Fear and anger and more fear

[Mishmash]

I'm at my wits end at the moment. We've recently moved house and schools, my older son (11) was being very badly bullied at the old school, he's settled in really well to the new school and is so very happy. My younger son (8) was ok at the old school, although I was convinced he had AS was told since reception that he was just naughty (to the point I dreaded getting him from school) at home he was just Roo, lively, unique etc.

 

Since we moved he is an angel at school (however the first day the teacher asked when she'd be getting his paperwork because he was obviously AS!!!) anyway, he's in the process of being diagnosed etc. The trouble I'm having is at home/outside of school. He is TERRIFIED of EVERYTHING and I don't know what to do or why this has happened. I have to take his books, pokemon cards, DVDs etc downstairs every night from his room as he's scared to have them in the same room as he is sleeping in. We live in the New forest and he is terrified of the forest so we can't go on walks unless they are at the beach or somewhere he knows where he is. He's getting so angry about things (he never used to be and angry or violent child). My oldest son can't watch his animal documentaries or talk about stuff because Roo gets so het up and scared of stuff. I'd totally at my wits end as to how I can help both of them. The older one is so frustrated because he doesn't understand why Roo is suddently like this, to be honest I can't help him with that much because I don't understand it either.

 

What I'm really asking... is this usual for AS kids? what can I do to help him, he is so miserable the way he is he doesn't know why he's so scared of stuff either he just is.

 

Please, any thoughts, advice, etc, etc would really be great.

 

I hope everyone's new year is filled with love, light and laughter, and lots of posititves.

 

Thanks

mishmash

[MarieM]

Hi, how long is it since you moved house and school? I'm just wondering if the moves have been too much for Roo to cope with at once. Hopefully you will find he starts to calm down a bit once he's more settled. I know my son's behaviour tends to deteriorate and his fears increase when he is stressed. Its good that the new school have recognised his needs and you are getting an assessment sorted so thats a real positive to hold onto. Hope it all settles down soon for you.

[smiley1590]

he has alot going on surrounding new environment and changes which would make anxiety levels rise high as i moved house in august as was really stressful on system and does cause reaction and knock on effect to behaviour as i did as we can express in words sometimes how we are effected or how we feel can communicate it well with people around us however much they want us too! may take him while to adjust set down and get used all new environments are alot to take in together as we have process this can be scary frightening experience to adjust to and get your head around! so change in behaviour is not unusual when he has been faced with all new situation he struggling to cope and manage and that way of showing it!

 

XKLX

[Mishmash]

Thanks both of you - Ithink you are both right, the move has aggravated everything. We moved to England 65 years ago, so he was still only little, and although because I rent we've moved house a few times, this is the first time he's been out of his comfort zone really, and because everyone said I was just imagining things with him, I didn't really understand the AS. The huge changes he's been through since September have really kicked the AS off big time. it's taking me ages to get him to sleep and tonight he's deceided that he wants everything moved out of his room except his soft toys and crystals. He wants to keep everything to play with in the day, but it all scares him at night!? ah well, that'll be fun tomorrow. I just wish I'd known properly about all this before we moved, and I just wish I could help him more now.

 

I'm going to try and find a support group here to see if that will help me understand more, I'm finding it frustrating trying to get information etc.

 

anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to reply, it's really helped.

 

Mishmash xx

[justine1]

Hi

I agree with the other comments about the change,moving and change of school its alot for any child to deal with.

 

I have advice though it may not be what you want to hear.I think his behaviour is leaning towards the controlling side of things and this needs to be curbed before it gets out of your control. He should not dictate what is on the telly, if he is that scared can he not leave the room and do something else?

 

If the fear is rational it is quite different from one that seems unreasonable.With regards to whats in his bedroom,is it only at night these items become scary? Because it could be shadows and it could be the dark that he is afraid of. Why not get him a night light to help him and instead of removing things pack things away or move things around so they dont scare him. Try not to give in to everything by doing this he will take over. If he is getting angry/violent over this then he should be getting consequences for any negative behaviour, so by removing things you are only encouraging this behaviour.

 

I wish you luck in finding help for your son and your family <'>

[smiley1590]

parent support group sounds good idea to gain more understanding insight and advice .... but also research via reading books may help gain more information also ....

 

XKLX

[call me jaded]

My own son spent a few months emptying out his room every night by throwing the contents down the stairs. His room now has a bed, a chest of drawers and a TV and nothing else. He gets sensory overload and was awful when out - sitting down in the middle of the road, etc. 'The Out of Sync Child' really helped me get my head around it. He's a lot better now but we still avoid his triggers which are noise and a lot of people, so no supermarkets or cinemas for him!

 

Our local CAMHS has an ASD parent group.

[Suze]

It sounds like his new bedroom is upsetting him with regards to sleeping .........have you looked at the position of the window to the bed..........maybe move things around a bit, use soft lighting, keep items in there down to a minimum.

[Mishmash]

Justine1 - thanks for that I was coming to the realisation that I cannot let him control everything, was unsure if I would be doing it wrong by consequences/giving in etc. figured I can't make it any worse/ Thanks for that. the stuff in his room that he#s scared of are not things as such, they are books and anything with a picture on that is scaring him.

 

Thanks you all for your help/comments. Can't work out how to answer each one individually! Ah well, the fun starts tomorrow - back to school, that might help him get into a routine again.

Thanks

Mishmash