Getting our heads round it...

[forrestgump]

Hi,

 

I'm 44 and live with my partner Karen in Surrey. I have four children, two older step-children, Paige (17) & Joe (16), and two little ones, Ben (6) and Isabella (2). Ben has just finished year one at school. Since his first school report in Y1, his teacher has expressed concern about his reading and writing. He has seen the speech and language therapist and the educational psychologist during the last 12 months but no-one has really been able to get to the bottom of his various issues. I thought he might be dyslexic at first (he is ambivalent about reading and dislikes writing, though loves spoken stories) but the school didn't seem to agree with this. In the last week of the school term, I had a meeting with his head-teacher who suggested that he might be on the spectrum. This came completely from out of the blue - we hadn't considered anything like this before, knowing next to nothing about Asperger's or Autism, although have always thought him slightly eccentric.

 

After this meeting, Karen posted about this on one of her Mums forums, explaining a little about Ben and one of her friends came back and suggested that we look at Asperger's. Right from the start, it was like opening a door where things suddenly started making sense. He has many of the 'classic' traits, since very small, fascinated by lights, water, trains, batteries. Poor eye contact, talks and makes odd sing-song noises to himself. Poor co-ordination with ball games, not at all interested in football or any team games. Will watch the same film 10 times in a row, then becomes inconsolable each time it ends. Incredibly sensitive, hates being left, will get emotional at the drop of a hat. He can be very pedantic, difficult to have any kind of conversation with him. Little or no empathy, can be quite violent to his little sister and recently has become aggressive at school, hitting or scratching other children. I went to a 'football party' with him a few weeks ago, where he didn't socialise with the other children (all in his class) at all, he became very upset when the football started, and had a very difficult, emotional afternoon.

 

As we started reading about Asperger's, at first online and then in the last few days the Tony Attwood book, I soon picked up on the likelihood that I might also be on the spectrum and almost in parallel to understanding Ben, have started to realise that I probably have AS (or many of the traits) as well. This is mainly a relief, because it explains a huge amount about aspects of my childhood, but wondering if it's actually worth getting myself assessed. I am a very positive person, independent, have my own business, though it has been a struggle getting to where I am today. I was (horribly) bullied at secondary school, always felt an outsider, never understood the way to integrate into groups of my peers. Always have been socially awkward, cripplingly shy and while I studied and now work in the arts (theatre) have really only made 'friends' only through work, where there is a common language. These friendships often dry up or falter when away from a 'project'. I am very black and white in my thinking, incredibly picky about tidiness and cleanliness (to the distraction of my partner) extremely old-fashioned in my world view. I struggle to make eye-contact (find it really hard and have to literally force myself) and am prone to sudden, angry outbursts at home. I also struggle with empathy, understanding other people's emotions and have always found it difficult to concentrate or keep 'on task'.

 

I'm seeing our GP tomorrow to start the ball rolling in terms of getting Ben assessed - I don't know how that will go, but as he has some history with Ed Psych and Speech & Language, it should hopefully be fairly easy to get a referral? I'm just a bit hesitant about bringing the GP two problems at once. My priority is obviously Ben. I'd like to know about more about me but surely this can wait (?) - it would be for my own peace of mind mainly. I'm pretty sure that I have AS - I scored very highly on an online questionnaire and so much of the Tony Attwood book resonates with me and the kind of person I am. Karen is being generally supportive but wants to wait until we have more clarity before speaking too much about it (I think she is a little wary of what feels like self-diagnosis). When I first realised Ben might have AS, I got quite upset, but as soon as I started to realise that I am almost certainly on the spectrum as well, I immediately felt much better, I guess much closer to him. Is this strange? Still getting our heads around it all really.

[call me jaded]

This all sounds very positive. TBH it dosen't sound as if you need to rush into a diagnosis for yourself but hopefully your GP will do the necessary for Ben.

 

Welcome to the forum!

[noahsmum]

hi, i'm claire i went thru something dsimilar with my son except his behavior was 1st noticed in nursery. he's going to yr1 in september and we got his diagnosis in june. good luck with everything

[Jules71]

Hi there, I'm Julie and my son was diagnosed this week with Aspergers, problems were picked up when he was at playgroup (age 4), he is now 10 (11 in a few weeks). Good luck, it is hard getting your head around it, that is what we are still doing!!

[zeldasmum]

Hya my son Mikey is also six and sounds very similar to Ben apart from the aggression, (although he was from the ages of 1 to 3).

I was on a course which covered Dyspraxia and was like WOW this sounds like Mikey, at the same time he had been referred to a Behavior support team who came into school. They did a home visit and AS was mentioned I had never heard of it. Upon reading info on the internet I couldn't believe it, everything fell into place.

 

Currently we have had paed appointment and they have referred him to OT and for help with social and comms.

 

I am trying not to self-diagnose and to wait until we have a definitive diagnosis but now that I have read the symptoms I see it in all that he does.

 

x

[sinai]

Hi,

 

I'm 44 and live with my partner Karen in Surrey. I have four children, two older step-children, Paige (17) & Joe (16), and two little ones, Ben (6) and Isabella (2). Ben has just finished year one at school. Since his first school report in Y1, his teacher has expressed concern about his reading and writing. He has seen the speech and language therapist and the educational psychologist during the last 12 months but no-one has really been able to get to the bottom of his various issues. I thought he might be dyslexic at first (he is ambivalent about reading and dislikes writing, though loves spoken stories) but the school didn't seem to agree with this. In the last week of the school term, I had a meeting with his head-teacher who suggested that he might be on the spectrum. This came completely from out of the blue - we hadn't considered anything like this before, knowing next to nothing about Asperger's or Autism, although have always thought him slightly eccentric.

 

After this meeting, Karen posted about this on one of her Mums forums, explaining a little about Ben and one of her friends came back and suggested that we look at Asperger's. Right from the start, it was like opening a door where things suddenly started making sense. He has many of the 'classic' traits, since very small, fascinated by lights, water, trains, batteries. Poor eye contact, talks and makes odd sing-song noises to himself. Poor co-ordination with ball games, not at all interested in football or any team games. Will watch the same film 10 times in a row, then becomes inconsolable each time it ends. Incredibly sensitive, hates being left, will get emotional at the drop of a hat. He can be very pedantic, difficult to have any kind of conversation with him. Little or no empathy, can be quite violent to his little sister and recently has become aggressive at school, hitting or scratching other children. I went to a 'football party' with him a few weeks ago, where he didn't socialise with the other children (all in his class) at all, he became very upset when the football started, and had a very difficult, emotional afternoon.

 

As we started reading about Asperger's, at first online and then in the last few days the Tony Attwood book, I soon picked up on the likelihood that I might also be on the spectrum and almost in parallel to understanding Ben, have started to realise that I probably have AS (or many of the traits) as well. This is mainly a relief, because it explains a huge amount about aspects of my childhood, but wondering if it's actually worth getting myself assessed. I am a very positive person, independent, have my own business, though it has been a struggle getting to where I am today. I was (horribly) bullied at secondary school, always felt an outsider, never understood the way to integrate into groups of my peers. Always have been socially awkward, cripplingly shy and while I studied and now work in the arts (theatre) have really only made 'friends' only through work, where there is a common language. These friendships often dry up or falter when away from a 'project'. I am very black and white in my thinking, incredibly picky about tidiness and cleanliness (to the distraction of my partner) extremely old-fashioned in my world view. I struggle to make eye-contact (find it really hard and have to literally force myself) and am prone to sudden, angry outbursts at home. I also struggle with empathy, understanding other people's emotions and have always found it difficult to concentrate or keep 'on task'.

 

I'm seeing our GP tomorrow to start the ball rolling in terms of getting Ben assessed - I don't know how that will go, but as he has some history with Ed Psych and Speech & Language, it should hopefully be fairly easy to get a referral? I'm just a bit hesitant about bringing the GP two problems at once. My priority is obviously Ben. I'd like to know about more about me but surely this can wait (?) - it would be for my own peace of mind mainly. I'm pretty sure that I have AS - I scored very highly on an online questionnaire and so much of the Tony Attwood book resonates with me and the kind of person I am. Karen is being generally supportive but wants to wait until we have more clarity before speaking too much about it (I think she is a little wary of what feels like self-diagnosis). When I first realised Ben might have AS, I got quite upset, but as soon as I started to realise that I am almost certainly on the spectrum as well, I immediately felt much better, I guess much closer to him. Is this strange? Still getting our heads around it all really.

[sinai]

first of all hello to you all!

 

it would be good to get yourself assessed as well as your child.

 

if you are on the spectrum and your son is you have something in common in a good way, that you can relate to how and why your son may behave or feel the way he does, that can go in your favour, as i myself have worked with autistic children for the past 11 years and would love to know more on why childern behave or act in a certain way.

 

hope all goes well for you and you get any help that is needed.