Been to see DD's teacher & SENCO but didn't go as I'd hoped

[davers79]

Well I've just got back from meeting DD's teacher and the SENCO and it didn't go how I hoped

 

It was partly my fault, I went prepared with notes and a copy of the letter I'd sent to the GP but when it came to it I didn't even get it out of my bag!! I felt a bit intimidated sitting talking to 2 teachers, not that they were nasty but they seemed to come to the meeting with the attitude that I was just another mum worried about secondary school transfer and kept trying to reassure me about that and I didn't feel like they really listened to what I wanted to say ... so I think I backed down and didn't get across everything I wanted to say I'm not a particularly assertive person myself and wouldn't feel comfortable forcing my point

 

I asked how DD was getting on accademically, shes doing fine which I already knew and is attaining level 4 (shes in year 6 doing her SATS in a couple of weeks). Her teachers said shes one of the loveliest children in her year and hardly ever naughty and a pleasure to teach, which is all lovely to hear of course, but I know shes not naughty and I hadn't gone to see them about her behaviour or her attainment.

 

I said I wanted to know if they had noticed any problems with DDs language, understanding, speech and social skills. I said I had concerns she could be somewhere mildly on the ASD spectrum and that I'd got a pead referral. They said they didn't think there was anything wrong with DD, shes "just immature", she doesn't have aspergers because "she has a sense of humour" and "the children at school who do have that kind of diagnosis are spaced out in their own little world, with no sense of humour and don't understand jokes".

 

They did agree she takes things very literally and likes to do work based on facts and concrete things and struggles with imaginative work.

 

Yes DD does have a sense of humour but she doesn't understand things like "whats black and white and read all over?" etc. She has poor comprehension both written and spoken at home, shes very black and white with rules, she speaks in statements with no who, what, when, why so conversations are very cryptic. Also she often speaks in loads of detail assuming ignorance and is always very pedantic! Her responses come out jumbled and she goes off track in what shes saying (people often switch off to her).

Socially shes immature and misses social cues and the unwritten rules in the playground. Shes an easy target with the other children to pick on her because shes so black and white and doesn't understand playground banter or politics. Shes can be very "in your face" with people and looks blankly if she doesn't understand or responds to a question with silence. A lot of the time children say really nasty things to her but she doesn't see it as nasty, just tells me in a very matter of fact way (my heart breaks when she tells me). She has a couple of friends but drifts between groups and finds it hard / doesn't know how to maintain friendships. Listening to her speak with her friends, she is so far behind them in verbal ability. Her concentration is poor (although has improved as shes got older) and shes unsettled by change and likes to know what is happening. When she does her homework she often misundertands what she should be doing and grasps the irrelevent points. She could quite happily spend 2 or 3 hrs sitting in the dining room doing her homework and doesn't understand she could be doing something else, she doesn't know how to use her time and doesn't have any interests. Shes always done afterschool activities but has never been fussed about missing them. When shes told off its always been hard to punish her as shes never bothered about anything.

Physically shes been slow to learn to catch a ball (8yrs) and has trouble with co-ordination even now. Her fine motor skills are also poor and her handwriting is poor and inconsistent.

 

Her teachers did agree to take her to her new secondary school for an additional visit before the main induction day in July. They are taking a handful of children who they think it would help (mainly the children with special needs) and will take DD as well now.

 

I just don't know what to do now? Do I just wait and see what the pead says in a few weeks time? Do I go back to school again (which I would dread doing!)? Or should I write a letter to her teacher thanking them for seeing me and enclosing a copy of the GP letter which I failed to give them which explains everything I wanted to say in more detail?

 

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received, I'm feeling pretty rubbish now ...

 

Thanks

x

 

 

 

[bensmum2]

Hi, firstly you have got a referral thats a good start. My own son got all 4's in his sats at year 6, although he wasnt diagnosed with Aspergers at the time, they took him with other children for extra visits to secondary school, and he went all summer to a transition group at Camhs, he could not have had a better transition even thought he wasnt' diagnosed at the time. and it seems school are listening to some of what you are saying. I was told by a private psychiatrist that my son could not have Aspergers' as he had empathy!!! He also has a great sense of humour himself but does not always understand others, and takes things literally at face value, if he sees something he believes it is always like that, for example until last year when he was 13 he believed all cats were female and dogs were the male equivalent , we had no idea but when we realised we thought about it and it was because he had only ever known female cats and male dogs, even last week at 14 1/2 he made a comment about my hair turning grey and said i would soon be like all the other grey haired women, mad about handbags!! when we spoke to him about what he meant , he really meant blondes and he thought grey and blonde were the same , hadn't even thought about grey hair meaning old age, he had just associated it with young blonde ladies who love handbags !! your daughter sounds quite similar , i would definately send the GP letter in to school, and if you feel yourself she could have ASd then you should take it as far as you can. It's not an easy road, my so nis now diagnosed with aspergers and has a statement and i am still fighting for the right school. He also has fine and gross motor skills problems but he is diagnosed with Dyspraxia which can exist alongside Aspergers. good luck with everything x

[caci]

I honestly think you would do better in speaking to the new school staff. I know from experience how little infomation is passed on from primary to secondary (or maybe we were just unlucky?)

 

I would post a copy of your notes and letter to the new school, with a covering letter asking for a meeting in a couple of weeks time. That will give them a chance to read through what you have written, and hopefully the points can be discussed when you meet.

 

Have you heard of Parent Partnership ? They often get involved if you are trying to get a stautory assessment (for a statement) but sometime can arrange for someone to go to mettings at the school with you. I have found it has helped me to send PP a set of my notes before the meeting, and although I can generally put my points across, it is good to know someone else is on hand to back you up.

 

You are definately NOT rubbish, you are the EXPERT regarding your daughter.

[emmasmum]

Don't let them put you off - primary school said my DD was fine, hence no diagnosis til 14.

 

It's good they are doing the extra visit - there is some useful info on NAS website about transition to secondary, so you could look through that and see if any other measures might be appropriate?

 

Personally I would send them a copy of the letter to the GP if you are happy for them to see it, but do be prepared for them to not take it seriously as they will consider themselves the experts. You may also wish to point out that girls with ASD present very differently from boys and for this reason they often are diagnosed very late.

 

Also, are you sure the paed is the appropriate person to be referred to? I only ask because DD was referred to a paed aged 6 and saw her for a few years. Paed said she was too social to have Aspergers.

 

When we went back to GP with concerns when she was 12, he again referred to paed but she, to her credit, did phone me and say he needed to refer to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health). We had to jump through several hoops there before finally seeing a pyschologist around 18mths after the original referral. She then told us that it is the child development centre who do the full multi-disciplinary assessments but there's a 2 year waiting list for that!

 

She was prepared to diagnose DD on my evidence alone and a single interview but I insisted on the test being done - I think they did ADOS in the end.

 

Hope this helps,

 

Carol

 

[BusyLizzie100]

I honestly think you would do better in speaking to the new school staff. I know from experience how little infomation is passed on from primary to secondary (or maybe we were just unlucky?)

 

I would post a copy of your notes and letter to the new school, with a covering letter asking for a meeting in a couple of weeks time. That will give them a chance to read through what you have written, and hopefully the points can be discussed when you meet.

 

I think this is a very good idea. I was in frequent contact with the SENCO at DS1's new secondary, sorting out additional visits, while he was still in Y6. It's an excellent idea to have a meeting with them to discuss your concerns.

 

It's also very good that you have a referral, and in just a few weeks, I understand. I would also pass on any information gained from that to the new school.

 

Don't be put off by the current school's attitude, we had similar with DS1. You do know your child best and they are teachers after all, not diagnosticians.

 

Good luck, and don't forget to let us know how you get on!

 

Lizzie xx <'>

[puffin]

What strikes me very clearly is that the staff appear to lack knowledge and in many ways to be totally unaware that ASDs such as Aspergers and High functioning autism often presents itself in very different ways in girls compared to boys

- girls are often more sociable on the surface - but lack the deeper understanding of social situations

- girls are often very good at copying the behaviour of others so are often overlooked

- girls will often mimic jokes and humour used by others to try to fit in - but often don't fully understand unless the humour is very visual

- girls often speak well and are quiet so their problems can be ignored

- girls often have obsessions but they are often considered more socially acceptable - for example horses, cats, Harry Potter

 

However it may be best to focus your attention on the new school and proceding with the diagnosis process

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I know exactly how you feel about feeling intimidated. However, experience has taught me that I've had to stand my ground when it comes to my son. I think teachers can have a wealth of knowledge, but often they know little about ASDs. They're simply not qualified to say definitively 'yes, kiddo has AS'. Sure, they can have an opinion, but sometimes it can be damaging when they express it to others, especially when visiting healthcare professionals liaise with them. Hang in there. Is there someone that you can take to future meetings? I'd still chip away at school staff in order to ensure your daughter gets the support she needs in high school. It may also put in some good groundwork for the new school.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline