What do you think?

[av16]

My DS 13 with AS has just been told today he has an internal exclusion for 2 days from tomorrow - he has a letter which I am amazed he didn't lose; no contact with me or his dad direct. I'm wondering if it is appropriate for the incident, I want to be fair and I have supported the school with the detentions etc. Any thoughts whatever you think would be helpful.

He started a new DT unit 2 weeks ago - new teacher; obviously didn't go well as he was given a 30min on the same day- he didn't go. The teacher emailed and said he would have to do an hour on last Friday. He also hadn't done some homework - I told her he would and would give it in on Thurs. He did it the same day and I made a big point of putting it in his bag and reminding him to hand it in or there'd be another detention.

 

Last Thursday was parents evening, I was taken aside by the DH and told DS had called DT teacher a b**tch, I was shocked and apologised. They showed me his account: he'd been to a memorial service for a pupil who had died then arrived late to DT lesson. Immediately he tried to hand in his hwork, teacher ignored him, he said again'here's my hwork' teacher told him to go and sit down (in a way DS felt was rude). He told her he thought she was rude, she said (according to DS) 'that's rich coming from you'. He said he was very angry by then and stormed out saying 'why do you have to be such a b****?'

 

Now I do not agree with the use of bad language but he does use terrible language when he's upset so what he said could be considered to be relatively mild (for him and a big step forward). I just think that had the teacher have said please sit down I will get your hwork in a moment then the whole thing may not have happened. He did the detention the next day and he apologised to the teacher. He has an internal exclusion for 2 days; what do you think? I think it's a bit harsh but am I being soft?

[justine1]

My DS 13 with AS has just been told today he has an internal exclusion for 2 days from tomorrow - he has a letter which I am amazed he didn't lose; no contact with me or his dad direct. I'm wondering if it is appropriate for the incident, I want to be fair and I have supported the school with the detentions etc. Any thoughts whatever you think would be helpful.

He started a new DT unit 2 weeks ago - new teacher; obviously didn't go well as he was given a 30min on the same day- he didn't go. The teacher emailed and said he would have to do an hour on last Friday. He also hadn't done some homework - I told her he would and would give it in on Thurs. He did it the same day and I made a big point of putting it in his bag and reminding him to hand it in or there'd be another detention.

 

Last Thursday was parents evening, I was taken aside by the DH and told DS had called DT teacher a b**tch, I was shocked and apologised. They showed me his account: he'd been to a memorial service for a pupil who had died then arrived late to DT lesson. Immediately he tried to hand in his hwork, teacher ignored him, he said again'here's my hwork' teacher told him to go and sit down (in a way DS felt was rude). He told her he thought she was rude, she said (according to DS) 'that's rich coming from you'. He said he was very angry by then and stormed out saying 'why do you have to be such a b****?'

 

Now I do not agree with the use of bad language but he does use terrible language when he's upset so what he said could be considered to be relatively mild (for him and a big step forward). I just think that had the teacher have said please sit down I will get your hwork in a moment then the whole thing may not have happened. He did the detention the next day and he apologised to the teacher. He has an internal exclusion for 2 days; what do you think? I think it's a bit harsh but am I being soft?

I think if its true that the teacher said "thats rich coming from you" then you may want to query this with the head teacher as I dont think thats appropriate, you know your son best and would be able to know whether you feel his account his accurate or now.

 

I do feel the punnishment is fair,given his age,in a few years he would be going out to work and if he were to use such language he would more than likely be suspended. He first said she was rude and then that she is a b**ch.I think if my kids were to say that they would get excluded,not an enternal one at that!

 

As I say the teacher coud have handled things differently and I do think you need to raise this with the school.

[Kathryn]

It sounds about right to me. Of course the school should make reasonable adjustments for your son, but maybe they already have. An internal exclusion is not particularly severe, given the range of punishments which schools can impose. Many pupils would get a fixed term exclusion for something like this. Check the school behaviour policy to see what sanctions they normally impose for this kind of misdemeanour, and whether they have followed the right procedure in your son's case.

 

As Justine said, out in the world he will not get much tolerance and understanding if he behaves in this way. He may even end up on the wrong end of someone's fist. Outside the protected world of school, not everyone is going to handle him with kid gloves or make allowances when he loses it. If he can reflect on these things while he's in isolation, perhaps with the help of a mentor, the punishment will have done its job, in my opinion.

 

There is never any justification for swearing at a teacher, but the situation could perhaps have been differently handled by your son and the teacher, and it's a good learning opportunity for both.

 

K x

[Sally44]

I agree with the above posts, but think a talking it through with your son and the teacher involved might help. You said you had made a big point of telling him to hand in that homework. He may have done that literally, or have been inflexible to the understanding that he just needed to hand it in during that lesson. If he often forgets to do stuff, then (like my son), he may try to do or say things immediately before he forgets.

My daughter has a school diary in which she has to write down all homework and when it has to be handed in. Does he have something like that?

[av16]

Just a little update, I emailed the school with my concerns and queried whether the teacher had been trained/prepared for DS. Had a very positive call back from senior member of staff who said with hindsight they wouldn't have excluded or at least not for 2 days. They were prepared for him to go back into class earlier but I declined this for him as he would have been really confused. He doesn't know about this as I want him to realise he can't speak to people that way - the school say they will now try to help him with this.

I feel better that I spoke to them and that they will help us in getting him to moderate his language