Im hoping I have Aspergers

[BlueLotus]

Hi,

 

First time poster. All of my life I have felt different. I have struggled socially from being a boy. I have only 1 friend not because im particularly unlikeable but because i cannot handle having too much social interaction so I never develop other frendship opportunties when they arise. I have two lovely children however I cannot handle living with my ex partner so we live apart which causes me stress as I want the security of having a family unit but being in the family unit is too much for me to cope with. I can't live alone either as my head goes to crazy places...I feel threatened and insecure and need the safety of having others around even if I don't hang out with them..just knowing someone else is around eases my stress. Consequently I live in a shared house (which drives me nuts as I put expectations on myself that I should have a house to myself for my children to come & stay and call their own...although their Mother's home will always be their prime location).

 

I have a demanding job which suits my obsessive tendacies, I can anlayse data, spot trends etc which I enjoy however its a high exposure job (at least by my standards) so im constantly in uncomfortable posistions dealing with various issues, having to lead a small team and front-up to senior people within the company - something i struggle with as im absolutely useless at expressing myself clearly & succinctly..I ties myself in knots and repeat myself etc. Im far more comfortable with sending out emails and expressing myself with the written word.

 

My ex suggested I give the AQ test a go after a recent family gathering where I could'nt handle a delicate sitution and went AWOL for 2 days missing my precious daughter's birthday (who was and still is upset). I have never considered Autism before so gave it a go and scored 39/50 which really suprised me. Since then iv researched a fair bit on the subject and have discovered I have most of the traits. The only part I cannot relate well to is having a vivid imagination and seeing things clearly in my mind. Upstairs always feels very jumbled and I can rarely lock onto solid images. From what Iv read up on the imagination side of things is fundemental to the diagnosis.

 

I am however hoping I am on the AS as it would put my mind at rest and explain just why I have found so many life things so utterly difficult. It wouldn't make me feel so low if I knew there was a reason for my cooky behaviour. I have booked up with my GP and am asking for referral for a diagnosis.

 

Below is a list of traits I got of a site and one way or another I can relate to 90% of them some very strongly others mildly...however most humans can relate to most things to some degree so i don't think this automatically qualifies me in the club.

 

* Difficulty in accepting criticism and/or being corrected.

* Strongly like, or strongly dislike certain things, for example, certain foods.

* Acting in a somewhat immature manner.

* Excessive talking.

* Difficulty in correcting someone else for mistakes without appearing to be insensitive or harsh.

* Sometimes appearing shy and withdrawn, but willing to speak when spoken to.

* Clumsiness and balancing difficulties.

* Difficulty sleeping.

* Sarcastic, negative, emotionally numb, very criticizing.

* Low or no participation in conferences, group meetings, etc.

* Great concern about personal working area.

* Problems addressing others due to issues with trust.

* Intense concern for privacy

* Difficultly in distinguishing intimate relationships from friendships.

* Difficulty working as a "team."

* Low to no sense of humor.

* Writing lists to stay on schedule when things get hectic.

* Very weird sense of humor, sometimes not found very humorous by others.

* Lacking in ability to greet others in a warm and friendly manner.

* Uneasiness with completing a project for fear of failure.

* Perfectionist.

* Lacking in ability to show compassion, sympathy and sincere happiness.

* Shows little or no reaction when being criticized or patronized.

* Difficulty accepting compliments.

* Difficulty maintaining eye contact.

* Difficulty starting projects.

* Interrupting in the middle of a conversation.

* Extreme reaction to a schedule change or routine.

* Repetitive behaviors, and if the step-by-step scheduled routine is interrupted it causes confusion and sometimes anger.

* Certain preferences of personal items, such as always picking the same clothes in stores when making a new purchase, using the same blanket, not wanting to throw away a particular pair of shoes.

* Easily manipulated.

* Lacking initiation when in groups.

* Not being able to determine public and personal and public hygiene, for instance, someone may pick their nose, clean their ears in front of others without realizing most people do not do those things in public areas.

* Very verbal, blunt.

* Raising of voice during stressful and frustrating situations.

* Difficulty hiding true emotions such as anger and sadness.

* Lacking in the ability to relax from activities.

* Verbalizing strongly on likes and dislikes.

* No interest in tasks that doesn't draw personal interest.

* Almost always totally serious.

* Difficulty in determining how someone else would feel given the same situation.

* Quick tempered.

* Having a different way of playing games with others, and is sometimes taken the wrong way.

* Fixating on really bad or really good experiences.

* Difficulty with constant anxiety, worried about performance and being accepted, despite commendation and special recogntion.

* Clumsiness.

* Limits one's self with pursued interests without thinking of other things that can be explored.

* Confusion during stress.

* Repetitive simple routines.

* Nail biting, fidgeting nervousness and anxiety.

* Strong sensitivity to sound, light some tastes, odors and colors.

* Difficulty expressing emotion.

* A need for finishing one task before starting another.

* Difficulty in determining time limits.

* Constantly asking of questions.

* Difficulty with negotiation.

* Does things without thinking them out well first, or considering consequences.

* Impulsive.

* Mental shutdown, or total burst of anger when "pinned in the corner" so to speak.

* Often viewed as vulnerable by not responding when being harassed by classmates or co-workers.

* Difficulty concentrating to write essays, reports etc.

* Difficulty talking to classmates or co-workers as "pals."

* Very low assertiveness in topics not interested in.

* Very easily distracted.

* Self injuring behaviors.

* Difficulty in starting or changing conversations.

* Thinking on a "one track mind" type basis.

 

Im guess im posting for theraputic reasons, or maybe I just want somene to say "yes you are on the AS" ... I don't know..anyhow thats me.

[Mumble]

* Low to no sense of humor.

Woohoo!!!! :dance: I'm cured!! :lol:

[trekster]

Hello i have emboldened the traits which i feel are related to Aspergers. My other comments are in italics.

 

* Difficulty in accepting criticism and/or being corrected.

* Strongly like, or strongly dislike certain things, for example, certain foods.

* Acting in a somewhat immature manner.

* Excessive talking.

* Difficulty in correcting someone else for mistakes without appearing to be insensitive or harsh.

* Sometimes appearing shy and withdrawn, but willing to speak when spoken to.

* Clumsiness and balancing difficulties.

* Difficulty sleeping.

* Sarcastic, negative, emotionally numb, very criticizing.

* Low or no participation in conferences, group meetings, etc.

* Great concern about personal working area.

* Problems addressing others due to issues with trust.

* Intense concern for privacy

* Difficultly in distinguishing intimate relationships from friendships.

* Difficulty working as a "team."

* Low to no sense of humour. (if by that you mean slapstick only i have that).

* Writing lists to stay on schedule when things get hectic.

* Very weird sense of humour, sometimes not found very humorous by others.

* Lacking in ability to greet others in a warm and friendly manner.

* Uneasiness with completing a project for fear of failure.

* Perfectionist.

* Lacking in ability to show compassion, sympathy and sincere happiness.

* Shows little or no reaction when being criticized or patronized.

* Difficulty accepting compliments.

* Difficulty maintaining eye contact.

* Difficulty starting projects.

* Interrupting in the middle of a conversation.

* Extreme reaction to a schedule change or routine.

* Repetitive behaviours, and if the step-by-step scheduled routine is interrupted it causes confusion and sometimes anger.

* Certain preferences of personal items, such as always picking the same clothes in stores when making a new purchase, using the same blanket, not wanting to throw away a particular pair of shoes.

* Easily manipulated.

* Lacking initiation when in groups.

* Not being able to determine public and personal and public hygiene, for instance, someone may pick their nose, clean their ears in front of others without realizing most people do not do those things in public areas.

* Very verbal, blunt.

* Raising of voice during stressful and frustrating situations.

* Difficulty hiding true emotions such as anger and sadness.

* Lacking in the ability to relax from activities.

* Verbalizing strongly on likes and dislikes.

* No interest in tasks that doesn't draw personal interest.

* Almost always totally serious.

* Difficulty in determining how someone else would feel given the same situation.

* Quick tempered. This can be common in Aspergers but not in all cases

* Having a different way of playing games with others, and is sometimes taken the wrong way.

* Fixating on really bad or really good experiences.

* Difficulty with constant anxiety, worried about performance and being accepted, despite commendation and special recognition.

* Clumsiness.

* Limits one's self with pursued interests without thinking of other things that can be explored.

* Confusion during stress.

* Repetitive simple routines.

* Nail biting, fidgeting nervousness and anxiety.

* Strong sensitivity to sound, light some tastes, odours and colours.

* Difficulty expressing emotion.

* A need for finishing one task before starting another.

* Difficulty in determining time limits.

* Constantly asking of questions.

* Difficulty with negotiation.

* Does things without thinking them out well first, or considering consequences.

* Impulsive.

* Mental shutdown, or total burst of anger when "pinned in the corner" so to speak.

* Often viewed as vulnerable by not responding when being harassed by classmates or co-workers.

* Difficulty concentrating to write essays, reports etc.

* Difficulty talking to classmates or co-workers as "pals."

* Very low assertiveness in topics not interested in.

* Very easily distracted.

* Self injuring behaviours.

* Difficulty in starting or changing conversations.

* Thinking on a "one track mind" type basis.

 

i feel there is a strong possibility that you could have Aspergers. Im no diagnostician but i can sense the signs.

[Suze]

Hi Bluelotus , welcome to the forum.Seeing your GP for a referral is definiteley a good place to start There are lots of friendly people on the forum, some parents to autistic kids , others adults with a dx themselves.Hope you find the forum helpful, suzex.

Edited September 24, 2010 by Suze

[trekster]

Hello and welcome, i have highlighted your comments in bold that seem very Aspergers to me. My comments are in italics

 

First time poster. All of my life I have felt different. I have struggled socially from being a boy. I have only 1 friend not because im particularly unlikeable but because i cannot handle having too much social interaction so I never develop other friendship opportunities when they arise. I have two lovely children however I cannot handle living with my ex partner so we live apart which causes me stress as I want the security of having a family unit but being in the family unit is too much for me to cope with. I can't live alone either as my head goes to crazy places...I feel threatened and insecure and need the safety of having others around even if I don't hang out with them..just knowing someone else is around eases my stress. Consequently I live in a shared house (which drives me nuts as I put expectations on myself that I should have a house to myself for my children to come & stay and call their own...although their Mother's home will always be their prime location).

 

I have a demanding job which suits my obsessive tendencies, I can analyse data, spot trends etc which I enjoy however its a high exposure job (at least by my standards) so im constantly in uncomfortable positions dealing with various issues, having to lead a small team and front-up to senior people within the company - something i struggle with as im absolutely useless at expressing myself clearly & succinctly..I ties myself in knots and repeat myself etc. Im far more comfortable with sending out emails and expressing myself with the written word.

 

My ex suggested I give the AQ test a go after a recent family gathering where I couldn't handle a delicate situation and went AWOL for 2 days missing my precious daughter's birthday (who was and still is upset). I have never considered Autism before so gave it a go and scored 39/50 which really surprised me. Since then iv researched a fair bit on the subject and have discovered I have most of the traits. The only part I cannot relate well to is having a vivid imagination and seeing things clearly in my mind. Upstairs always feels very jumbled and I can rarely lock onto solid images. From what Ive read up on the imagination side of things is fundamental to the diagnosis. It is to do with predicting how others might think feel and their behaviour. So not in the literal sense. i didn't have every Asperger trait when i was diagnosed but still enough for a diagnosis.

 

I am however hoping I am on the AS as it would put my mind at rest and explain just why I have found so many life things so utterly difficult. It wouldn't make me feel so low if I knew there was a reason for my cocky behaviour. I have booked up with my GP and am asking for referral for a diagnosis.

 

Excellent idea re seeing the GP, if you are stuck with getting them to refer you (or finding someone to refer you to contact the NAS helpline

http://www.autism.org.uk/helpline good luck.

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

There are certainly a lot of things there that point to Asperger's. It sounds like it's well worth investigating further, especially as you are having a lot of difficulties and anxieties.

 

Although a diagnosis would not cure those problems, it could help you understand how they developed and find better ways around them, and might possibly enable you to get appropriate professional support with them.

 

The imagination thing is a complicated one. It does not really refer to what most people mean by imagining things. It can mean things like social imagination, like being able to tell what another person may be thinking in a certain situation, or knowing whether another person knows something you know.

 

I hope that your GP is supportive and will help you get some answers.

[BlueLotus]

Thanks for all your replies..its reassuring to be acknowledged when joining a forum especially when opening up like I have

 

The imagination aspect is interesting...on reflection I find I often assume what people are thinking and base my interaction around my assumption of what they are thinking...normally my interpretation on what I think they think is negative towards myself and is probably in most cases wrong. However my ability to perceive what others are thinking may well class me as non-aspergers ?! But then again im pretty sure that what I think they think is nearly always wrong so that could fit in with having an inability to understand others appropriately.

 

All very confusing !

[trekster]

Thanks for all your replies..its reassuring to be acknowledged when joining a forum especially when opening up like I have

 

The imagination aspect is interesting...on reflection I find I often assume what people are thinking and base my interaction around my assumption of what they are thinking...normally my interpretation on what I think they think is negative towards myself and is probably in most cases wrong. However my ability to perceive what others are thinking may well class me as non-aspergers ?! But then again im pretty sure that what I think they think is nearly always wrong so that could fit in with having an inability to understand others appropriately.

 

All very confusing !

 

i have problems with knowing what information i should and shouldn't volunteer to folk. Often i get the "why didn't you tell me?"

questions and i think "because i didn't realise i had to volunteer the information and you didn't realise you had to ask me".

 

Another serious one which i struggle with daily is "not foreseeing the consequences of ones actions" i have the decency to be

honest in that respect. So if i say "i thought you would be upset but not nec angry" then that's my true theory of mind.

[Jannih]

 

The only part I cannot relate well to is having a vivid imagination and seeing things clearly in my mind. Upstairs always feels very jumbled and I can rarely lock onto solid images. From what Iv read up on the imagination side of things is fundemental to the diagnosis.

 

I agree with those things highlighted by Trekster. I also think that there are some in that list that Trekster didn't feel were applicable, one being, "I speak in a loud voice when stressed." Sometimes it can be an exceptionally quiet voice with some, but the volume is not normal.

 

You certainly have a vast number of traits but you will never know unless you go for a diagnosis.

 

All the best.

[Tally]

I often assume what people are thinking and base my interaction around my assumption of what they are thinking...normally my interpretation on what I think they think is negative towards myself and is probably in most cases wrong.

Making the wrong assumptions is something that people with Asperger's commonly do. However, given that you normally assume people are thinking negative things about you, I would think that low self esteem is probably a major factor here. Now that could well stem from having made the wrong assumptions in the past combined with facing rejection, as people with Asperger's often experience. But low self-esteem may offer the full explanation for this particular difficulty.

 

It can be very difficult to tease everything apart, which is why you really need to speak to someone who knows what they are doing instead of me, because I will only confuse you

[BlueLotus]

Agreed. A lot of the traits I most certainly experience can be the cause of other issues. I do have low self-esteem which seems unshakeable despite having so many things stacked in my favour. A professional diagnosis is the only way forward and something im pursuing.

 

I have to say though, in particular at work, I fail to grasp what others seem to grasp with ease. I often have to have things spelt out to me...its like everyone else is on a level and im below that level. I have always assumed that I must be a little slow in some areas but it could be that I just don't read things like others.

 

Ah well, at least engaging on this forum is helping me.