snorkelling

[spottydog]

Hi all, can't beleive how busy forum is tonight - must be school holiday stress! Anyway to my point, I have been trying to teach 10yr old AS son that rules are not always rigid and can sometimes be 'flexible' or even breakable, but really struggling with this concept. Today DS had major meltdown at swimming pool as he was booked in for some snorkelling lessons and took his own snorkel to use, anyway on way from changing room to pool he read sign which said 'No Snorkelling' allowed in pool. I tried to explain that as he was actually booked in for a snorkelling lesson that this rule did not apply to him, but he could not get past the fact that it was up there in black and white on the wall, and got really distressed. Does anyone have any ideas about trying to explain that rules are not always rigid, cause we're really struggling with it?

[Tally]

It's a difficult one. Can you perhaps explain the reason for the no snorkelling rule? That it could be unsafe to snorkel when there are other swimmers in the pool. But that when there is a teacher supervising him in a section of the pool that is cordened off, it is allowed to snorkel because it is safe on this occasion.

[spottydog]

yes did try but when hes in panic/tantrum mode very difficult to reach. he did eventually accept that he was allowed to snorkel during his lesson, but the issue about how he knows whether rules are rigid or not is really bothering him (and has been for quite a few months - started with me telling him he did not have to put his hand up to ask a question at home,only at school, about april time!). he's just come downstairs now cause has headache and can't sleep which is normally because hes feeling anxious.

[Sally44]

There's no easy answer.

And at the time of anxiety due to a change or break in the rules is not the time to be trying to teach about change. At that moment it is all anxiety and confusion and stress.

So just lots and lots of different ways of teaching about differences, and choices, and predicting outcomes etc.

The important thing to do is to start from the start and proceed through the thought processes to the finish with every choice and option. And do this over and over with different scenarios and different outcomes.

And to begin with you will need to explain everything and give him the options to predict 'what to do next' or 'what he thinks could happen next'. Only when he has learnt from your examples what might happen next can he begin to decide and make those choices himself.

It also helps to do this visually by using story cards or drawing the story as you go with different options and outcomes along the way.

As Tally says explain to him about the snorkeling that it is a rule all the time because snorkeling is different to normal swimming because you keep your head in the water all the time and breath through the snorkel. On a normal swimming session that might look like someone was drowning if their head was in the water all the time and the lifeguard might dive in to rescue the person.

If it is a 'special' snorkeling lesson, then the lifeguard knows that everyone is snorkeling etc.

 

At my son's school they also have a special 'change' visual symbol which can be added to the child's daily timetable when needed. The child is taught that the 'change' is not necessarily going to be something 'bad'. For example it might be a visting theatre group is coming into school to do a play with the children. But the important thing is the children are taught it is something 'different', but that it is not something to be frightened about.

[justine1]

Hi

Sorry not much advice to add but just to say Sam had a similar "episode" today twice in fact.We went to an indoor play centre and there was a kid who kept taking the balls,blocks etc out of the areas the had been put in,so Sam kept putting them back he then got really upset and said to me he doesnt know why the boy isnt keeping things where they should be and the boys should be arrested

 

Then annother boy was smacking and kicking his younger cousin so he went "hunting" for the boys mother to tell her that he was being bad.Sam was very annoyed that he couldnt find her and was upset that he got away with it.

 

It is so hard

[Sally44]

My son has recently begun telling me everything his sister does that is naughty or wrong.

His sister just thinks he is the biggest grass ever!

 

I asked who had eaten the last piece of cake yesterday and my son said it was his sister that had eaten it, and then added on a long list of other stuff she had also done which she should not have. His sister was not at all amused. My son just thinks it is fact ie. she did something she should not have done, mum has to know about it so that sister can be appropriately punished. If only life were that simple.

 

So we are working on that one as he will not be very popular if he is telling his teacher what all his classmates are doing.