UtterDoclector Report post Posted May 17, 2010 Just thought I should post introducing myself here. I'm 19 and I have been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome since I was about eight (I can't remember exactly how old I was). I joined because my parents notified me of the site and I thought that I may as well check it out. I'm interested primarily in videogames and film, particularly horror, to the extent at which I'm actually studying media production at Exeter college so I can work in film. WARNING: Probabally boring life-story-ish part up ahead, if you're not interested, then don't read it, of course. I used to live in a really rubbish little town called belvedere in bexley, near london (Well, geography was never my strong point, but the council always called themselves "a london borough" so I went with it, and besides, it's easier than explaining in detail) I was bullied at every school I went to, I could never figure out why, but I assumed that it was either people's seemingly endemic tendency to destroy and ridicule anything different (sounds crazy I know, but when you think of all the discrimination in the world, it isn't too much of a push) or simply that I did something wrong in some way that I, or anyone I asked, never found out, or was too afraid/polite to admit. It was at it's worse when I went to bexley business academy in thamesmead for secondary school. Sounds posh, but it was actually one of the city academies set up by Tony "Lies so much it's a language" Blair. They equipped it with the best of technology, but with the worst of people. The teachers would often ignore it while I was tormented. I was threatened with death on a few occasions, one particular time with broken glass being pointed at me. When I got out, I moved to Devon, and hoped I'd never have to come back to that area. If you ask me, london is welcome to drown in it's own endless pointless violence, and anyone who doesn't think that constant fighting sounds like a good time should consider moving. I spent a good few months unemployed. It's strange, when you're at school, sitting at home all day doing whatever you want sounds like heaven, but after a month or so it becomes a daytime television hell. I went to a course called E2E and things went well for a while, but I still found it difficult to assemble a real social life outside of it. I went to a prince's trust course after that, and it's there I decided to follow my ambition of making films. I thought if I was to have to spend years at a doll queue, waiting for some fussy perfectionist employer to think I'm good enough, I may as well chase a job I really want to do, as apposed to something just "good enough". I went to Exeter college, and for a while, I couldn't believe my luck. I was finally somewhere I felt like I fit in, I felt safe. I even met a girl who seemed interested in me. But things fell apart when she went out with one of my new friends before I could develop any real relationship. To have been so close to finally not being alone, and then for it to be snatched away crushed me. People grew a little distant when I wasn't happy all the time. I'm now scared that no-one's ever going to like me. Now I feel more desperate than ever to get a life, and be like everyone else. I'm fed up with people's bad advice, people putting it down to aspergers but not telling me how to fix it, how I can just act like everything else. People say that people will love me who I am, and I want to agree, but with everything I've been through, how could I possibly believe that? I just wonder whether anyone else on this site knows how I can just blend in and pretend I'm normal. If anyone does. please tell me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crossouttheeyes Report post Posted May 17, 2010 from a fellow newbie here, i can relate to you quite a lot, having read the whole post. i can't say i have anything helpful to say though, generally i get around by embracing my weirdness. i guess i get on with people because i try to be nice to people. or because of my looks, i don't know, hahh... oh, and hello. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
purplehaze Report post Posted May 17, 2010 (edited) Welcome to the site UtterDoclector, My 16 year old son is like you and wanting to blend in and be normal-but I always tell him he is normal, everyone is normal in their own individual way-imagine what the world would be like if everyone was the same! Saying that I also understand how hard it can be for my son and has been for you to understand all the social situations etc. Although you have moved around or changed schools it sounds like you are settled now and it's great that your at college and doing something you are really interested in-I think it is very wise for you to 'chase a job you really want to do' rather than spending years on benefits you have been very proactive-so welldone It can be hard to find a person that you can be you with and be relaxed and happy-but there are people out there that have loving relationships with people who have autism or aspergers (my children's dad has aspergers-so I know)-but try not to worry about it and continue to make friends-try to enjoy going out to the cinema (watching horrors ) or out for a meal etc-we never know when we are going to find a special person who we can love and be loved back-but while we are waiting we can continue to enjoy our friends & family! Keep asking questions or just chatting on here-it's really nice to hear from people of your age! XXX edited to change my terrible spelling! Edited May 17, 2010 by purplehaze Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted May 18, 2010 Welcome So called normal doesn't exist, just be yourself and find company that accepts your quirks! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
