Telling Parents about AS

[bobbybaggio]

Well it's another step in the right direction with Aspergers. I've told my closest relative, my sister, about having aspergers. She was very understanding as always. I've relied on her to tell my parents but they want to also hear it from me. It's not an easy thing for me to do.

 

Has anyone experience in this or any advice on approaching? Do you tell them everything or just enough? What I mean is I'm 30 and had such a difficult life because of the way I am. Should you tell your parents that you've struggled all this time without telling them or them realising? They must feel terrible that they haven't noticed or feel helpless. I don't blame them but I have difficulty expressing that thought

[smiley1590]

how about printing off information about it but along with this writing them a letter explaining best you can how life is for you struggles/difficulties in everyday life for all the years also print out NAS parent info as this may help an awakard anxious questions they may have that you don't have the there and then answers to!!! hope goes ell however you decide to do it! as know big step to take!

 

XKLX

[smiley1590]

can your sister not help ,support you in telling them get information together so feel not so scared alone confused lost in whole situation!? just an idea may help ease pressure anxiety if load is shared!!!

 

XKX

[Tally]

I wouldn't tell them everything at first. They are not going to take it all in anyway. Your sister has already introduced them to the idea, so you can just elaborate a little more for now and try to answer any questions they have.

 

If you can get hold of a leaflet about Asperger's, it might help them understand a bit without being too overwhelmed.

 

You can't control how your parents react to the news that you have Asperger's, but you can attempt to reassure them that they couldn't have known how difficult things have been for you. Perhaps for now at least you can talk more about how it affects you now than difficulties you may have had in childhood. Asperger's was only first recognised as a diagnosis in 1994, and even then was not really known about, so unless they read medical journals there is no way they could have suspected Asperger's earlier.

[smiley1590]

just do it step by step gently take it easy don't rush things ... take deep breath step back and assess and get other opinion if necessary for guidance reassurance etc!!! pleased for you that your sister has 'accepted' AS diagnosis well you must be glad too? bet you was anxious scared telling anyone deciding who tell first and how go about it? in words to explain 'just right' did you have any way that worked well with your sister? did she know about A.S b4 you told her about your diagnosis?

 

XKLX

[Tes]

Firstly I have to comment on what a considerate person you are to give such careful thought to how this might affect your parents. In my opinion, Aspergers is a MASSIVE topic so to tell them everything all at once they probably wouldn't take it all in anyway. I think in these kind of circumstances a person is given the basic outline and then all the wee bits get added over the course of time as pace dictates. I think you have been given lots of good advice already. Ask your sister to go along with you and print off some information and I also think the letter idea is a good one too.

 

Your parents are going to have lots of questions and they might even do what I'm doing and start their own research or join a forum like this. They are going to have some reaction, mine was guilt at failing my daughter when she was a young teenager because I didn't know about Aspergers. Had I known then there are so many things I would have done differently and I would love to be able to go back in time and make it all okay for her but I can't. I can and do talk about these issues with my daughter when they arise but mainly we are moving forward and me personally, I'm finding out as much as I can about the syndrome. For us it has been like a light being switched on. Good luck!

[bobbybaggio]

HI All

 

Thanks for the answers.

 

When I told my sister I done it when I was drunk and sent a text We text to and from for a bit then talked on the phone when I was more comfortable.

 

With my parents I will take the advice to give them just enough information then if they want more detail they can ask or look it up. My sister said my parents were surprised I'd struggled for so many years without telling them. I don't blame them for anything or want them to feel that way.

 

It's interesting to hear the point of view of someone who's been in the parent's shoes. Thanks.

[Tally]

It is inevitably going to be hard for them to come to terms with this, as it would be for any parent. That's what I mean that you can't control their reaction. Obviously explaining it as kindly as possible is going to help, but there is going to be a period of guilt that you simply cannot prevent.

 

My parents did notice difficulties right back to early childhood that they were never able to help with and blamed themselves for. It's just that they couldn't see at the time that they were trying the wrong approaches and thought they were doing something wrong. I think my diagnosis has helped them stop blaming themselves a bit now, and that may be a positive that can eventually come out of this for your parents.

 

Remember that you are ahead of them in coming to terms with your Asperger's and reached a point where you wanted to start telling people. This is all new to them and they have a little way to go yet.

[BaffledOwl1970]

I only told my mum anything because the psychologist needed to talk to her during my assessment. We have hardly discussed it because she isn't interested and (more importantly) she says she's worried about being told she has AS herself. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she did. The only time we've talked about it is when she picked up some info from her doctors and asked if it was accurate, and last firework night she asked if I was OK walking to the bus stop 'because of the noise'