Mumble Report post Posted May 28, 2010 I'm seeing the funny side of this one, although I think underlying it are actually some interesting issues about how some individuals (maybe more females?) on the Autistic spectrum present their difficulties. I have two main support workers I've been working with for a few months now. One of them is going really well, I feel really at ease with her and safe in that I trust her to be able to support me with all my needs, to do the right thing, respond appropriately, yet she still pushes me to achieve what I can and to challenge myself - basically she's really got the balance right where I feel safe to try things. My other support worker I've found really difficult. He's interested in things I find really boring, he doesn't like anything I like, I don't feel safe in terms of him being able to respond to my needs / react appropriately to a challenging situation and I don't feel comfortable enough to try new things knowing I'll be supported as I don't trust him. He's a lovely person, and I'm sure he'd be great with other people, it's just we have nothing in common and really haven't been able to build up a relationship. However (this is where it gets tricky), with this second support worker, rather than me doing the 'typical' autistic responses when I'm bored by him, not interested in places we're going etc., I've been doing the 'act socially' response of faining an interest, of trying to find any link to something I could talk about with him, of putting on the 'yes you're very interesting and I am listening to everything' face. Basically I've been putting on what I considered (and I suppose have learnt to do over many years) the 'correct' response, even though it has never felt natural. The trouble is, it appears I have been doing this so well, that I'm too good at pretending, that I've totally had him fooled into thinking I was interested and enjoying myself!! It finally came to a head when I contacted the person setting this up and said it ain't working and with some picking apart we've realised where things are going wrong through my covering up. It's come as a total surprise to my support worker that things weren't right - he thought we were getting on well due to my acting - and I'm feeling a bit guilty now, almost like I've led him to believe this by putting on a 'lie'. So, for now I'm back to one support worker. I'm actually a lot happier, as it was exhausting me putting on this pretence every week. At least now I'll be aware of needing to be more open with someone in the future. I suppose there's also something positive in knowing that I can put on this act. I'd love to know whether I'm really that good at pretending (I don't think I am!! - I haven't managed it this well before) or if he's just a dense male who didn't see that it was all an act. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted May 29, 2010 That is sooooooooooo funny! I would say it may be a bit of both.You probably good at the acting thing cause you have probably done it a few times in your life so you are an expert It is also possible that if he did think you were bored with him but he didnt want to let on in case he/his boss thought he was letting you down somehow! Or just a daft/slow male Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gordie Report post Posted May 31, 2010 Ohhh - I can totally relate to this, especially feeling exhausted ... except I can apply that to just about any meeting with someone I'm unfamiliar with! Just "acting normal" is exhausting, knowing I can't just be myself. Put me in that sort of situation for anything over an hour and I'm mentally knackered! That's probably why it took until I was 20 before I got diagnosed with Asperger's - because I'd spent my whole life doing this, almost habitually. The way I act doesn't come at all naturally, but because it's not all that obvious to anyone else, they have no idea it's an issue. Perhaps since my diagnosis, I've relaxed just a touch, probably because I know people are more likely to understand how I really feel, so I feel more able to act genuinely and say more honest things. But it's only a very subtle change. It almost annoys me really, this acting, coz I probably need to be myself with certain people, so that they know what my life is really like. But it's like I just flick a switch when around a new (or even just a newish) person, and start putting on this "normal" act, so they start to wonder what my problems actually are. James Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted May 31, 2010 Possibly a dense male flattered by all the attention you were giving him. Perhaps you're the only woman who's ever listened to him. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gordie Report post Posted May 31, 2010 Possibly a dense male flattered by all the attention you were giving him. Perhaps you're the only woman who's ever listened to him. Hey - I can totally see myself in his position! I could easily have been that "dense male"! I'm an Aspie, dontcha know? Misreading signals, lacking female attention ... it fits perfectly! James Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted June 3, 2010 it is actually such a relief to read this - i have to put on a 'sociable' act around the people i work with and generally everyone i come into contact with because i don't want them to think i am different, which would make them treat me differently! it's so tiring! i thought i was the only one! i think the male support worker should have been liasing with your female one a lot more and then maybe he would not have been so shocked when you finally told people how you felt! then again i have been told that us women often expect men to be psychic - what's wrong with that? hahaha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
