Tally Report post Posted January 20, 2011 My mum is doing my head in over food again. I'm sure she does it deliberately just to pick a fight. She feeds me the most enormous meals whenever I go there. I've tried to politely explain I don't eat that much, and that big meals set off my IBS, but she still gives me more food than any normal human being could ever eat in one go. I always have to rush straight home after eating so I can get to the toilet on time, and then a couple of hours later I am hungry again. Tonight I managed to stop her putting the 4th chicken thigh on my plate. She wasn't happy as the plate looked so empty, but it was piled so high it really didn't look empty at all, and they are huge plates. And then she got upset because I turned down pudding. And she keeps giving me couscous because she is convinced it is gluten free. It's almost a relief when she does this as I can justifiably leave a huge part of my meal. My dad says I should just tell her it's too much, but I've done that so many times. She gets so upset when I don't finish and thinks I hate her cooking. Her cooking is great, really nice food (apart from the "mild" curries that blow my head off), and I always make sure to say it was really nice, just too much. When I see my dinner I just want to burst into tears. I know I can't eat it all and it's going to end up with her feeling hurt. She hardly eats anything herself, so it's not as though she's just used to serving up huge meals. I don't eat small meals, just not huge ones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted January 20, 2011 Could you explain that it's too much in one go and that you prefer more smaller meals or even explain that you like her food so much that you'd like to take some home (and come armed with Tupperware containers!!) so that however much she makes, you just have a reasonable amount there but it doesn't look like you're rejecting her food. Then you could win both ways - you'll have less to eat there and food to keep in your freezer so you have less to cook. If that doesn't work, I can lend/sell you my mother for some cloning experiment with yours. Mine makes really minuscule usually inedible food (really - I'm not just being mean, my sister doesn't eat much and even she was starving over Christmas, we kept making excuses to go to the village so we could go to the tea shop ) If they both fail, plastic bags in the pockets is the way to go... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 20, 2011 Oh dear. And I take it there's no big hungry dog (or cat) lurking that you can slip the food into. Can you ask if you can serve yourself? Could you take a plastic container and say the food was so good you want to take some home and enjoy it later? You've probably tried everything you can think of over the years. Was she like this when you were younger? K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted January 21, 2011 My mum's cat hates me and when I give her food she looks at me as if I have poisoned her. Anyway, the meat is the best bit and I don't want to give that away! She never used to be like this. I did used to eat a lot more when I was younger because I did a lot of cycling. My brother does a lot of exercise and basically eats incessantly. Since I moved out first time I have developed ME and had to stop cycling. So I don't eat like I did before, but I still eat more than the average person. She didn't see me on a day-to-day basis because I lived so far away. But I lived with them for a few months last year and never once finished a meal and kept saying it was way too much food and spending the evening on the toilet. It has only been a problem since I moved back. It caused so many problems, she was upset with me every evening and it's a major part of why I moved out again so quickly. While I was living away she has completely changed the way she eats herself, and she hardly eats anything now. She cooks really complicated meals that she never did before. Her cooking tastes wonderful, but it takes her about 2 hours to cook an average weeknight meal. After all that she then gets really upset when I can't finish it all. When I'm there I think she just cooks for 4 as most recipes serve 4, and then she takes a miniscule portion for herself and shares the rest out between me and my dad. I normally go home with tupperware full of pudding. I don't really eat puddings, never have done, and I normally just end up throwing it away when it goes off, but I don't tell her that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted January 21, 2011 Hi I think this may be a psychological thing,maybe because your mum wants some control over you,as you are quite independent.I think lots of my mums go through a stage of mourning when the kids flee the nest maybe she thinks this is the way she can make sure you still keep coming home etc.(if that makes sense) My mum has also always cooked large meals,but she doesnt expect us to eat more than what we want,she is happy to keep food for the next day,she is quite economical. I have to say I give my boys large portions of food I always think they are growing boys and they all skinny(except Eli) so I think they must be eating nothing at school.I also hate waste and my eldest has recently been going through a fussy stage and I have got annoyed with him for refusing to eat or throwing food away. I am not sure what to suggest really,it must be very hard for you. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted January 21, 2011 Have you been very, very clear and said simply something like 'I really love your food, but if I eat too much of any food it triggers my IBS and then I'm in a lot of pain'? Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted January 21, 2011 Yes, I have tried that but it just doesn't seem to get through. Maybe it is to do with control, I don't know but that does make sense. It was always a source of tension between us and was the major reason why I moved out at 20. I never went off the rails or anything so there was never any need for it and it all got too much. Combined with her own issues about eating, my eating may be the only thing she can control now. I was round there this morning and managed to get out of staying for lunch. Her own was 2 crackers with cheese and 2 figs. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) It does sound as though there's psychological stuff going on I have read that people with eating difficulties can often have an obsessive interest in food, cooking complex meals for others. I have known someone with an eating disorder who spent ages cutting out recipes and buying recipe books while eating hardly anything. If you've been very clear and honest about the physical problems large meals cause you, I'm not sure what else to do Would your dad be able to explain, keeping it factual and free of anything emotional? Bid <'> Edited January 21, 2011 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jordansmum33ok Report post Posted January 21, 2011 Could just turn up and say you have already eaten.. my mum used to try and over feed me but her cooking was not nice I used that excuse many times.. Also I used to visit in the morning or late at night. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
