what to do?

[baranigirl]

Nursery had a long chat with DP today about DD3 skills - she was 4 in february

 

She was very funny about going in today, she demanded they give her a bath, yet they don't have a bath there and she refused to accept that even from her teachers?

 

Said she had earache and was starving, but didn't want breakfast at school (she had eaten one at home) and the earache appeared when she got in the car?

 

I did ring a little later and she had settled down by then, but she is doing this kind of thing more and more now, not sure what it is all about

 

DP picked her up and they said she doesn't recognise her letters or numbers and they were a little concerned, nor can she do simple jigsaws or write her name

 

Here at home she has good number recognition, I ask her to press number 2 on a lift etc. and she can that sort of thing and with different numbers. She can point out the letters on a keyboard, does get some muddled like M and W

 

She does 100 piece puzzles here all by herself, yet at school she 'can't' do the really simple ones

 

She has been writing her name for over a year too

 

I just don't know what this is all about Why is she so different at nursery to home? she is still hardly speaking their either, yet they say she has no social problems

 

What do I do?

[justine1]

Hi again

 

I wouldnt worry too much,my son(as you know) is the same age I know kids in his class that cant write their name and cant even count to 10.I understand what you mean about doing things different at home than at school:Sam(6) is the same he can write quite well and do math very well at home but he cant be bothered at school,he is quiet(not to quiet)but calm at home but at school he shouts alot and is all over the place.

Dan(4)also does work hard but at school,he can write and recognise numbers and write his name,he does this at his dads to but he wont do this with me at all.

 

Ultimatley it is your decision.You could wait another year or take her to the GP now.I was going to wait to get an assesment for Dan at least for a year but his constant crying and not eating resulted in me getting a referal(5 weeks ago) the waiting list is long,so prehaps you may want to take her to the GP now as she may only be seen in two-three mths(in my case)So now we are just waiting.I dont want him to reach the point where Sam is now,dreadfully unhappy at school and missed out on nearly a year of school cause of exclusions and half days.Sam was not agressive before only started last June(yr 1) in Nursery and reception he was quiet so you never know how things will change.

[baranigirl]

Thanks Justine, I just feel something isn't quite right, but I can't go to the GP and just tell him that, he has known me 30 years and knows I don't go in about silly pointless things, but I don't want her to be unhappy at school this september either?

 

She has been assessed at nursery by her keyworker who is the SENCO and the area SENCO also came in to assess her and they said she was shy, something I would not call her!

[justine1]

I wouldnt trust the SENCO,Sams SENCO is the HT she is lovely but clueless about ASD,I think you should go with your gut instinct.I also hate going to the GP my kids are hardly sick,I have only been for asthma twice and 6 times for my three pregnancies.I was so reluctant to go and speak about Sam because I did doubt myself,even though family had said there is a concern.Luckily I saw a great GP and she knew he had Aspergers before she even made the referral,she also made it an urgent referral so we were seen quickly.

 

I was even more reluctant to take Dan thought they may think I am just seeing things but again saw a different but equally understanding GP.Have you thought about seeing a different GP?Or you could get the Health Visitor to refer her to early years team,thats what mine was going to do for Dan but then I just went to GP so dont know how long that side of things takes.

 

I am sure after a long think you will know what to do.What does hubby say about it all?

[Mumble]

She does 100 piece puzzles here all by herself, yet at school she 'can't' do the really simple ones

Just a little point on this, because this described me as a little kid (a bit younger than your DD). Though I had no dx at the time, I suspect my dyspraxia came into this - I couldn't actually hold the little knobbly bits on the easy puzzles that you were supposed to pick the pieces up with to put them in. Normal puzzles however, were fine.

 

Other possibilities: does she know the questions include/are being directed at her? In autism, some individuals are unaware that a whole-class invitation to count etc. includes them unless their name is used. If she does, is it possible that she feels the tasks are 'below' her and this is her protesting against having to do them (I was a terror in my second primary school aged 6 as I was asked to repeat things I'd done at my previous school and I point blank refused to work!! )

 

[baranigirl]

Just a little point on this, because this described me as a little kid (a bit younger than your DD). Though I had no dx at the time, I suspect my dyspraxia came into this - I couldn't actually hold the little knobbly bits on the easy puzzles that you were supposed to pick the pieces up with to put them in. Normal puzzles however, were fine.

 

Other possibilities: does she know the questions include/are being directed at her? In autism, some individuals are unaware that a whole-class invitation to count etc. includes them unless their name is used. If she does, is it possible that she feels the tasks are 'below' her and this is her protesting against having to do them (I was a terror in my second primary school aged 6 as I was asked to repeat things I'd done at my previous school and I point blank refused to work!! )

 

mumble she has those little puzzles here as well, mainly now for her younger brother and she does those in seconds, so there is no problem with her holding the pieces, but thank you for adding that thought as it could have been something!

 

Now your second point has got me wondering...

[baranigirl]

I wouldnt trust the SENCO,Sams SENCO is the HT she is lovely but clueless about ASD,I think you should go with your gut instinct.I also hate going to the GP my kids are hardly sick,I have only been for asthma twice and 6 times for my three pregnancies.I was so reluctant to go and speak about Sam because I did doubt myself,even though family had said there is a concern.Luckily I saw a great GP and she knew he had Aspergers before she even made the referral,she also made it an urgent referral so we were seen quickly.

 

I was even more reluctant to take Dan thought they may think I am just seeing things but again saw a different but equally understanding GP.Have you thought about seeing a different GP?Or you could get the Health Visitor to refer her to early years team,thats what mine was going to do for Dan but then I just went to GP so dont know how long that side of things takes.

 

I am sure after a long think you will know what to do.What does hubby say about it all?

 

 

Would deffo see my GP he is like an old friend we have been at the surgery longer than him and he has been there 30 years so he has seen me grow up iyswim. I think I am doubting the SENCO's as I know how hard things are to spot sometimes, especially if the behaviours are different home to school. They are starting to see some of her meltdowns now, which really shocked them, all over her bag getting taken home by accident as it is the same as another child's, nursery ensured her bag was back for the Friday session as I explained (through her meltdown screams) that she would be inconsolable if it wasn't returned next time she attended!

 

My sister is a preschool teacher in the states and studied AS for her dissertation, she has asked me loads of things which do point to AS, however some things don't. My sister visited us last summer and this was before anyone was even thought to be on the spectrum, she said she didn't notice anything, with DD3 but that she must be high functioning?

[Tally]

So she can do things at home that she can't do at school? Including speaking? One possibility that sprang to mind is that maybe she does not wish to receive attention. Maybe she is frightened that if she writes her name (for example) they will fuss around her and say, "well done," and this frightens her.

[baranigirl]

So she can do things at home that she can't do at school? Including speaking? One possibility that sprang to mind is that maybe she does not wish to receive attention. Maybe she is frightened that if she writes her name (for example) they will fuss around her and say, "well done," and this frightens her.

 

 

That could be part of it I guess, she does not like unstructured time with large groups. Her nursery class is about 10 kids and nothing is structured per sey, it is all about 'free flow'

 

Toddler group she is fine with providing we are one of the first to arrive, she seeks out her one friend and it doesn't then get overly noisy after, although more recently she has been asking to leave after an hour of being there and we are generally there for 1 hr 45 mins

 

I am going to speak to her teacher Monday morning and try to get a few more clues about what DP is saying, as he does get muddled quite easily

[Sally44]

Or it could be a problem with generalisation. Things learnt in one environment are not transferred into another one. For example the games she plays with numbers and letters are very familiar to her. She may associate the picture with the number and without the picture she does not recognise the same number??

It is something quite hard to pin point. It could be down to other things such as sensory difficulties and simply not being able to do anything in an environment that is over stimulating.

If you have concerns, raise them. They are valid. If this is a new nursery, she may just need some time to settle down. But if this continues then you would be right to ask for advice on this.

[Fragster]

So she can do things at home that she can't do at school? Including speaking? One possibility that sprang to mind is that maybe she does not wish to receive attention. Maybe she is frightened that if she writes her name (for example) they will fuss around her and say, "well done," and this frightens her.

 

I just wanted to add that my DS is in yr1 and the not achieving his full near his full potential. After 3 years of having issues with him trying, I discovered quite by accident that the reason was because "if you can do something good then teachers point you out saying well done or showing other children, I dont want people to look or know". DS does require a lot of positive reinforcement and absolutely adores be praised and told he is doing well, but not when this brings attention in from other people. I spoke to his teacher about it and we have been able to push him forward in some areas like reading because the praise is hidden in a going up a level or spellings the teachers dont talk about the marks, but we are struggling with his mind set about the class work.

[baranigirl]

Or it could be a problem with generalisation. Things learnt in one environment are not transferred into another one. For example the games she plays with numbers and letters are very familiar to her. She may associate the picture with the number and without the picture she does not recognise the same number??

It is something quite hard to pin point. It could be down to other things such as sensory difficulties and simply not being able to do anything in an environment that is over stimulating.

If you have concerns, raise them. They are valid. If this is a new nursery, she may just need some time to settle down. But if this continues then you would be right to ask for advice on this.

 

 

Sally she has been there for 2 years! Her keyworker is the SENCO, but tbh I do not think she has got much experience with SN kids I get the impression she has done the relevant training and never needed to use it, obviously I could be completely wrong in my opinion, but that is how she appears to me. DD3 number recognition etc can be done in books she hasn't seen before so there cannot be a 'pre learnt' association