justine1 Report post Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) I keep laughing at this! My baby will be two next month and for the past few mths has started little tantrums,the usual terrible twos or he has been spitting or saying shutup(learnt from Dan) so I have been putting him on the step for 2 min.Well it never worked for my other three but its working textbook with him.He has a cry on the step he gets off when time is up says sorry mammy(as he calls me)and gives me or whoever he has been "naughty"to a big hug and kiss. It is a miracle.There are two other bonuses with him,he loves to kiss me and cuddle me all day long.He can also walk all the way from the school home,which is about 2 miles,Sam and Dan would cry or just sit there when I made them walk,but Eli cries to get out the pushchair,it does take 20min longer to get home as he tells me to look at the wind blowing in the trees and greets everyone along the way.I know I shouldnt say negative things about my boys I do love them all,but Josh was exaclty like Eli so its like reliving those moments again but with a new little person its just great not to hate taking him anywhere or end up crying when I discipline him. He is really making me happy.....so far!!! Edited June 10, 2010 by justine1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 10, 2010 yep! It does! I'll reserve judgement on the other three, but from my own experience can say it's a much longer learning curve for some and persistance/continuity are the keys. I wonder if there was any other consideration to the dynamic then that's not a consideration now? Actually, it might not work for the older two, because they'll be a bit more streetwise regarding reverse psychology, but with Dan I'd try making Eli 'King of the Naughty Step' and see if you can get sibling rivalry working in your favour . Then if that works you can try a bit of 'straight' psychology on the other two - 'Well if Dan and Eli can do it......' Kids, eh? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted June 10, 2010 yep! It does! I'll reserve judgement on the other three, but from my own experience can say it's a much longer learning curve for some and persistance/continuity are the keys. I wonder if there was any other consideration to the dynamic then that's not a consideration now? Actually, it might not work for the older two, because they'll be a bit more streetwise regarding reverse psychology, but with Dan I'd try making Eli 'King of the Naughty Step' and see if you can get sibling rivalry working in your favour . Then if that works you can try a bit of 'straight' psychology on the other two - 'Well if Dan and Eli can do it......' Kids, eh? Well I have to be honest and say with my eldest I was not very tough at all,let him get away with lots,but he did have loads of upset,I moved at least 6 times the first 18mths of his life and then when he was 19mths we moved to UK from abroad,and he left behind his daddy and grandma who he adored.That is when the bad behaviour started it was hard to tell if it was the "terrible twos" coming early or because of all the change,he regressed with potty training and feeding to. Main trouble with his is with his good vocab he has always been a back chatter,sometimes it works in his favour like when a teacher is trying to catch the class out by purposfully making an error,he is always quick to say they are wrong and correct it,but generally its not good. Going back to the naughty step,I didnt do it with him really because I was on my own between when he was 19mth and 4,also my dad(and my brother for a short time) were living under the same roof any discipline I gave was undermined by their constant criticism. It didnt work with Sam cause he loved to sit on the steps from age 1 and any stool or other substitute would still be seen as me giving him somewhere to sit,he just didnt get it.He would get off when I said time was up but then go back and sit there.As for apologising that only started when he was about 5,actually a proper meaningful one only a few mths ago. As for Dan,I mentioned before he seems to make himself physically sick or he sleeps,first pretends then its for real,he will just go to his bed nowdays. I have to say,I recently got him and Sam a mid sleeper with tent things under and he goes there now when in "trouble" he cries alot but seems to calm down and comes back and does say sorry,so seems we have found a solution,well he can take all the credit cause he discovered that works for him,if that makes sense Again if I am honest,I am older,slightly wiser and more relaxed(as I dont have the burden of my ex )and I do feel overall Eli is a calmer easier baby than the other three.So I think you are 100% right! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 10, 2010 So I think you are 100% right! That's not gonna go down well! Seriously, I do think there are some kids that it just doesn't work for, but I think the numbers are far smaller than some would have us believe, and i think they are usually much more complex than just being 'part' of autism and that they can equally apply to non-autistic kids. Dunno whether the other suggestions sound feasible, but that sibling rivalry can be a very potent force for 'good' as well as its more usual negatives. great that Eli, though, regardless of any other considerations, is getting mit zer programme... I'm sure he will be happier not only becase he's enjoying a different 'dynamic' and a calmer mum to the others, but also because the naughty step provides him with some certainty in an uncertain world. Perhaps you should have called Sam 'Robin'... halfway up the stairs is the stair where I sit/there isn't any other stair quite like it... it's not at the bottom, it's not at the top/but this is the stair where i always stop... etc etc ad nauseum! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarieM Report post Posted June 10, 2010 I used the naughty step for my son, usually for hitting his younger sister. Then she would sit with him. She didn't want him to be lonely! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 10, 2010 I used the naughty step for my son, usually for hitting his younger sister. Then she would sit with him. She didn't want him to be lonely! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted June 10, 2010 I never used the naughty step for my daughter. We lived in a flat. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted June 10, 2010 I never used the naughty step for my daughter. We lived in a flat. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baranigirl Report post Posted June 10, 2010 we have a time out pad http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gro-Company-Time-O...d/dp/B000T5PQL4 fantastic invention as I am terrible at forgetting I out them there! DS used it for the first time last week and was completely bemused by the experience, needless to say his 2 mins actually took 20 to get him to stay put for long enough! He has been good ever since Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted June 10, 2010 Perhaps you should have called Sam 'Robin'... halfway up the stairs is the stair where I sit/there isn't any other stair quite like it... it's not at the bottom, it's not at the top/but this is the stair where i always stop... etc etc ad nauseum! :clap: I love Robin and his . I've been trying to get a Robin for my collection for ages but have only found an action figure so far Lot's of Kermits though! Glad the Naughty Step's working Justine1. But should that be the 'Inappropriate in this context and at this particular time behaviour' step in case we traumatise kids for life by calling them naughty!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 10, 2010 fantastic invention as I am terrible at forgetting I out them there! DS used it for the first time last week and was completely bemused by the experience, needless to say his 2 mins actually took 20 to get him to stay put for long enough! He has been good ever since I'm not sure if that's a work of genius or the work of the devil! The idea of an 'alarm' to notify parents if the kid gets up is harsh even by my standards... I figure 'in the vicinity of and not causing any further disruption' to be a good enough compromise. Or am I being too soft? That he has been good ever since, though, probably says it all, and 20 minutes is insignificant to the trauma for all concerned at the other extreme... The other day I was watching the mistress of the naughty step (is it just me, or does that sound a bit pervy?), Jo Frost, on her American series dealing with a two year old who had a tantrum lasting over an HOUR The mum was completely traumatised by it all/almost ruined the whole thing but then the kid just stopped crying, completed the 'Time out' and started playing hide and seek with her siblings... traumatised kids and the word 'naughty'... I know you were joking but that is how some people try to paint it The absolutely ridiculous thing is it's not being told off or being called naughty that damages kid's self esteem - it's the implications of not being stopped from enacting those behaviours and then being judged for them. The kids who are genuinely so unaware that they can't learn the meaning of the word 'no' are, by definition, also going to be unaware of the implications and judgements. A kid who has the theory of mind to feel bad about being 'judged' will also, by definition, have enough theory of mind to associate the behaviour to the judgement (and the consequences too). You can't have one without the other... I wonder if you could rig that naughty mat to play 'halfway up the stairs' for the duration of the time out? If so, I reckon 'Homeland defence' would buy one as an interrogation tool! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baranigirl Report post Posted June 11, 2010 I'm not sure if that's a work of genius or the work of the devil! The idea of an 'alarm' to notify parents if the kid gets up is harsh even by my standards... I figure 'in the vicinity of and not causing any further disruption' to be a good enough compromise. Or am I being too soft? I kind of agree, but with DD3 it was never anywhere close to the vicinity, hence the reason for buying the pad as well as me forgetting how long she had been out there! DD2 still has time out at 11 years old when she is beyond things and it certainly works for her, but I do have to try and remember she is in time out as the pad doesn't do 11 mins Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted June 11, 2010 On the rare occassion I have to T/O Ben these days it's usually for about 10-15 minutes on the back of a 'When can I come down?' 'When I say so' dialogue. What really gets me, though, is that this is invariably when a mate is round and they've just wound each other up and I've got to separate them. The other kid (usually, BFF Lewis, but the same applies with his other mates) gets to 'skate' purely and simply because I can't really ground them, iykwim, despite the fact they are equally and sometimes more to blame for the situation than Ben is Thinking about that, it's completely unfair on Ben - next time I'll send Ben upstairs for T/O but tell Lewis (or whoever) that the telly/console/garden is out of bounds to him too until Ben's back downstairs. Having said that, I'm not really sure 'time out' works as a sanction anymore when it's only Ben, ' cos the cat's invariably in his room anyway and he's quite happy just quietly cuddling her... It still calms him down though, and helps him relax, so I guess it's doing what 'T/O' should do whether it seems like a punishment or not. Right, with that I'm off to cook our curry, cos Friday night is what? L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baranigirl Report post Posted June 11, 2010 Exactly, T/O for a toddler is different in expectations to an 11 yr old indeed especially a very hormonal one! DD2 gets sent out to the porch as there is less for her to kick or hit than at the bottom of the stairs TBH I would put Ben's friend into time out as well if he was also misbehaving (you could have 2 different spots hehe), your house your rules and kids soon learn what is and isn't acceptable (well hopefully) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
