Organ Donation

[Mumble]

Sorry, bit of a morbid topic, but something that's been worrying me for a long time and I can't find the answer to. I wondered if anyone here knows the answer. There's a programme on about it at the moment, but it's not answering my question.

 

I want to donate my organs and be on the organ donation register. However, my Mum doesn't agree with organ donation due to a very strange understanding/belief about what happens after death. My Mum has said that if she were asked, under no circumstances would she let my organs be donated, even though it's my wish that they are. She would go against my wishes.

 

How do I get around this? Can my Mum really block it even though I'm an adult?

 

[zenemu]

Sorry, bit of a morbid topic, but something that's been worrying me for a long time and I can't find the answer to. I wondered if anyone here knows the answer. There's a programme on about it at the moment, but it's not answering my question.

 

I want to donate my organs and be on the organ donation register. However, my Mum doesn't agree with organ donation due to a very strange understanding/belief about what happens after death. My Mum has said that if she were asked, under no circumstances would she let my organs be donated, even though it's my wish that they are. She would go against my wishes.

 

How do I get around this? Can my Mum really block it even though I'm an adult?

 

OK, as far as I understand (and someone on here may know better), if you carry a Donor Card on you, in the event of an accident they generally won't ask the next of kin, they will just except your wishes. If they don't find a donor card they will then ask your next of kin, in which case your mother would have the ability to over rule your wishes if she is still your next of kin.

 

Hope that helps.

 

Zen.

[KezT]

sorry, but once you are dead, your body becomes the property of your next of kin and they HAVE to agree for any organs to be donated.

 

A donor card is just an expression of your preference, but needn't be followed.

 

You can legally bind your mother by specifying in your will that she will not get anything unless she follows your wishes about donation, but that only applies if you have anything worth leaving her! It doesn't bind her to follow yoyr wishes, just stops her getting anything if she doesn't!

 

you could designate another person to be your next of kin - they are unlikely to fight about it in the hospital - but in the event of a disagreement, hospital staff usually go with the non donation.

 

Campaign for a change in the law - you should have many years yet:)

[Tally]

I think the law must have changed because I looked at the "your questions" on the organ donation website: http://www.uktransplant.org.uk/ukt/

 

It seems to be saying (question 42 and 44) that the person makes the decision and the family do not have the legal right to override that, even though the family's wishes would be taken into account.

 

I don't know how they pick who is your next of kin and whether your mother would be prioritised over other relatives, or whether you get to appoint a next of kin of your own preference.

 

Under the "contact us" tab, there is a postal and email address you might be able to use to ask this question, or maybe you could ask your GP.

[justine1]

I think the law must have changed because I looked at the "your questions" on the organ donation website: http://www.uktransplant.org.uk/ukt/

 

It seems to be saying (question 42 and 44) that the person makes the decision and the family do not have the legal right to override that, even though the family's wishes would be taken into account.

 

I don't know how they pick who is your next of kin and whether your mother would be prioritised over other relatives, or whether you get to appoint a next of kin of your own preference.

 

Under the "contact us" tab, there is a postal and email address you might be able to use to ask this question, or maybe you could ask your GP.

You can ask the hospital to change your next of kin,my father was my next of Kin when I entered the UK.Then I changed it to my husband.Now we are not together so changed it to my brother.My father has appointed my brother next of kin and .....forgot the other thing but basically my brother will make all decisions on my fathers behalf if he were unable to communicate and has access to his finances.

 

So maybe you could appoint someone else who is going to respect your wishes.I know hospital staff would try convince your mother in that situation and explain how many lives you would be saving.

[KezT]

I think the law must have changed because I looked at the "your questions" on the organ donation website: http://www.uktransplant.org.uk/ukt/

 

It seems to be saying (question 42 and 44) that the person makes the decision and the family do not have the legal right to override that, even though the family's wishes would be taken into account.

 

I don't know how they pick who is your next of kin and whether your mother would be prioritised over other relatives, or whether you get to appoint a next of kin of your own preference.

 

Under the "contact us" tab, there is a postal and email address you might be able to use to ask this question, or maybe you could ask your GP.

 

I stand corrected - I do vaguely remember the last gov't pushing through a change in the law after a major court case last year. Looks like your wishes over-ride your mothers except in extreme circumstances now.

[Sammysnake]

I stand corrected - I do vaguely remember the last gov't pushing through a change in the law after a major court case last year. Looks like your wishes over-ride your mothers except in extreme circumstances now.

That's good to know, I presumed it was still up to the next of kin. I have had a donor card for many years and when I got it I made sure I spoke with my husband, my mum and my in-laws so they all understood my wishes and are happy to support them. I personally don't think it's a morbid subject at all - we're all going to die sometime and ensuring my family knows and is supportive of my wishes means one less thing for them to have to worry about if I die unexpectedly. It's just practical planning. As soon as my daughter was born my husband and I sorted out who would take care of her in the event of something happening to both of us and we wrote it into a will, explaining gently to my mum why it wasn't her!!

 

Mumble, I guess you've tried talking to your Mum about all of this but it might be worth trying again at a time when you're both relaxed and have spare time to chat. See if she can explain what she's worried about with organ donation and you can explain your views and why you want to donate. It will be much better for her in the long run if she can come to terms with your wishes, just in case the worse does happen.

 

Good luck

[baranigirl]

You can ask the hospital to change your next of kin,my father was my next of Kin when I entered the UK.Then I changed it to my husband.Now we are not together so changed it to my brother.My father has appointed my brother next of kin and .....forgot the other thing but basically my brother will make all decisions on my fathers behalf if he were unable to communicate and has access to his finances.

 

So maybe you could appoint someone else who is going to respect your wishes.I know hospital staff would try convince your mother in that situation and explain how many lives you would be saving.

 

power of attorney Justine

 

Not sure the legal ins and outs, but I carry a card and am also on the register and I guess once I am not here I will not know what my next of kin could or would override even thought they know my wishes

 

DP will not go on the register he doesn't think it is right but he accepts my wishes

 

[Mumble]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

Unfortunately talking to my Mum about it isn't possible; it was discussing this over the Christmas holiday that led to my sister and I walking out and leaving early (among other things).

 

Thinking about it, my sister is down as my next of kin on my hospital records, not my mother, and my sister supports my decision. I just have this horrible fear of, if the worst did happen and a decision needed to be made, my Mum and sister having a blazing row over it, and I wouldn't want to be the 'cause' of that.

 

Tally - I'd read that link before and what confused me on there was that it seemed to be saying both that family can't override my decision and that the family's wishes are taken into account. Those two statements seemed incompatible in my case.

 

You can legally bind your mother by specifying in your will that she will not get anything unless she follows your wishes about donation, but that only applies if you have anything worth leaving her! It doesn't bind her to follow your wishes, just stops her getting anything if she doesn't!

Probably inappropriate, but that made me laugh! Unfortunately withholding my stuffed animal and Lego collections is unlikely to have that much influence on her...