Was doing so well

[av16]

DS was doing well at home and at school for most of the time. He has been able to express how he's feeling more and able to talk about things. Recently went on a football tournament residential trip and coped really well - won his team's player of the tournament award . He didn't want to go to school yesterday - turns out he missed a detention last week so teacher today took his bag so he would have to go and find it/her at the end of the day and do the detention. Of course he didn't, got home in a terrible state - thought he was going to be excluded. The teacher left me a message to say he will have to do hour detention tomorrow - and it's his birthday.

 

Hopefully he will realise that he has to do detentions but it's going to be hard to get him in tomorrow. I just wish they'd told me last week that he didn't turn up as I could have made him realise what would happen if he didn't do it.

 

The senco told me she'd emailed all his teachers at the beginning of term to say they should contact me if he wasn't doing the right thing so I could withdraw xbox etc. I haven't heard a peep from anyone so thought things were ok.

 

I'm hoping this was a little blip. He still hasn't worked out the consequences thing though- has a bit of an ostrich tendency. Is this common? We've been working on it for years.

[bensmum2]

Well firstly they are legally supposed to give you notice of a detention and can't just keep them behind willy nilly, and secondly children who have problems like Asd should not be given detentions (in my opinion) and the teacher should certainly not have taken his bag away, if that had happened to my son he would have kicked off big style and possibly even hit the teacher and he isn't normally violent !!! It would have been a MAJOR issue for his personal property to be taken away!! I think you need to see this teache rp[ersonally i know i would do. I accept that sometimes they need to be punished , but there are other ways, as you said taking away the xbox and other privelidges at home is a very good one. You haven't actually mentioned what he did to deserve this detention, it may have been sometihng hwich happened becasue of his problems and he shouldn't be punished for that.He is doing so well at school, something like this could set him back a long way!! i would ef speak to the teacher in question and make sure in future they contact you over anything serious, stress to them that you want to work with them and teach him to accept consequences of his actions, but some punishments may not be appropriate because of his asd. That's only my opinion though x

[Sally44]

DS was doing well at home and at school for most of the time. He has been able to express how he's feeling more and able to talk about things. Recently went on a football tournament residential trip and coped really well - won his team's player of the tournament award . He didn't want to go to school yesterday - turns out he missed a detention last week so teacher today took his bag so he would have to go and find it/her at the end of the day and do the detention. Of course he didn't, got home in a terrible state - thought he was going to be excluded. The teacher left me a message to say he will have to do hour detention tomorrow - and it's his birthday.

 

Hopefully he will realise that he has to do detentions but it's going to be hard to get him in tomorrow. I just wish they'd told me last week that he didn't turn up as I could have made him realise what would happen if he didn't do it.

 

The senco told me she'd emailed all his teachers at the beginning of term to say they should contact me if he wasn't doing the right thing so I could withdraw xbox etc. I haven't heard a peep from anyone so thought things were ok.

 

I'm hoping this was a little blip. He still hasn't worked out the consequences thing though- has a bit of an ostrich tendency. Is this common? We've been working on it for years.

 

 

I think often the question was it 'autism' or being 'naughty' that caused the behaviour is something we debate over and over on this forum. But the consequences are the same eg. he got into trouble, he avoided detention, he got into even further trouble. To help rule out any difficulties with understanding or predictions etc it is helpful to have a visual sequential illustration of what he should do. Or when he gets into trouble, if he is calm enough (or when he is calm enough), he puts together a visual sequential storyline picture of what he has to do. Then that rules out any misunderstanding there might be due to autism. And it might also lesson his anxiety because he will know what to expect out of the procedure. If he fears being excluded and does not know if keeping the detention also means exclusion, then that might explain why he avoided it. If you have an agreement with is teachers about 'what' the detention will entail and what it means eg. it might involve talking (so a visual picture of him talking with teacher), and it might involve extra work (picture of him doing work at desk) etc. If he has done something that would involve you being sent a letter or called to school then that can be shown in the picture form as well. I think children can avoid the consequences of their actions because they do not understand what those consequences might be and are fearful of the unknown expectation. He is obviously able enough to realise that everyone won't just forget about it because he did not turn up. Also in the visual sequence of the detention it should also say time, where to go, and who to see in the schedule.

 

It might take an hour to set up the visual pictures to do this. But once in place, he can put the sequence together and the teacher or TA can check to ensure it is right. That would take a couple of minutes.

[bensmum2]

Hi again, i always think Sally has some fab advice,but i really feel strongly that children with these type of problem should not be punished the same as others, i think if mum had been given notice of his detention she could have discussed it with him and prepared him maybe with the visual sequencing sally suggests , but to just put him in detention then remove his personal belongings i think is terrible. i still say speak to the school about a different way round if this happens aagin , my son has severe problems with shool so i am having to home school him as Sally knows, but i know anything like this would have just made the situation much worse and by just talking to the teacher involved it can be avoided in the future When my son was in school, every single teacher he had understood , i could not have faulted any one (apart from teh senco who refused to admit he couldnt help Ben), and it still wasn't enough. If your son is usually coping so well, the sooner you sort this out the better before he starts to see school a a bad place.

[Sally44]

I think every parent has to think about what their child can or cannot cope with, understand, process etc.

I think my son would not have gone to detention because of many reasons due to language, predicting outcomes, organisation, understanding 'when' he should have gone. etc etc.

I also think that if a teacher took someone off him and told him he had to go to their office to get it back that that again could cause alot of problems. I don't think he would associate the confiscation of an item as being 'because' he had not gone to detention. He would probably think the teacher had stolen it.

He might have avoided detention because he was scared to go.

Or he might have thought that if he didn't go, then everyone would forget about it.

 

But you know the reason for the detention and whether the actions of the teacher are something your son would have understood and been able to follow through.

 

But I think to get a visual sequence of 'what happened', 'what he has to do because of his actions', and 'what the outcome will be' is going to make your son, and the teachers aware of what they need to do.

 

If you feel that the reason for the detention is due to his diagnosis eg. I would not agree to a child with tourettes receiving a detention because they kept shouting something, or because they kept repeating a body or facial tic. That would be silly.

 

I think there needs to be consequences for actions, because in the real world there are consequences. However I think our children need to be supported and taught how to be appropriate, otherwise it is our lack of support or teaching that is making them much more likely to demonstrate inappropriate behaviour.

 

 

[av16]

Hi Thanks for all your comments. He did the detention and I told him I was proud that he did it and apologised to the teacher. I will be going in to school next week as I think taking his bag away from him did inflame the situation.

 

I like the visual idea, I think sometimes I assume he can work out what's likely to happen but really he still needs it to be reinforced. I don't know what the original 'offence' was and he can't tell me so communication needs improving I think.

 

Anyway he's quite happy this evening - he says his birthday hasn't been much good but he always does. So he does seem to be making progress.

Thanks again.

A

[Sally44]

I think what using a visual sequence will do is rule out any lack of understanding or misunderstanding on your sons part. And the sequence needs to be the whole way through eg. a symbol for doing something wrong and it should be written what that was, then the visual sequential story. But what this may also do is remind his teachers and show them in a very practical way how something as simple as a visual sequence can help everyone move forward.

If they use that system, they will also need a symbol for what will happen if he does not turn up for detention. That might be a symbol for 'mum' meaning that mum will be told he did not turn up for detention. However I think that mum should be informed at the beginning as well eg. visual picture for the incident, visual picture for 'mum informed' etc.

 

Do you have a home/school book?