Tes

I thought the lack of the fathers views was interesting. The focus seemed to be on the mothers.

Firstly I have to comment on what a considerate person you are to give such careful thought to how this might affect your parents. In my opinion, Aspergers is a MASSIVE topic so to tell them everything all at once they probably wouldn't take it all in anyway. I think in these kind of circumstances a person is given the basic outline and then all the wee bits get added over the course of time as pace dictates. I think you have been given lots of good advice already. Ask your sister to go along with you and print off some information and I also think the letter idea is a good one too. Your parents are going to have lots of questions and they might even do what I'm doing and start their own research or join a forum like this. They are going to have some reaction, mine was guilt at failing my daughter when she was a young teenager because I didn't know about Aspergers. Had I known then there are so many things I would have done differently and I would love to be able to go back in time and make it all okay for her but I can't. I can and do talk about these issues with my daughter when they arise but mainly we are moving forward and me personally, I'm finding out as much as I can about the syndrome. For us it has been like a light being switched on. Good luck!

What a lovely story, thank you for that. Guess what I'll be doing this weekend? "Get the apples out!" I'll post any photos if we get some. Tes x

Tally, how did you know that?!!! Yes, it was wax wings. There was about twenty of them, never saw them before and haven't seen them since! They were lovely but ever so eerie. They landed in a big tree in one fell swoop and then disappeared a few minutes later. I'm amazed you knew that! Tes x

This is a big hobby of my DH. We have all sorts of bird feeding contraptions hanging in the garden. Have to move them to hang out washing!!! Have to say however, I love the little goldfinch birds we get every day, about seven of them, lovely. ( http://www.birdguides.com/webzine/article.asp?print=1&a=1238) He uses niger seeds to attract these. In fact, at Christmas when I was up to my eyes in shopping for all and sundry the only thing he added to the list was those seeds! We also had a flock of strange birds land in the garden for a few moments and then leave ... very eerie. He knows what they're called but he's not here at the moment. It all goes whoooooosh, in my left ear and out the right. I will, however, let him know of the programme, if he doesn't already, it's right up his street. Thank you! Tes x

Sounds just the ticket!

Bleary eyed ... have now read the article and ALL the comments! And after much thought and careful consideration I thought the ends justified the means. Whilst the article itself was perhaps not the most objective (if at all) and perhaps it should've been better edited, I think he is probably young and has been given this chance to express himself and did it to the best of his ability. He also went on to comment afterwards and whilst he doesn't actually say whether or not he was formally diagnosed, I think it is implied. But, you know what? I thought the issues generated afterwards in the form of comments, all 220 of them, from the high brow to the no brow was of great interest, with a lot of points that I will follow up. My only regret is that they are hidden away on the internet and will only be found by those already interested parties, and I include myself in that group. I agree wholeheartedly with the comment on developing public awareness. Yes, to put aside the myths and ignorance, but also because I believe there are still lots of people who are still struggling with Aspergers without knowing about it and who won't read the article, not out of lack of interest, but because they simply don't know it exists. And I guess my biggest hope is that the article and its comments reaches some of those people. How should awareness be developed? Massive question, but imo it's not enough to just reach interested parties, it's like preaching to the converted, it has to go beyond those. I'm aware of the double edged sword but those would be bridges to build and cross. Issues such as finite resources and the danger of stereotypes being reinforced to name but two. At the end of the day, however, those seeking formal diagnosis will be diagnosed according to the already existing criteria, by those experts knowledgeable in the field. Those who think they might have it but who choose not to be diagnosed might just understand themselves a little better and be understood a little better by those around them. As I've said before, 1 in a 100, that's a lot of people, something needs to be done. Tes

This reply is to let you know I am interested in this. Have bookmarked the article and managed to read it and some of the replies but need to find the time to gather my thoughts and post a reply.

Happy Christmas, one and all ... need to go, think that's sleigh bells I can hear ... woohooooooo!

I have no doubt there is such a thing as World Autism Day and that there will have been attempts at raising public awareness. As has been mentioned, there is no one model fits all and the spectrum and all it contains whilst being specific is still huge. And yes, I agree there is most certainly a need for it in ITE as well as all other issues that may bring barriers to children's learning ... and that's a lot to take on board but I accept it as my professional responsibility to ensure all the needs of all the children in front of me are met, which I believe I do to the best of my understanding and ability. When I don't know what to do I call for help. But all that aside, I didn't know about Aspergers when it was obviously what my daughter had and neither did the teachers, or anyone else involved in her young life back then, pick up on it either. My daughter's life was hell on earth. She was exceedingly bright and never acted out, in fact she was a model pupil and daughter but she couldn't make friends, she was "a wee bit odd". She didn't understand people and she suffered greatly for that, and was bullied during the last couple of years at primary to the first few years at secondary. On one occasion she had actually placed herself in harms way by following a group of boys and girls, who had been involved in previous incidents of teasing, to a swing park and sat a short distance away from them. She had actually been friends with a couple of the girls in the crowd and she was clinging on to that even though the girls had made it obvious they didn't want to know her anymore. But being herself, she just wanted to be included and was unaware of what might happen. They turned on her and taunted her mercilessly to the point she ran in front of busy traffic to get away from them. It was awful. Her guidance teacher divulged he hadn't met anyone like her and his offer of help was to move her to a different school ... nothing about investigating why she might be the way she was. In all fairness though, I didn't push for it either. Alarm bells should have been ringing but when you don't know, you simply don't know. It wasn't because I lacked interest, it was simply because I didn't know something such as Aspergers existed. I knew of autism from "Rainman" and whilst that can be criticised for all the reasons mentioned above, there was very little else going on out there. I had this very bright child who was achieving academically but not socially. I have now 'happened' upon Aspergers because my daughter tried to make sense of herself. She was the one who did the research and found out about Aspergers. I should add that she is an amazing young woman and whilst she was definitely "odd" I have always been very proud of her quirkiness and her achievements. (By the way, she has an interview for medicine at Dundee Uni in January ... woo hoo! ) I should also add that as a teenager and prior to her understanding of what she had, she did suffer depression and did self harm for a period of time, all of which I was unaware of because she lived in Glasgow at the time. However, with the information she now has, she understands everything so much more as we all do and whilst it's no cure it's made us reflect on how we interact as a family. It hasn't been an easy time for us and we're certainly benefiting from learning all we can about it, but we are very much at the beginning of the journey. My point, if I had known about Aspergers my daughter would have been identified as vulnerable and been spared the bullying. As for achieving her academic potential, that was never an issue in our case, she had a love of learning and still does. It's just in her nature. We are now fortunate that we have become aware and therefore our interest will lead us to find out as much as we can because it affects us. This knowledge also benefits those children in front of me because I'm aware, but I find it a worrying scenario when it's your pot luck if there's someone around who might know something of the spectrum as to whether or not you get the help you need because in my experience, that continues to be the case at this present time. For these reasons I would like to see more awareness raising, something that just might ignite another persons interest or make a teacher or parent realise they recognise that person and perhaps save a child from what our daughter experienced. I'm not sure of the best way forward but I do think something needs to be done. When we are talking of 1 in a 100 people then that's a lot of people. Tes

I watched breakfast TV this morning and saw the interview with a woman and her son who has Aspergers. (The article was about a bill going through parliament ... not sure of the exact details.) The son spoke a little of his experience but to look at him he could be any teenage boy. Tonight I have watched the film Temple Grandin. It was given to me by the parent of a child with autism and she wrote me the most beautiful letter offering me help in any way but also spoke of her daughter and the fact that she sees things "differently not less". I thought the film was great. Perhaps it was a "Holywood sanitisation" of the subject but it gave me some insight into the way people with autism may see things. Does anyone think there is a benefit to be had from the media having an "ASD awareness week" or something of the sort to inform the general public about some of the different facets of the syndrome? I know that many on this forum have so much knowledge and understanding but I also think that, even now in this day and age of information overload, there are many parents and teachers out there who are struggling in the dark and know nothing of the subject matter. I personally think there is a huge advantage to be had.

Reading this post from beginning to end is like one of those feel good movies. We go through the anxiety/worry, the hope, the failure/disappointment to the triumph!!! Brilliant! And not a movie! I am so delighted for you. I wish you every success in your new career. I shall now go and do my ironing with a smile on my face. Tes x

Mumble, I have been here with landlords. When my daughter was at uni she shared a flat with two people, a sister whom she got on really well with in her first two years and then in her third year the girl's brother arrived whom she didn't get on with. Horrible character, he was. Anyway, she moved back home quite quickly but we continued paying her rent because we were tied into it for 6 months. While she was at home, her room was damaged. When a new flatmate was found, the landlord checked her room and found it had been damaged. As a result they kept her deposit. £300! We too had signed a contract, all legally binding etc., and they waxed lyrically from it to justify their decision etc. So we went to a lawyer and as a student she was entitled to legal aid. It turned out they didn't have a leg to stand on. I can understand how this must be weighing heavily on you, these things do. I think the above advice of contacting Shelter is good, although I have to say at the time the above was happening I tried to contact them for advice and found them very hard to get through to, or seek legal advice. You're probably entitled to Legal Aid. Most first appointments are free anyway, I think. If it's any consolation, we all agree the way you have been treated is unfair and I hope you sort them out when you're feeling more at yourself. Tes

I work in a small primary school with some years having as few as 7 or 8 children and I have seen this happen on many occasions. I'm afraid it's part of life and whilst I have intervened in the past and the 'forgotten' invitations have arrived promptly the next day, I have come to realise that I wasn't doing anyone any favours. I can't control this part of life i.e. the hurt of something like this. Having said this, a lot of the time it would be surprising who had been 'excluded' and I found that in actual fact a lot of the kids were cousins or related in some way and the children not invited simply weren't related. I think the above advice is good, plan something exciting for your son and the other child, even if it's simply an invitation to play over. I think, as parents, we sometimes feel it more keenly than our children, he'll probably have forgotten and moved on long before you do! Tes

I read this yesterday and was surprised at the management's approach, although I can understand their anger. They can't, however, just keep your deposit because they can't find the real culprits, that's wrong and a wee lawyer's letter would put paid to that idea, I think you'll find they haven't got a leg to stand on. If there is criminal damage to the extent you described then the police should be involved and a full investigation carried out, the same as in any similar situation out with uni. I also think they must have some sort of insurance cover for this type of incident. However, I might be going in heavy handed here and I think you are probably right in taking the steps you are. A group of you getting together to register complaints should hopefully make them question their approach. It also allows you to maintain the relationship you have with them re: support with medical issues. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Tes