Just had a note from son "Can We Move School?"

[LS2242]

Hi

 

About an hour ago my son came downstairs to give me a note saying "Can We Move School?" Not sure where the WE came from! Normally in the summer hols his anxiety reduces, well in regards to school anyway. I thought we would not have to have this conversation AGAIN until nearer the start of term. I am in such termoil still over this, especially as there is no school and it is still on his mind. Initially after advice on here, a chat with CP and a bit of gut instinct my husband and I decided to keep him at his current school, as things are just starting to be put in place, BUT this is clearly effecting him and now my thoughts are ??? I dont know what to do.

 

I was bullied on only a few occasions at school and I can still remember. It has stayed with me and am sure many of us can relate to this. When a child perseves that others are mean to him and that he is bullied (his perception sometimes), this he will remeber for the rest of his life. I just dont know what to do about this situation anymore. Any advice, ideas appreciated! Many Thanks

[justine1]

Hi

I think it could be that he is more relaxed due to the holidays he felt more comfortable to tell you(or write it down) how he feels about the whole situation.

Unfortunatly nobody can make the decision for you and you need to go with your feelings and knowledge.From previous posts I can gather the main issue is anxiety and you have mentioned the bullying issue maybe be mis-interpreted by your son(not to say it is not happening.)

My NT son,aged 9 1/2,has asked me this a few times even though I know he hasnt got any problems at school,it is usually because things arent going his way like a friend may not want to play what he wants.Saying that I had to move home last year because the school my boys were going to was extremely racist,not just the kids but the WHOLE school!!! They only were there for 5 mths,because it was a village there werent any alternative schools so we had to move home.

 

As I mentioned before it will be so hard if he changes schools now esp if he is going to secondary soon,its a change for him and the school will not know his needs,so its like starting from scratch.It will take at least a year to get him a statement if its what you want.

However if he has 2 years left at primary and you can find a school where he maybe happier than it maybe worth it.You could look at schools online for now and when they open take him to see them,maybe you can take him to the GP and get him to get time off for(due to anxiety) the first week while you decide the best course of action.

[Sally44]

What are the other options you have?

With my son I try to go with what he is feeling or experiencing things regardless of how it appears to me or others.

For example he has major sensory issues. A couple of years ago my parents took him to the barbers for a hair cut and the barber used the clippers on him. He would not sit still. He was in tears saying it hurt him. Eventually my parents phoned me to come to the barbers to get him and I could hear him screaming and crying in the background.

When I arrived the barber was quite angry and said he did not want me to bring my son again and insisted that he had not hurt him.

My son was in tears and only had half a haircut.

Now I had two options. Either I insist that my son was wrong and the haircut did not hurt him and tell him he has to either get used to it or never have another haircut. Or I listen to him and find another place where he feels okay and his hair is cut in a way that he can cope with. I opted for the latter and found a lovely hairdresser who gave him examples of everything and forewarned him before she did anything. So, for example, she would spray some water on his hand and say "now I am going to spray that water on your hair". Normally they just spray the water without saying or telling you anything. That can be a big shock if you are not expecting it. After 4 years he recently went to this same hairdresser and had his hairs cut with the clippers. It wasn't easy for him and it still hurt him. But he trusted the hairdresser and me to listen to him and to stop when he asked us until he felt able to continue again. That is the difference.

 

Obviously schooling is a different scenario. But your son sounds like he is not happy and he does feel that he is being bullied whether that is fact or not. Do you have another schooling option? What does the EP advise?

Bear in mind that any placement other than mainstream is going to be hard to find. And if you think he does need a more structured or protected environment such as autism unit or special school, then you will need your son to have a Statement and you will probably need to go to tribunal to get such a placement because they are usually all full.

 

I would speak with the EP and SALT during the holidays and tell them how unhappy your son is. If they feel he should remain where he is, then they need to provide the structure and support for that to succeed. If your child starts to refuse school or his anxiety or stress becomes so great that he cannot cope in school then you would have no option other than to seek a different type of placement.

 

Can your son tell you what it is that is upsetting him about school. My son went through a period of alot of anxiety and the school taught him to identify his emotions on a regular basis ie. before, during and after each lesson. He had facial expression pictures and he had to identify how he was feeling on each occasion and his TA would frequently use sign language to see if he was okay ie. thumbs up or down or level to show how he was doing and feeling. That helped staff be able to reassure him before he started to become anxious about something. My son did not used to ask for help or tell anyone how he felt. By regularly monitoring and checking with him throughout the day it helped to keep him more stable throughout the day. Maybe something like that might help. Maybe school are expecting him to be proactive when he is unable to do that. So if staff keep asking him and checking he is okay then he might feel better and it would give him the opportunity to raise any issues he had??? If they use a system like this they can also use smilely face stickers that they can stick to his daily timetable every time he is asked how he is and he responds he is okay. That also gives him a visual record of how many times throughout the day were 'good'. Sometimes our children can have a really good day, but only fixate on the one occasion when something went wrong or upset them. A visual representation of how the day went can help the child see and keep it in perspective. Eg. "Yes you have a sad face sticker during xxx when you got upset. But the rest of the day is full of smiley faces."

Edited August 3, 2010 by Sally44

[LS2242]

 

What are the other options you have?

 

I see what you are saying re the haircut scenario. We all have to learn different ways of handling things in life and the way you handled that I think was fantastic.

 

Obviously schooling is a different scenario. But your son sounds like he is not happy and he does feel that he is being bullied whether that is fact or not. Do you have another schooling option? What does the EP advise?

We live in a town with two junior schools, the one where he is now and the other school is full, with a long waiting list. I could however travel. The CP says the problems will follow him no matter what school he is in, but at the same time maybe he needs a fresh start, so he was sort of 50/50. When I mentioned it to EP and HT they just say he blends in well and shows no signs of anxiety in school.

 

I would speak with the EP and SALT during the holidays and tell them how unhappy your son is. If they feel he should remain where he is, then they need to provide the structure and support for that to succeed. If your child starts to refuse school or his anxiety or stress becomes so great that he cannot cope in school then you would have no option other than to seek a different type of placement.

I can email the EP but still waiting for speech therapy referal. My instinct is that it is highly possible that she would say he is fine in school, but if he doesn't like it then move him! They are jsut people to them and dont have the emmotional involvement. He has already been refusing school since 28th June. Well I say school refusal, he has refused to go and runs round the house and refuses point blank to get dressed for school but in the end I do get him there (sometimes requires a phone call to school as we are going to be in late). I am not sure how I can determine how servere the anxiety is - Last term it would aggressive behaviour when he game home which would eventually calm once he got fixated on something else. Then as evening comes he would have tummy ache, head ache, feeling sick. Eventually falling to sleep between 11.00 and midnight. Waking up with tummy ache, headache etc.. but can still have a cereal bar! He has never been physically sick. It is the CP who has said school is main cause of his anxiety, so that has come from a prof and not his parents.

 

Can your son tell you what it is that is upsetting him about school.

He just says everyone is mean and he has no friends. I spoke to CP about this when I rang him over the camping issue we had/having and I mentioned about the stress of school and he was telling me that he will not even know probably what is causing him so much anxiety and that is why he fixates on others being naughty. We are seeing CP on Fri to do some work to try reduce the stress. School are supposed to be doing some work on emmotions in a small group with him but the SENCO is off for a while, so someone else with little experience has stepped in. As of yet no work has been done from the emmotional angle.

 

I have tried to explain to him that there are people who are mean at every school and as an adult there is in the workplace too, but he just dosen't see it. Now he wants to move house too as he has decided he hates the town where we live because if you fall over no one helps you?????

 

Will see what fri brings but think this is going to be a tough descision to make and a concern is if we change school and people are still being mean then he will want to move to another and onther! I cant win either way. As much as I was hoping it would all stop in September instinct tells me it is going to continue and possible escalate.

 

are there any other signs I should be looking out for re the anxiety. He does not self harm or anything like that. Does suffer tics but they have stopped at present.

 

[Sally44]

I would get it on record with your GP about his anxiety regarding school incase it escalates. Maybe the GP could refer you to the clinical psychologist?

 

I think it maybe more important for school to use the other structures I mentioned in my earlier post to ensure that he does not get a chance for stress to build up during the day. He needs a structured timetable and a TA that regularly checks with him that he understands what he should be doing and who asks him "are you okay" "do you need help", "how are you feeling" (whilst giving him a selection of happy/sad/okay faces to choose from) etc. He may not be able to ask for help or understand how he is feeling. So school needs to keep a regular check of how he is. If it becomes apparent that he does not understand any of these structures then SALT should assess all these skills.

 

This support also needs to be available during unstructured free time such as breaks and dinnertimes. Those are the times when our children do not have structure and do not know what to do or how to join in or play with other kids. Your child should be observed by a TA in the playground to see what he does and what interaction he has. The SALT should also observe him and put together a programme related to skills they feel he does not have.

 

My son also used to be very anxious, but since the structure was provided and certain skills were taught and he is regularly checked if he is okay (just by the TA giving him a thumbs up sign and he responds the same if he is okay, or a thumbs down sign if he is not okay - that allows the TA to go in and check what is wrong). These seem like little things, but they are not. The more closely he is monitored in school the easier school will be able to identify what it is that is upsetting him. Without that he is going all day long without interaction and everyone is assuming he is okay because he is not getting upset in school. But he is telling you he is upset in school, just that no-one knows or notices.

 

It is common for children with ASD to not have the language, facial expression or body language to convey their emotional state. So a highly anxious or upset child can appear with a blank expressionless face.

[LS2242]

Thanks Sally.

 

That makes sense. Will ask them if they can put this into place at the beginning of term. I cannot go through another term of school refusal. The school know he was refusing school so hopefully they will be forthcoming with their support. I will give the EP a quick email to update her that he is still anxious in the holidays and give your suggestion.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I think it's important not to givea knee-jerk reaction. My son frequently comes home and say X, Y and Z happened, and although he may be cross at the time, these things generally relate to misunderstandings or issues that are easily resolved. I think it would be wise of observe him over a period of time (ie a full term at least) and try and work out if there are behaviour/mood changes, if he becomes withdrawn, whether he's making social and academic progress or not, etc. Kids can be very reactive and it's not easy working out whether issues are short or long term ones.

 

Caroline.

[LS2242]

He asked me again last night. Starting to wonder if he is only mentioning it on an evening to delay going to sleep. Last night I said that I wasnt prepared to discuss it at this time of night and we would discuss it in the morning! All he kept saying was "whats the answer, what do you think the answer will be. Is it nearer yes or no, tell me whats the answer" I repeated that I wasnt discussing it and he repeated the same questions until in the end I walked out of the room (feeling guilty). He has asked me again first thing this morning, so after much of the same discussions as before now I am apparently the worse mother in the world because I said I didnt think it was the right time and I would need to speak to his dad and to the school first. not happy and had a burst of anger which he is still shouting abuse at me, but has calmed down a little! I dont know if he is playing me or not, I cant decide. He has not complained of the usual aches and pains during the hols, so he not as anxious as usual possibly.

 

I have to be so careful not to say the wrong thing as he interprates things in a different way, and if I give the slight hint of a "maybe" he will take that as a yes and he will be asking for his new uniform. If I say yes - what do you think would he be happy that he is going to a new school or happy that he has won the battle! I am starting to wonder! Anyway I am making no rash descisions on this one and going to sit on my thoughts for another term and see towards the end of term where we are then and take it from there. I already know this is going to escalate in September and that he will still be refusing school, but from that angle all I can do is keep trying for things to be put in place at school and notify then as before if we going to be late! What would life be wothout stress!

[Sally44]

I've PMd you with some info to look at.

I think it is very important the SALT sees him. His interpretation of language and social interaction seems to be a major issue for him. To the extent that he has refused school and you feel he is on the verge of doing that again in September. Until they know what he can/cannot do or understand, it is hard to provide the right supports.

I think worries coming to the fore at nighttime is typical for all of us. We can occupy ourselves with other stuff, but lying in bed at night our fear and worries seem to take centre stage. I would say his fears and interpretation do need to be believed. That is what he is feeling. As you say he may have the same problems in another school and therefore you don't feel a move will necessarily solve the problem.

But you need to know what his difficulties are, and it would be useful to know what schools your LEA has that have experience of children with ASDs. There will be at least one of them. The problems your child has will be typical of a number of children within that school and the staff will be alot more aware of those difficulties and how to support those children. Although that school may also be mainstream, it might be a better placement?? Only by visiting that kind of school will you know if it feels right for your son.

Have you phoned your LEA and asked for their list of schools (both maintained mainstream/special schools and independent schools).

Edited August 5, 2010 by Sally44

[Sally44]

My understanding is also that he has been under CAHMS for 2 years now. So he has been seen by certain professionals for some time. However only recently has it been suggested that he moved to SA+?

The SEN process does take a long time, and time is needed to identify a childs needs correctly. However do remember that your child is having these difficulties on a daily basis throughout this time frame. It is not surprising that some children cannot cope with this because it is very stressful having to go to a place that you may fear and dread each day.

I know what it is like to take a child kicking, screaming and crying into school every day and being told by the teachers that he just walks up and down the class and bangs his head on the wall and hides under the table etc.

It is a horrible situation to be in because you know your child is not coping and is not happy, but by law you still have to take them in every day.

Just keep the pressure up on professionals for him to be properly assessed as quickly as possible.

If he does finally refuse school then use organisations such as IPSEA or ACE for advice. If it comes to that you may want to seek a Statement and a different placement by then which would probably require a Statement anyway. But you'll just have to wait to see if it comes to that.

 

Do you use a home school book at all? That might help give you a way of communicating to school what your son is saying or doing in the evenings. Write down examples of misunderstanding of language and social interaction in this book (if school agrees it is a good idea) and also keep records in a separate diary too.

[LS2242]

 

Thanks Sally

Going to get the list of schools. I do have one in mind but it is half an hour away which means school run will take me two hrs a day and I have the problem of not being at home when the two older ones get home from school. Concern also if for any reasonI am car less! As for a home school book, I asked for one and they said no as he owuld read it and get more frustrated that more people are being mean even though they trying to help. I can sort of see this. Any concerns now I email the HT direct. Thing is I do need something so the class teacher is aware daily, will discuss this with them again. The more I go into school, I have found the more annoying and a pin they see me, however it has made them get there act together even if only a little.

 

He has only had an assessment by the CAHMs in all these 2years. They have not done the IQ test though, that I thought wa part of the dx process? I intend to keep up the pressure. This is awful for me, taking him to school like this and making him go, but for him, the feelings must be worse. I can see a mental break down ahead if something is not done and wierdly enough the HT said she can too?? The fact that I can get him there eventually is good but he is still refusing school and So think I will contact IPSEA for advice befire the start of year. As I have said the CP starting some work tomorrow to gear him up for school. I have a PSA coming in to the home next week to do some work re school so hopefully that will work. I think however known my son it will just give him more determination that he is needing to move school. Time will tell. In the meantime I am going to enjoy his more pleasant side during the holidays:-)

 

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, thye have been very much appreciated.

[call me jaded]

I'm sorry if this is going to sound negative but I'm struggling to see anything in your posts that would indicate that things would be different in a new school and that would be worth a two hour commute. If you could explain what you think the benefits will be it might give me a clearer idea.

 

Perhaps a new teacher will be able to give more positive reinforcement?

 

IQ tests are just not performed regularly at all these days. If your son has already had some cognitive tests done I doubt an IQ test will add much to the equation. The IQ question is probably already addressed by previous tests if you go back over those results looking for that aspect.

 

What would his reaction be if you said no, a new school is out of the question at the moment?

[LS2242]

I'm sorry if this is going to sound negative but I'm struggling to see anything in your posts that would indicate that things would be different in a new school and that would be worth a two hour commute. If you could explain what you think the benefits will be it might give me a clearer idea.

 

Perhaps a new teacher will be able to give more positive reinforcement?

 

IQ tests are just not performed regularly at all these days. If your son has already had some cognitive tests done I doubt an IQ test will add much to the equation. The IQ question is probably already addressed by previous tests if you go back over those results looking for that aspect.

 

What would his reaction be if you said no, a new school is out of the question at the moment?

Hi CMJ

Your post is not negative at all. I appreciate peoples different views on things as sometimes our own judgement can be clouded by the emmotional involvement.

Yes your right I am not sure a different school will make any difference, which is why I have been and still am in such a dilema over it all.

The only benefit I can see right now is that my son maybe happier in himself and less anxious (for the short term at least) however I think there is a strong possibility he wont be in the long term as his concerns are heavily to do with him and will follow him where ever he goes unfortunatley. IF the fresh start did work out at a new school, he could have some happy memories of school life rather than all negative. If I keep him where he is, things may or not improve for him and I am scared all the negative emmotions he is having will scar him for life. School refusal has a high possibility of continuing in Sept, but the more positive aspect is that statergies and EP involvement are just starting to happen. It concerns me that he thinks I dont understand him, and dont care that he is picked on daily:-( If i move to him to a new school yes things may or may not improve, I would have to start all over again with school getting to know him etc.., but he will realise I do understand him and I do care. I cant win and I cannot see any sort of compromise in sight. All I want to do is help but at the same time without hindering the present, think of his future. We also have to consider his two sisters and as parents we have limitations on what we can do. Sorry that does not read very clearly, getting in a bit of a fluster.

 

The new teacher he has got in Sept is a gentle fellow, with not alot of discipline about him. I think things will deteriate from that angle to start off with as his previous teacher had a son with AS so as well as being able to relate to my son, could also understand where as a parent I was coming from.

 

So I dont need the IQ test to be done in order for a dx. That is handy to know.

Assessment wise we have had sessions to go over his history with a phyciatrist, then CP assessed his play skills which showed he lacked imagination and was not able to play imagintively but cognetively he proved himself quite able. Then they went on to do another play session where they introduced another adult. Once the other adult entered the room, they said he didnt know how to react and 'wet himself' (this was when he was 7yrs) Other than this I have not being told anything about their findings from the assessment. I have asked and asked and asked for a report detailing their findings, but for whatever reason they are not coming forward with this. All I get is they believe he has AS. All the other work over the past few years, has been me going to CAHMs on my own and just updating them and just us all repeating the same things. It is only now due to pressure form me at school that they have brought in the EP. Now the school refusal has come into the equation and the fact that he was getting more physical symptoms of stress CAHMs are doing some work regarding this area of things.

 

I have said no to a new school many of times and I have tried and tried to explain that what is the easiest option is not necessarily the right choice to make. (obvioiusly in childrens terminology) Explained that there are mean children where ever you go. He just wont give up on the subject. This has been going on for at least a term now. He has informed me today that if he goes to a school with a strict HT then the children wont be mean and do as they are told. So no one will be mean to him. Bless him - I wish life was as easy as that! His reaction is either an anger outburst aimed at me or he will just repeat the same thing over and over again, as if I am not understanding him. I have told him I understand what he is asking but we cant just move school because he says so. I have made some excuses too but he still wont let the subject go. Normally in the school holidays we dont have any issues regarding school as it is forgotten for the 6 weeks but this holiday, he keeps asking and asking the same question. The only solution I can see right now is home schooling him, but I know deep down that is not the right answer, as it certainly wont help his social skills and sorry this is going to sound as if I am a terrible parent, but whilst he is at school I get a break from him.

 

Sorry I started to waffle alot there again, just getting frustrated with myself because I think I have made a decision then I change my mind and I just go round the same loop with the same questions and the same answers. All my gut instinct seems to have vanished into thin air again. Oh well, I am sure I will figure it out at some point! maybe!

 

 

[call me jaded]

Hmmmm no easy answers there!

 

Maybe indicate to school that you want an appropriate support package to keep him in school and ask the CP/CAMHS if they would support your request for an assessment of SEN on the grounds of BESD (behavioural emotional social difficulties) - you really need a report from someone. Then you can get the ball rolling to see what his needs really are before you make a decision.

[LS2242]

Hmmmm no easy answers there!

 

Maybe indicate to school that you want an appropriate support package to keep him in school and ask the CP/CAMHS if they would support your request for an assessment of SEN on the grounds of BESD (behavioural emotional social difficulties) - you really need a report from someone. Then you can get the ball rolling to see what his needs really are before you make a decision.

EP has now put him on SA+ as I had a few letters form CP saying his stress and anxiety primarily come from the pressures of school. Letter from the HT to CP to say he lacks social skills and his teacher has noticed his literal understanding. EP has told HT to do referal for speech therapy to assess his language and understanding. Getting a new EP in September so the HT wants another meeting to discuss his needs again, and as the EP summary of the meeting does not state the school refusal then I want this adding onto it. I have been on HT case during the hols to remind her we still exist and to deal with this as soon as they return to school. The CP has kindly agreed to back me at this meeting with the EP, so this should help, I hope. All in all I need to keep him where he is at least for the short term, just worries me the effects it will have on my son both short and long term.

I really dont want his mental health deteriating much more. I am also concerned about the school refusal, although I get him there the process of getting him to attend is stressful and then if he has a bad day it is all my fault because I sent him. You win some, you lose some, I just tend to be on the receiving end of losing in his eyes.

 

Thanks for your advice CMJ I very much appreciate it :-) Fingers crossed all will subside

[justine1]

Hi

 

I just wanted to ask what strategies do you use when he is refusing to go to school? How about using a visual timetable to get ready for school in the morning and using rewards,you can put it into practise a week before he returns to school.Also start a reward scheme specifically for going to school and separate from the usual behaviour chart.So the reward can maybe be of a different nature,like take him for a ice cream or milkshake once a week. Also have expectations for when he gets back,so when he is finished school he knows he will have a snack,play on the PC etc.Give lots of praise and encouragement and let him know you are there.

 

 

Have you explained why he needs to go to school? Instead of saying he just has to go try and tell him that you want the best for him,maybe you can find a social story on going to school it maybe be aimed at kids who first attend school but you could adjust it.Also my son went through a stage of refusal and saying that the HT hates him etc,I sat down with him and said I really like the HT and that we are working together to help him,I did repeat this on a few occasions and towards the end he didnt even want to leave school even though he had asked for a year!!! So try and make it seem like you and the school are working together,your frusrations,even if its in the past,with the school may be shining through and he sees this.Of course if you arent happy with the school why should he be happy.

 

It would seem if you made a list of pros and cons to change school,the only real pro would be that he MAY BE happier(and that isnt even certain) whereas the cons include thr travel time/distance,your other children possibly coming home alone,the fact they need to start getting to know him and understanding his needs all over again and the possibility he may be even more unhappy.

 

Sorry I know you have already read most of this but I just wanted to add that.Having already been there myself,I know just how hard it is and I dont regret sending Sam to school,although he ended up only achieving 60% attendence likely the school supported me when he didnt show up,at least I have managed to get him into a school that will hopefully help him.

[LS2242]

I just wanted to ask what strategies do you use when he is refusing to go to school?

Before the hols initially I had to chase him round the house and then this changed to he would refuse to get out of bed. I was initially getting cross as this was all new and over the coming days once I realised this was a REAL anxiety and that I could be in for the long haule I spent alot of the time talking and encouraging him until in the end I could at least get him out of bed, then by turning getting dressed into a game, this could be achieved. He then got to choose how we got to school whether it be in the car, walking, bike or scooter. with a reward when I collected him from school.

I have started to use a visual time table now in the holidays as he thinks every day should be a pyjama's day. This has helped already. When I adapt this to include school, I have a hunch it will not make much difference to his refusal as I dont believe it is routine of the day that is the problem, it is more the fact that he dislikes school and possibly the fear of what lies ahead (who is going to be mean to him, who is he going to play with, what work will he do etc...)

I am going to adapt the timetable and try it to see if it does make any differences.

 

Have you explained why he needs to go to school?

Absolutely, but he dosent appear to care about my thoughts or the fact that we want the best for him. I have told him many many times we are working with the HT to try and help him feel happier in school. when we are late for school due to the refusal, we always go and see the HT and we sit together and try and get him to explain the problems he has for that particular day. He has also therefore witnessed us working as a team for him also. His focus is on what HE WANTS and he doesnt want to go to school and in his mind he has his reasons which to him are good enough. No ammount of talking, explaining, reasoning, rewards, support we give, it has made no difference.

 

We have made our descision now and he is staying where he is. If it continues after another term regardless of the supports put in place (not sure what they are yet, but will be speaking with school about this) then the CP has suggested we may need to consider part time schooling (dont like this idea, but hopefully wont need to think about this)

 

The attendance Sam achieved, was this down to his refusal to go? How did you deal with it initially and at what stage did you agree that he had a day off?

 

The fact that you have been there and come out the other side is encouraging to know.

 

Nothing related to school but went to see CP today with him and this is the first time they have introduced social stories. Early days, as he did not understand the concept, the aim being for them to introduce them into school once he has the understanding of how they work.

One thing that was an eye opener for me, was my son sat there and would not give any eye contact to CP at all, he permantely looked in the other direction as if he had switched off, but he was listening constantly (his eye contact was not a problem in the initial assessment!) he was fiddling with pens, lids, paper etc whenever he was not actively writing or drawing and he started his facial tics (they had disappeared about a month ago) yet he appeared quite at ease. I have never ever seen this side of him before in front of other people so although it may sound rather silly, I was so pleased the CP could witness this side of him.

 

Thanks for all the advice.

 

[justine1]

Hi

 

I can see you have tried almost everything

 

Sam only had 5 days off due to illness,he is a very healthy boy.There were at least 4 days where the school asked for him not to come in due to school outings or activities which he cant handle.There were also exclusions which amounted to 6 days.The rest was down to refusal,cant be sure but I believe it was 5 or 6 days.

 

I am quite stern on all my children when it comes to attendence because I missed lots of school as a child and feel by attending more you can achieve more,I missed out so much I fell behind.So with Sam I have pushed him to go to school and showed him the positives to encourage him.

 

What happened in our case is that even though he was on half days he would often still refuse to go in.When I would "drag" him to school I would tell the teacher that he wasnt keen to be there,twice when this happened he lashed out and was excluded.So as a result the school and I decided when he refuses they would mark it as authorised.The thing is they could see I was trying to always bring him in and his older brother attends the same school and he had a 97% attendence,he suffers from asthma if not for that it would be 100%.

 

The other difference is Sam has friends at school and although he had moments where he would say he hates school he would cry when he didnt go in

He does like going to school,especially getting ready in the mornings,it is just all the negative things that made him not want to be there(like the noise and being told off.)

 

It seems positive the school are starting to help even if it is a little later than expected.I do think the visual timetable will make a huge difference.If he is getting up later now due to the holidays I would say wake him at the normal school day time a week or so before he returns.I dont only do this for Sam but for the whole house,even me,because it does take time to adjust to this change.You can even take him on a practise run,taking him to school and explain that you are practising for when he goes back.

[Sally44]

I believe you also posted about a camping holiday that did not go well for your son.

I think he is struggling with the social communication and interaction side of things alot. So ensure the SALT does assess all his speech and social interaction and communication skills.

Although a general school change may not help things, a move to a school that does understand children with ASD would probably make a big difference.

He seems to only see things from his point of view, and is very concrete and literal in his interpretation of everything. Improvements can be made, but with the right professional input. That may not be possible in a typical mainstream school.

It would be useful for your parents to write down 'what' went wrong on the camping trip and what he struggled with and how he reacted to certain things. This is all information and evidence you can use to seek professional input, or an assessment towards a Statement.

[LS2242]

Thanks for that Sally.

 

No camping did not go well at all and a lesson learnt for all I think. The grandparents have now seen the real thing and did not realise how bad he was. I had told them but they have never witnessed it. They have wrote a letter, as they are concerned about his state of mind, which I have handed in to CP today and they have expressed their concerns and gone into detail about all his behaviours etc whilst away.

Today with CP we where doing some work on feelings and initially the plan was get him to identify how he feels when he is starting to get angry and then put in place a symbol/sign of somesort that he can give so we/teachers etc could remove him from the stress of the situation before the anger came out and slowly start to teach him thorough social stories how he could handle things. Wow - well what an eye opener today was, other than happy and sad he didnt know any at all, even with guidance. Not angry, frustrated, confused, anything. This was immediatley recognised by the CP, which is good.

It is wierd how things turn out, it was onlt JAn when son was discharged from CP and now we are there every week!

 

I have been told from the speech therapy that the waiting list is 18 months for assessment, his needs def need to be identified sooner rather than later.

Although a general school change may not help things, a move to a school that does understand children with ASD would probably make a big difference.

He seems to only see things from his point of view, and is very concrete and literal in his interpretation of everything. Improvements can be made, but with the right professional input. That may not be possible in a typical mainstream school.

What sort of prof input in your opinion do you think he would need SALT or CBT??? Your right in your point of view here 100% I need to have a serious chat with CP and school together and find the best way forward. And if the 2 hour daily school run is the only option then so be it.

It would be useful for your parents to write down 'what' went wrong on the camping trip and what he struggled with and how he reacted to certain things. This is all information and evidence you can use to seek professional input, or an assessment towards a Statement.

Can I use this with it being from family members. Thought the LEA would see this as bias? Long way off a statement as he only just got on SA+ and no IEP even being done as yet. I will be on the case first day back, and we have the full backing of the CP, which can only help.

 

Thanks for that Sally.

No camping did not go well at all and a lesson learnt for all I think. The grandparents have now seen the real thing and did not realise how servere things had become. I had told them but they have never witnessed it. They have wrote a letter which I have handed in to CP today and they have expressed their concerns and gone into detail about all his behaviours etc whilst away.

Today with CP we where doing some work on feelings and initially the thought was get him to identify how he feels when he is starting to get angry and then put in place a symbol/sign of somesort that he can give so we could remove him from the situation before the anger came out. Wow well what an eye opener, other than happy and sad he didnt know any. Not angry, frustrated, confused. This was immediatley recognised which is good.

[LS2242]

Sorry about repeating the last bit there. Pressed the wrong button again before I posted.