i'm new...

[WhishingWell]

Hello i'm Erin

 

i feel i need a little rant...

 

i'm 20 and my parents are convinced i have traits of aspergers. i very much relate to this forum. but not having a definite diagnosis bothers me as i have such a strong belief that my paranoia, anxiety and perfectism is just down to lack of intelligence. being labelled as aspergers may result in me being not so hard on myself.

 

i'm extremely unconfident and don't like to try anything new or that involves pressure which really hold me back. i can come across as confident and i'm especially confident and open with talking about myself and my feelings as i obsess and over analyze my actions constantly. i feel i am very self obsessed.

as i like to observe people and use this to help me socially, but its not enough, i can be distant and my paranoia can ruin friendships. this really upsets me as i am a people pleaser.

 

if i don't eat i can turn into a monster and its really difficult when people don't understand how urgently i sometimes need food often and can panic about it.

my friends see me as a just a hypochondriac. as my mum is a councilor/hypnotherapist who works with a range of people including aspergers, my friends thinks she puts ideas in my head. i know i am a hypochondriac, but it is because i am anxious person.

i can get extremely depressed but i feel people think it somehow attention seeking as im open about it. i feel like a ticking bomb that can go off at anytime, when i get down i find my feelings are very extreme, i become very rigid and see no way out, i constantly think about death it terrifies yet fascinates me. i don't like doing anything that puts me in danger, however i drink silly amounts in order to loose control and do worryingly things, act unexplainable and become extremely confused, but this doesn't stop me from continuing to drink.

 

i like to daydream a huge amount and my imagination uncontrollable and feel i misuse it.

art was my only passion and i took it very seriously but my high expectations and perfectionism have ruin my confidence and ability to draw and now i will not do anything remotely artistic!

i have the belief if other people do things better than you why bother doing it too, which i know is a negative attitude to have.

i can't handle boredom, i become self destructive or my imagination takes over.

i'm extremely stubborn, if i don't see the point in something there is no way i will willingly do it, which can hold me back. i will not do anything that involves any sort or pressure, which is a little limiting.

 

the worse thing i guess is that on the surface i can come across as calm and confident. i also come across as odd because i am very literal and daydreamy. people find me very odd but they say it is amusing and intriguing. i have learnt to find myself amusing too. underneath i feel a complete mess, i feel like i'm mentally losing it, but this is probably a result of my overactive imagination.

 

i could go on and on, but i am boring myself and probably others!

 

[Tally]

Hi Erin, and welcome to the forum.

 

It sounds like you've got a lot of difficulties at the moment. Most of them actually sound like mental health issues, which could get better with the right support. Understanding whether or not you do have AS could help the mental health service provide you with the right kind of support, but it can be very difficult to get assessed for Asperger's. If you can show how it is underpinning a lot of your other difficulties and that understanding yourself would be key to getting the right treatment, you might have more luck.

[trekster]

Hello i'm Erin

 

i feel i need a little rant...

 

i'm 20 and my parents are convinced i have traits of aspergers. i very much relate to this forum. but not having a definite diagnosis bothers me as i have such a strong belief that my paranoia, anxiety and perfectionism is just down to lack of intelligence. being labelled as aspergers may result in me being not so hard on myself.

 

Aspergers tend to be average or above intelligence.

i'm extremely unconfident and don't like to try anything new or that involves pressure which really hold me back. i can come across as confident and i'm especially confident and open with talking about myself and my feelings as i obsess and over analyze my actions constantly. i feel i am very self obsessed.

as i like to observe people and use this to help me socially, but its not enough, i can be distant and my paranoia can ruin friendships. this really upsets me as i am a people pleaser.

 

Sounds like aspergers to me as im the same.

if i don't eat i can turn into a monster and its really difficult when people don't understand how urgently i sometimes need food often and can panic about it.

my friends see me as a just a hypochondriac. as my mum is a counsellor/hypnotherapist who works with a range of people including aspergers, my friends thinks she puts ideas in my head. i know i am a hypochondriac, but it is because i am anxious person.

i can get extremely depressed but i feel people think it somehow attention seeking as im open about it. i feel like a ticking bomb that can go off at anytime, when i get down i find my feelings are very extreme, i become very rigid and see no way out, i constantly think about death it terrifies yet fascinates me. i don't like doing anything that puts me in danger, however i drink silly amounts in order to loose control and do worryingly things, act unexplainable and become extremely confused, but this doesn't stop me from continuing to drink.

 

i really dislike the hypochondria label as i was given it when i knew i had something different about me (being the dyslexia and aspergers). i can also get angry when im hungry and people don't understand that im not aware of my need for food until sometimes too late. This happens less now that i avoid gluten and msg/aspartame in my diet. Autistics can sometimes use alcohol to blend in but it doesnt work as a long term solution. Hopefully after your assessment you can find some other asperger/autistic friends at a local social club where you can be yourself.

i like to daydream a huge amount and my imagination uncontrollable and feel i misuse it.

art was my only passion and i took it very seriously but my high expectations and perfectionism have ruin my confidence and ability to draw and now i will not do anything remotely artistic!

i have the belief if other people do things better than you why bother doing it too, which i know is a negative attitude to have.

i can't handle boredom, i become self destructive or my imagination takes over.

i'm extremely stubborn, if i don't see the point in something there is no way i will willingly do it, which can hold me back. i will not do anything that involves any sort or pressure, which is a little limiting.

 

i find aspergers can be really hard on themselves due to their perfectionistic tendencies. ive managed to suppress mine and make do with what i have. im rarely bored in fact if im bored it means im tired or hungry as ive got lots of hobbies, snooker on tv at the moment as i like the maths involved and the shots the players take, cross stitching whilst watching tv and i love to do 2 things at once, playmobils to talk to if i get lonely, quiz shows, stamp collecting and being immersed in the autisitc community near to my home.

the worse thing i guess is that on the surface i can come across as calm and confident. i also come across as odd because i am very literal and daydreamy. people find me very odd but they say it is amusing and intriguing. i have learnt to find myself amusing too. underneath i feel a complete mess, i feel like i'm mentally losing it, but this is probably a result of my overactive imagination.

 

i could go on and on, but i am boring myself and probably others!

 

i dont find your post boring and i can relate to it myself as an asperger.

 

[Mumble]

Welcome to the forum, Erin.

 

As Tally says, much of this seems to relate to mental health issues (which may or may not be co-morbid - occurring alongside - to ASD). It would be worth you getting an independent perspective. Have you spoken to your GP? Perhaps a referral to a mental health team/psychologist/psychiatrist might help you to unpick some of these issues and explore what is going on and where to take this from here. Even if you are looking at AS, this would be worthwhile as the usual diagnostic route (NHS) involves seeing someone within mental health if only to rule out other issues.

 

Sounds like aspergers to me as I'm the same.

Just because something sounds like you and you are AS doesn't mean either than the characteristic is due to AS or that if it is, the characteristic in the other person is due to or indicative of AS. I have watery eyes at the moment due to hayfever and being a little silly sitting next to an open window. That doesn't mean that someone else with watery eyes also has hayfever. They could have any of a number of conditions, may have been swimming and have been irritated by the chlorine, may have something in their eye or may have been crying.

 

I'm not aware of my need for food until sometimes too late.

When is it too late to need food? When you drop dead? If you are really that unaware of the need for food then surely you plan regular meal times?

 

I've managed to suppress mine and make do with what i have.

The danger in this approach is that you accept yourself as you are and refuse to challenge yourself or push what you can do and as such never move forward. If you make do and accept things as they are, you'll never know if you could do better. Take Tom in the Autistic Me programme. His Mum said he could never make food for himself. I wonder if he's been given the opportunity to try - and to make mistakes and learn from these. It's all to easy to fall into and become trapped by an I can't mentality.

 

[baranigirl]

Hi and welcome, you sound an awful lot like my partner (DP) who is currently awaiting a psych referral for AS, his GP is certain thats what it is too.

 

I can relate to the food thing as DP gets extremely anxious when food is getting low (due to finances) yet I can prepare a meal out of virtually nothing, for him it almost scares him and he will then get angry and shout, if he is hungry it causes the same anxieties, however I have learnt to recognise his pre explosions and they are lessening now as I am reacting differently and able to calm him before he does become over anxious

 

He too is artistic, but refues to draw at the moment as he doesn't think it is good enough as his confidence is in tatters, drinking for him was how he kept himself calm, since he stopped drinking his AS traits have become very obvious, in some ways it would be easier for me to have him drinking, but I know that is not really the answer!

 

There was a lot of other points that I found quite similar

 

However I am still learning a lot about AS and other things and my advice would be to speak to your GP about your thinking and go from there

[trekster]

Welcome to the forum, Erin.

 

As Tally says, much of this seems to relate to mental health issues (which may or may not be co-morbid - occurring alongside - to ASD). It would be worth you getting an independent perspective. Have you spoken to your GP? Perhaps a referral to a mental health team/psychologist/psychiatrist might help you to unpick some of these issues and explore what is going on and where to take this from here. Even if you are looking at AS, this would be worthwhile as the usual diagnostic route (NHS) involves seeing someone within mental health if only to rule out other issues.

 

 

Just because something sounds like you and you are AS doesn't mean either than the characteristic is due to AS or that if it is, the characteristic in the other person is due to or indicative of AS. I have watery eyes at the moment due to hayfever and being a little silly sitting next to an open window. That doesn't mean that someone else with watery eyes also has hayfever. They could have any of a number of conditions, may have been swimming and have been irritated by the chlorine, may have something in their eye or may have been crying.

 

What i meant was it sounded like my AS. i wish people would stop totally misinterpreting my words i looked at all the beaviours not just 2 symptoms of an allergic condition like yourself.

When is it too late to need food? When you drop dead? If you are really that unaware of the need for food then surely you plan regular meal times?

 

Dont be silly, it is too late to need food when you are so hungry you cant concentrate on your cooking. Planning regular mealtimes involves executive function and also having a proper sleeping schedule which i dont have. My home help means when i am hungry i have food in the fridge that i can heat up without burning myself.

The danger in this approach is that you accept yourself as you are and refuse to challenge yourself or push what you can do and as such never move forward. If you make do and accept things as they are, you'll never know if you could do better. Take Tom in the Autistic Me programme. His Mum said he could never make food for himself. I wonder if he's been given the opportunity to try - and to make mistakes and learn from these. It's all to easy to fall into and become trapped by an I can't mentality.

 

No actually it doesnt work like that, i just dont keep worrying about things that dont need worrying about. The original poster has stronger tendencies of perfectionism than i had. Being a perfectionist is a bad thing as you will never be satisfied. i think it would depend on what meal his mum or someone else showed him to cook as to weather he could achieve this or not. A snack meal is satisfying but not as good as a chicken dinner with 4 pans on the go something i would never be able to do. i know my limits and i dont push past them as severe mental health problems would result. For example learning to set the table is a skill but not a neccessity i can go through life without winding myself up about learning toset a dinner table. Unless i develop a preference for eating with a fork in my left hand (for example) it's not going to help me.

[Mumble]

What i meant was it sounded like my AS. i wish people would stop totally misinterpreting my words

I didn't misinterpret your words; I took them exactly as they were written. You wrote:

Sounds like aspergers to me as I'm the same.

which implies that the brief description you read was AS and you were the same. You did not say that the brief description sounded similar to the issues you face. In effect, you were saying (and have done elsewhere in the past) that you somehow epitomise what it means to be AS and disregard anything that does not fit with your experience.

 

i looked at all the behaviours not just 2 symptoms of an allergic condition like yourself.

I'm sorry, I did not realise that you knew the OP personally and had thorough experience of all their behaviours and had an understanding of their developmental history.

 

We cannot, and should not (to do so would be to do a disservice) be diagnosing individuals through this forum. If we were talking about any other, for instance medical condition, we would be urging the poster, if their symptoms warranted it, to be seeking medical advice. The situation should be no different here. It is highly possible for other conditions to mimic some of the characteristics of an ASD. Additionally, the individual may have ASD but may also be experiencing other issues including potentially severe mental health difficulties. If we were to say, yep sounds like AS, that individual may put off seeking very necessary medical opinion and support. No one here is an expert on ASDs - we are experts on our own or our children's ASDs - and as such, whilst we can give advice and support and suggestions, we shouldn't be acting in place of clinical judgement.

 

Don't be silly

But I thrive on silliness Silliness is my middle-name :bounce: Probably also a symptom of Autism. I shall make sure to remember that whenever I see any clowns in future...

 

Planning regular mealtimes involves executive function

Sounds to me like someone's been reading "Autism for Dummies - How to Enact Autistic Behaviours" because such professional language wouldn't come from a layman's use of language. It's nothing to do with 'executive function' (whatever that's a fancy name for ). You say, right, I am going to eat at 8am, 1pm and 6pm (or whatever three well-spaced times suit you). And if you are likely to become absorbed in an activity, you set an alarm for those times. Once a week, maybe with your home help, you can draw up a plan of what you will eat for each meal and ensure you have the necessary food in the fridge/cupboard.

 

No actually it doesn't work like that, i just don't keep worrying about things that don't need worrying about. The original poster has stronger tendencies of perfectionism than i had. Being a perfectionist is a bad thing as you will never be satisfied.

I agree, but equally so it is problematic to go the other way and say, oh well, I have autism, I can't possibly do X, Y, and Z and never expect any better of yourself. If you never push yourself, you'll never know what you can achieve.

 

i know my limits and i don't push past them as severe mental health problems would result.

How can you know if you don't push yourself? I'm afraid it sounds too much like a cop out to me and you are putting yourself in the position of fulfilling a self-fulfilling prophecy. Oh, if I do X, Z will happen. Hey presto, if you do X, Z does happen because you are expecting it (and in some ways willing it because it fulfils your expectations). I am not saying that some things won't be harder, won't take longer and won't be more difficult and I'm not saying that there are not things that you will always need support with, but people (yes, even people with autism ) grow and change and we need to push ourselves to know how and to what extent our limits have changed. I'm afraid it sounds like a cliché, but if you always expect the worst, the worst is what is going to happen.

 

Oh, and as for 'severe' mental health issues - I assume as you are labelling these severe, they are as diagnosed by a psychiatrist and you are under the care of a mental health team? Severe mental helath issues do not come and go, there will always be something underlying there. Avoidance is never an appropriate strategy, so I assume you are being helped to challenge these difficulties and to push yourself?

 

[Mumble]

Sorry, I have to point this out, because perhaps you are not aware you are doing it. In this thread you responded directly to the OP saying:

 

Sounds like aspergers to me

 

Yet a day later in another thread you have just said:

 

As we both know thinking someones autisitc and actually telling them you know their autistic are different things. Only a diagnostician can fully diagnose someone with autism or any other social communication disorder.

 

So, either you're a 'diagnostician' and have forgotten to tell us, or else you are doing what you say we cannot (and rightly shouldn't be) doing.

 

[Mumble]

Erin, apologies for having gone in your first thread. It's my special skill!

 

However, what I originally said still stands, and I think you would benefit from firstly speaking to your GP and perhaps a referral to a psychologist/psychiatrist/mental health team.

[WhishingWell]

No, thanks for the replies.

 

I have seen someone for a sort of quick assessment thing... not clear what it was. but i found it very confusing and rushed. i talked and talked and talked but didn't get much back, apart from apparently i'm not good at interrupting other peoples intentions (which i already knew and said so myself.)

 

i have once been to the doctors about depression and they offered me cognitive therapy... i think. which i wasnt interested in.

i'm very close to my mum and she is a counselor, so when seeing another i feel like i have heard it all before, its just words. i'm aware that there will always be a limit to which she can help me as she is my parent, but i really can't imagine anyone more understanding of myself.

i guess i can't imagine anything anyone could possibly say to help my state of mind, yet i always ramble on to everyone in hope that they may.

 

however, i've decided i'm going to go back to the doctors for counseling hopefully.