Can anyone give me some advice on talking to my other child?

[mylittlewizzle]

hi , i have to say i have had such a lovely welcome here, keep saying it but everyone has been so nice, so thankyou!

 

anyway, my wizzle who is 4 has been given initial diagnosis of aspergers and we are awaiting CASBAT assessment (paeditrician has said she feels that this is basically a formality but will give a bigger insight into areas we need to help her with etc..) and such but my problem is, after talking to the paediatrician she has told me that with certain things wizzle does we should just ignore it, as in swearing, being particularly horrible with her words towards us and her siblings and things like the other day she wee'd all over her bed, and wee'd on the floor and blamed the dog while my partners friend was here, i told the paed this and she said the best thing to do is ignore it!

 

how do i explain to my 8 year old daughter that wizzle will not be being told off for certain things? we have tried to explain that ignoring the swearing and such is the best bet but i am just worried that i have no answers for her, she knows something is up as i was sat crying one night and she came downstairs and she asked what was the matter and i told her that izzy has some behavioural problems that a doctor needs to look into but that once i knew a bit more i would sit and talk to her, but i really dont know what to say!! are there any books out there that can help with how i word things etc... wizzle is due to start my eldests school in september (am absolutely dreading it after the observations from nursery, IEP and such) so i need to word it correctly if you see what i mean. it must be really hard to sit there and think "well i would get told off"!! she is a very good child most of the time (apart from the 8 going on 13 attitude!) even things like she had a friend over today and wizzle didnt cope well at all with it and things got very frustrating for her because of how wizzle was being etc.... any help or book ideas would be greatlyl appreciated

[justine1]

Hi

I am not convinced it is a good thing to ignore the behaviour.I got four boys and the two with ASD get told off same as the two that dont have ASD.Last week I was told by the speech therapist that I should discourage Dan from using inappropriate words and I do so,she did say though that he needs professional help for this as it has become part of his speech,like describing words.I dont punnish him but try and help him learn the appropriate words for what he is trying to say.

 

Sorry tried to post a link but it aint working,there is a great list of childrens books on autism at amazon,just google autism books for children.

Edited August 12, 2010 by justine1

[Suze]

Agree with Justine about the not ignoring some of the stuff, they won,t ignore bad language at school for instance so she needs to be aware that saying bad words is wrong .My other kids took on board my sons dx pretty easily , there were plainly things he did that were unusual so they knew and are aware about his dx.For instance he will shout and make funny noises sometimes to dispel his emotions , kids sometimes surprise with their insightfulness , you may find she is already alot more aware of her sisters autism than you know./Best wishes suzex.

[chris54]

I cant say I have any advise as I fundamentally do not agree with the Idea of ignoring this sort of behavior.

 

Your child obviously knew what she had done was not acceptable or why would she have blamed the dog.

 

There is approach that requires you ignoring the child, turn your back to them sort of thing, in response to unacceptable behavior but this is not ignoring the behavior itself.

 

Sorry not to be of any help.

[mrsrosa]

hi , i have to say i have had such a lovely welcome here, keep saying it but everyone has been so nice, so thankyou!

 

anyway, my wizzle who is 4 has been given initial diagnosis of aspergers and we are awaiting CASBAT assessment (paeditrician has said she feels that this is basically a formality but will give a bigger insight into areas we need to help her with etc..) and such but my problem is, after talking to the paediatrician she has told me that with certain things wizzle does we should just ignore it, as in swearing, being particularly horrible with her words towards us and her siblings and things like the other day she wee'd all over her bed, and wee'd on the floor and blamed the dog while my partners friend was here, i told the paed this and she said the best thing to do is ignore it!

 

how do i explain to my 8 year old daughter that wizzle will not be being told off for certain things? we have tried to explain that ignoring the swearing and such is the best bet but i am just worried that i have no answers for her, she knows something is up as i was sat crying one night and she came downstairs and she asked what was the matter and i told her that izzy has some behavioural problems that a doctor needs to look into but that once i knew a bit more i would sit and talk to her, but i really dont know what to say!! are there any books out there that can help with how i word things etc... wizzle is due to start my eldests school in september (am absolutely dreading it after the observations from nursery, IEP and such) so i need to word it correctly if you see what i mean. it must be really hard to sit there and think "well i would get told off"!! she is a very good child most of the time (apart from the 8 going on 13 attitude!) even things like she had a friend over today and wizzle didnt cope well at all with it and things got very frustrating for her because of how wizzle was being etc.... any help or book ideas would be greatlyl appreciated

 

helllo there ive got two daughters,my 3.5 has asd and i also have a 8.5 year old, i got a book from the libary called everone`s different which is written for siblings of asd children,sorry cant remember who it was by and ive taken it back,but you could maybe google it.

it was very helpful for me,i went through it and marked some pages and then went through it when we were on our own so she could ask any questions.i felt quite emotional doing it but was good to have a proper chat and cleared up alot of things x

Edited August 13, 2010 by call me jaded
fix quotes

[mylittlewizzle]

helllo there ive got two daughters,my 3.5 has asd and i also have a 8.5 year old, i got a book from the libary called everone`s different which is written for siblings of asd children,sorry cant remember who it was by and ive taken it back,but you could maybe google it.

it was very helpful for me,i went through it and marked some pages and then went through it when we were on our own so she could ask any questions.i felt quite emotional doing it but was good to have a proper chat and cleared up alot of things x

 

thanks for the replies, see i wasnt sure about ignoring any of it as obviously before i spoke to the paed we allways pulled her up on things like swearing (not that it made much difference!) and i quite agree if she blamed the dog she must have known it was wrong although when she wee'd on the bed the only answer i got was "because i did" so i think that occasion was probably slightly different?? perhaps i will just carry on as before! will go look for books

[Jules71]

We are in a similar situation, we need to talk to our 8 yo daughter about our 10 yo's AS. She knows there is something going on and we have already told her we are getting some help and once we know ourselves what is going on we will have a talk with her. I found loads of books aimed at AS for kids on Amazon but I was thinking for our 10 yo, really hadn't thought about getting books for Liv but that is a really good idea. We have a 5yo too but I think he is too young to really understand yet, although last week when we were packing up to come home from holiday he did say to his dad, Harvey doesn't make any friends when we are on holiday does he....

[Karen A]

Hi.This previous thread that I found for another poster yesterday might be useful.It contains lots of ideas for books for 8-11 year olds or there abouts.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/Index.php?/topic/22945-book-recommendations/page__p__274845__hl__information__fromsearch__1#entry274845

 

There is also a book written with sibblings in mind.''You are special too''.

http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781843106562

I have read others in the series although I did not agree with everything they said.It might be worth a look.

Karen.

Edited August 19, 2010 by Karen A

[Jules71]

Thank you, I will go have a look