How best to help?

[lizj]

Can anyone advise on how best to help a teenager (19) with ASD who is having a difficult time with his love life?

He has had a "girlfriend" for about 6 months. At first they seemed happy enough, quite fond of each other in an innocent way. She has SEN and ADHD and they go to college together. But, as usual, he started to get on her nerves with his incessant talking, and she has now turned against him and is being awful.

She is cheating on him with his friend, excluding him from her social life, and basically taking the p***, (making snide remarks on Facebook etc,) but he just can't accept how awful she is being. He insists that he loves her and she is still his girlfriend. I think he will put up with any treatment rather than be single again. He is very afraid of loneliness and isolation.

I am getting very depressed because I can see his hurt and confusion, but I just don't know how to help him. Anyone got any experience?

[JsMum]

Its a hard one because he is an adult, but from what you have written he is very vulnerable too, Id be tempted to go to the college and talk to a college councillor there, the unlimate decision has to be his, but like you say witnessing him been hurt emotionally is really hurting you too, its a hard one and dont really have any answers but I know I will have all this to come in the futre, I will be asking the same questions Im sure.

 

There is relationship councillors such as relate to maybe discuss this with ovbously keeping your sons detials confidential.

 

http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

 

National Autistic Society may also have information on Relationship guidance for adults with Autism.

 

I understand your concerns,

 

JsMumx

[Suze]

My son is 15 and has lots of female friends aswell and we have similar stuff going on .My gut feeling is not to get involved he is 19 and although he may seem younger in many ways, it maybe that you have to let him get on with it.I would,nt actively do anything involving this girl, but would try and encourage him into seeing that she is being unkind.Love is a learning curve for all adolesences and most kids get treated like ###### at some point, I think its just a case of being there for him and letting him know you care, best wishes suzex. ...maybe this is one cruel lesson in life that only he will have to learn for himself.

[lizj]

Thanks for your replies and your concern. Just to update, following a huge row between us and her parents, I finally had to make him give her an ultimatum : either stop messing him round or finish it. They have split up. Now he is very hurt and I feel like a big bad ogre.

I know it is in his own best interests long term, he will get over it and so forth, but it is so hard to stand back and watch your child struggling to cope with things that seem easy to other people.

Edited October 7, 2010 by lizj