Newbie

[pollypop]

Hi there

I am new to this site but am delighted to find. I have 3 daughters aged 16,14 and 10 and the middle girl has Aspergers. She was diagnosed at 2 with ASD and went to a local assessment Ubit for 3 years...a brilliant start for her. At 7 she went to a small mainstream school with a statement and support and is now in secondary with fultime support. She is a year behind her peers at school and finds accessing the circullum difficult but she seems to thrive in music, sports and ballet (outside school). We can have a lot of anger and meltdowns at home often in relation to school issues and she tries very hard to fit in and hide her Aspie side. She manages to pull it off most of the time I think ! The strain on her of having to fit in results in bad behaviour at home which can get very trying at times. It is particularly hard for her 2 sisters and |I feel there is so little out there for them. I was married for 15 years but our marraige broke down 3 years ago with my daughters disability being one of the main factors. It is strangely a lot easier now and we manage fairly well. I set up a parent support group in our village for parents of children with disabilities and this has been really good.I only felt able enough to do this after our marraige split up. Thats about all I can write about our little family at the mo. Most of the time we jog along and are happy but we do have some very low times when she kicks off and I worry constantly about her and her future so i feel this site may be a help to us.

[chloesmum]

Hi Pollypop,

 

I'm new to this site too and have a 15yr old daughter who's in the process of being diagnosed with aspergers. Wow your daughter was diagnosed at a young age, which seems to be rare for girls. I know exactly what you mean about how little support there is for siblings. My marriage also broke down 5 years ago and my elder daughter has been my rock. The last 18 months have been particularly difficult and the impact on my elder daughters life has been huge. Her friends couldn't possibly begin to imagine what she's been living with which made her feel isolated. She's at university now which is wonderful but struggles with guilt cos she's not here to support me, and worries constantly about what's going on at home. A support system for siblings is definitely needed! Your parent support group sounds good, and you seem to be coping really well. There's a local group which I'm planning to go to when I get the chance. I really didn't know much about aspergers until recently, so any advice from more experienced mums will be very welcome.

[pollypop]

Hi Pollypop,

 

I'm new to this site too and have a 15yr old daughter who's in the process of being diagnosed with aspergers. Wow your daughter was diagnosed at a young age, which seems to be rare for girls. I know exactly what you mean about how little support there is for siblings. My marriage also broke down 5 years ago and my elder daughter has been my rock. The last 18 months have been particularly difficult and the impact on my elder daughters life has been huge. Her friends couldn't possibly begin to imagine what she's been living with which made her feel isolated. She's at university now which is wonderful but struggles with guilt cos she's not here to support me, and worries constantly about what's going on at home. A support system for siblings is definitely needed! Your parent support group sounds good, and you seem to be coping really well. There's a local group which I'm planning to go to when I get the chance. I really didn't know much about aspergers until recently, so any advice from more experienced mums will be very welcome.

[pollypop]

Hi Chloes Mum

Thanks for your reply. I read your recent post about some of the recent problems you've beenhaving with Chloe and it sounds bpretty scary for you, her and her sister. I think because Eleanor was diagnosed so young and got mgood support from an early age its made a difference to how she is now . She hates having Aspergers but at least she has grown up knowing that something was wrong. She tries very hard to hide it and succeeds most of the time but saves most of her Aspie behaviour for us at home...whiuch isn't always pleasant ! Her main problems are anxiety and coping with change of routine. She is also quite vulnerable as she doesnt always "get" what people are on about so often finds she has to muddle through situations. She is not very good at letting her feelings about Aspergers out but I know she feels very angry about a lot of things...and often has sincve the age of 2. She doesnt self harm thou and hasn't made any attempts at suicide. Although she gets low from time to time I would'nt say she suffers from depression...yet. It very common in teenage Aspies with the rate of depression going right up when they hit the teens so take whatever help comes her way. My eldest daughter is also very mature and a great friend to me whilst having her own life too. She is at college as she is only 16. She sometimes hates her sister and the effect it has on all of us but at other times they get on well and she tries to understand her. Both of the girls have been to a sibs support group once or twice a term which they have both really enjoyed but they could def do with more support. I am hoping that Eleanor will get a course of music therapy to help her explore her feelings of anger. The school and Gp are trying to get this in place. Hope some of this helps.

[Mandapanda]

Hi Pollypop

 

Poor you - 2 teenage girls and a pre-teenage girl in the house

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

At least being on your own means there aren't different approaches to the difficult situations - something I frequently find hard with my husband. Although it must be totally exhausting a lot of the time.

[pollypop]

Hi Pollypop

 

Poor you - 2 teenage girls and a pre-teenage girl in the house

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

At least being on your own means there aren't different approaches to the difficult situations - something I frequently find hard with my husband. Although it must be totally exhausting a lot of the time.

 

Hi Manda

Do you know ...it's not too exhausting....I have to be very organised and my eldest says I'm OCD about cleaning and I never relax!! But I have to say it is much easier now that I'm going it alone. I never had many conflicts with my husband as he left everything down to me and didn't really have many ideas or much input as to what to do...It was just like having another child and I already had 3 and one with AS. He still seems to do as little as he can get away with and the girls all look to me as their main support. I find I also give them my all to take up his slack and I know I'm not nearly tough enough with him cos i feel guilty about us splitting. Still...overall, Life is much better and more settled now. My As dauighter is in denial too which worries me but it does seem to be an effective way to cope with it...for now !! Cheers,