back it was rare,even if a mum passed away or left the family home many kids would end up with another family member like grandparents.Times are changing which is a good thing.

 

We would all love a society where male and female are treated as equals but in all honesty I really doubt this will happen,unfortuatley this is the same with race(I know from personal experience.)As I have said its just my opinion.

[Tally]

Until people recognise that fathers can play an equal role in parenting, I think we do have to single out fathers in order to point this out.